Comments for Child Abuse Story From Hurt and Confused

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Mar 15, 2010
 Hurt and Confused:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You called yourself "dumb" for pleading with your terribly violent father. That wasn't a dumb thing; it was you trying to protect yourself. Then you basically called yourself stupid for not trying to run away from him when he was about to hurt and harm you. That was smart, not stupid. Speaking from personal experience, running away would have meant a brutal punishment far greater than the one you got. Please stop calling yourself down for what you had no control over. Your parents were severe child abusers. They were mentally unfit to be parents, as is so evident with your story. Any parent who resorts to punching a little child is mentally disturbed. None of what happened was your fault. NONE OF IT, no matter how much your parents tried to make you believe you were to blame. Blaming the victim is typical of abusers, but always remember, fault lies squarely on the shoulders of your abusive parents because they CHOSE to be abusive. And while I commend you for not hating them, again, speaking from experience, don't allow your feelings for them to interfere with what you need to do in order to heal. For me, I had to allow myself to feel hatred for my parents in order to get past that hatred. I had to learn that I WAS lovable; and in the process, I learned to love myself and was able to allow others to show their love for me. You were—ARE—worthy of love, dignity and respect, not brutality and emotional abuse. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. Rest assured, thousands will read your story, but you will always remain totally and utterly anonymous on my site.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Mar 16, 2010
 Even animals would never treat their young so sadistically
by: Anonymous

Hurt and Confused, you are not dumb nor a moron; you are smart, worthy of love and caring. Those beasts were cruel, sick, sadistic and twisted in their own ways of thinking...not to mention control freaks. They certainly didn't deserve to have a beautiful daughter like you; but most of all, you certainly didn't deserve to have such uncaring, sick, unloving, twisted, sadistic, cruel, barbaric, animalistic, and ruthless parents and they should be locked up in prison for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you. Why some people want to abuse their children, I will never understand. Nothing will ever be your fault because you were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and they only misused it. I am also appalled when I had just read the part of your mother treating you sadistically for "her boyfriend breaking up with her" and for "your so-called father leaving her"; in fact, I really hate women who choose men over their own children because children should always come first. I suggest that you try counselling. Be brave, hun, and stay strong.
Mar 16, 2010
 I understand a bit
by: kristen

Hi Hurt and Confused,

I come here and read and often times i just do not know how to respond. I would like to just say that I read your story. I am so sorry that you had to endure this life. I can not understand the punching and it sounds just so terrible.

I can sort of understand and and in a way relate to some of the things you wrote about. I can understand the fear of being taken away or in my case the fear of our family being broken up and of absolutely making sure I was on my parents side.

I understand the pain of the belt and your mention of cringe training just so resonated with me. I had to learn to comply with a smile and stand still while being punished if I cringed or moved the I would get more strokes.

So anyway although our life stories are different, I just wanted to write and say I read yours and you are a valuable person.

kristen
Mar 17, 2010
 I look at myself in the mirror and think, even still the size of the man that abused me.
by: maurice

You story is certainly ever so real, it brought out the reality of abuse. Your size as as a child and the size of your Father and Mother, The size of his hands etc, the memory of the belts especially the one you did not want to see. You are wonderfully intelligent, you wrote a very detailed account of what that monster did to you. While your mother abused you too she was of the silly generation of parents. leaving the chastiseing of the children to the Father. How often I have been told by children who were abused especially when the belt was used, Wait until you Father gets home. I hope by your first installment of your real abuse story will make you less confused. Each abuse story especially beatings/spanking etc evoke memories for many who were abused by Parents, especially Fathers in the name of discipline. I thank God I never got punched about the place but humiliated by have my bare bottom beaten. The suddenness of fathers lashing out was more damageing in abuse. You brought back the memory of the size of the Beast that beat me and others. The size of me compared. fear alone was abuse. mental fear. Control freaks all of them on the innocent and the vunerable. Please read Darlene's comment: it is empowering, because your story evoked in her the abuse of her parents. If you even begin to deal with your abuse like she did then you are a victim in victory over your parents. especially that brute of a Father. Your tiny body receiving those blows, your tender bottom, legs receiving the full force of His Belts, abusing your self respect, your dignity. Please now you have begun opening out and naming your abuse. Darlene's site sure is a safe place to begin your healing from it. I know like all her visitors how busy she keeps herself helping people effected by abuse. Her heart is in the right place. She sure does not spare herself. HURT AND CONFUSED her lengthy comment to you means she cares, she loves, she bothers to bring a soothing of healing to all her visitors. She'll have my life for saying this but I hope she never get's so busy she will have to stop making her ever so helpful comments on her SITE. I know she needs 36 hours in her day. Hi, Confused & Hurt always believe in yourself. get help and if that includes counselling then take it on board. Have a healthy mind in a healthy body. Get off your botty and become active and alive in sporting and cultural activities. Have me time for yourself. Hug and cuddle that beautiful body that was cruelly treated by your father. massage/soothe oils/creams into it. Look in the mirror while you are gentle and kind to yourself and your (WHAT???) my beautiful body. Live well, laugh alot, LOVE much beginning with yourself. I'M SPECIAL, I'M THE BEST, I LOVE ME: if you don't begin today. Always believe in yourself. Be safe, love, respect and value yourself. Your lifes destiny is in your very own hands. Live the NOW TIME of your life to the full look forward, not back, let go.
Mar 17, 2010
 WE ARE WITH YOU.
by: Helen Louise

I was so distresed for you as I read your story. I used to think that I was to blame for my parents violence, too, and then wound up with violent men and blamed myself for their behavior, too. I think I know the nightmare life that you lead.

Please believe that you are worthy of taking care of yourself. You deserve love and nurturing. You deserve respect and dignity.

Your parents should have given those things to you but they could not. I think that now you have to be your own nurturer, find your oown self respect and dignity.

The trap one gets into after a violent childhood is that you try to help others to feel good so that they will feel good about you, so you can feel good about yourself. That is all backwards. I could not begin to escape the damage until I learned to give love directly to myself.

I urge you to take the first little steps that you need to in order to start your recovery.

We all pray for you.
Mar 17, 2010
 :(
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry, I can't even begin to imagine what you must have gone through. I feel so terrible, and I hope that you can be, or begin to be, happy now.

I think that karma will give them what they deserve, in whatever life.
Mar 21, 2010
 I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

No one should go through what you've been througe. You're story made me want to do something. I almost cryed when I read your story. You're not alone. I'm here for you. And God loves you.
Mar 21, 2010
 You are strong
by: Ruby

Dear Hurt and Confused.

I read Your story, I would just like to say u are an extremely brave person writing your story, it takes a lot of courage to tell people your hurt and things you've been through. So One I Applaud u for this. i am very proud.

And i disagree when u call youtself stupid and dumb. it isnt your fault, u are the exact opposite of these things. You were protecting yourself there is no stupidity of that. I dont know this would make any difference but u are a hero to many. they will read ur story and be encouraged to write theres as well. so thank you. You are strong,
Apr 06, 2010
 Seperation Anxiety
by: Anonymous

:( This story is really sad. I'm sorry for what happened to you. Don't call yourself stupid. You were not a dumb girl, and don't EVER blame yourself for the seperation anxiety. After all that happened to you, I don't blame you for having seperation anxiety. I was never abused but I have anxiety problems, and it saddens me that you're own parents, instead of trying to help you overcome them would be-little you. I hope life is much better for you now.
Oct 19, 2010
 hurt and confused
by: sam

tears came to my eyes wen i read ur story you are not dumb, I just want you to know that although i am a stranger i care for you and may god bring you happiness.....be strong and keep talking trust me it helps.
love sam
Oct 19, 2010
 The power of the human being and yet there is a God in all of it:
by: maurice

March 17: My comment: Oct 17th Sam: Please trust me it help: Humann nature even as I comment:The heart of the human being that empatise is a learning heart: Darelene the super Human Being: The we are all Children of the Universe; Also children of a higher being: I am a Christian. GOD that I believe inis a God of LOVE; That is why at the heart of all my comment is LOVE and after being abused empathy: Human nature---Human love is always at the center of my empathy; That total love that I was created out of that Love after being birthed by a single Mam: Now I hope I can empatise with loads: After living through abuse I sure (Thanks to Darlene's site) empatise in total honesty: Sam in his comment has affirmed You: I sure hope after 6 month's you are in a safer place and less confused because you have received counselling help: Live well: laugh alot: Love much: be safe--stay safe. Re-read my comment of March 17th. Also make Darlene's word your own:

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