Your feelings are perfectly natural and not at all uncommon, Grace. You really are not alone, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Many sexual abuse victims experience arousal and even reach an orgasm during an assault, but that does not mean they enjoyed being assaulted. You suffered through attacks and your body betrayed you. Don't beat yourself up about that, because when you chastise yourself, you add guilt and shame to the equation; you did nothing wrong. I'll say it again: You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.

I recommend counselling, Grace. The right counsellor will help you put the assaults and the feelings associated with those assaults into perspective. If you can work through your conflicted feelings, the compulsive eating may well take care of itself. You're worth it, Grace. You really are.