Comments for Child Abuse Story From Gina

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Dec 21, 2007
 Your work may just be starting . . .
by: Darlene Barriere - webmaster

Gina, as a child, your father DID rob you of your true feelings, thoughts and persona. As a 26-year-old adult, you can now reclaim those feelings, thoughts and persona. But you'll likely need help with that.

It is admirable you have taken steps to understand who your father is and why his is the way he is, and in that, you have found it in your heart to forgive him for his distorted view. But I get a strong sense of your emotional pain in your story, Gina. I urge you to seek out some form of counselling to help you deal with that pain, because if you've done all this work to learn about your father and circumvented your own pain in the process, that emotional pain will continue to follow you for the rest of your life. It will manifest itself in every aspect of your life. You deserve better than that. I say this with the utmost respect, Gina: You've done a lot of work to understand your father. I hope you'll do just as much work to better understand yourself.
Dec 21, 2007
 Narcissists
by: LLS Buffalo

Hi Gina,
I think I have written to you before. Thanks. I didn't know what a narcissist was. My sister is one. It's all about her, her suffering and her feelings. She grew up in the same abuse that I did and she is a child abuser. She had her kids removed from her twice. Why do some abuse and others don't if they come from the same family? I pride myself on the good mommy I am. I don't abuse my one and only daughter. My sister abuses all 5 of hers. She was even allowed to adopt her screwed up daughter's unwanted son after all this. She's gone through all the social services steps of counseling, visitation with supervision and etc. How is it these people keep having and getting more kids when they aren't good to them? I hate them. It hurts so bad. I love my little girl so, so much. my sister calls her kids vile things, puts them down and limits their lives.
I want to say to you that blood isn't "thicker than water". I bet you found that out. I have a new mom who adopted me 15 years ago as an adult because she knows my family. I love her and she has really become my mom. Since her niece was married to my piece of shit abusive brother she really knows what went on in my house, very well. It's weird because we were strangers at one time. My brother and her niece were long since divorced and we happened across eachothers paths. Isn't that weird? My point is, I have 2 little sisters (in their 20's) I adopted and love to be there for them. I have a brother who adopted me and we love eachother. This new family is more supportive than any of my disjointed family ever was or could be. I think it has really helped me in life to rebuild, learn to love and to get familliar with how love even feels. It makes me very upset still to be loved and it still feels foreign. Do you have a family member that is "new and improved"? Like I do?
The other point I was trying to get across is that your dad is "poison" a term I learned from a Christian friend. I am very glad you broke away. If it is poison you don't take it. It doesn't matter a damn bit if it's your daddy or not. If it was a friend you wouldn't be friends anymore. If it's family it is no different just because they are called "family". I never go to my abusive sister's house at all anymore. My parents are dead, I am not safe around my brothers and refuse to talk to them (long story) and it's better for me. I try very hard not to miss having a real family with parents and nice siblings. It really, really hurts. I occassionally fall into a purple mood about it. But I forge on, and call my other mother or love at my cute little sweety-poo of a daughter or I write to my little sister or call her. It's nice. I found out people don't think I am "a bad girl" like they always said I was at home. Screw them. I hope you feel what I am saying. We have to do what we need to, to get them and their crap out of our lives. Right? Amen.
Jan 04, 2008
 Hi Darlene:
by: Gina

This is Gina from Hicksville, New York. I revisited this site and have seen the comments. Thank you so much for your feedback. I understand and appreciate your advice. I do have a lot of emotional pain, and in a sense, I'm finally understanding this— at 26 years old, I just literally stopped a relationship with someone who was harming me emotionally for so long. My healing is my main focus at this point, for which I do need to find a therapist. I so badly want to be happier internally. I've been trying so hard to get past this and heal.

I've bought the book "Faith in the Valley" (forgot the author's name) and "Return to Love" which are more spiritual guides that helped me to forgive. However, you are right; I have a lot of pain deep inside. As much as I proclaim that I love myself (which I do) and that I am loved for just as I am, it still hasn't hit completely home, because there are many times I still feel inadequate for who I am! It's such a struggle between my head and emotions, because I know that I should not feel this way, but I also realistically know this takes time, it's not going to magically get better! This is literally just the start of this healing process.

I'm in the NY Long Island area. If you have any therapists you can suggest that take Open Access, please let me know.

Thanks again for your support and encouragement. – Gina
Jan 04, 2008
 To reply to you, Gina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I moved your Ask Darlene request onto this page, Gina, as I felt it could be best dealt with as a comment attached to your story.

I do wish I could help you, but I do not know of any therapists in Long Island. Besides your phone book, I suggest you do an online search using the keyword phrase "psychotherapists in Long Island area" and then narrow your search from there. You'll probably need to phone any that are close enough to your geographical location to find out if they take Open Access.

I wish you all the best in your search, Gina, for a therapist, as well as some healing.

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