Comments for Child Abuse Story From Dorothy

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Apr 14, 2010
 Dorothy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

He was likely raping other children too. I can only hope he's either dead now or in prison so he can no longer harm other children. As for your parents, they are enablers; and as such, every bit as responsible for what happened to you as he was. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Apr 14, 2010
 don't pretend you're enjoying it
by: Mike

You said:
My mother had told me, "If you're ever raped, pretend you're enjoying it, because rape is an act of violence, and if the attacker thinks you're enjoying it - he'll get disappointed and leave."

Then you said:
I failed

You didn't fail. In some cases the abuser may stop if you pretend you like it, but sometimes it will just make them feel more certain about it being ok, and they may just extend their play time. The best thing to do if you can't get away from an abuser is to just let yourself drift off to another world until it's over, then, TELL SOMEBODY before it becomes a routine.

That's one reason abuse is so common. Victims are almost always convinced to keep it a secret, and abusers know that, so they feel free to do as they wish. Hopefully, over time, victims will start telling earlier so the abusers can be put away before they find more victims.
Apr 15, 2010
 Always Believe In Yourself: Don't Quit:
by: maurice

Don't give up on the wonderful and beautiful woman you have struggled to become after such horrific abuse, lies, etc. That man I hope is isolated from being around children and people. Human Beings: He is, was of the Animal family in all he did to you and others that you know. Your parents were acting ignorant even though you know they knew he was wrong and a beast. Enabler's like most in the past who stood idly bye while their children were being used and abused in their innocence and vunerability. Great Dorothy though it all you got on with your life. The pain and effects of such abuse especially RAPE are not easy to have journeyed through: You are a strong woman, a brave woman, a courageous woman, please Dorothy LOVE yourself to bits. Be gentle and kind to yourself NOW. Live your NOW time to the full. I pray and hope you have loving people around who love you for who you are Now not for what that ;;;'ard/beast of a man did to you. Hi, great you found Darlene's site, She sure has affirmed you in her brief loving words to you in her comment. Have a healthy mind in a healthy body Dorothy, Think Positive, act positive, be positive in all you do and say NOW. Live well, laugh alot, Love much. Be gentle and kind to your beautifual and wonderful self. Especially in front of the mirror. soothe and massage in you nice creams/lotions especially the most beautiful part of you which was raped. Love the me looking out at you from the mirror. I can: I will: I must: because I am WORTH it. Dorothy, there is no one looking give yourself a big hug and cuddle and say I'M SPECIAL. I LOVE ME. is'nt that a good feeling.
Apr 19, 2010
 To Dorothy
by: Becky

The fact that your parents and the man's wife sat idily by and did nothing does not sit well with me. I am so disgusted by the fact that a lot of parents are so concerned about their own humiliation and embarrassment than their own childs health and well being. Children cannot protect themselves, parents and the community are supposed to protect them. I am happy that you did not let the abuse and neglect of the adults around you dictate how you lived the rest of your life. I can feel your inner resolve and I know that you know it was the adults around you that were sick and sad and should be ashamed and that it was not your fault. I have been abused and have only been able to tell a few people my story. I have never told my parents because one of them was the abuser and I have never confronted that person. I don't think I will ever be able to. You standing up the times that you did even though they refused to do anything still shows your strength. It shows you were the only sane one in a world full of crazy people, that Miss Dorothy is extreme bravery.
Apr 26, 2010
 It's nice to know you care.
by: Anonymous

Thanks you for your kind, supportive responses.

Darlene, I do know of at least one other girl that came forward about him after coming of age. I even suspect he was inappropriate with his own daughter because she was highly sexed at a very young age. I actually hope he isn't dead, the last I knew he was suffering from a chronic, very painful, physically debilitating condition. Poetic justice. I agree my parents were enablers. Their heads were in the sand because they were just too immature in their minds to deal with something so unpleasant.

Mike, Though I'm still confused about every one's behaviour then, I do know now that my mother's advice was ridiculous. I've no idea where she got such an idea. She was inclined to oversimplify things, so when she heard or read somewhere that rape was an act of violence she must have thought she had the ultimate answer. Her inability to support me was likely a symptom of her immature mind too. Before she died she did apologize to me and that was very helpful to my healing. I think my father may be Aspergers, it would explain his total lack of empathy.

Maurice, I appreciate your obviously heart-felt support. I disagree that he is of the animal family, as the animals I've known are far kinder to youngsters. He is a mentally sick, selfish man, as only human kind in all our complexities can be. I am strong now and happily surrounded with kind, sane, mature, loving people. I do love me and I love life. I'll skip the lotion part if you don't mind. Maurice, I know you mean well, but that's pushing the boundary a bit, especially for a victim of molestation. A big hug to you for your kind thoughts.

Becky, Your words touched me most of all. I have learned to live my life on my own terms. It's been a bumpy ride though. I still need therapy to deal with the turmoil in my head. I went to college, discovered the big wide world and I'm happily married to a loving, supportive man. From infancy I've been described as stubborn and this trait likely helped me to stand up for myself. Not everyone is naturally so determined, I know. I wish I could share some of my tenacity with others who need it. I believe that no one can hurt me now because I am NOT afraid to press charges and fight the battle through court. In my 20s I won a case against someone verbally harassing me and threatening physical harm. The law is there for us! And when the abusers become aware that we're determined to use it, most tend to back off. Bullies prefer the weak and timid. I hope my courage can help others, then all my pain will not have been in vain. If you ever decide to confront your abuser, know that I'm there with you in spirit, your personal amazon guardian. You, Miss Becky, deserve all the best.

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