Comments for Child Abuse Story From Deborah

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Feb 01, 2009
 The long-lasting and far-reaching effects of sexual abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Deborah, you are so right when you say, "But when you are abused you take things with you and don't realize it..." In truth, what happens when a child is abused is that often times they don't learn or understand boundaries because the adults in their life have violated those boundaries. Over and above the fact that children can't usually defend themselves against assaults, abused children are at risk for further abuse, including those children who were sexually abused. It is not at all uncommon for a child who was molested by one offender to eventually be molested by several, especially when the child was sexually assaulted by someone they trusted. This in turn can lead to choices that ultimately lead to other types of abuse in adulthood, like domestic abuse. It sounds as though this was your reality.

You say you're happy now, but that your children "keep you going", and that sometimes you "feel like the world is coming to an end." It doesn't sound to me as though you've processed the terrible childhood traumas you experienced, Deborah. Not only were you sexually assaulted by 3 different offenders whom you should have been able to trust, the very woman you loved and respected turned her back on you and dismissed you (sending you to your birth mother, and thereby blaming you for what happened) when you needed her the most. The fact that she blamed you for the assaults you were enduring at the hands of your cousin clearly shows she didn't (and likely still doesn't) understand what was really going on. You were NOT a whore. Your cousin was the adult; you were the child. He manipulated you into having sex with him. Don't ever blame yourself for that. He was twisted and perverted in his thinking. Furthermore, you were also betrayed by a system that chose not to dole out justice for what he did to you. And if that wasn't enough, your birth mother betrayed you and your needs for the sake of some car tires.

I strongly urge you to seek out some additional counselling, Deborah. The counselling you received after your cousin's assaults did not deal with all the "stuff" you still need to deal with. You both need and deserve that help. And your children deserve to have a healthy mother. The best gift you can give your precious boys is to take very good care of their mother; start with counselling.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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