Comments for Child Abuse Story From Cassandra

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Nov 17, 2010
 Cassandra:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm going to be extremely firm with you. I cannot stress strongly enough that you had NOTHING to do with what happened to you. NOTHING whatsoever! It is offensive that you would even speak in the way you have about your sex offender of a father. And he IS a SEX OFFENDER! He may have lost interest in you because he's a pedophile and prefers little girls. Not only was it HIS fault, he took complete advantage of you as a little girl, of all your vulnerabilities. To say that you had anything to do with this is to shoulder blame for something you are not responsible for. He is completely and utterly responsible. It is perfectly normal to experience pleasure when someone is sexually assaulting you, female and male alike. And he KNEW that, and used it. And don't for one second think that it's over. If you ever have a daughter, she's at risk for sexual abuse. And so are all other little girls. If you don't report him, you're condoning what he's done, and putting others at risk as well. And while it may not be affecting you right now, as you move through your ages and stages, you might be surprised at how detrimental what he did to you as a little girl will affect you, and your loved ones. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Nov 17, 2010
 glad ur ok
by: Anonymous

i think darlenes coment was a little harsh. i no what she means but i understand you would just want to move on. just make sure to keep him away from other kids and know that it wasnt ur fault.

From Darlene - Webmaster: With all due respect, Anonymous, the only way to even come close to keeping this sex offender from other children is to report what he did to her. Under the circumstances, there is way more to this than just moving on. I have very good reason to be "firm" with this visitor; she is putting many other children at risk with her stance on the situation.


From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Nov 18, 2010
 No guilt...
by: Tee

needs to be felt by you. He may have caused you to feel you were in on the secret..but no. It's HIS secret, HIS shame, HIS perversion.

You were a child, you wanted love, affection, attention - it makes sense you'd go with him. He never made you scared, he was careful to make you comfortable...which actually shows he was premeditated in his grooming of you.

So here's the thing, at 22 we are busy living our lives. But often once we hit a certain age (near 30's)we tend to get our flashbacks, our inability to cope and our emotions from past abuse come flooding through. So work with a therapist NOW is great because it will help you later, or honestly, just know that right now you may feel ok, but until you've worked through it all, it can come back.

Also, about turning him in & if you have a daughter. Something I've noticed is when someone grows up with sexual abuse they're not as keen to the signs. Those boundaries were crossed. So often an abuse survivor won't even REALIZE their own child is being abused as they were. This is another good reason for therapy.

I wish you lots of luck, thanks for sharing.
Nov 19, 2010
 I relate to you cassandra
by: Anonymous

it may be because we are brought up with no boundaries but I find it hard to take a black and white view. i had a lot of little scenarios with various people outside of the family-it seems ridiculous how many-I can't help feeling it is the norm rather t han something exceptional, to be molested. look at how young girls are when they are married off in third world countries. i was desperate for attention and I still miss that blanking out state I used to get. Unfortunately after 20 or so years of not really thinking about it (though always pricking up my ears at other peoples stories that all seem worse than mine)-I am now 39 and have only had an orgasm once with a man. all my sexual fantasies are related to exploitation and power imbalance. I cannot really accept myself as an object of desire because the template for my emerging sexuality was formed when I was a child. the shame is not necassarily about the event etc. it is about not being able to own your own story, I come from a fairly intelligent broad minded family (though it was a war zone growing up in it-my parents have since evolved) and whenever I write about those events or even think about them I can hear all the little comments that dismiss and dissuade me from being honest. thus what we hear about is the tip of the iceberg and we are made complicit. I have a much better understanding of this now as I get over the obsession with being/not being a victim. I was an overly responsible child who 'parented' my parents-so there was quite a relief for me in the victim role. it disempowered me in so many ways. sorry to go on so long-but it really is true that as you get older the past becomes weightier.
Jan 01, 2011
 your sexual abuse
by: Nathan

Hi i'm sorry to hear about what you have been through I have experienced sexual abuse when I was 15, I have not long told my family, it was the most difficult thing I have ever done, I denied it first of all, they all knew it was going on. When I told them they are all telling me to report him but I can't I know how you feel it's the easiet thing to forget for me because I just want to move on but I can't yet, i'm 22 as well. What youre going through is very difficult even more so because he is your father, your father molested you and he might molest your daughter or any other little girl like the webmaster said, I cannot give you advice to report him or not but I can tell you this, He is a paedophile he groomed you and brought your trust for his own gratification, he took advantage of your vulnerabillity but the difference between yours and my offendor is he is your father he was supposed to protect you to look after you thats what makes it worse. You are strong and you did not have any fault whatsoever, through that abuse, you are strong because you are a survivor and you talked about it, but know this, you know what you went through so try your hardest to make sure that anybody you can protect don't let them go through the same.
Aug 26, 2011
 i had a same problem
by: Anonymous

i was 13 and i went in to the woods with my m8 and we meet a man my m8 went off someware and the man stayed with me i was about 10-9 when this happend and he look down my pants and fiddle with my privats
and he almost gave me a i dont want to say and i dont know what to do about it

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