Comments for Child Abuse Story From Carole

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Aug 29, 2007
 Feelings of loneliness
by: Darlene Barriere

Your feelings are completely understandable, Carole. Unless a person lived through the abuse you suffered, they'll never even begin to imagine the long term effects, the struggle and the enduring pain. It was hell for you, pure and simple. I hope you find peace and contentment in your life. You've earned it.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Aug 29, 2007
 Look Up
by: Lacey

My story is not as intense as yours, however, I have felt as alone as you. It took a long time to feel normal again. It took a long time to feel that someone really loved me for me. I feel love and normalcy again. It took me turning to God and praying for His blessings in my life. I don't know where you are spiritually but giving God my soul and accepting His love has changed me indefiniteley! When I have felt alone I opened my Bible and read the promised that God has given me. When I have felt unloved or used I pray that God reveal Himself so that I may be comforted by His love and peace. I pray tonight that you have Him in your heart and that life really is worth being happy about.
Aug 30, 2007
 How Does This Work
by: Carole

Hi Darlene

Since I am new to your website, I have no idea how it works.

I received notices that people have responded to my post.
Do I need to respond to them?
If so how do I do that?
I am going through a rough time right now.
I just felt that if I said it out loud to someone (besides my siblings,
therapist and my husband) it would make it easier, not having to have
this huge secret over my head all the time.

I am lucky in a way. My oldest sister adopted my son and raised him, so I
really got to grow up with him.

Carole

[Inserted here by Darlene: I answered Carole in a private email.]
Aug 30, 2007
 You Are Not Alone
by: Steph

There are a lot of children who have endured maltreatment and abuse. Reach out to other adult survivors. My son thought he was the only one being treated badly, he thought it was his fault. He reached out to others and realized that abuse is wrong and there are others who have suffered, too. Being in the social work field there are so many people for support.
Aug 31, 2007
 Not Your Fault
by: Francine

It's not your fault that you had to have sex with your "Dad". I'm also sorry that you had to start school at age 13 (although I started at age 6). My mom was a prostitute, too. But I'm glad that the law caught "Mom's boyfriends having sex with you although you "Mom" ran away in order to "avoid being caught". I'm also glad that you escaped the abuse at the hands of your "Dad" at age 18 because you are so strong.


Too bad I'm not as strong as you. But it would also be nicer if you would've told someone about the abuse earlier, so that way you would've been safe even sooner. I'm so proud of you for having to stand up to your "Dad". I always stand up to my mom, too.

Sep 01, 2007
 Thank You
by: Anonymous

Hi Everyone

Thank you for the nice words.
It is nice to hear that others (even if they have not gone through the exact same thing) understand.

I do want everyone to know that the cycle CAN be broken. I am one of 14 children. All my siblings are married with children. My husband and I have only two 4 legged (German shepherds) children. I watched my siblings raise their children without any abuse. All my nieces and nephews turned out to be really nice kids. Now some of them are parents and they are doing just as good of a job parenting.

My oldest sister once told me (and it has stuck in my head forever) that they may have abused us. But we do not have to let them break us. Also she told me that once we are an adult we can choose to make our life different.
So far I have.

Carole
Sep 01, 2007
 Lonely at Times
by: Carole

Hi Darlene

Thank you.

I keep hoping to find other survivors (besides my siblings) that have the same experience - having children that their father fathered.
I feel so alone lately.
And at times I feel like giving up.

Carole
Sep 06, 2007
 Love
by: Sarsh

i feel ur pain u are n insperation. im going threw this right now. god bless u and i wish u years of =)
Sep 06, 2007
 Thank You
by: Carole

Hi Everyone
Thank you for your kind words.
Carole
Sep 16, 2007
 sorry ..
by: natasha

what you went through is terrible..and starting school at 13 that must have been so hard.you are so strong to get where you are now
good luck for the future xxxx
Sep 16, 2007
 At Times It Is Still Hard
by: Carole

Hi Natasha

What we all have gone through is terrible. One abuse is not worse (or better) then another.

It was very very hard to start school at the age of 13. I was very fortunate to have had a teacher who was really kind to me. She stayed after school every day and helped me. She helped me on the weekends. And she helped me during the summer and school holidays. I still have contact with her and we get together at least once a month.

I remember when I was 8 yrs old and my twin brother committed suicide I told myself:

1) I would never be like "them" and
2) I would not let them beat me down.

It took me 7.5 yrs to get my Masters in Social Work and B.A. in Math. But I did it. I also made sure I hooked up with really good people. I have really good friends and a really good husband. My oldest sister always drilled two things into my head:

1) the best revenge is to live happy and

2) once I became an adult I was responsible for my behavior.

The other thing that has made it "easier" for me is that none of my (13) siblings have ever denied the abuse. So I did not have to fight to be heard once I started speaking out.
This is not to say that I do not still have hard times. Because I do. There are times that I want to give up. There are times it feels like no one can understand what I went through.

Being locked in a closest for the first 13 yrs of my life, having a baby at the age of 11, not going to school like the other kids, not knowing how to read or write, always being behind others my age and struggling just to be a part of the outside world has always been really hard.

I find that when I get down I can stay down or do something about it. So when those feelings come up I run with my two (BEAUTIFUL) German shepherds, I run on the treadmill, I ride my 21 speed bike, I tutor kids (for free) in Math. I will take the train to the city and watch a baseball or football game. I also adopted an Army family. So I go out shopping for them, knit a sweater for their kids, bake cookies, etc and send them to them.

I also decided (not sure how I did it. But I did) to quit being so compulsively neat (having two shepherds helped with that) and quit being anorexic. I would freak if I got over 105 pounds. Now I weigh 120 (docs would like to see me at 125-130) and have been at this weight for the past 10+ yrs.

Carole

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