Comments for Child Abuse Story From Bella

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Apr 16, 2009
 NONE of what happened was or is your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

My goodness, Bella, you have NOTHING to be mad at yourself about. In fact, you should be very proud of yourself because you are one of the FEW people who did exactly what needed to be done: YOU, my dear, did your best to stop this brother of Anna's from continuing to molest you, and then you ran and told someone. That was courageous and smart. By telling on this brother, you stopped the sexual assault from going further, and you may well have saved other girls (including his nieces) from ever being molested, because now Anna and her husband know that he is capable of doing such a terrible thing. In my book, that makes you a hero. And just for the record, drinking too much is never an excuse for any kind of abuse. Neither is breaking up with a girlfriend.

Your anger is misdirected, Bella. You are angry for the way things turned out: Anna blaming you for something that was your mother's doing (pointing the finger of blame at you was completely out of line); your mother's circumstances when trying to remove you from that environment (circumstances that again were her doing, not yours); your mother's out of control emotional response when you told your stepdad what happened; that your mother broke her ankle when trying to get you after your grandparents forcibly removed you from the home. None of these things is your fault, Bella. NOT EVEN ONE OF THEM! This was a set of situations where the adults were not acting appropriately; all of them acted out of deeply rooted emotions. You are not to blame for any of it.

See Part 2: Sometimes a mother's problems can interfere... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 16, 2009
 Part 2: Sometimes a mother's problems can interfere...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I know you love your mother; and for that I commend you, Bella. I know that she loves you too. She showed that love when she came to get you that day at Anna's. She showed it when she stepped in and threatened your molester. She showed it when she chased after you when your grandparents took you away. (And I also believe that your grandparents were acting in what they believed at the time was your best interest too.) All this left you with a great deal of your own emotional "stuff".

Your mother is a flesh and blood human being, and as such, she has her own set of problems. When she told your stepdad that she wanted to kill herself, she was reacting to something from her own past and the fact that she was not there to protect you, NOT what you had done by telling. What happened to you triggered her own memories, her own "stuff", Bella. She needs help for that, help that she'll have to get for herself. Don't EVER believe she reacted that way because you did something wrong. YOU, my dear, did absolutely NOTHING wrong;you did EVERYTHING RIGHT.

I do hope you have someone you can talk to about your feelings. Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) is a great resource, a place to turn when you need someone to listen. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. Call them whenever you need to talk.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 16, 2009
 pedophiles...
by: Anonymous

um bella, im 14 and scared that this happened 2 u.. u haave nothing to be ashamed about. u did the right thing..
Apr 16, 2009
 You are too young to feel so old
by: Anonymous

You are not to blame.You are a good kid.Tell your mom how you feel.Turn to another adult.Just don't give up and don't ever think you did wrong.I admire you for fighting.You are very courageous.Just hang in there.
Apr 16, 2009
 This is not your fault!
by: Bravebird

Bella, you are just what your name means! You did nothing wrong! You should have been protectd by your mother and you weren't. She should feel regrets over her response to what happened. None of this is your fault. You are a brave person to tell your story. I am glad to hear you tell it so couragously. Thank you
Apr 17, 2009
 No Blame, No shame.
by: maurice

Hi Bella, My words of love and support to you It was not your Fault. It was not your fault, please stop thinking that way. You were not to blame. Darlene's site gave you the chance to tell her and her visitors from a distance your horrific experience at a very tender age and your beautiful innocence was damaged by this sad, sad man Anna's Brother. You did her girls and maybe her son good by being ever so brave to run to her and tell her. Good on you Bella. Darlene know best, please read her comments and try and get the help she suggests. She really cares for your welbeing. Her words can be a source of great healing to all her visitors. Only if we act on her advice. Not all that easy but we must get help (right) from those we really trust. Bella, Say to yourself, I can do it, I will do it, I must do it to acknowledge that I am a beautiful human being Female. I'm Special.
May 24, 2009
 Never your fault.
by: K.C.

Bella,

You shouldn't be mad at your self. Nothing that happened is your fault. And you shouldn't be mad at yourself, you did nothing wrong.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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