Comments for Child Abuse Story From Aurelia

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Jul 11, 2008
 The results of abuse instead of appropriate discipline...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Aurelia, your father and mother are paying the ultimate price for their ignorance. I have always found it interesting that abusive parents can so easily blame the child for their own inexcusable and out-of-control behaviour, and then further put the responsibility on their now-adult child by feigning innocence of any wrongdoing. You did nothing wrong. You were a child; they were the adults. Deep down, I believe that abusive parents know they were/are abusive. I believe they know that their actions and inactions caused a great deal of pain and agony for their child. I believe that your parents, Aurelia, are very much aware of what they did to you and how wrong it was. Even the most uninformed parents aren't completely blind. Your parents may be too wrapped up in their own hefty baggage to allow themselves to truly open their eyes. Children who learn to fear their parents often grow up to hate them.

You gave your father the opportunity to develop a positive relationship with you, even in spite of the physical and emotional abuse, but instead of rushing toward the prospect of some closeness with his precious daughter, he chose instead to shun you. And now your father is scratching his head in supposed disbelief for the way you are shunning him.

I believe with all my heart that families need to stick together, and emotionally support each other through the tough times. But when a controlling tyrant continues to live in a state of denial, when that tyrant refuses to shoulder any responsibility for his/her own unjustifiable actions against their child, when that tyrant insists on still wearing that crown of tyranny, then there comes a time when you have to create distance in order to protect yourself.

Does that mean this "distancing" will be forever? Not necessarily. But at this stage in your life, distancing may well be the healthiest and safest choice for your. At this stage in your life, unless and until your mother and father get their head out of the sand and admit that their actions and inactions had a tremendously detrimental effect on you, the chances of any kind of healthy relationship with them are grim. Not to mention the fact that you will always be worried about exposing your own children to their potential abuse. But you don't need to confront your parents or for them to admit to their wrongdoing in order for healing to begin.

I cannot tell you what the future will bring. What I can say is that you have the power to take charge of your own life; and one of the ways you can do so now is by entering into some form of counselling. You're in a lot of pain, Aurelia. A professional can help you with that. And you are so worth that kind of help. Treat yourself with he dignity and respect that you didn't get in your home.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jul 11, 2008
 They're reaping what they sow
by: Andrew Richards

What your parents did to you is unforgivable Aurelia, and there'd be something wrong if you weren't angry. I went through a similar childhood and I know how much mistrust, anger and resentment builds up. Until your father shows remorse for his crimes and your mother for her complicity, you have every right to want nothing to do with them.

They burned the bridges here, they hurt you, they treated someone who should have been precious and priceless to them like a piece of garbage- it's up to them to rebuild the love, bridges and trust in this situation and them alone. If that never happens then it just shows what a weak, scared and pathetic coward he always was and always will be and just how much stronger and braver you are than he could ever hope to be.
Jul 11, 2008
 I Love You, Aurelia
by: Francine

Aurelia, I understand what it's like to be beat, scared, put down and abused. I am sorry that you didn't have a good dad and I am also sorry that you had a cowardly mom who never wanted to save you from that monster of a dad. I am so alone with a psycho dad and my dad, too, is very ballistic and abusive...but my mom is different than yours; she stood up for me at times and she is a brave lady, thank God for that!
Jul 14, 2008
 Thank you
by: CC

I am really glad to hear that you got out of that situation. I'm 19 years old now and I have been abused all my life. I'll be going back for my sophomore year of college and I won't be coming back home. I hope that I never see my heartless mom or her boyfriend/ abuser I've dealt with in my life. I have been through some of the same things like being abused and having no one care, especially your own mother. It hurts a lot and is comforting to know I'm not alone. Thanks for your story.
Aug 09, 2008
 Thank you
by: Aurelia

Thank you to everyone who commented. I truly appreciate all the comments everyone has left me. I guess I wasn't wrong as a child, that it wasn't my fault and that I really was being abused. Its a strange feeling to be right about something you've been told over and over agian your wrong about. Other than my husband the people on this site and the only ones who have told me that it was abuse.
Mar 06, 2009
 Another victim
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel. I was abused in a similar manner, but it was by my mother. I wasn't abused often, but when it occurred, it was very bad. Most of the abuse was psychological. I was forbidden from crying in school or crying after her "punishments". Even now, I have to hide in order to cry if I'm around her.

I was often spanked or hit with her fists for stupid reasons. However, she only left a mark once. Therefore, I have no proof that it occurred and now that I'm older, she denies it all.

I'm glad that you are now free.

By the way, ironically, my name is also Aurelia.
Feb 05, 2013
 The Horror
by: Anonymous

Aurelia, I can't believe your mom would abandon you to that sick monster of a father and allow him to beat and berate you 24/7; how dare she! Shame on her for running away from you all the time instead of protecting you from that beast! Children should always come first, no matter what. A mother who chooses such a vicious beater of a husband over her own precious daughter is the mother who didn't deserve to have said daughter in her life. As for your brother, what an equally deluded brother you had to come to your wedding and just claim that you "deserved to be beaten"; how dare he! You didn't deserve any of that and none of that crap is your fault; you only deserve love, protection, dignity and respect. I'm glad you're working to get out and get some help because no more secrets can put an end to the cycle of abuse and helplessness.

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