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Aug 30, 2008
 So much strength...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You should have had parents who were loving and who protected you from harm. You know that; you said it yourself in your story. You were robbed of the childhood you deserved, the childhood that was your birthright. But that's not what you got. Instead, you were forced to live a life full of pain and misery. You were forced to endure physical, sexual and emotional abuse and neglect. You were put in a position of having to protect your mother and your brother. And for all your valiant efforts, your mother ignored your needs; your brother had the audacity to call you a bitch and has now distanced himself from you. You've had two father figures in your life who treated you with total disregard for you as a person. You were a helpless and vulnerable child. You were being taken advantage of and brutalized in every way. The pain you are in is completely and utterly understandable. I've been there myself. All of these are facts that you cannot change, because they are in the past. What you CAN change is the way you treat yourself now.

You say you "have just turned [yourself] over to alcohol." To turn yourself over to alcohol is to treat yourself in exactly the same way those two despicable men treated you. To turn yourself over to alcohol is to say "I give up. I'm not worthy as a human being." To turn yourself over to alcohol is to say "I don't deserve to be treated with dignity and respect." But you DO deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You ARE worthy. You're better than the alcohol. You're worth so much more than turning your life over to alcohol.

You don't see the strength that I see in you. You don't see the caring, loving and nurturing person that I see. You don't see the beauty in you that I see. That ALL my visitors see. Why? Because you believe the lies those despicable people told you. And they are LIES; every one of them.

Music and writing and music are a wonderfully cathartic way to express yourself. Don't stop writing. Don't stop with your music. You have too much to offer to stop doing either.

You said you don't believe in therapy. There was a time when I thought that too. I just hadn't found the right therapist at that time; eventually I did. Perhaps that will be the case with you too. But regardless of how you feel about therapists, you do need to talk to someone about what you are dealing with. Please consider contacting Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, but they can help you connect with valuable resources.

And just for the record, you were not blabbering. You told your story EXACTLY the way you should have. It was perfect.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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