Comments for Child Abuse Story From Amanda

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Feb 04, 2008
 Your counsellor is a MANDATORY reporter...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Amanda, you need to disclose what your stepdad is doing to you; and not to your mother. Contact Child Protection Services. He has no right to physically or emotionally abuse you. The fact that you're in counselling is a really good thing, but a counsellor won't be able to help you as long as you are still in an abusive environment. Since a counsellor is consider a "mandatory" reporter when it comes to known and suspected child abuse, I'm asking myself whether or not you are disclosing the abuse to that counsellor; because if you are, s/he MUST make a report. If you aren't, you need to.

Amanda, I admire your intestinal fortitude, but if you challenge your stepdad by "standing up to him and fighting back" it will likely result in serious injury to you. Yes, you should be able to defend yourself—you shouldn't be a dishrag—but you have to be smart about it. Don't put yourself in further danger. Tell someone who can take steps to protect you, and keep telling until someone does.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Feb 04, 2008
 Good For You!
by: Linda

HURRAY! For the Amandas in the world. I really admire you, for your courage, to stand up to your abusive stepfather. And I admiere your mother for divorcing him. You have a devoted mother. Hang in there!
Feb 06, 2008
 ?
by: Anonymous

so how did you resolve it?
Feb 06, 2008
 Think carefully about your options
by: Elaine

Amanda, it's dreadful that you had to suffer this way... our parents ought to be there to love and protect and support us. But sometimes they don't do this. I should know. I was abused myself by my biological father, and he was egged on by my mother, who had mental health problems.

I totally get where you're coming from when you say you lost your childhood, and you don't want your future to be ruined. I felt exactly the same... it's almost as though I felt I had to somehow "find myself" and then cram a whole lot of living into whatever time I had as my future. Childhood abuse meant to me that I never felt I got the chance to explore opportunities, find out who I was and what I liked doing, what I was good at, etc... I'd only ever been brought up to see the negatives in myself.

If you feel in any way the same, sit back and take stock - don't rush... You've done the sensible thing by seeking counselling, and this should help you begin to resolve issues, and to deal with your stress. Try to use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself from someone who is impartial, and supportive. Counselling can be a great way to start learning how to like the "real you", and accepting who you are.

But think carefully about your future. I know you want to live for yourself, and you deserve this... and to enjoy life in the full. But don't be fooled into thinking that you have to continue to prove yourself to your parents, that's just abuse as well. I made that mistake, of thinking that if I could somehow fight back, somehow prove my worth, then my parents might change their opinions of me, or might regret their abuse of me. No... it should stop here.

Try to focus on yourself for once (I know it can seem hard, and selfish), and think about who you truly want to be, and what you want to do in life. You decisions should be your own, and not as a result of reacting to pressure or threats from others. When you've been through times as tough as the abuse you put up with, it can seem impossible to focus on yourself, maybe because you're brought up thinking you're not worth it...

Your stepdad got it wrong... plain and simple. Your mum realised the error of her ways. If you truly want to put tis experience behind you, then it's about keeping that level head, staying safe, getting advice from people around you (e.g. the Counsellor). You've clearly got strength and courage... now use it for going forwards, not challenging the past.
Feb 19, 2008
 wow
by: singlemom

Baby girl your a fighter and im proud of you. it takes alot of self confidence to make a decision like the one you've made. your as strong as you want to be. you will overcome your past!!
Mar 02, 2008
 good for you
by: Anonymous

Wow. You are a very strong individual. I admire your courage. It takes a lot of strength to stand up for yourself, even if you know you may lose! I believe that you, as a young person, still have time to heal from these experiences and you can move on. You are right to not let him get the best of you and to not let him win. You truly are an example of a strong role model for those who can't come forward about their abuse, I tip my hat to you! Congratulations baby doll.
Apr 18, 2008
 Thank you...
by: Anonymous

Wow...I went throught the same thing as you did when I was a kid. I know exactly how you feel. The only difference between you and me is that I never told anyone about it. I never thought that it mattered to anyone so I didn't say anything. I guess it does matter. Thank you so much. You are such an inspiration to all those who were/are never able to say what happened to them. You are a strong girl...I am proud of you.
Jun 01, 2008
 your mother
by: Anonymous

did't you say that your mother left him?Yes,I know that she waited but at least she did leave him,unlike a lot of mothers who either don't believe or refuse to believe what is going on with their children she took the steps in the right direction and i prase her for that!Now as for standing up to your step dad,I would not do that if i were you because it could cause you great harm,like the one poster said you should not have to be a dishrag but please don't do anything to get yourself hurt!Go tell child protective services and even your mother since she was willing to leave him she might even be a great help to you to!Who makes you see your looser step dad,usrally the courts do not mandate for a child to see step parents after a divorce,it's normally only biological parents that gets visitation unless he adopted you when your mother was married to him and he pays child support for you.If your mother can go back to court have her do so,and if you cannot get out of visitations with him ask the court to mandate supervised visits only!No one should have to be afraid of parents weather they be real or step,no one deserves to be hurt,reather sexually,emotionally or physically or neglected,children are not able to choose who their parent(S) are and do NOT ASK TO BE BORN.

GOOD LUCK AND BEST OF LUCK TOO YOU!
Jun 12, 2008
 To Amanda:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm posting this in an effort to release the other comments currently in queue for this submission; there is a system glitch that has yet to be resolved. My sincere apologies for the delay in getting these comments to appear on this page. I realize it's an inconvenience, but rest assured, I continue to work at trying to fix this problem.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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