Comments for Child Abuse Story From Alex R

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Feb 06, 2010
 Alex:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

The confusion you feel is to be expected. Your body betrayed you, as your uncle knew it would. He used your vulnerability against you and your friends. And just so you know, it is perfectly natural for a young male to experience an erection and even an orgasm when he is scared, anxious or nervous. None of that means that you didn't experience sexual assault; you most certainly did. Your uncle is a child molester, a sex offender; and he will continue to molest boys unless and until you report him. He won't stop until he's made to stop. None of what happened was your fault, Alex, but you must tell someone, otherwise more young boys will have to endure what you've had to endure. You've already experienced that with your friends in the car.

And just for the record, there is no shame in saying no to sex, even with your girlfriend. If you're not ready, then you're not ready! No shame in that. Your girlfriend needs to understand and respect that, otherwise she isn't the girl for you. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 06, 2010
 SAME
by: Anonymous

we r alot a like i am also 17 and a soccer captain and very much what happen to you has happen to me so i understand wat you are going through
Feb 07, 2010
 To my friend Alex
by: Mark

Alex,
Your story of abuse is HEART BREAKING. I'm really, REALLY sorry for what you went through. I'm also a victim of childhood abuse, so I know some of your feelings. I'm glad you understand that counseling will help you to recover, because it WILL. You weren't ready before now to talk about your pain, or seek help, but that's okay. Everyone goes at their own pace, and you're ready now, buddy. GOOD FOR YOU. You are truly BRAVE for telling your story and STRONG for living through such traumatic experiences.
I understand your confusion about your feelings for your uncle, and I think it's understandable. But Darlene is right - you NEED to separate yourself from his torture of you. He may care for you, but he hurt you badly. He had NO RIGHT to do that, and he KNOWS it. Can you maybe talk to someone you trust about reporting him? That's a big responsibility, I know, but think about it and let someone help you through it.
By the way, Alex, don't feel like you have to live up to society's stereotypes of males. You DON'T have to. "Every male wants sex and is gay/less manly for not wanting sex" is a MYTH. Don't let ANYONE pressure you into something you are not ready for.
Lastly, if you're having trouble finding counseling, you might try asking a doctor, hospital, religious official or the police where to get help. You can also supplement counseling by looking through other websites, calling a hotline, and finding self-help books at your library.
Get the help you need, buddy. You deserve it.
Your good friend,
Mark
Feb 07, 2010
 The sooner you tell your parents or someone the better.
by: Dan1

Alex, I hope the title of my comment doesn't pressure you. We all understand why you would feel scared to tell someone in your family or friends about what your "uncle" has done to you. The feel of shame of the whole situation and the fear of everyone thinking wrong about you is prabably what you're more scared of. I know I was. You freaking out when your GF touched you at the dance does NOT make you gay. I know that for a fact because that happens to me sometimes too. I was molested by a church member when I was 13. Maybe not like you were, but it was enough to interfere with my sex life today. WE ARE ALL MATURE HERE. When I was in High School I had different sex partners. When I would be with 1 of them, we would ditch and we would go to her house. I will honestly tell you that once we started intercourse I would also freak out and it would kill my mood. I would feel SO ashamed and embarrassed. At times my partner would add to my misery by talking crap and make me feel like less of a man, but other times my other partners would try to help me by asking me "what's wrong?" or "Its ok, you can talk to me". But telling someone that I was abused as a child is not easy. This would happen once every 4 times I have sex. I went abstanent for a whole year n a half once. All this happens because of what happend to me as a kid. Dude we have something in common. I haven't told anybody of what happend to me other than Darlene and everyone on here. I know that you feel horrible and in the back of your mind you want to tell someone you know. I feel your pain. If we knew eachother I would sit and cry with you man. Alex don't let this situation overcome you. You ARE strong. You know that. You're the captain of a team for a reason, and keep doing what your doing. To be honest with you I feel like I'm writing this comment to myself. I feel like you and I are 1 person. I feel a big relief that I'm not the only one going thru the stage of freaking out when getting by a nice girl. i'am confident that you and I will overcome that, and be able to live the rest of our lives in peace.
Always by your side
Dan1
Feb 08, 2010
 Have a healthy mind in a healthy body.
by: maurice

The more natural you cope with this Alex R the better you will be. Your Bad, Bad uncle, using and abusing you the way he did. He knew exactly what he did to youand still does know. You may not be his only victim. You were ver so innocent, vunerable and at his mercy to do what he did. You have been given loving/caring support by those who wrote comments to you. I too care about your welbeing NOW. Alex R Darlene's comment is the one you really need to act on. She has truly given you great hope and suggestions how to move on. You really need to speak with a counselllor He/SHe will certainly listen to you ven if you only begin by taking with you what you were so brave to write on Darlene sight. It is one huge step for you to take now keep healing and helping yourself to let go. Have a healthy mind in a healthy body. Now Alex being active and alive with your peers in sporting or cultural activities espwcially team sports will naturally help you to acknowledge the great hulk of a guy you truly are. Culturally interacting with like minded people will help you mix with the opposite sex and get to know them naturally by talking about the same interests. Who knows what will evolve from that. You'll be fine. LIVE WELL: LAUGH ALOT: LOVE MUCH: look in the mirror and build up your own self esteem by thinking positive, acting positive and being positive in all you do and say. Well, aren't you a hulk of a guy in the MIRROR. ??? He's right you know, I am. Now get on with living your life to the full. I'M SPECIAL: IT IS OKAY ALEX R TO SAY I LOVE ME. BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT. Empower yourself healthily love and respect your body and yourself then doing it with others will come naturally
Feb 11, 2010
 idk
by: Anonymous

hey dude,,, i just googled this "abuse stories of others" and tis website came up. umm im extemely sorry for what happend to you. i havent experienced this first hand but my older sister was raped for about ten years by our own father.! i was 5 when i assumed what was happening though i couldnt bring myself to acknowledge it. my sister finally told me what happend as a confirmation about 2 yrs ago. shes 23 and im 17. i know 5 is very young to even start thinking about that kind of stuff but i grew up fast and knew alot more than "normal" 5 yr olds did. ive had a rough life.. anyways i just wanted to tell you how awesome and couragreous you are for telling your story! you are a very special person and dont let anyone tell you differently. your story helped me understand my sisiter waay better. ive researched so much on this subject to find out why and how she can still care for our father. she also kinda made it seem that she also did not want it to stop.. and thats what i wanted to know. thankyou so much for helping me understand better. once again you are great!! and a very special human being. dont ever lose hope... people will be there for you.
Apr 04, 2010
 alex r
by: Anonymous

having been in your shoes from an earlier age, learning to actually enjoy it and look forward to it, for unknown reasons other than my body enjoyed what was happening and I found myself looking forward to having myself forced to do whoever was brought over for my enjoyment from the bars and knowing I had to still look forward to having a friend of my stepdad to spend the rest of the night with reliving with him all that I did and doing it with him, if that meant being tied face down and begging to be used or riding around at night in a truck naked and enjoying him while he drove me somewhere to use outdoors, at night, I actually did enjoy it. It wasn't until I was with a girl in my senior year for the first time I realized I felt dirty doing that and wanted to be used by men did I realize I needed to face my past and either stay with it or keep it in my past and look forward to a new future. I am bi, I have learned over time to enjoy what I enjoy and look forward to sex with women and sharing them at times with men who are sharing and caring people that I came to know my past as a part of something that shouldn't happen to someone young, someone scared to say no and obviously too small to fight back. That's the reason for their desire, the power they have over you. It isn't' about you, it's about the power they feel over you. That's a thing of the past. You are you, you have these collection of memories that need to remain buried and enjoy what you have now as a blessing that you know something you shouldn't ever condone or allow if you hear about it. Now, you have power over your own life. Be powerful and move on with what you like, you know and what you want. Some of us can learn everything we need to know from those experiences. If you still need someone, I'm here.. So are groups that can assist you in helping you move beyond your past, which is where it belongs.

From Darlene: Anonymous, I have removed your email address from you post, as including such information is strictly prohibited on my site. I know you want to help Alex, but it will have to be done within the comment pages here, or not at all. I have this policy in place for the protection of all my visitors. I thank you in advance, and trust you understand my position on this.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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