Comments for Child Abuse Story From A Worried Mom

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Jan 03, 2011
 To A Worried Mom:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I appreciate how worried you are, perhaps even frantic, knowing now what has brought him to the place he's at and knowing his self-destructive pattern. But the truth is, as a full grown man he has to be ready and willing to help himself first. You can try an intervention with other members of the family and with his friends, but if you can't get him to connect with anyone, then chances are you won't be able to find him to do the intervention. But if and when he is ready to get help for himself, then you can be there as a supportive and encouraging advocate. Someone for him to lean on. Having said this, I strongly suggest you seek out some form of counseling for yourself in order to help you deal with all this. You can't help your son until you are strong yourself. If you try, you may find yourself enabling him rather than actually helping him. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 04, 2011
 a mother's heart: A mother's prayer:
by: maurice

Truly your story brings your heart pain and suffering for a son who wa abused and you did not know: No fault of yours so don't blame yourself: Even his siblings may not have known when it happened to him: He was vunerable/innocent and scared: your little boy abused by someone who did not give a damn or a thought how it would effect him: Abusers are sure beasts when it comes to their abuse of the innocent child: My heart has always gone out to mothers whose children drifted into abuse of alcohol and drugs in the hope it would help them to forget rather than tell someone thay were abused: Please, as a woman/mother take heed of what Darlene wrote in her comment to you: You need love and support and counselling to put all your son has gone through evne put himself through in perspective: He's your big boy now he needs to do things that will help him to live again: Through his friends or aquaintance you could let him know your concern but don't interfere: He must talk with someone he trusts firstly and then with a counsellor: May think about the 12 steps of AA: but he has to help himself: You hope and pray he will see the light: You love and care for yourself: You keep strong in mind and body so that you will be strong should he ever see the light to get help: My prayers are with you and him and your family:
Jan 05, 2011
 Hmmm..
by: Another Mom

I think you need to be honest with him. Tell him you were told, tell him how you feel, tell him you want to be there for him during his healing if he wants you to be. Then back off.
In a week or so (you know him best), go back & tell him again. Then back off.

Point being - he may need to be reminded that even though he is grown, he is loved. He matters. His healing matters. Those who are abused will often sabotage relationships because they feel like they are undeserving. Or they don't know how to cope with the rage. Everyone is different but everyone needs to know they have a support team.

Good luck to you both.
Jan 06, 2011
 I think I know how he may be feeling
by: i'm a soldier Anonymous

Hi I'm 22 male, I'm not sure if I can give good advise but I just want to say how your son maybe feeling, I was abused at 15 I recently told my mum well a couple of months ago that I was abused at 15 by a man I have been praising and lying for my mum was horrified and felt sick she wanted to know everything but I did not want to say anything, she pushed me for answers and talked to me as if I was a naughty child not litrally just in that tone. I did not want to upset her more I felt ashamed and depressed I wondered why I let all these things happen to me I felt different and even thought I wasn't worthy to say I was sexually abused because I let it happen and I kept going back. But now my mum is more occupied with her business, she will always be there for me if I needed to talk well thats if she dn't have customers but I do not want to bother her my nan will always be there whatever she's doing so long as it's not infront of her partner I would not want him too know either he's not really family to me he isn't my grandad nor has he ever been like one. I bottle my feelings up and then a couple of days ago I became upset had a fight with my fioncae I even felt like drowning myself, I feel I cannot talk to anyone though I dn't want to bother them with my problems because they got there own worries they dn't need mine as well. What i've just explained about me may be true of your son he may not want to bother you with his problems because he worries about you he's drinking and drug taking probably because he feels depressed, he told his wife probably because he felt he rearlly had to tell somebody without putting too much stress on them (his wife seemed to be the ideal person) then again with his brother. Is he close to his brother?. I think what the best thing to say is what the other poster have put tell him you love him and you will always be there. How stressed are you? prehaps you could explain that you are more stressed not knowing than you would be if you could talk to him, explain it's not his fault and he does not have to be ashamed it's not your fault either as you did not know you can't do anything if you do not know. no matter how old a person is they might not be able to cope with a certain situation I cannot cope sometimes I try to move on but it just gets on top of me sometimes, you are a very good mother as you are actively seeking advice and want to be there for your son,I rearlly hope you and your son get to talk and I show my heart felt sorrow in the circumstance I hope this has helped

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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