Comments for Child Abuse - Fear and Addiction

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Jul 16, 2011
 To Name Undisclosed:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Excellent article! You touched on exactly the problem with physical discipline: learning through fear; not "respect", but rather through domination and intimidation. These leave the worst side effects, as you so poignantly pointed out. "Dimensionless relationship"...that's a perfect way to describe the relationship between abusive parents and the child as a victim/survivor; this is the legacy of physical discipline. Fear teaches fear. Respect teaches respect. Love teaches love. And I agree: abuse IS an addiction, an addiction to power. Abusers have all the power, and they misuse that power in a way that breaks a child's spirit. Some parents get a high from that.

As for the "polite lie", it can be so difficult to live with because we aren't being true to our Self and our feelings when we project something that isn't how we really feel. It's our mind's way of telling us that there is healing to be had. I hope you'll consider some form of counselling in order to deal with the repercussions of what you endured as a child. You didn't deserve to be mistreated. You certainly deserve help for the fact that you were. But I would be remiss if I didn't point out that you are steps ahead in that you realize that the abuse wasn't your fault and that you will not repeat what was done to you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this pervasive issue with my visitors and me, and for using your story as a shining example of the emotional and relational toll abuse has on the child. Your story is an inspiration, knowing that you have broken the cycle of abuse. You have MUCH to be proud of. And so does your beautiful daughter.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jul 16, 2011
 Such uncontrolled sadism
by: Anonymous

What your adoptive parents did to you was inexcusable. That's not discipline; that's just torture and I'm sure that there are always effective ways of discipline without ever the beatings. That's not even about "respect" either; that's just all about power and control. If they didn't want to be there, then they should've had the courage to try counselling instead of sadistically abusing you. the path that they chose was inexcusable. Oh, and most people who treat others the way you were treated often do it out of jealousy because they could never be such a shining star that you are. As for the family friends, they are completely misguided upon hearing that this sad, tragic excuse of a dad was sick. You are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to abuse you. You were the child; they were the adults; they had all the power and only misused it over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now and that you try counselling.
Jul 17, 2011
 Human relationships are a mystery
by: maurice

What a true discription of parents using beating corporal punishment to build in fear instead of LOVE into their beautiful innocent vunerable child adopted or biological: Couples who spend time getting to know each other in love seem not to be able to understand true human realtionships: In my understanding I believe couples on their marriage day should know each other almost totally: To the degree that all aspects of how to love and cherish the children given in the loving act of intercourse and the birthing of a child is done out of that love, value, respect, dignity of that gift from the womb: Sadly many parents don't love each other enough at times to have a mutual understanding on how to explain to a child that was wrong because and relate in simple words at the beginning to more maturer ones as the child grows in years: Sadly many couples go through th motions of marriiage, birthing and rearing their children the way they wre themselves; We all know now that physiaclly beating a child is not loving and cherishing that child (IT IS ABUSING THAT CHILD) Any form of abusing the innocent and the vunerable is inhuman, wrong, and yes I will agree becomes an addiction to those who abuse: They don't want to educate themselves on how to LOVE and Cherish that weak, innocent child when they do wrong: They did bold things themselves as a child and sadly the effects of their abuse by their parents have'nt worn off so they abuse: Thankfully though the greater percent of Parents do Love and cherish and relate right and wrong in words that the child/adolecent understands: Then out of love and respect for their parents they behave and mature nicely as a good human being: So hopefully your discription and your real story will help many: Darlene as always ahs affirmed you and thanked you: Good on you for having the courage to write and tell you true feelings in your healing and recovery from your physical abuse: Live well: laugh Often: Love much and live your life to the full from this day on: Be gentle and kind and hug and cuddle the wonderful and beautiful you: I WILL I CAN I MUST BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT AND SO IS MY CHILD:

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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