Child Abuse Story From Kristyn

by Kristyn
(Location Undisclosed)

I was sexually abused by my father and brother as a child. It all started when my mother passed away. I was 10 years old at the time. My dad started coming into my room every night and touching me inappropriately. I remember trying to resist his touches but he would always beat me up if I did that. I lost my virginity to my father at the age of 13 and somehow I think he got addicted because he did it to me almost daily. What's scary is that he would not rape me before I'd say yes. He'd always beat me up until I'd say yes. Sometimes he even ordered me to beg for sex. Not long after that I learned to obey and do everything he wanted me to do. I never resist him anymore (now that i feel really really guilty about it). He would often bring his "friends" home who paid him money so that they could have sex with me. My brother knew what was going on and would always cheer me up. I trusted him. One day he came into my room and saw my dad raping me. I thought he was going to save me but he joined the act instead. I was really depressed and didn't know what to do, I felt like a sex toy. The abuse went on until I was 21 and moved out of the house. Until now I equate sex with pain, and I am always uncomfortable when men come near me. Yes, things are getting better and better in my life, but I just can't forget these horrible memories and have been feeling guilty until now.

Abuse Story From H

by H - Otherwise, Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

when i was in first or second grade a boy named j- put his hands down my pants at reading time and he would rub my back. it made me so uncomfortable and i would start crying but i never told any of my teachers what happened. in fifth grade i was the happiest kid in the world i had an awesome teacher who was so fun! but it all went downhill when j- came back to our school he left in 3rd grade but came back in 5th and he tried to kiss me i said no but he didnt listen and he stuck his hands down my pants and kissed me. then at recess one day he showed me his penis i was so scared as he rubbed it against my stomach and put his hand up my shirt then down my pants. after that i was glued to my teachers side and i stopped wearing skirts but sometimes i would wear dresses because if you wear a dress you got to sit on chairs during reading time and he couldnt touch me. now im going into 7th grade and i still havent told any one but one time in sixth grade he pushed me against a wall and kissed and humped me i was so terrified i spent twenty minutes in a bathroom stall crying before going back to class and during summer break i was riding my bike when i saw him i tried to ride away but he pushed me off my bike and got on top of me i dont even want to say what he did but when he finished he got close to my ear and whispered " i swear if you tell it'll be worse next time" then he stood up and said " clean yourself up and remember what i told you" then winked at me and rode away on his bike.

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous in North Carolina

by Anonymous
(North Carolina, USA)

At the age of 48, a single mom of 3 I finally got the answers as to why i was abused Physically and Emotionally. I was too strong and independent and had a mind that i could use and think for myself in other words was smart and had a brain and knew how to use it. Simple. And that is what bothered the hell out of my parents because they were not able to have total control over me. I was independent strong friendly and could take care of things had many friends and was well liked where ever i went. Now as a parent myself, my children are like me and I am So proud of them, it makes me so proud when strangers come up to me and say you are so blessed to have such well mannered children. Then why would my parents beat the daylights out of me when i was praised by a stranger....go figure! I did try asking my mother once at the age of 40 and she denied everything and made silly excuses. Its like hitting your head against a brick wall trying to make them see what they did.

They would find little excuses to beat me or abuse me, even if my siblings did something wrong, like smoking and cigarette butts were found, i was beaten with a leather belt because she could do no wrong and it had to me who smoked. Once i was beaten black and blue right before going to school because my best friend called to remind me to get a book for her to school. my father answered and then beat me because he didn't like her father who according to him he knew as a child and he was a spoiled rich brat. I tried explaining to him that she is not like that but my explanations fell on deaf ears. When one of my friends in school saw the marks on my arms and legs, i told her i fell down the stairs. I was only 10 years old.

I got divorced in 2003 and had to stay for a week at my parents house, i always wanted a happy close knit family and did everything for my parents, just to please them but i guess it was never enough. The straw that broke the camels back was when my father locked my children (ages 5 and 9) in 104 degree heat and told them to leave this is not their house. I was out looking for a job and found my terrified children huddled up together. That day i told my children to call 911 from the neighbors house if ever he did that again. My entire family turned against me for saying that to my children. I never spoke to my father again after that and then after another 3 years cut all ties with my mother when she stood against me in court and was representing the man that i was married to, who had abused me and raped me. That was the day i walked out of the court house and looked at my mother straight in her eyes and said "May God never give any child a Mother like You" and walked away from their lives and have no intentions of ever going back, i have no feelings for them, they have killed them all.

Lesson #1: Abusive parents will never change, in their eyes they have done no wrong.

Lesson #2: They will also abuse your children because they don't like you.

Lesson #3: Our religion teaches us to be good to your parents. But it also says give them the same love and affection they gave to you when you were a child. I don't recall any love or hugs.

Lesson#4: For your own sanity, one needs to break ties because the abuse will never end. It is not worth the stress.

Lesson#5: Know that you are a good person and loved by many. Yes it is gaping hole in your life, but it's not worth jumping in a hole that is filled with people that are not content with themselves and want to control someone, who is content.

Lesson #6: Now i feel it's their loss because i know i am a good human being with a heart of gold. And God takes care of his children and he has taken care of me by giving me the 3 most loving children who have made me very proud of them.

We are never alone God is Always with us. Have faith in Him and He will take care.

Child Abuse Story From Anon

by Anon
(Location Undisclosed)

Tired of family: 
My mother and brother bully me all the time. My big brother always touches my butt, my thighs, my arms, my shoulders, and he usually spanks me. He's always bullying me and putting me down, and everytime I give my opinion about something, or even when I'm sitting busy minding my own business, out of nowhere he insults me. When I insult back my mom defends him by saying "I don't care, don't insult your brother." And she even said he's her favourite. She treats me like crap. She hits me too. When I was 13 she used to hit me everyday for about a month, and my dad joined it too. I remember she caught my arms for stopping me from defending myself, while my dad whipped me. And she once squeezed my face with her foot till I couldn't breath. I still remember that, but she doesn't seem to care. I brought it back to her about 2 weeks ago and she said she doesn't care at all, and I deserve worse. She called me worthless, limited, dumb, ****** today. I really am tired of this situation.

Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

by Jennifer
(England)

Healing from emotional neglect: 
As a child she was never there emotionally, just physically. I never spoke of feeling fear or sadness or wanting. I just waited for her to step in and say "Don't worry it'll be alright", she never did. At 50 years of age I was still going back waiting and hoping, but she suddenly died. My rage and anger buried so deep dipped me over the edge. A rage of loneliness and fear and waiting and not realising I'd neglected me like she did. Now, I try through therapy to understand and thought I'd be able to just let it go and forgive her, but I can't. Daily, like a ghost it reminds me of the pain and loss of never getting the mother I needed and she got away with it. My therapist said she can't change the past, neither can I, so I trudge on daily dragging this burden, I'm so tired and angry with her and life.

Child Abuse Story From Aly D

by Aly D
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

Where do I start. Imagine being a child who always had this overwhelming feeling that something wasn't right. Knowing from as far as you can remember, you were an obligation. My mother didn't want me. She enjoyed the attention of having a trophy, warmly receiving all the oohs and ahhhs. But behind closed doors, she wasn't my mother. I barely remember her raising me. I'm the oldest of two, my sister is 5 years younger, so I had a few years of being alone. My father worked away as a construction worker, only to come home and party. So essentially I had a part time father who "baby sat" me when he had to. The days when he was hung over were particularly rough. I had a full time mother who only wanted to do her own thing. Work, continue her education, be social, anything but be a loving mother. She constantly fought with my father over his drinking, and his lack of "participation" in parenting. He on the other hand felt his role was to earn the bread and butter. My mother abused me so much, yelled, cursed, belittled, embarassed, hit me, and anything else she felt she had to do to feel better about herself after a fight with my dad. When my sister came, I was just starting kindergarden, at an aboriginal language school, and we just moved into our new house. The past five years had been rough and stressful for me. Unfortunaley for me, I had a lot of family members taking care of me, and they loved to feed me, and give me all sorts of treats and snacks. Food was comforting. So now, I'm a slightly chubby six year old, with a new school, and new neighbors. I had a teacher at my school who was a violent maniac that is rather reminiscent to the priests at residential schools. On a daily basis, he would physically abuse any child who spoke English (which I did a lot). I remember these events very clearly. The next thing I had to endure, was sexual abuse from my neighbours. I can remember a few isolated incidents, but flashbacks, and reoccurring nightmares tell me I have a lot of suppressed memories. I know there was a teenage boy in the house that would inappropriately fondle me, ask me to expose my genitalia, assault me with his fingers. What haunts me is that, there were three boys, and a a very fragile, timid, quiet girl in that house. So I'm sure she experienced similar horrors. I was a bad kid. I acted out all the time. I threw tantrums, I had fits of rage, I cried easily, I tried to run away from home several times. I would hide from my different caretakers for hours at a time. I didn't trust or feel safe with anyone.

Today, as a 28 year old woman, I feel like I'm nuts. Some days I feel good, or content. But most times I hate myself. I've done a lot of gutsy things, Finished college, started down a fairly successful career path, but I either sabotage myself or let myself think that I'm not good enough and back out when things get hard or stressful. So I've walked away from quite a few opportunities in the middle of all my hard work. My relationships with men are horrible. I've had too many casual sex partners, and haven't been in a relationship that lasted more than a year consecutively. A recent relationship with a criminal/sociopath and miscarriage crushed any confidence and courage that I had built up for myself in the last few years. Substance abuse has never really been an issue for me. I was addicted to cocaine in 2004, but quit on my own and never looked back. In regards to healing, How do I know where to start? As a very capable adult, I have a lot of issues with sex/relationships, money, and weight.

Child Abuse Story From T Part 1

by T
(Maryland, USA)

If someone were to ask, I would say I had an unhappy childhood. I am in my mid twenties now, and although I have come to terms with what has happened to me as a child, it still effects me in different ways. The truth is no one really knows what happened to me, sort of. And I still love one of my abusers, after all that has happened. I'm so afraid of what people would think of me, that I have never told my story. So here goes...

I was "the middle child". I have an older brother (by 12 yrs),an older sister (by 3 years), and a younger sister. Both of my parents worked full time jobs when I was a child, which in my opinion led to my abuse. My brother used to watch us while my parents worked until I was about 7. He was a teenager, I'm not sure how often that happened. I am not sure if my brother abused me or not. I have only one inappropriate memory of one occasion in which my sister and I was in his bed while he was naked. I don't remember what happened if anything at all-- I was 3 yrs old. I was told years later that my brother use to beat us, I'm guessing with a belt but I don't remember.
I don't really consider that abuse.

Around the age of 3, however, my older sister started molesting me. She,from what I remember, was the first person to molest me. From ages 3 to 14 my older sister and I had an inappropriate sexual relationship. When it started I was too young to understand what she was doing to me. I just went along with it. When I was about 7, I started having orgasms while my sister was molesting me. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and she would be on top of me. I never fought her off, a part of me welcomed it because it felt good sometimes. Some where in that year I think, my mom walked in on us. She yelled at us to stop and she took us to separate bathrooms to question us as to what we were doing. I was so afraid because until that moment I didn't know how bad/ wrong it was. I remember crying because I could tell by my mom's reaction that she was upset and I thought she was going to beat me, so when she asked what we were doing, I told her "making love". I have no idea what my sister said when she was questioned, and I don't remember any other part of the conversation that I had with my mom about it. What I do remember is that my mom never mentioned it again and she never talked about it or sex again.. ever. So the molestation continued.. only my sister made sure we were never caught again. After that incident it dawned on me that we shouldn't be doing sexual stuff but I was afraid of my sister. Although she was like my best friend, I looked up to her, I cared about her, and I was afraid of her at the same time. So whenever she came to me to do sexual stuff( humping, kissing, touching, and oral sex), I let her, I never told her no. When I was in second grade I started masturbating at home and at school. All of this went on until I was 14. The last time it happened we were both in high school. She penetrated me with her fingers, I told her to stop for the first time ever because it was hurting but she wouldn't, she told me that it should feel good and she kept going harder and faster. I finally pushed her away and left. We have never spoken of this or any of it since then its been 12 yrs. However, my sister and I still have a normal sibling relationship. I care for her and love her as my sister even after all that has happened. I do not blame my sister because I realize that she was a child too. I know that she was also a victim of sexual abuse and she was only mimicking what was done to her. And for that reason it is hard for me to blame her. Like I said earlier, my sister was my first molester, what she did to me opened the doors for others to do the same because I didn't have any boundaries when it came to inappropriate touching.

So, during the time of my sisters abuse, there were other incidents from different people. There was a boy in my kindergarten class who would touch my vulva in class.. I know this wasn't abuse but this attributed to my trust issues that I developed because I felt that my teachers were not more observant to what was going on. I wanted them to help me, I tried to get away from him. They didn't know what he was doing to me or the other girls but they should have.

My older male cousin molested me along with his sister, my sister, and another female cousin. I was around 3 or 4 at the time and he was 4 years older than me. I found out when I was around 13 that my grandparents knew about it because it happened at there house when we came to visit. I can't remember everything that happened though. However, when I found out that my grandparents knew and didn't stop it, I became very depressed.

When I was 6, another cousin who was 14 yrs old, started molesting me. I was afraid of him, but I craved male attention... my dad wasn't around alot. It started with touching and humping. He use to peep through the crack in the door when I would use the bathroom. Then one day he got me alone in my basement and he attacked me. He threw me on the sofa and tore at my clothes and tried to rape me. I don't know if he raped me or not, I can not remember what happened after he put his hand over my mouth. I only remember trying to fight him off and him standing over top of me looking down at me in disgust. I don't remember anything that happened before or after that incident. I never told my sister or anybody.

Child Abuse Story From T Part 2

by T
(Maryland, USA)

So where were my parents when all of this was going on? Working mostly. My parents either left my sister and I with my brother, or home alone. They made sure that there was food in the house of course but being unattended at a young age just wasn't smart. After my little sister was born we pretty much took care of her, my older sister and I. We never had a babysitter, I was 7 and my sister was 10 when my little sister was born. We pretty much did what we wanted while our parents were at work. We ran the streets, hung out with friends, all the while toting a little baby in a stroller. I am surprised, now, looking back that we were never never harmed by perverts (besides family)-- although there was one incident of a man trying to lure us into his truck while we were walking to school one day. Anyway, when my parents were home my dad use to yell at us all the time for everything, he use to call us names (not really bad names though) my mom used to make us do housework and stuff. I was in charge of ironing her uniforms for work-- she was a nurse. We had to clean the house from top to bottom.. at least we were expected to.. my sister and I didn't listen all the time... the house was usually a mess.. and occasionally we would take a beating for it. One day my mom got fed up with our disobedience and she said she didn't want us anymore. she grabbed a phone book and said she was looking for an adoption agency to give us to. I was about 8 yrs old at the time. I was afraid, I cried and begged my mom to keep us, that we would do better but she didn't want to hear it. I know now that it was a scare tactic to make us do housework or whatever but I didn't know that at the time. I was a child who was being molested, who felt unloved by parents who were never home. So, I hid in the closet and called my brother and his girlfriend and told him that mom didn't want us anymore and that she was going to put us up for adoption. My mom was upset that I had called him and eventually the situation blew over. But the effects of the situation had a lasting effect on me. I felt in my heart that my mom didn't love me, I couldn't trust her.. I made my mind up that I would never tell her about the abuse... and i never did. My parents were not the affectionate type. I don't remember a single hug or kiss from either of them nor have they ever said "i love you". So what about other family?

My grandparents and relatives weren't the nicest people. When we visited them I witnessed my grandfather, aunts, and uncles beat on my cousins. I was constantly afraid that I would do something that would make them beat me too, so I became the "good child". I did what I was told when I was there. But witnessing my cousins getting beat was horrifying for me, I use to hide and cry hysterically sometimes. One time I was standing next to my cousin when her father/my uncle took a plastic toy sword and hit her across the face with it... because she asked him if we could watch cartoons.. we were 4yrs old. I remember crying and telling my aunts, older cousins,and grandmother what he did... they laughed at me... made it seem like it was normal discipline... I knew it was wrong, they wouldn't listen, and they didn't do anything about it... my cousin had a red welt across her face. I never trusted another adult after that. Also my grandmother, who was normally in charge of us when we were at her house, wouldn't feed us while we were there. she would cook food for everybody but my sister and i were not allowed to eat. she once gave me a piece of molded bagel with butter because i came to her and told her i was hungry... I ate it anyway.. She was a mean old woman.. and my grandfather.. a mean old man. We never told our parents everything about those years when we visited them regularly although we have told them some stuff after we became adults.

The sexual abuse from my sister and cousins, the neglect from parents and grandparents, and meaness experienced from other relatives as a child has effected me in a negative way. I became depressed at 13 yrs old and thought of committing suicide, I started cutting myself, I dropped out of school when I was 15 yrs old. I developed eating disorders at 16yrs old-- borderline anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, you name it. The past few years that I have been with my boyfriend, I struggle with anxiety, i guess, during sex. I don't know what it is. Everytime wwe have sex I feel like he is raping me even though he is not.. but those old feelings come back.. like i'm 6 yrs old again. Sometimes I feel like he can sense this in me.. he asks but I am too embarassed and ashamed to tell him.

My relationship with my parents and siblings, nowadays, is pretty much average, we are close but I still can not talk to them about the abuse I went through as a child. I wanted to get help.. like talk to a counselor when I was around 15 yrs old but my parents refused because they didn't feel like I needed to but they didn't know all of what i had been through. So i never got help. Now I don't really have a need to, I just want to forget everything and move on with my life.

Child Abuse Story From Alisha

by Alisha
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was about 8 years old the sexual abuse started...it started with me sleeping on the floor in the corner of my dads bedroom...(him and my mom were separated, so I lived with him for a long time by myself) he picked me up and put me on the big bed...and pulled down my pants and my panties...and started touching me with his hands...he would go inside me with his fingers...it hurt really bad...then he used his tongue...I didn't know what to think...at the time it hurt...but at points felt good...but I felt weird and didn't understand what was happening...he made me put my mouth on his wrong spot...and then asked if I wanted to play a game....he put a pillow over my head...and while I was on my back, drew pictures on my back with his wrong spot...and I had to guess what it was...when it was all over...he made me take a shower with him...and went inside me with his wrong spot...then when it was all over put me in bed like nothing happened...I felt dirty.....this happened night after night...until I was about 11 or 12...he told me to never tell...and I kept it in for a long time...he'd always hold me close...or come up behind me and press up against me...well...when I was at church one night when i came back to my mom...I told...and I didn't have to see my real dad ever again...then mom married a new man...and he messed with me...touching my breast...and one time my wrong spot...I kept that in for a long time (it happened with him when I was in sixth grade) I'm 17 and just now told my mom about 5 months ago...since my 7th grade year...it all hit how painful this all is...and I realized that it really was wrong... I started dealing with depression...and still deal with it...I started starving myself my freshmen year of high school to feel beautiful...it's been an on and off thing...starving...eating a lot...and throwing up...i have EDNOS(eating disorder not otherwise specified...because I'm not in the skinny range to be called anorexic)...and I cut for awhile...I have self esteem problems...but my friends tell me I'm beautiful...I'm trying to believe them...but it's like my trust is gone...and I don't think I'm pretty(I was also picked on a lot in elementary and middle school) now it's like I don't know what to think about my life...I'm guilty...ugly...lost my virginity...and not pure like all my friends...no matter how many times someone says 'i love you' I have a hard time believing them...it's like all the men in my life are gonna hurt me...is there really a guy out there who is gonna love me the right way and think that I'm beautiful when he finds out what happened? What happens when if the time comes after marriage for the s-e-x part? I'm scared to death...counseling never helped me...I'm still in this dark hole...I just want to be happy like other girls...I want to be beautiful and pure again...

Child Abuse Story From Rockhound

by Rockhound
(USA)

I am fifteen years old. I don’t remember exactly when this started, but I know I have been in an abusive situation for around five years.

To begin, I think it is important to know that my parents are divorced, a not so friendly divorce to put it nicely. They divorced when I was less than one year old. For years they went to court, both trying to get custody of me. After about ten years my parents finally stopped arguing. They settled on the agreement of joint custody with my mom having primary.

When I was three, my mom got remarried. He was an alcoholic and verbally abused me and my brother.
He and I didn’t really get along. After about seven years with him, my mom filed a divorce with him. I don’t know why they split up but I know my mom blames me for it. I’m often reminded of how I ruined that marriage.

After my step dad was out of the picture, then the abuse started. It started out small. Verbally I was ripped apart. Nothing I did was good enough. She said I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life. She called me names and pointed out my every flaw.

As the years went by I learned to except it. I started believing what my mom was saying. By the age of twelve I had started cutting and thought about suicide. It was the only thing I could control in my life.

Mom got married yet again! And the abuse only got worse. If I didn’t want to hear what my mom had to trash about me I would just walk away. But she wasn’t going to have that “disrespect.” To make sure I was listening she would hold me down. She would either pin my arms back or hold my neck. And for added measure she would slap my face and punch me in the stomach.

One incident in particular was when I was arguing with my sister about something little. My mom heard me yelling and grabbed me by the throat. She held me against the wall and held me there for what seemed like forever. She let me go but I passed out. I don’t know if it happened from fear or lack of oxygen. But I woke up and my mom was gone. I went to school as if nothing had happened. She never apologized or talked about that ever again. With the help of make-up on my neck, no one noticed the bruises.

These beatings weren’t daily by any means, but they happened a few times a month. One night I was talking to my church youth leader on facebook. We talked for a bit and eventually she asked about a bruise on my arm. I had no explanation for it, but I managed to come up with a quick excuse. She didn’t buy it and that night I told her everything. She said she was crying and we talked for about two hours. Once I had about told her everything she said she had to get offline.

An hour or so later I got back on and my church leader told me she had contacted CPS. In that moment I was so scared, confused, betrayed, angry, ect. I didn’t want to be taken out of my house and away from my siblings. My church leader did her best to comfort me and said CPS might be around in the next week or so.

The following Monday I was called down to the counseling office. My counselor explained that CPS had contacted the school. She started asking me all kinds of questions. She asked if my mom had ever hit me and I denied everything. I told her I lied to my church leader. So the counselor eventually let me go back to class.

After school I called my church leader and told her what had happened. I told her I was sorry for lying to the counselors, but that I had to. I explained to her that I didn’t want my mom to find out I told someone. She understood and said if I ever needed to talk that she was there for me.

I went home and things were normal, or at least normal for me. There was only two months left of
school and I would be able to be with my dad all summer. (ninth grade, age 15 at the time) I was still being hit and treated like dirt but at least she didn’t know about the report.

I read other stories on the site and I don’t think it is common to still be physically abused at the age of fifteen. My only explanation to anyone who asks is that I get panic attacks. I get scared every time I’m yelled at and I freeze. I don’t know what to do, so I just take it. Every night I say that next time I will stick
up for myself but I never can.

One night my mom and new stepdad were arguing. My mom was yelling about divorce and I couldn’t
take it. I got so angry. I told her she ruins every relationship she has and this is all her fault. I ran downstairs but she followed me down. She hit me in the face and said I had no right to say that stuff. She pushed me to the ground and told me to get my phone and call my dad. The phone was upstairs so she grabbed my hair and pulled me by it the whole way up. I frantically dialed my dad and told him to come pick me up at the normal meeting location assigned by the court. He said fine and hung up. Upstairs my mom continued to push and hit me. We got in the car and she drove me to my dad’s. The whole ride (hour long) was spent with her yelling at me and saying I was a worthless person. I stayed strong the whole way and never cried. It makes me feel so weak to cry.

When we finally got there she let me out of the car and drove off. My dad had to work the next day and I had school so he brought me to my aunt’s that night, who lives by my mom.

I stayed there for a month. I went two weeks without my mom knowing where I was. When she found out where I was she started threatening my aunt. But it didn’t last long. School ended and I went to my dad’s. Dad filed another CPS report. This time they came to the house. I told the truth and explain what really happened. But by then my bruises had faded and with lack of evidence, CPS couldn’t do anything to help.

My dad tried his best to keep me out of my mom’s house. But he became very frustrated and said I was lying about the abuse. He didn’t have much money to fight this in court. Everyday he told me I was financially killing him and I was never going back to my school again.

For me that was a scary idea. I love my school and my friends. They are everything to me. I wouldn’t have lasted this long without them. One night my dad and I had an argument and he said I should just go back to my mom’s. That night I left and I haven’t seen my dad since. He says he doesn’t want to be a part of my life.

So now I am living with my mom full time. She has already yelled at me several times and has grabbed my arm once. It isn’t that bad but I’m afraid it’s going to get worse again. I don’t know who to turn to. I can’t communicate with friends because my mom is monitoring everything I do. I don’t want to leave my home but I want this abuse to stop before it gets bad.

Child Abuser Story From Ivree B

by Ivree B
(Ohio, USA)

It all started when I was three. That's when all the lies, cheating, and abuse started. When I was three my Dad died from a sickness he got after the war, nobody knew what it was. He passed away at a party watching the movie Shrek.

I was a daddy's girl alright. When he died I was still little. But I was very smart. I remember going to his funeral, asking "Now what do we do, Mommy?".

Right when he died my Mother went ballistic. She set fire to his things so nobody could have them. She plunged right into relationship after another. Most were flings that only lasted about a week or two.

Cue S--. S-- was my Dad's arch enemy. S-- did drugs, got high every night. He got drunk a lot too. He had a son about my age (I was 4 and he was five at the time), his son was J--. They moved in together in some apartments. J--'s and my rooms were across the hall from each other. I remember S-- and my Mother screaming and fighting late at night about drugs. Sometimes I would get hit trying to see if my Mother was alright. I went out to get the mail one day (no one else would get it). So here I was a four year old doing the daily chores of a preteen. I noticed the mail had alot of papers with naked people on it. At the time I thought it was just something all adults had. I didn't know it was porn, I shrugged it off.

I have never wrote or told anyone about the first time I was sexually abused. It was broad daylight and J-- turned six the week before. He came into my room and locked the door. He said, "Ivree look at this. I'm gunna try it with you." He handed me the porn magizene and pointed to a picture.

I tried to get away to tell my mom, but he was bigger and stronger than me. He pushed me down on the bed and molested me. I remember that it hurt alot. There was some blood too. I can't remember if he raped me, I think I blocked it out. He told me if I told, my Mother wouldn't love me anymore. He told me I was a weakling. But it saddens me that I could not be a virgin and not know for certain if I am. My innocence is the only thing I have left at this point. This went on for about a year.

My mom broke up with S-- and I was free. My five year old self was so joyed. I remember dancing around the truck when we were about to leave.

I'll skip to when I was seven. I was in second grade and almost eight. My mom and I lived with my Dad's brother, R--. They both got high almost every night and spent all their money on drugs and beer. If it wasn't them being high every night, it was them having sex. I went into the kitchen to ask if I could go play outside. My Mother was washing dishes and said no, so I asked why not. She pulled out a kitchen knife to R--'s throat and said, "If you don't listen, this should scare you enough Brat!" That was the first time I got slapped, hard enough to bruise a little. I spent alot of time in my room from then.

I thought if I was smart she would love me. So in school despite their screaming match everynight and four hours of sleep, I never got anything lower then a B-. When I was eight, Mother and R-- decided to have a baby. Enter B---: my brother. My mom slept all day from hangovers. So I watched after B--- a lot: Cleaned him, fed him, played with him. I acted like the mother he should've had; not like an older sister. I never wanted my Brother to be treated like me. Never. I got slapped every time I did something wrong, sometimes hit with a belt on my bottom. But I still protected my brother, he was the only thing important to me at the time.

When I look at 8 year olds and kids now, I realize I never got to be a kid. I was always so smart, so cautious. I didn't have time to play except when I was dumped off at my Nana's or Aunt's over the weekend.

So I told Nana of my Mother's drugs and hitting. Children services was called more than once. When I was nine and about ten, I told them finally but never about the sexual abuse when I was little. No one still knows of that.

I was placed with my brother at my aunt's house permently when I was ten. When I was 11 years old I went to stay at my Nana's for a couple days because it was Summer Vacation from School. I was excited because I got bullied at school and called 'Emo', ugly, fugly, and 'Goth', people called me a Cutter when they saw some scars. I didn't even know what that meant. But I just focused on school.

Anyways, I had a nightmare so I climbed in bed with my Nana and her boyfriend of a couple years. Her boyfriend, S, was on the other side of her. She trusted him, so I did too. My Nana was my best friend, I didn't doubt her. I woke up in a jolt in the middle of the night. I was frozen in fear becase my pants were being pulled down, underwear too. I was afraid he would hurt Nana if I woke her up. Tears where running down my face as he touched me down there. I knew people wen't supposed to do that, nana told me she was almost raped when she was my age. She told me to tell if anyone does something to me.

It was almost as if he knew I was awake because he whispered, "This is good. Don't tell little girl. Your safe." That made me cry harder because I knew I wasn't safe. It was Hell. I waited untill he was done and was snoring until I quickly pulled my pants back up. I just lie there and pretended to be asleep when he got up for work.

Now that I look back I realize he was always looking at my chest. I didn't want it to happen again so I convinced Nana to put a lock on my guest bedroom. It worked untill a year later when it was Summer again. Me and my cousin K-- were both staying the night and she accidently broke the lock the next morning. I didn't tell her why I just sat there crying and staring at the lock for at least an hour. I had to stay the night without her once again because I had to get shots in the morning. So I stayed on the couch that night pinching myself everytime I nodded off.

It was about 1 in the morning that I fell asleep by accident. I woke up in the morning to him with his hand in my underwear. My Nana was making breakfast in the room right next to us. He didn't notice me awake so he continued touching me down there for about five minutes. Then he looked up and met my tear filled eyes. He jumped and went in the kitchen really fast. When he left I'd had enough. I cried for my Aunt to come get me at 6 in the morning. I told her it couldn't wait and I'd tell her at home.

I played it off to my Nana as afraid of the hospital today. I didn't want to break her heart. I was afraid she would leave me. Or tell him. I was afraid she wouldn't love me anymore. So I told my Aunt everything he did at home. She told my Nana and she kicked him out and he's back in New Mexico.

It's been a year now since then and I'm almost 13 years old. I get all A's in school, I've been depressed and it was is the only thing to take my mind off of it. But now it's Summer. I've tried suicide, but decided not to try again. I won't let him win. Never. I'm still afraid that he'll come back for revenge. I've tried counselling but no one understood. They tried to put me into a mental hospital. The reason is I'm nervous around men. They told me my nurse would probably be a male. I declined, it would make it worse. Don't they see that?

So now I'm thinking about what is in store for the future. I'm really wanting to be a counselor or Social Services person to help Children like me when I grow up.

Who knows, I'm almost 13 and I've already got some pretty big dreams. Just know when someday, if you or someone you know faces tragedy like I have: You are NOT alone. This happens to more people than it should. But we all know it shouldn't happen at all. No one should have to go through this! I hate my mom so much that she makes me want to puke. I often wonder if my dad didn't die, would this have happened? But I know for sure if this still did happen and he was alive; he would be kicking some a**. He was a black belt in karate. I miss him so much.

I still freak when I see a car like my Nana's EX-boyfriend's. I never feel safe, and spend most of the time in my room reading.

So it's my brother's 4th birthday today. And I'm just so happy I protected him. He's so carefree and innocent.

The one thing I most regret is not having a childhood. Everyone should have a childhood. I always felt like an adult. But, I've lived to tell this. And hopefully I'll live to help many other kids like me when I grow up.

Child Abuse Story From Katherine

by Katherine
(Tennessee, USA)

Sexual Abuse: 
When I was 10 years old my step dad started touching me. My mom was/is a drug addict and my dad was in and out of prison. It felt wrong but he had been in my life 3 years before and I looked up to him. One night my mom went out to get more drugs my step dad told me to go feed my cat, my cats food was in their bathroom. I fed my cat and next thing I knew I was on the bathroom counter and he was touching me asking me if he could put it in and I said no and he said I promise it won't hurt, needless to say I finally let him do it but first he took me to their bed. He molested me for 5 years and I finally told. I'm 16 now. I told 2 weeks after my Dad died. My Dad was always telling me to do what's right and staying pure and all that. So after he died all his advice flooded through my head and I finally decided to tell. I told my mom on a Monday, that was a school day. She cried and wanted details but I didn't want to talk about it. She let me stay home that day so I went to my room and then she woke my step dad up and was asking him about it and Of course he lied. My dad had a girlfriend before he died so I texted her and told her and she came over and picked me up after my step dad went to work. I stayed with my dads girlfriend for 3 days and my mom had not kicked my step dad out and she hadn't called the police either so my dads girlfriend did I gave them my story and I was put in a foster home until they could find someone in my family to take me. My papaw took me 3 days after I was put Into foster care. It has been 6months since I have told and the police haven't done anything they haven't even questioned my step dad. My mom chose my step dad over me. She doesn't believe me. In a year I have had a rough year, my dad died and my mom chose my step dad over me so I was separated from her. I keep my head high though.

Child Abuse Story From El

by El
(Location Undisclosed)

My first memory was cowering underneath a desk while my dad was yelling at me to get out. When I didn’t come out, he grabbed me out enough so that he could hit me over and over and over. This happened because I didn’t want to waste time sitting down and eating when I could play.

I remember spending time with my dad going out to movies and diners. My mom was never home and when she was, she was always talking on the phone or sleeping. Sometimes I would hear her talking to my older sisters but she never had time to talk to me. I felt jealous and always tried to get her attention.

I guess my story is about how my dad abused me and my sisters and how my mom turned a blind eye.

In the beginning it was all physical and then the verbal set in mixing with sexual abuse later on.

We got a puppy when I was 8. The dog would pee everywhere and my dad would put her in the basement and hide her behind a ton of boxes so she wouldn’t be able to get out. In the day he would put her on a leash outside. My mom decided to take the dog inside and she pooped. My dad found out and my mom told him that I did it. He started yelling at me and hitting me and kicking me until I was cornered in the kitchen cabinets cowering in fetal position. My mom and sister were laughing. (I would bring this up often and my mom would tell me “how do you remember that? Can’t you just leave it alone?”)

In elementary school, he would ask to see my homework. When I had questions I would ask him what to do. He would tell me how to get the answer and when I didn’t understand he would hit me in frustration until I had stinging red marks on my arms. I would run up to my oldest sister’s room and cry until she made me feel better. I always called her mom because I grew up with her taking care of me (walking me to school, bringing me out to buy toys, cooking food and hugging me when something was wrong).

When he got mad, I would wake up to him in my bed shaking me and hitting me.

When I look back, I can see vivid memories of him hitting me and my sisters. The worse was when my sister ran away and he and my mom screamed and hit my sister. I could hear the slaps in my room and I ended up falling asleep to the sound.
He started patting me and my sisters on the butt. When I was sitting on the couch, he would pretend to tickle me by running his fingers up and down my body. I would yell at him to stop and I would tell my mom but all she said was “he’s just kidding”.

I ran across my sister’s journal and I was surprised to see records of my dad abusing my sister, yelling and hitting her and doing acts that hinted of sexual harassment.

My dad and sister moved to California. My mom stopped cooking and I ended up not having any food to eat. I was 12 years old and didn’t have money to buy groceries. My dad brought me to California when I told him. It would rain a lot and there were blackouts. At one time he ended up kissing me with tongue and everything. I moved again, the whole family together. He didn’t kiss me anymore.

He started calling me a sl*t when I hit high school and would call me stupid all the time. He hid my skirts (handed over by my sisters) and threw out my shoes. When I yelled at him, he ran after me into my room and in the process gave me a bloody lip. Whenever he hit me it would only leave a stinging sensation that disappeared but never bruises. He got angry at me one day and chased me to my room where he took a wired hanger and repeatedly tried to hit me and ended up leaving a huge welt and bruise on my thigh.

I had enough so I called a helpline that suggested I call the police. That night, my dad was arrested and put in jail. When the police called, my sister answered and pretended to be me so they would let my dad come home. We ended up moving while my dad was still in jail. I went to the mental hospital shortly after where I was diagnosed as bipolar. I had a restraining order against him but one day he showed up with no warning given to me by staff. It really shook me up.

I eventually left the hospital and my dad came back to stay with me and my mom. My oldest sister had moved to another country and my middle sister cut us off from her life. I was alone with my mom working most of the time, leaving me alone with my dad. He would call me a dumba** and call me stupid and fat. I confronted him and he told me to shut up. When I told him about him hitting me, he had no memory. He only remembered shutting me up in the bathroom in the dark.

He asks me everyday why I put him in jail. I tell him its because I was crazy when inside I was thinking that I didn’t put in jail, he put himself there. The reason why I’m writing this is because I have no one to talk to. My mom tells me he’s just kidding or tells me not to make him mad. My sisters don’t live with me and its hard to communicate since one sister cut us off from her life and the other lives in another country.

Today he told me he wished I never came home. He tells me im turning manic every day. There’s supposed to be a hurricane in my area tomorrow morning. I heard that people filled their tubs with water to use for hygiene because of power outages. I filled the tub with water and my dad got angry. He called me a stupid dumba** and told me he’s going to send me to the hospital. Right now, I’ve locked myself in the bathroom because im too upset to be in the same room with him.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so broken. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had an outlet. I would rather he hit me then talk to me like that. I take my sickness very seriously and it hurts when he uses it against me. I feel like I’m reminded of my sickness every day when my dad speaks to me about me going crazy. All my relatives live in another country and I’ve had so much anxiety where I live that I don’t have anymore friends. I’m terrified of being in public and am anxious about my weight which my dad comments on constantly. I basically have nowhere to go and my dad said if I put him in jail again that he would never let me live with him again. I have to live with him or else I will become homeless. At least he doesn’t sexually harass me anymore or hit me. Although id rather take the physical abuse rather than the verbal.

Child Abuse Story From AnonymousAD

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents never cuddled us or kissed us. My father would beat me, I remember having bruises and being afraid to pull my sleeves up at school in case someone saw the bruises. My father would put his hand around my throat and slide me up the wall, I would be gagging and afraid I was going to die hanging there. When he beat me I would try to get away and sometimes crawl behind the sofa, my father would grab my feet and drag me back and beat me more. My father had a sort of split personality, sometimes he would beat me and another time he would give me money for sweets and perhaps even say that he loved me. He would always deny that he ever hit me. I remember praying on my way home that he would be alright today!

Once I wrote a children's story book, a teacher told me to get it published, I was so excited when I told my father, he told me not to be so silly that if it was any good the teacher would have got it published, he told me to throw it away which I did.

My mother left home when I was 12 and left me with my father. While my mother was at home I remember her being cold and unloving. She did not beat us but in some ways the mental cruelty was worse. My mother made me feel I was useless and incapable of doing anything. This has made me lack self confidence and very often I give up before I complete anything as if I have to prove that she is right.

My father is dead now and my mother is old. I guess they were treated the way they treated their children when they were children themselves.

I always feel too ashamed to tell anyone about this as if it was my fault in some way.

The strange thing is I now feel like my husband is starting to be abusive to me, he now knocks my confidence and says that I can't do anything. He always seems to want to be against everyone, the neighbours and any other person who crosses his path and he pushes me into sending numerous emails to the police, council and anyone else in a position of authority to complain about neighbours etc.

I feel as if slowly I am being pushed back into a mentally abused situation. My husband has now started telling me that people say he must go through hell living with me, but we have no friends and I don't see anyone really, so I don't know who the people are who have told him this. He also said that some people stay together even though there is nothing left between them and they are just waiting for the right moment to end the relationship; I feel like this is a hint for me that he is waiting for the right moment to leave me. I cannot handle things very well and get angry which does not help. I try to talk but when I do my husband goes even further and I end up either really angry or in tears. If I cry my husband shows no sympathy he looks at me as if he is in some way pleased that I am upset.

I was ill and ended up in hospital twice a while ago, my husband stood over me to give me the paracetomol (the doctor told me to take) even though the tablets were making me vomit. He even counted the tablets so he could check I had taken them and at one time while I was actually vomiting he stood over me with the tablets and a glass of water. I felt like he was getting some sort of pleasure out of my illness. I had to phone my doctor and ask for his permission to stop taking the paracetmol to stop my husband giving me the tablets.

I wish I could see light at the end of the tunnel. A way to improve my situation. I wonder what is wrong with me that I allow myself to be abused in this way.

Child Abuse Story From Susan

by Susan
(South Carolina, USA)

My sister and i were both raped by my mother's brother and neither of us ever told a soul. Later in our 30's, we both discovered the secret about the other. I was 15 and she was 12 at the time. We were sent to his house for part of the summer to babysit a cousin while my aunt was in the hospital having chemo! Neither of us ever told our mother (his sister). Now both he and my sister have both passed away and there is no one left but me who knows the story. I hated listening to my mother and her sister singing his praises when he was nothing but a child rapist. I actually told him once that I hated his guts for what he did to me and my sister. Odd that he died of an abdominal cancer. Still can't tell my mom. She's in her seventies and not in the best of health, but it would kill her. Besides, there is no one left that can confirm what happened. Screwed me and my sister up big time. After that summer, we were both into alcohol and drugs for quite a while. Keeping the secret eats me up sometimes.

Child Abuse Story From Milly

by Milly
(USA)

when i was young, about 6 or 7, my mom started drinking alot and she divorced and got a new boyfriend, at first i was happy because that would mean that she would stop drinking, but one time, mom was out and i was outside playing, when he told me to come inside so he could search for "ticks" he made me undress and sit on my bed and spread my legs and kept sayin that he is cheking for ticks and had to check all over my body, the he started touching my vulva and i was so scared and it went on for so long and he kept repeating that he was cheking for ticks. and then when i wasabout 12, he always told me that it was his job to bath me and he alwaysed rubed my private parts for an expecially long time. and he used to waked me up every morning by pulling my shirt right up and rubbing my private place. later on, he didnt bath me any more, but he'd wait for me everytime i finish and told me to take my towel of and give him a hug, in the end i felt so scared and i ran away, but i didnt have enough money and later on, i went to live with my auntie.

Child Abuse Story From Leslie

by Leslie
(Location Undisclosed)

i was sexually abused by my step father when i was a child.it went on for about 6 or 7 yrs till he died.i finally told my mother years later about the abuse and she replied good people can do bad things.i don`t like how she stuck up for him instead of trying to protect me. i`m also upset that this person will never be held responsible for the pain they have caused to me.it`s now been 10 yrs since the abuse and i have a 2 yr old. and since i have had my daughter i have been a lot more parnoid and untrusting of everyone.i dont know what i can do to overcome the pain and parnoia. i`m still way to nervous and scared to talk to anyone face to face.

Child Abuse Story From Alex GL

by Alex
(London, England)

I'm 22, male from London and my story is a little embarrassing for me to tell but I don't know where else to go. my father R-- abused me all my life, right up until I moved out at 17. I live on my own now and work and everything's pretty normal except for my sex life.

I'v been in love with a friend for a long time now, and recently we got together which I'm delighted about but when we go to make love I find it so difficult and I think its to do with what I suffered through growing up.

my father abused me both physical and sexual and I'v had a hard time dealing with it. I did therapy from 16 to 19 and though I was over it, it helped a little, making me feel I'm worth more than my father thought, and the lady was nice, but I got too embarrased to go into detail about what exactly happened and I thought she just felt sorry for me so I gave it up.

my father had drinking problems and would often beat me with his fists or more often his belt leaving some scars. but a few times I'm ashamed to say he raped me from behind and forced me to give him oral. I'm not proud of anything and I use to feel little worth in me, but I try to move on since I'm free of that. he has disowned me and I want nothing to do with him either.

my girlfriend was always there for me and knew about beatings and abuse and hugged me when I cried over it, but I never told her about the sex part of it, I was too ashamed to tell her, I don't think I could bear her knowing.

I finally worked up the courage to tell her how I feel about her and surprisingly she went on a date with me. I couldn't believe my luck and was so happy. A few months in everything was great until we slept together, I started feeling nervous and sick and almost cried myself to sleep after it was over it was so humiliating. I though it was a once off until we did it again.

now when we make love, I find it hard to.. you know, get it up, when she touches my penis I feel dirty and I tremble (not in a good way) and when we climax I cant help but picture my father in my room, drunk and gripping my hair as he violated me. it hurt so much and he tore me open inside that I bled and now I cant even have sex with my girlfriend without these feelings re-surfing. its not her, shes amazing and I do love feeling her body, its just when she touches me, that's when it starts.

she understands I had a bad upbringing but I cant keep this going, I have wanted her for so long that I cant mess this up, I cant lose her I love her too much and soon she will figure out something is up, I'm too ashamed to tell her. I don't want to think of my father everytime I have sex!

Child Abuse Story From Siobhan

by Siobhan
(Liverpool)

I was physically abused by my mum from a really young age, she was trying to get a good job and studying to feed me and my younger sister, but it reversed because she was soo stressed she beat me, but never my sister? my earliest memory is of her dragging me up the stairs by my hair after i snipped it a little. Then a minute later she sat me on the counter and put a bag of frozen veg on my eye. I always remember racing up the stairs trying to run to my room. hiding under the quilt before she came and just started punching like crazy & ragging my hair.

I was a misfit at the time of the sexual abuse, the teacher when i was 7 always treated me different, because i acted different, all adults hated me because i was always attention seeking. One day my dad asked me and my sister to go with him to the canal, which we jumped for joy at, but when there, he took us into this bush, deep into the bushes where he asked us both to remove our pants, my sister was only 5 and immediately just did it, but i said no and told her to pull them back up, i remember looking at the fence we just climbed over and wanting to just run and jump over, but my dad pulled his down, i was terrified, i'd never seen anything like that before,and he said "go on, touch it, it's not a monster, it won't bite" and he grabbed mine and pulled mmine down and i pulled on him once or twice.

Other than that i dont really remember what else happened there other than asking my dad what a "mary" as we used to call it was really called. It only really leasted for a few days, but there where signs earlier i feel my mum should of picked up on, like i have a memory of him pulling my skirt off and throwing it into the garden in front of two teenage boys, and he kept doing it again and again. and when i had chicken pocks, he insisted on putting the cream onto my vulva. and he had previously pulled my cousins towel off when she was really young. but my mum did nothing?

I knew it was weird and one night when my mum went out, he was left looking after me, he tried squeezing his finger in, it hurt and he stopped, he just sat next to me masturbating with a jacket over us both while my sister sat in front watching tv. And i remember him getting her involved, and doing things, which scar me, but she doesn't remember anything. i told my mum after that night, and she was going through a lot herself, but she carried on, she beat me until i was 11 or 12 even now, i still see glimpses on how her temper switches, but she always does the most she can for us now, and proclaims she always has, she always had a job, but she blocks out the facts she beat me, after she knew what i was going through and whenever i try to discuss it she says she was mentally ill and suicidal and leaves the room.

I was badly bullied in high school over my nose, called pinochio EVERY day, and all the teachers ignored it, same in primary i was made to go to stupid clases when i wasn't, i never was, i just left school with great grades. Most of my friends wonder why i dont have a dad, because i do seem quite well off compared to them now. A girl who i used to hang out with envied this, and the only thing she knew was that i didn't have a dad, and she did, so every day she would say stuff about her dad, saying my dad did this n that she deliberately would say "my dad" as many times as she could, because she is from a poor family, i dont brag, and she was compulsively lying to me every day. i never raelly was bothered at all about not having a father, but she mentally tested me too much.

I now have a really big problem with stalking people, this woman from spain, i save pictures of her from facebook, its nothing sexual, i thnik i kind of subconsciously envy her. She found out, i was discussing her with people she knew and blocked me, its crazier because she's my spanish tachers cousin. I only saw her profile picture, and out of nohere got really obsessed, but i've learned spanish from it, i'm taking it in college, and would say im pretty fluent. I feel crazy, but i can't stop, i want to. I'm gonna move and start a new life.

Child Abuse Story From Missy

by Missy
(USA)

I was about 7 when all this stuff started going on. My mom and dad were seperated and i lived mostly with my mom, my mom was dating a guy who soon became my stepdad, my stepdad was a nice guy, he would buy me alot of things and prety much spoil me but he had a totally different side to him. My mom at the time was working at night and didn't come home untill early in the morning. Which left me alone all night with stepdad, he would get me ready for bed which started with him undressing me, he would touch me, sticking his fingers inside me, after a while of him doing that he would put my pajamas on and then take me to bed with him. It got even worse when we went to lay down, he would start to touch me again and lick me down there, after that he would get me to touch him by beating me and slaping me in the face untill i said ok. All at the time i didn't know whether it should feel good to me or feel bad. He would tell me never to tell anybody "our little secret" and if i did he said that bad things would happen or that he wouldent buy me anything if i told. I never told because i was scared of what would happen. This all went on untill i was about 10 years old and my stepdad had been out of my life. I had never told anybody about what he did to me even though i knew he was out of my life. My mom had quit her job working all night, and would spen alot of time with me but every once in a while she eould send me to my dads house, my dads house was very small and he would smoke alot. At my dads house the only people there were guys, my uncle and my dads friend, they bolth lived at that house. At night i had to sleep in the queen size bed with my uncle, he would do alot of the same things my stepdad did to me, but one thing that really hurt me was when he would penetrait me, it really hurt but he covered my mouth and told me not to scream. By the time i 12 all this had still been going on, keeping it a secret from my friends and family members. The only good times in my life was when i was with my mom at her house. I was scared for life bolth phisically and emotionaly. I would cry myself to sleep every night and i felt like i needed to say somthing, i thought, what would happen if i told my mom what happened and if my uncle or stepdad found out?? But i didn't care, i told my mom and she was shocked, first of all because she felt like she had let it happen and second because she had brought these into my life not even knowing what they were doing to me. Right away she got the police involved and i kept tellin her i was scared about what was going to happen, she told me dont be scared your going to be safe now. My uncle had got 12 years in jail and my stepdad had got 10 years, im 14 now and i really dont know what to do, i go to my mOm for everyhing but i still have issues. At school i havent told any of my friends and i think its a good thing i dont, i have always been uncomftorble around guys and i've really never had a boyfriend because of whats happened to me. Im really scared about telling a guy whats happened to me, and what he would think if i told him. All i want right now in my life is to be pure again and i really wish that i can be a virgin again but i know that u cant take back what happens in the past...

Child Abuse Story From Heather S

by Heather S
(Wisconsin, USA)

I am a survivor of sexual abuse. I kept my secret from everyone for four years. I was only nine years old when it first happened. (To this day I believe that was why I kept it a secret for so long.) I finally told a science teacher in seventh grade, while we were learning about human growth and development. I only told my teacher, principal, parents, and police of three times that it happened. I really don't know why I didn't say the others, but I was only fourteen when i told. I was scared and afraid of what I said would do to my family. Two months before I told, It happened to me again. I was at my grandmother's house and my uncle (the abuser)and aunt came over. He followed me into a bedroom and he tried once again to touch me. I got away from him before he could get too far, but I remained silent. The first time it happened at his house, when my mother's side was having a family reunion. This was also the first time that I met my uncle, beccause my aunt just got remarried. He is actually my step-uncle. All us nieces went down stairs in the basement to play hide-and-go-seek. One time when I was trying to find a place to hide, he followed me. There basement is actually carpeted and has a living area and two bedrooms and a large bathroom. He told me to hide under the covers while he threw pillows on top of me. I started feeling his hands come at me and he touched me in places that he should not have. The police told me that if he would be convicted for this one; he would be sentenced for rape of minor. So he went a little further than what I wrote. Just writing this makes me sick to my stomach, but I want others to read my story and understand that they are not alone. The second time also happened at his home, but in his garage. I believe that we were having some kind of family get together again. The adults were all playing some weird ball game with sticks. I forgot what they called it. (Sorry) I asked my aunt (my godmother, but also married to him) where the toys were, and she told me in the garage in a box. My uncle followed me and I thought nothing of it. I thought he was going to show me where they were, but no, he wasn't. He tried to touch me again and did it while hugging me. I wasn't very big back then and still aren't. So I wasn't going to be able to get away from him. He let go when someone came in. She didn't see anything, or that is what she says. Other times were right in front of everyone's faces. He would sit by me and get really close and touch me without them seeing. I still remained quiet. I tried to tell my school counsler in fifth grade about it, but I wasn't sure what to call it. For that was why I didn't say anything, either. I knew what he was doing was wrong, but I was to afraid to say anything. I went to pliminary hearings in the beginning and middle of my eighth grade year. The first one was three days into school. I had no idea how court worked or if I would have to say anything. I was scared, likewise. Two of the incidents were in one county, so that was where the court date was set. The other incident was in another county, where I went to another court house. Everytime that I went to court, he would stare at me the whole time. The first time I was in court, I didn't know what to do, so I got really nervous. His attorney was hard and mean to me, screwing me up several times, confusing me many times. She got me to mix up the dates of the incidents, which I guess was s'pose to make me look like a liar. The second time I corrected her in court and I felt my confidence rising. I really had no idea what I wanted my uncle to get as a punishment because I still didn't believe in prison time. I just wanted him to acknowledge what he did wrong. The court dates came when I was in my eight and ninth grade summer. I was going to start high school that year and I was extremely scared of what life was going to be like being a freshman. It had been just over a year that I told my teacher and I was overwhelmed. Everytime that I went to court I felt sick; the emotions and sights all overwhelmed me after the effect. One thing that makes me feel horrible today is that I told on April 1st. His lawyer used that line about how I could be lying because of the day I told. That was bull crap. No matter what day I told, they would have some kind of explanation of how I could be lying. Yet, I am not. The court date was cancelled because my uncle took a plea. The plea wasn't much, but it was something. That was all I wanted. The plea was: four years of no contact (phone or in person contact), sexual assualt counsling, and community service. The court date in the other county came in freshman year. I was having enough trouble in school as it was, so court made it worse. I wasn't able to sleep desent and even stopped eating. I was forced into counsling agian and got back my confidence. The court date was in October that year. I was not ready to face my uncle and his evil lawyer again. Right before I was to leave school on the day, I got a phone call telling me that our lawyer decided to cancel. I was more upset than happy that the court date was cancelled. Now my uncle was going to get away with everyhting that he did to me. I had lost everything. My grandparents on my moms side, everyone thought I was a lier on my moms side, including my aunt. She was like another mother to me and we used to be very close. I may never forgive myself for telling and destroying so many people's life. I lost my connection with my grandparents because they took my uncles side and even helped him pay his lawyer. At that time my grandfather was very ill and I wasn't allowed to see him, which made me grieve even more. I hadn't seen my grand dad from my 7th grade year till 10th gradde year. My parents were fighting with my grandparents for that long, and finally my dad wouldn't even allow calls. We were cut off completely. (I cried all the time and use to tell myself that if my grandfather would die before I could see or hear from him one more time that I would never forgive myself!) Yet, in my 10th grade school year I met up with my grandparents. It wasn't like anything I would have exspected, but I was glad to see him. Two months later he would be placed into a nursing home. Still in 10th grade I had more problems I could shake a fist with. My dads side of the family had gotten worse and his brother went too far with something. He suffers from major depression and it was getting to him. For awhile we couldn't have any family gatherings because he was so sick. The medication he was takingg was helping, but made him tired and gave him stomach aches. He also took so many different medications that each of them just intesified his pain. He took about 14 pills each morning and 12 more at night. To this day he takes them, but is doing better. It was the beginning of 2011 and my life was getting a lot better. I was sticking with a small group of two friends. I made it through a hard break up with a friend who tried getting me on drugs and with her boyfriend threatening me on the phone. People consider me a strong willed woman. It was earlier this year when bad things started to happen. My Great-Grand dad on my dad's side, went to the hospital and got into a car accident. He was 90 years old and his liscence was pulled. Within two weeks he was sent to a nursing home. It was on Good Friday that we got a call saying that he had died. It hit me really hard and I couldn't get thhrough the fact that he wasn't going to be playing cards at our house anymore. We had been playing cards at our house for fours years, every Friday; just for great-grandpa. I went to school on Monday and sat crying in pupil services (counslers office) and couldn't stop. The funeral was at one so I left school early and went there. My great uncle was there and the way that he cried made me feel horrible. And how another of my great uncles said goodbye to his dad. It is summer now and I biked up to the cemetary two miles away from our home. I wrote him and great-grandma a letter saying that I'm doing better and I will stay here to help others like me. I do not regret telling on what my uncle did to me. I thought I was alone, but I wasn't. I went to a sexual assualt counsling support group up twice. I met amazing girls and boys my age who had went through the same things. The people there were so much help that I still communicate with them today when I have problems. If you are reading this and know someone who has went through this or any other kind of abuse; tell them or yourself that they are not alone. I found support and survived. I turned out to be a stronger person in the long run. I have even decided to become someone who helps people who have been through what I have. Always remember: You are never alone. Thanks for reading. I feel better writing about my experience.

Child Abuse Story From Depressed Girl

by Depressed Girl
(Location Undisclosed)

i am 14 years old, i have been abused since a child. I told my highschool teacher last year, and the police got involved. They stopped the full thing, he sexually abused me since i was a newborn, he got jailed for 6 years, that is not even HALF of what he has took from me. Even now the abuse has stoppeed, the memories live on, i cant consentrate, i dont like school, i dont like home, i dont like going anywhere. I think i dislike school because its the first place i admitted too, and i cant stand being there, i feel physically sick when i have to go. Theres nothing i can do about my life now, ive lost my childhood and many years to come. One day i hope to get back to my normal self, dont know when or how but i hope i will. The person who abused me, was my grandfather, utterly disgusting. I hate my life, i hate my face, i hate my body, i hate my past, i see a counsilor and loads of self eestem people, i skip school and get treated like a dumb kid. Just because i dont go to school and get told off alot, im not mouthy or anything im smart and im good in school but i get looked down upon because i skip. i dont think its fair that i get treated like the naughty kids when i have an issue that i cant RESOLVE.

Child Abuse Story From Kath

by Kath
(York, United Kingdom)

My eldest son abused his brother. This is not easy for me because i still love him. He raped his brother, there is no other term for it. He is being punished for what he did and will not be release anytime soon. P-- is still suffering though, counsellors and therapists just are not helping. I fear for him, i love him and i would die for him. What his brother put him through is unthinkable. I still have issues with the details. I love P-- but i am afraid i am losing him.

P-- is quiet and scared, no matter how much i love him he still remains the boy who was abused. He is angry and scared and acts out his anger. Sometimes i have to hug him for hours till he calms down. I need just as much help as P-- does. I have lost one son who i still love. Holidays are here, a change in counsellors maybe. I do not want to lose P--. I will hug him for an eternity if that is what it takes.

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous64

by Anonymous
(California, USA)

im gonna talk about my physical abuse story. okay it starts with the age of 10. My mom will always hit me,kick me,punch and threatened me for such little things.I hate my mom she cares about my older two brothers and not me. I HATE HER. but some times i loved her. She called me a retard and stupid and a ugly b***h. Some times i go to my room and cry about her sometimes i hear her mocking me meanly. I cant talk to her about getting help for me and stuff. My mom and dad are divoriced my mom married already along with my dad. i had bullying problems at school cliques at school would tourcer me and i lash out.

i lie to everyone i know and im scaried to be caught in the act. most of the times at school i help kids with problems i can relate to. I thought 0f running away but changed my mind. at times my mom will beat me until i throw up.12 and she still beats me and threaten me. now she stopped because we had a 2 hour talk and now we have picnics and and watch movies together. and never did those horrible things again.

im 13.

Child Abuse Story From Melanie

by Melanie
(Location Undisclosed)

When i was about in the forth grade my half brother would come spend the summer with us thats when the abuse started. I remember one time he made me take my pants down and try to have sex with me. I remember the pain like yesterday i got up and ran to the room with my mother. The second time my parents were outside and he kept trying to get under the cover with me and kept showing me his penis. He died when i was 13 he drowned and i have never told anyone about this it has caused alot of issues with my life. My mother has emotionally and physical abused me i have nothing to do with her i hope that no one would do to my children this way or hope that i never come to that point where i would abuse them

Child Abuse Story From Nicole D

by Nicole D
(British Columbia, Canada)

- a father is suppposed to be a daughters first love, well, not for me. i will never know what a father-daughter relationship feels like.

from what i can remember, i was molested by my father between the ages of 7/8 - 12-13. My birth father.

i dont like to call him my father or dad, so ill call him marc. Marc would drink on weekends, and probably every other day during the week. I beleive that he and my mother had done drugs in the past.

My mom was a server at night, so she would "close-up" meaning she wouldnt be home untill 2-3 am in the morning. Marc would drink, make sure all his kids ( my two other younger sisters) were sound asleep in all of our beds.

He would call my name around midnight, and make me crawl into bed with him. He would make me touch him, he would touch my private area, he would use his fingers to penetrate me. It hurt soo much, but i didnt want to say "no" or "stop" because he was my father, and what father said, goes.

Marc would also call me into the shower, and make me wash his genitals, and make me touch him, and he would also touch me everywhere.. when he would take a bath he'd do the same. And this all happened when my mom n sisters went out and did stuff, i would stay home.

i remember him after work, when we'd (me and my sisters)get home from school, he'd make me take my top off so he could observe my growth.

from my knowledge, my sisters were never touched.

one time, i was home alone and marc came home from spending a few hours at the bar, i was watching tv, he came beside me, and asked me how my day was etc..
he told, not asked, told me to take my pants off. i did as i was told. he inserted his fingers in me, made me explore myself. he later brought me to his bedroom and told me to lay down. I was scared to say no. I layed down and took my pants off as he told me to do so.

He told me to enjoy what he was about to do. He touched me everywhere. he started putting his lips all over my body. and then he put his mouth on my privates. he started to abuse me ORALY. he told me i should enjoy this and that it should feel good. Thats when i lost myself.

When marc stopped, he said i shouldnt tell anyone and that i should goto 7/11 and get candy with him.

thats when my life changed.

i ran away from home, i moved into friends houses's at the age of 14-15, i didnt tell anyone. Everyone just thought i cried out for attention and that i wanted to be the center of attention.

i started drugs. drugs became my friend. drugs numbed the pain. all the pain he had inflicted on me. i ran away to another province (still only 15) with a young man ive never met before. He took me to edmonton and thats when i started using streetdrugs.

im not going into detail of my life through drugs. i slept with many many many men in my time, im 21 and ive slept with over 100 men.

Marc would also emtionally abuse the rest of the family, calling my mom "a bitch" in front of us, be-littling everyone in the house. Telling my sisters and i we were useless and nothing and couldnt wait till all of his kids would move out.

i have never told anyone untill the age of 16. i tried reaching out to my mom, she wouldnt beleive me, i was a 'drug-addict' and 'drug-addicts' lie.
i came out again with it when i was 19, she still didnt beleive me.

there was maybe one friend in my life that beleived me when no one else did.. she witnessed the physical abuse first hand, by being over at my house one time while still living with my parents (age 12) and Marc was drinkin and threw my head into the wall for no reason.

my littlest sister beleives me. i owe her my life. my boyfriend is very supportive as well, even though he doesnt comprehend or understand completely, i still praise him for the support.

throughout my life, my parents have tried to get me back home and try to "fix" me. they got me an appartement, money and food. At the time, it was a nice gesture, BUT its not what i needed help with.

ive always wanted my mother to beleive me, she and my middle sister think its all lies. ive learned how to let go, because i wont get the response i want from my mom. Stress eats at my mom and slowly kills her, i can see it, she doesnt eat, sleep or smile. . so for survival, ill leave her alone. I also dont want to talk to her because shes a tie to him.

Child Abuse Story From Anonynon

by Anonynon
(Location Undisclosed)

From cousin and neighbor: 
I'm guessing I was about 3-4 when it first started. I was in my room with my cousin, lying on the floor and he was touching me, it's very faint, but I remember my mom walking in and telling him to stop. I was 3, I didn't know. And that's possibly where/when it all began. When I moved to a different city, my cousins would visit a lot. The one who sexually abused me was almost a year older than me (boy) . I can't remember if it happened at the first house, or the second where my cousin abused me, but I think both. Then there was this boy who lived in the same cul-de-sac as me. I know for a fact at the first house he sexually abused me (same age) as well, It happened in my room, his room, and there was this really tall bush outside in between my old neighbors house and ours it hapened at as well. It was like carved in a way, so you could go inside of it kind of. But mostly it was like a wall, but enough of a barrier as to where you could hide in it. I can't really remember a specific time it was there, but it did happen in there. And there was a code word we would use when we would go and do that..I remember we were at school one time (3rd grade, although it started with him in either 1st or 2nd) and it made me really uncomfortable. He looked at me with that brattyass face of his and said, "Hey, "code word"" and then laughed. It really made me feel gross and ashamed. It happened by his bed in his room, one time (possibly more, I forgot a lot) we attempted to make out, but I remember feeling uncomfortable. I remember one time in my room, next to my bed near the foot-end we did, and I remember getting a feeling down there I never had. And I made like a face and sighed because my body felt it was good. And he was saying ow. And once I think I told him my cousin did the same stuff and he got mad and was like "no, no!" Then once at school, my friend (a girl, who I think was sexually abused) and I went to the back of the field where it goes down a hill, and I think she sucked on my breasts, and possibly vice-versa, I don't remember. Then at a different friend's house once, we were sleeping in the same bed, and I think were touching a little but then she said she wanted to stop. Also with the neighborhod boy, I remember one time being oustsde near like a play house type thing, its possible it happened in there. And we sometimes played in those yellow tube like thinhs that fold back down, anyways, I dont know if anything happened with that, I just remember it. So after 2nd grade we moved, the same city but to live with my grandma (it was previously me and my mom, her boyfriend, then they split). That was when my cousins and aunt came over more. I remember one time me and him went in the living room closet and I touched his penis and remember saying it felt like bubblegum, but I think after that we didn't do anything that night, but I dont remember. I have sort of a vision of seeing it happen in the bigger living room, but I can't remember a specific time. I remember it specifically happening in the smaller living room. We were sleeping on the air bed on the floor and he took his arm and ran it down my vulva. I think I remember one time going under my bed and trying, but it was too difficult or something. Then my cousins and aunt moved in with us, all this stuff would happen yet it's like we'd never talk about it. A little after, when 3rd grade ended, me mom and grandma moved to Washington. My cousin was just visiting while we moved, and I remember we were in the living room on the couch, and were about to do it but were afraid of my mom walking out, so we went downtairs to our grandmas bedroom (she wasn't at the house) and I remember keeping my underwear on that time while he did that. Then about half or or earlier into the school year, again they moved in with us. I think that is when it stopped. I don't remember why, we never talked about it. I also remember being really young, going to my mom's ex's and being in his daughters room (my age) and humping the stuffed animals.
And lastly, I remember being out in the rain behind the cars, but in front of the garage with my friends and I think we pulled down our pants, maybe shirts, I dnot rememebr. But thats is what I remember. A few weeks abut 4 weeks ago is when I finally told my mom (I'm 15 now). It is SO worth it, I knew she wouldnt be mad at me, I was just so nervous. I'm getting therapy and so ready to move on in my life and that sh*t past :)

Wave badbye to sexual abuse!

Child Abuse Story From Gemma

by Gemma
(United Kingdom)

well it was when i was 2years old my mum met my step dad he stared calling me really nasty names when i truned around 4 years old i was sat in a chair he give me a pen he put it to my mouth and pushed it down my neck i was so scared of him when i turn 5 years old i was in bed crying because my ear was hurting me he came up stairs and drag me out of my bed he hit me because i was crying and wanted my mummy but he would not let me go to her he yelling at me calling me really nasty names thats my story that evil man is dead now so i dont have to be scared no more now i am 25 years old getting on with my life but i can not forget what he did to me

Child Abuse Story From Simply Surviving

by Jay W
(Florida, USA)

6 years ... That's all it took to damage and scar a little girl for the rest of her life...i am a survior of sexual assault and sexual abuse. i was molested by my uncle for 6 years as a child. everything innocent and pure was robbed from me at the age of 4 and continued till i was 10. this is our family secret... i was treated like a grain of sand, the situation was never resolved, no punishment for the "man" who did this to me... it was simply "swept under the rug" ...my WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY KNEW AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER THAT IT HAD HAPPENED, my mother,my father, my grandparents and even close family friends..and nothing was ever done about it. I was expected to "deal" with it.. and to be honest for many years i "thought" i was okay, i thought i had made peace with it, i thought i could live my life like a normal person. and for many years i put a smile on my face and pretended that i was strong enough to forget it happened. i met my husband, fell in love and he made a promise that he would love me no matter what. and to this day he has kept that promise. we found out 6 months after being married that we were going to have our beautiful daughter...it was when i held my beautiful daughter for the first time 2 years ago that i came to realize that i was definitely NOT okay. i looked at her precious face and knew that i would do anything to protect her. i have lived with this secret for many years and i will always be haunted by what happened to me... but justice will be served. this family secret was just that, a secret for many years... but im done being quiet, im done pretending it didnt happen. i know ive hit rock bottom on more than one occasion, ive done my fair share of wrongs, ive cried myself to sleep and i know at times i will crumble... but know this... I HAVE SOMETHING TO PROVE, A WRONG THAT MUST BE MADE RIGHT, AND I WILL STEP ON ANYONE'S TOES TO MAKE SURE I AM HEARD!!!!!!!! i am not a victim ... i am a survivor.. so please do not feel sorry for me. the point im getting to is just this.... when given the chance to right your wrong... i strongly suggest you do so in a timely manner. at least then you have some say in the outcome!

Child Abuse Story From HRT

by HRT
(Location Undisclosed)

Mommy why are you ignoring me? when i did nothing wrong? all i was doing was laughing so why wont you answer my questions? why wont you acknowledge my presence? Mommy please don't shut the door in my face. Mommy please don't grab me your hurting me! your hurting me! mommy i don't deserve a spanking i don't even know what i did. why am i a brat? why am i careless? what did i do? why am i a stupid little thing? mommy i thought you loved me! why are you always screaming? over nothing absolutely nothing. mommy why are you chasing me? hurting me? screaming at me? mommy i love you. i love you so much what are you doing? one minute you tell me you love me the next you are smashing glasses. breaking doors. pulling hair. mommy why are you so angry all the time? why are you hitting daddy? why are you doing this? why are you calling me a liar? why are you slapping me? why are you washing my mouth out? why do i have to hide all the time? why do you always have to find me. why are you tearing my family apart. why did you steal my childhood. why cant i remember. why do i feel like a liar. look what you have done. Every time you hurt me mommy i feel pain. my childhood drowned in tears. every time you ignore me, and leave me, let me down and deceive me, every time you yell at me, or spank me, or hit me, or yank me. every time you pull my hair and sometimes even throw me down and as i am looking up at you your spit comes raining down. mommy why are you telling me i am nothing. a stupid liar and abuser. mommy i didn't hurt you. you hurt me. Mommy i am 15 now. why do you do this to me and dad, mom? it is hard to love you. i am writing this as your slamming into my door. i better go face you now. mommy i love you. and i remember when this wasn't you when you were the best mother. i also remember those first times you hurt me. its funny how no matter what that sting never goes away.

Child Abuse Story From Arhena

by Arhena Big Heart
(Florida, USA)

I WAS BORN WITH ALCOHOL SYNDROM !MY SO CALLED MOTHER WAS A DRUNK!! She threw me inthe garbage didnt want me at the age 3 .My grandma heard crys of a baby she searched for the crys an found me in a garbage bucket beside the road , grandma FOUND ME ! Nobody but grandma wanted me! So my dad ended up with me he said i could use her for a lot of good stuff.SO DAD got me, I turnded the age of 5 old enough to do chores so i did as my years went by i did nothing but work ,ilived with my stepmother she was very meen to me ,she would slap me an tel me you are a freak from some wacked out woman an i dont have to love you! your no good for nothing .By the time i reached 9 yrs.of age i wanted to go shopping an go to the movies , iasked she slapped me across the face an said go do the laundry an you can go , so i went down to the cellar started laundry 2 hours later i was done. so i ran upstair to get ready got to the top of the steps an she pushed me down the steps breaking my front tooth bleeding all over she started laughing at me telling my half blooded brother beat me repeadedly, then they all left she sai d clean this s-- - - hole up before your father gets home .so i did i couldnt stand any more i hated everyone except grandma i want to run away ,years of beating an bruises i just wanted someone to love me . I turned 12 i was bleeding down there thought i fell an hurt myself, so i jumped in a tub of cold water , my grandma said cold water stops the bleeding if you cut your self,so i just rememberd that saying , then in walked my stepmother she started laughing at me repeadedly, then she beat me so bad made me clean the tub as i was bent over cleaning she pushed me in the tub hitting my head, when your done retart go to your room no supper.she locked me up for3 days no food or water ,then when i came she had threw a piece of bread at me an you can get your water out of the toilet , she drag me to the toilet an let her son shove my head in the toiletI was 14 yrs old my uncle came to visit took me for a walk then rapped me repeadedly, you can tell who ever nobody will lisen to a retart later that day i kept it yo myself . I HURTnobody but GOD could hear my crys And one day stepmother she drag me to the kitchen shaved my hair told dad i was messing with your shaver my dad made me stripp then beated me till i bled ,.TILL THIS DAY I DONT SPEAK TO NOBODY WHO PUT ME THROUGH LIVING HELL! IM 50 years old now an NObody will hurt me again................. also i married men who was very abuisive they about killed me thank GOD for childhood abuisie it made me tough but not tough enough because he cracked my skull broke my nose threw hot grease in my face bashed my teeth in just because i was sick an could not cook........TODAY I HAVE A WARM HEARTED MAN THAT IS MAKING ME A BETTER PERSON I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES IM POSTTRAMATIC PLEASE NEVER LOCK ME UP !! I WILL LOOSE IT! I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR YOU ! MY HEAD DOCTOR SAID AFTER ALL40 years of tourcher pain PAIN IM SURPRISED YOUR NOT A KILLER !I SAID WHY I HAVE MY FREEDOM THANK FOR LISTENING ........................P.S. i get hugs i never had a hug growing up

Child Abuse Story From Amna

by Amna
(Kuwait City)

I was 6 years old and it was a Saturday, and we all woke up early in the morning to visit the local beach and I also got my plastic bucket and shovels with me, I planned to make sand castles with my younger brother, I was a strong willed child filled with joy and determination… When we got there my mother decided we should all walk with her and of course I opposed and said I'm here to make sandcastles with my brother, he left with her and I was alone she told me to go to he'll and wait or go home…home was far away though so I just sat on the bench with my little plastic bucket and waited, 5 minutes later a white Cadillac parks and some 30 something guy gets out. I've always loved animals my whole life, I even chased cats and dogs around.So he tells me there's a cat with her kittens behind the bushes and I follow, my mom isolated us from the world as children she was all we knew and a couple if kindergarten friends, I easily trusted him as I would my mom and followed the guy then I asked where is the cat I see nothing he then replied keep watching the bush she'll come back he then asked me to close my eyes and suck on a pink thing he got from under his jeans yep you guessed it it's his penis…so I did like a little innocent obedient girl would…after that my mom showed up she kept calling me so he freaked out and left my mom asked me about it later and she was afraid so I started crying, after that she cried too when I told her what happened and I felt like I did something wrong because she was screaming No No No!! She then told me he would take my pants off and pee in my mouth…(not a nice thing to say to a six year old eh?) since then I have turned from the joyful willful child to a grumpy hateful person, my mother says my eyes are filled with hate and animosity…everytime they look at my baby and child photos my mom says I was different and nice and now she hates me because I am who I am…I always wish I could just be the old me see whos the real Amna but I can't…

Child Abuse Story From Sara

by Sara
(Argentina)

well....I don´t even know where to start.....(I´m from Argentina so I apologize for any mistakes I can make by writing in English).....when I was 14 years old my parents had to sell the apartment in which we were living and decided to move to another city because of work. As I was in the 2nd year of high school I had to stay in the same city for some months to finish the academic year. So, I had to stay with my grandfather - my father´s father- alone in his house. I don´t remember clearly how it all started but I do remember him coming at night to the sofa where I was sleeping and trying to touch me. If I tried to get him away or push him, he would hold both my hands and prevent me from moving and touched me as he liked and kissed all my body. I didn´t shout or cry or did anything, my body was there for him but my head was somewhere else- like in a parallel world... I hated him, i hated me for allowing him to do that but I was terrified he would do something worse. Then, one day he turned me over and I just remember myself crying and telling him it hurt and begging him to stop but he wouldn´t. he was penetrating me......he did that more than once but I honestly can´t even remember how many times or how often, I just remember the pain.....I felt so so hurt and bad and dirty that I jsut tried to forget all that, especially this last part. Fortunately, after living with him for some months I finally finished the school year and moved with my mom.he then died a few years later and i felt relieved....anyway, I haven´t told this to anyone for 14 years. I lived half my life with this awful secret!!! i suffered many consequences for this abuse: I have anorexia/bulimia cause I hate my body, I have post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorders, I self injured, I have many difficulties and fears whenever i have sex with someone- luckily, i have a boyfriend I really love but i still can´t enjoy having sex with him..... A few months ago I started a new treatment - I have recovered and relapsed many many times- for my eating disorders and for the first time in my life I was able to tell my psychiatrist about this abuse. It was really hard but I am finally starting to heal myself and began my true recovery from both the abuse and the EDs. I could also trust my boyfriend and told him about this and he is being so supportive and caring that he´s helping me feel better about myself! I believe that my healing process will be hard and long but I really want to get past all over this; until now I had only wanted to forget about this part of my life but that wasn´t possible and I was just killing myself....

Child Abuse Story From Wild Sprite

by SH - Now Here
(Location Undisclosed)

I was born to a mother who was unable to care for me adequately. She would neglect me by locking me in closets for extended periods of time and not feeding me nutritiously. By the time I was five I was placed in different foster homes and had the cognitive ability of a two year old. Plus my baby teeth were rotten and had to be pulled out by a dentist. I have memories of sexual abuse during those years, but I have not told anyone but my wonderful husband. The memories of sexual abuse include feeling a man's private parts as well as lying on a bed while different boys took turns to lie on me. When I was six I was fostered into a wealthy family home and eventually adopted by them by ten years of age. Overall they were a nice family and provided all my material needs. But my adoptive mother never became close and I have never had a mother-daughter relationship. She was very controlling and would verbally and emotionally abuse me on occasion when my adoptive father was not there. She would call me a stupid little girl and go into rages that would sometimes end with a slap on the face or a fist to the head or chest. She would restrict me from making friends. If I did bring a friend home, she would find some fault in them so eventually I became a social recluse. The only solace I had was when I was around animals. Eventually I had enough and ran away from home with a guy. I only knew the guy for a week, but he made me feel wanted. I married him but he became abusive physically. He would strangle me, put a pillow over my face, and hit me. This usually happened when he was drunk. The police came to my home 3 times because a neighbor called, but I always lied to protect him. (Most people do not understand why a victim of domestic abuse would lie, but the abuser also psychologically scares the victim.) He would hold my dog in the air with my dogs neck in his arms and said he will kill the dog if I said anything. The only thing I had ever loved in my life up to that point was my dog. He also told me if I ever left him he would kill me. I ended up running away and mailing him divorce papers through my lawyer. I did not disclose where I was, and after a year of waiting - he signed the papers. I went through 3 years of post traumatic stress where I would be terrified to think he was around the corner. I put myself through college and received my Bachelor of Science degree. Finally after 27 years of life lived in misery, I met my 2nd husband who I have been with for ten years. He has never once hurt me verbally, emotionally, physically. He understands me and has almost broken down the wall that I have built around my heart. He treats me like a queen and says I am the most strongest and resilient person he has ever met. He has met my 2 "other personalities" - the little girl and the warrior who guards my heart - and has accepted them. He has shown me how beautiful I am, and we have 2 beautiful little girls who have only known love, love, and more love. They will never ever hurt like I did. I broke the cycle.

Child Abuse Story From Susan

by Susan
(United Kingdom)

My older Sister didnt tell anyone what happened to me when she walked in the bedroom and seen. What dad was doing to me. Then i was 24yrs old when she told me. I found out bout 8 yrs ago that my older sis and her boyfriend walked in and seen what dad was doing to me i was bout 7 and we was at my sis 4 a hoilday. I can't rember all my life no one seemed to care what was going on my dad beat me sexual abused everthink eles i can rember 1 nite i had a bad dream and went in to mum and dads bedroom and mum was asleep or she didt let on coz what my dad was like my dad told me to get in his side and so on and i can rember my dad peeing in my mouth and said if i spit it out he beat me it happned more when my mum ran away for weeks on end and then we left my dad when i was 11 ( july 1991) then my older brother moved in then he tock over my dads places hitting me bout and raped me.then i started to stay out past 12am just so he didt hit me bout then my dad made my mum have his bestfriend to live with us i was bout 12 when he started to be everywhere i went he was nacked in the loo when it was time to get ready for school it went on 4 weeks so in the end i waited to here the school bus horn outside then ran from mums bedroom to the bus dieing for a wee and nothink to eat (mum never got up with me for school) and then mum got him to take me swimming so she could get her leg over then it started from then so i beleved that it was what my mum wonted to happen mum was allways in the same room and where ever i set in the livingroom he sit by me with his hand down my jogers that went on 4 a long time then it got bad 1 nite we just got in and he was in my mums bed waiting 4 for me he called down to me then mum told me to go up there i just looked at her then ran out the house i never come home into early in the morning then i got kicked out of school then i really new that my mum hated me coz most mums would have grounded me for how much troble i was in i was wonding the streets when i was 13 thats when i feld alone so i never spoke bout what happend to me into when i had my son at 19 i went down hill i fell out with myboyfriend i tock a nife to him 1 nite my sis keeps telling me to go and talk bout it i cant rember my past (dont know why i cant rember) mum wont talk bout it i think its coz my stepdad dont knw anythink bout what happend to me my dad and my brother died now (dont know why i cant rember my past why it seems to blank)

Child Abuse Story From Heather

by Heather
(Houston, Texas, USA)

Living Hell: 
"Wish you were never born!" "Why are you still here if it's that bad?" "Stop complaining!" These are the famous quotes I've heard through out my life. My mother was an alcoholic who had me and my 5 other siblings on "accident", she claims and makes it clear that she never wanted one of us. I was hit, slapped, locked up in the attic, closet, basement, etc; I was burned by cigars and abused - physically and verbally - my entire childhood. I later got into multiple types of drugs that kept my mind off of the abuse, but when i wasn't doing drugs to deal with the pain - i was cutting myself. I remember one day when i came home from school; my mom changed the lock and she wasn't there so my siblings and i were locked outside on a school night. We ended up sleeping on the trampoline - all 6 of us. None of us could really sleep - i got about 2 hours in when my mom finally came home at 3 o'clock in the morning. She yelled at us and forced us inside. I couldn't sleep, but i made sure my little sister - 7 years old - and my little brother - 6 years old - got more sleep. That same day after i was finished getting ready for school, i packed up a bag and left with my older sister. I haven't been back home since and i doubt my mom even knows i'm gone. I have somewhat recovered from the abuse, but the scars are still there. I promised to myself that my children won't go through the same abuse by anybody. Without the support from my friends, i would probably be dead today. That is my story - I am child abuse victim that found a way out and survived.

Child Abuse Story From Cori

by Cori
(Location Undisclosed)

Craziness: 
Well, I think it all started when I was apx in grade 6 or 7.. that would be about age 12? I have no memory of before that time...I sometimes wonder if i could be hypnotized to remember? but that perhaps there is nothing TO remember. I do recall having a wierd desire for one of my favorite male teachers to be my father...I was the oldest girl with one younger sister. my stepfather repeatedly touched my chest/breasts in the form of giving me back massages. He peeked in on me in the washroom several times and once feigned sleep in an excuse to fondle my genitals...over my underwear thank god. after that worse incident I finally began to hate him... before that i had extreme self doubt. my friend telling me he had touched her breasts spirred me to believe in my own experiences as being true and not my own doing or imagination. I remember being afraid of him mixed with loving him because he was the only dad i really knew. my own father being only a two week visit each year.

I told, tried to protect my youngest sister...who one day long after revealed she caught him peeking in on her too. she has her own story and it is complicated. suffice to say we are not now close and though i tried to support her there are strange effects on her that have made her a promiscuous odd sort of woman. I love her but have little to do with her.

I had children two beautiful boys fairly early and love them to death. i remember feeling uneasy about them being around my stepfather ... i thought he would only offend against girls but wasnt certain... so made my mother promise to always supervise him.. she failed and i went to my supervision only.. when i had my own daughter did the protective instinct kick in full force and i swore he would never get close to her. i have never let him meet her and she is now 9. my mother and myself are very strained but im not a horrible person and have allowed her in my life for my kids. they love her. she blames me for the abnormal relationship we have and the fact we cant come to her home... he is still there.

my oldest is 18 and has become a rebelious boy and has met up with nana and papa together now for the first time and although he knows the issues has chosen to start up a relationship with him. it crushes me. i wish i had had support and guidance and been protected when i was young. my mother should have charged him i know... i wonder if perhaps i should now... so many emotional issues.. counselling sessions...effects. i hope someone will identify with this story...as there is much more to it but if i helped anyone then that is good. we have to believe our experiences were wrong and not our fault.

Child Abuse Story From Jay

by Jay
(China)

Just for the record, I am a girl, just with a boy name. I have been physically abused by my parents since I was young. First was clothes hanger, then it went to wooden sticks and golf clubs and bamboo sticks. People knew, my neighbors, but never did anything. They heard me cry, heard me beg, heard me scream. But they never did anything. Then we moved to China as I got older. I'm now a sophmore. The beating hasn't stopped. Sometimes when my mom or dad gets mad for no reason, I get beaten, slapped, hit by things that they are able to reach. Just today, my dad held a knife in front of my face, it wasn't even an inch apart from hurting me. I couldn't do anything. If I told anyone, no one would believe me because I don't have scars to prove. I don't have bruises to prove it. But what they did to me emotionally is what I think I won't get rid of for my whole life. All my life they have been comparing me to other kids. Straight As weren't enough, it had to be A+. If I didn't meet their expectations, I'd get beaten. I try so hard. Drama, music, guitar, drums, piano, singing, volleyball, badminton, swimming. Trying to prove to them that I can do it. But never once they said "Good Job". All the words that come out of their mouths are cruel cold criticisms. Telling me that I'm always not trying hard enough, that when I grow old, I will be a janitor working at the streets and die of hunger. Because I hang out with guy friends, they call me a slut when all I do with them are chat and skateboard. My dad said that I'm hopeless and that he wishes he never had me. When I did nothing wrong, he always threatens me that he'll throw whatever comes in handy at me. I hold the thought that I could be killed every single day when I'm home. That if I do something wrong, everything will be taken away. That if I don't do good enough, my parents will hit me until I die. I have tried to live with it, I keep telling myself in 3 years I'll be in university. But what my dad said keeps ringing in my head, that I won't make it out of here. "Even if I break your leg or punch you until your face is deformed, I won't get sued and I won't get arrested. Because this isn't America. They don't arrest people that do this outside of the states." Ever since I heard that, I fear for my life. 2010 December, I just couldn't bear some things they said about me. Saying I'm throwing myself at guys, when I haven't even made out with a guy before yet, they think I would go around and have sex with anyone I find. I picked up the scissors and slid it across my wrist. It didn't bleed of course, but there was a slight moment of pain. And I just somehow started to rely on it. I could see and feel myself getting deeper and more addicted to it. Moving on to craft knife and now eyebrow razors. Cutting myself until I bleed just a little, not enough to have people notice it or cause a huge scar, but then I would cut a lot of times all over my arms so I can feel the pain. Just to get away from all this. Now I have anxiety attacks sometimes, I start panicking thinking what would happen if I done something wrong. Honestly, my situation isn't bad. To me, people out there have been raped and beaten till they went into the hospital. Even committed suicide. I'm not at that stage yet but I really think that someday I will be beaten to death or I would walk out that balcony myself. Deep in my heart I want to report them to the counselor like my friend told me to. But I can't. Because I KNOW that no one will believe me. They would think I'm making it up for attention. I don't know how much longer I can handle this torture before I end my own life.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed102

by Name Undisclosed
(Washington, USA)

I think I am currently being emotionally abused. I was born in India, my parents got divorced when I was 10 and when I was 12 I came to USA along with my dad and grandma. I am 15 now. We live with my aunts and uncles. The abuse is mostly from my aunts and cousins, not even once from my uncles.
I HATE living with my aunts. I agree that I have made some mistakes and it was okay for them to scold me but that doesn't mean that I am the one always to be blamed. And then they are always making comments like i am too dumb, slow, stupid, etc. Whether it is vacuuming, doing dishes, cleaning or any other chore, they will always find faults and make me feel bad about myself for the rest of the day. If they would say it nicely, I would try to not repeat that again but the way they say it makes me feel like crying and that i can't do anything right. Why should I even try when i know it is not going to be good enough? It is always negative, never even once they have said thank-you to me. Since this has become a daily routine, I am actually trying to feel worthless, unloved, no-good, etc. I have terribly low self-esteem because of that.
My uncles have tried to defend me when my aunts get on my case, but most of the time they are not home. I can appreciate that they at least tried. And there is no way I would ever tell them the whole thing. I am not at all close to any of my uncles or my older cousins. My younger cousins hate me. I have not made any real friends in USA and i don't feel like I can trust those who would be somewhat considered as my friends. My best friend is in India and if we ever get to meet each other again, share every single thing that has happened since the past 5 years.
Now come my cousins. I get treated differently, but again i kind of expected that since I am the "outsider". When my cousins do something wrong, they get in less trouble but I get in more trouble. It's all because they have their parents right there with them but I have nobody to talk to. I have no family to speak of. My mom is in India, I heard she remarried but I have had no contact with her for 5 years. My dad and my grandma are not strong enough to stand up for themselves (or for me), so they take some abuse too. I don't understand why the daughters would treat their own brother and the mother who gave them birth like garbage. My grandma is a weak person and yes, she does know that whatever is happening with us 3 is not right but she can't do anything,(not her fault though). My dad has some kind of psychological disorder so he is unable to do every day things that are normal for others i guess. My grandma is always telling me that I should just live through this without fighting back because they are providing food, shelter, education, etc. for me. But I don't want all these favors from them if they are going to abuse me too.
According to my aunts, just like I suck at all the other things, I am also the worst babysitter they will ever find. My cousins bother me on purpose and then they tell on me and they love to get me in trouble. Sometimes they would just lie to their parents that i hit them. By now they all hate me because they say I am mean. So, they always band together and annoy me even more. They keep calling me names and saying that everyone hates me. It is hard to believe but my little cousins are hurting my feelings deeply. I dislike all my cousins but i absolutely HATE one of my cousins. Sometimes i like my other cousins but the one i hate can do nothing to make me change my mind.
One day my 6 year old cousin (now 6, 5 at that time] was on the computer with his 9 year old friend. i just went to check on them since i was babysitting but when i got there they closed the internet window real quick. I had a feeling that they are trying to hide something so I checked the browser history. It turns out that they were watching videos of NAKED GIRLS having SEX. A 5 year old is not supposed to be watching that kind of stuff, even I don't and i am 15. I had to tell his parents because he and his brother have been doing other inappropriate things as well as saying bad words a lot lately. The day I told my aunt about this was the 6 year old's birthday. It was his present from me. Instead of punishing them, my aunts blamed me instead for doing inappropriate things on the computer and playing games instead of doing my homework. I do play games but obviously I can't find time when I have about 5 different projects from different classes due in the same week. I don't even remember the last time I checked my email or went on face book. Of course my aunt said that my cousins are grounded, not TV/ computer/ video-games, etc. but only about 2 hours later, the 8 year old was on face book and doing bad stuff again. My uncle wasn't home when they got busted. Otherwise I am sure both of them would have been beaten up and grounded for good. My aunt always says she will punish my cousins but never really does. My uncle still doesn't know about this incident and I will never ever tell on my cousins again because only I am to be blamed for everything.
Just like I hate one of my cousins in particular, I also hate one of my aunts in particular. She is the one i live with most of the time, and also, she was the one who blamed me for doing inappropriate things online. But she is not the mother of my cousins who watch inappropriate videos online. She just happened to be at my other aunts house when I told on my cousins. Some of the other not so common reasons I hate my aunt so much is that she has some "issues" with anger management and reading. I don't know why but whenever I read a book, she gets mad at me. She is like I could be doing something else like cleaning the house, reading my school textbook than wasting my time on a book. And it is not even that I am failing any of my classes because I have mostly A's and B's in all subjects. Or she will say that I am reading inappropriate books. First of all, the books shouldn't be inappropriate for me because I check them out of my school library. And even if they do have little bit of romance or any other thing that could be be possibly considered inappropriate, somebody needs to tell her what PG-13 is. My teachers are trying to encourage reading books for fun but my aunt is stopping me. I am part of the Book Club at my school, and she is threatening me that she will stop giving me rides on the meeting days. But I don't want to quit it. I had to join a club because it would give me about 45 minutes to stay away from my aunts but I also love to read. Also, I can talk about other things to the book members. For those 45 minutes, I don't have to think about my family problems. About her anger, she gets mad for even the simplest little things. She would beat my cousins( her daughters) for little things like they are making too much noise, making too much mess, broke something, not going to sleep, don't know how to do a homework problem, etc. I sometimes feel sorry for my youngest cousin (5) but I love it when my other female cousin(8) gets beaten up. I hate her and watching her getting beaten up gives me pleasure. But still if I ever hit that same cousin that i hate, I get in trouble. Can someone please explain what is going on in my aunt's mind? Even my uncle is not that happy with his marriage with her. My cousins can tell if they are about to get beaten up so they stay close to my uncle who doesn't beat them that much. And my aunt is also abusing my cousins' grandma. I am always scared to ask my aunts for anything I need for school or other stuff at the store.
I am not sure if I am being abused because we are Indian and Indian parents can hit their kids & can be strict.
I would love to get out of this but I have lot of what if questions popping up and i am really confused. I have heard of many worse cases of child abuse and mine is nothing compared to sexual or physical abuse. If I do chose to tell a trusted adult like a teacher at school, I don't know what would happen next. I know that school staff is required to report to child support agencies and then the case goes to the court and the court will decide if a child can be put in foster care. But the thing is that if I do report it but then the court decides it is no big deal and i have to live with my aunts again, it is going to be worse. Everyone would hate me for sure and they will ask me all sorts of questions. Also, my aunts have specifically told me "not to get too close to a teacher". They will continue hurting my feelings even more. If I do report once, I can't go back to living with my aunts. If i don't report then i will continue living as I am currently living. But if I do report and I am put in foster care, I don't know what would happen to me, my dad and my grandma. i have heard that I can only stay in foster care until I turn 18. I don't know what would I do when I turn 18.
I am so confused and for the last couple of things I have been thinking if I should talk to a teacher at school or not.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed103

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

At a loss: 
I have had my daughter who is 10 come to me and inform me she has been kissing girls at school i asked her if it was curiousty she said she wasnt sure.
she then burst into tears and told me when she was around 5 my neighbours child who would of been 10 asked her to suck his rude part i asked why did she did it she said i was just little i didnt know
This is breaking my heart i wanna help her so much i feel like her innocence has been stolen.
she then told me she has been humping her friends and sometimes they touch eachother but she doesnt want to do it any more i wonder if this is all stemming from what happened with the neighbour i dont know who is the best person to see to get help she now feels ashamed for what she has done to other people i feel she is a victim and needs support right now

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed104

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

He said Don't Tell: 
I was 7 years old, doing what most 7 years old do, running around, playing, making lots of noise whatever. I ran into my stepfather's den one day and yelled "Play with me!" I interrupted him watching a porn video of course at 7, you don't really know what porn is, and the only thing is saw was kissing. I apologised to my stepdad for interrupting and was about to walk out when he grabbed my arm and and told me to sit down. He'd pressed pause on the remote and went on to explain to me that he was just watching people play a game. He then asked me if i wanted to learn how to play. "OK" I said. I had no idea what i was in for. He asked me if i'd ever been kissed. i shook my head. He told me to close my eyes and then he kissed me on my mouth, like i'd seen him kiss my mom. When he stopped he asked me if i liked it. I nodded. It hadn't bothered me, it was just a kiss. He did it again and then again. And then he told me i was playing well and i needed to learn how to play the next level. He told me to close my eyes again and then kissed me again. Suddenly i felt his tongue rolling around in my mouth. It felt strange and i wasn't sure i liked it, but when he asked me if i did i nodded. He kept kissing me like that for a while until my mother called me. "best go see what mum wants" he said. I got up to leave until he grabbed my arm again and said "Don't tell. Its our special game". I nodded and he let me go.

Nothing happened again until a few days later he picked me up from school. We stopped on the way home and he asked me if i remembered the game we played. When i said yes he said he wanted to play it again. "OK" i said. So he kissed me like he had kissed me that last time, his tongue rolling in my mouth. he told me we were at the next level and i should kiss him like that too. So i did. Ten minutes later he told us we should go home. When we got home he stopped the car and then told me again "Don't tell". After that, the kissing games became regular, whenever he got me alone. One day, i was alone at home with him and he told me he wanted to play the game. He told me id reached a new level of the game. He didnt say anything else after that and just kissed me. As he was kissing me i felt his hand go down my backside and suddenly i felt his hand on my bottom. he kept pinching it as he was kissing me and i felt his finger touch me inside my bottom. It felt weird. It didn't hurt then it just tickled. When he stopped he asked me if i liked it. I nodded. He took my hand and led me to the sofa where he made me lie down and continued to kiss me. Suddenly he stopped kissing me and pulled my skirt and underwear off. Then he began kissing me where my privates were. he asked me if i liked being tickled. I said yes. He then touched me on my private parts. I didn't like it it hurt, it didnt feel like being tickled. But i didn't say anything, even when he asked me the usual question - did i like it? We heard my mom's car drive up and he told me to put my skirt back on. As i did he said those words again. "Don't Tell".

My stepfather played this game with me for years, sometimes he would pretend with my mom that he was just going to tuck me in bed and he would play the game with me then. The other times were either when he would pick me up from school or whenever he got me alone at home. Unusually i wasn't afraid of him then. I was 10 years old when i realised that these games, weren't games. I didn't know exactly what they were i just knew they i weren't right. I was older and started learning things which was at the point i knew it wasn't right. But for some reason the games continued, i didn't know how to stop them. i tried saying i didn't want to play once but he didn't listen. i started to hate him then. But i couldn't escape him. After my 13th birthday he'd come into my room and did what he usually did but that soon followed with him taking my virginity. When it was over he told me i was a big girl now, and the games were going to stop. Then he said those words before he left my room "Don't tell". He never came into my room again, and he never touched me again either.

So what happened after that? Well i couldn't live in the same house as him after that, and i made a story to my mom about having done research on high schools and i wanted to go away to a really good school. So i did, and i tried to avoid going back home over the holidays but i had to come back for some and i felt dirty everytime my stepfather looked at me.

I'm 19 now and i'm in college but i have a boyfriend who i can't enjoy having sex with. Everytime we do i see my stepfather and all i can do is cry. He doesn't know what happened to me. I told my steptfather i would never tell. today is the first time i've said anything.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed105

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

my mother allowed people to molest me like my step dad. he really scares me. i guess i dont know where to start. the first day i met him him and his friend grabbed me by my hair and drug me into the room and told me to take my clothes off. i thought he was being wierd and didnt relize what was happening to me. then they took there clothes off and it really scared me. i just wanted them to leave me alone. then my mom came home and said i deserve to be molested. i lost respect for my mom. then she started beating me and told me to do what ever they said. then i blacked out. but later that night they said come into her room and they raped me. that was the first time i ever felt a broken heart. they never stopped sexually abusing me. i was abused by everybody they knew. i dont know how to get over it. i just want somebody to tell me they were wrong and i am right

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed106

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

my story begins when i was a child (around 5-6) it all started when my step dad started making me eat on the floor and after that he tied me up took off my clothes and punched me until i was black and blue thats all i can remember.(6-7) years later my mom started to drink lots. after she fell asleep and woke up she would make me clean up and when didnt do it right she would punch me and pull my hair and call me useless. this would go on until i was 15. on my birthday she beat me up till i was in the hospital she said i got in fight on the street after that she sent me to my room i tried killing myself but could not do it after that she called me down stairs and tried to beat me up i pushed her away she snaped tryey to pull my hair i snap as well and pushed her harder she fell, she told me to get out (it was winter and it was cold) i grabed my stuff when to my friends and stayed there called my real dad and told to come pick me. its summer and i have thoughts of killing myself make my life much happier i dont know whats the point of living.

(there are lots of grammer errors hope you can read it and im a boy)

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed107

by Name Undisclosed
(Florida, USA)

Didn't know it until I was 12 in middle school: 
Well it all started 1 night when my dad came home drunk and my mom got mad at him so they started 2 aruge and i was in my room with my sisteer she was only 7 or 8 at that time and my brothers where in there room! And i was sleeping than my sister woke me up and told me im scared, I'm scared whats gonna happen next can u make them stop aruging and i would just cry caz she said that to me! And i would cry because i couldnt stop anything! Than that very next day my dad wasnt home of course he was an acholic. Well that day my mom got mad at me and my sister we were the only ones who got ABUSE in the family! I was in the kitchen doing the dishes because, she told me and as i was doing it i was crying 2! but i cant remeber why!? And than next thing i know i see my mom coming towards me she grabs my hair n pulls me to the living room as she was doing that she made me cut myself in the leg because i had the dish washer open and at the very end theres a sharp thing! and she pulled my hair and she was pulling it back and forth like i was her doll i was her pet i was something to her but not a human! I cryed n cryed n cryed because it hurt so bad it felt like she was pulling so hair off ripping it off my head! I couldnt do or say anything because she would do it harder and it was at night 2 and i was so surprise because no one could hear me crying! than when she was done with me she put me back 2 washing the dishes! and i did what i was told! ITS SCARY HOW WE KNOW ALL THE BAD THINGS BUT DONT NO ALL THE GOOD THINGS!! I also remeber that my dad got out of the house n started to walk away n he was drunk n my mom got me n someone else in the car i think it was my brother n she tryed 2 run my dad over i could remeber eb=verything because i was in the car n saw everything! But the part that makes me cry all the time is when my sister said something to my mom that she didnt like n she got her went to the bathroom n i was waiting n crying because all i could hear was yelling n crying from her it scared me n got me mad when she did that! and finally like 50 seconds later she opened the door n i could see blood on the sink like every where n i saw that it was coming from her mouth! but until this day she told me that my mom hit her in the lips. N my mom told me see if you ever did or say what your sister said this would happen 2 u! She would always say that she would always say ooh if u did that im going 2 hit u like last time n never 4 give myself 4 what i did when she said that 2 me i was thinking wow i no that things are gonna get better! n i was only little but not that littlecaz i rember i went 2 school! n this is the past but im just sharing my story theres more things but i cant rember them all! and til this day i think 2 my slef wow im stupid 4not telling any1 if i told someone than things would be better with me n my sister but i was just little i had a lot going on n i cant blame myslef 4 everything! and the worst part about this is that when i told my dad he was crying and i was 2! but than days went on n my mom is like im lying i just get these storys in tv n in books n i was sad that she said that caz it wasnt true! whatshe did to me and my sister was wrong! n today i still like with her i dont want 2 but its not because of what happen in the past its because she dosnt suport me that much well no ones does only my friends ! well yaa! n my whole life i never liked the word ABUSE never ever n i dont like 2 say it thats what i only said it two times!

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed108

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

It happend on new years eve, when my uncle got drunk, my dad didn't knOw that. So my aunt my sister an my cousin where Playing card games and my dad told me to go with my uncle, because his friend needed a ride, and he didnt know the place, but then my sister said she do it because she had lost the game. My dad couldn't go because he had taken some couple of drinks and he wanted to sleep it of before midnight. So they went, well this friend was actually my cousins( on my fathers side) uncle(who was on my cousins mothers side, so not my uncle. And my sister showed him the way and they dropped him of. But at the way home he toched her shoulder, and he said sorry, she didn't understand anything, and then he said stuff like that my cousin had touched him and he touched her. My sister didn't know what to do, so she just sat there terrified. And then he took her arm and tried to put it on his penis but she took her arm up and hit him and told him to look at road. And then he said:'' if you tell this to your father or your uncle they will cut me in to pieces,''. As soon as they got in my aunt noticed something and asked her if something was wrong and she said no. But I didn't know that at that time, and asked him if he could just massage my foot, not my legs but my foot, and I know I was stupid, but I really ask every body to massage my foot, even my 9 year ols cousin to my own father. I felt him coming up, and I said: '' my foot!'' and he didn't stop  and then he just, I don't know what to call it, he like stroke his finger over my private part. I walked away in that second. Afterward my sister went to the bathroom, and itwas almost midnight so everybody got ready to go outside. and then he said he also need to go to the bathroom. he waited outside and told her to hurry and she was terrified to come out, he told her that if it was my cousin she would open up immediately. But then me and my mother went down to get our shoes and she just russhed out of there. Later when we were about to sleep my mom told my sister to lock the door and I asked if i could sleep in the same room. So my parents knew that he was perverted.  The next day he avoided us. And we told our cousin that he had said those things about her, and done those things. She reacted kind of odd, the only thing she said was ew. And the next day she told her mom, so we decided to tell ours too. Afterward she called my aunt. And she said that we couldn't tell our father(because he has anger problems). But my mom told him anyway. I didn't tell my mom or my dad about what happened, because then they would freak out. But when my older sister heAred about what happened, she told us that he had done almost the same thing, when she was twelve. She was so mad, that she sent an e-mail to child services, and told them to check. 

After that everybody in dads family got really mad, and they don't speak to us, but obviously they don't understand how serious this is. I have not seen or spoke to anybody in that family, and I don't want to either, but I can't stop thinking about his own daughter who is only 8 years old, what if he ever gets drunk and is alone with her, she'll be helpless ...

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed110

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

i feel like i wasn't abused when i hear about how severe other child abuse was....i feel like i over reacted...maybe i caused what happened, you know? i mean i remember at times i tried my best to be perfect...and that didn't change anything for long, so maybe it wasn't my fault. what if i'm remembering things incorrectly? my dad and mom think i am...of corse my dad wasn't around and my mother was the abuser. i think i was abused because that pain i feel sometimes when memories resurface....i cant breathe...and i feel as though i have no heart. and i have severe physiological and mental issues with trust and abandonment and just plain craziness, i act crazy and sometimes hurt people because i feel like i need to, i have an unexplainable anger that surfaces randomly, i feel as though she ruined me...i never cry...except randomly when something triggers a bad memory..when i was so horribly hurt. i dont go a day with out thinking about death, but i would never kill myself. i dont even trust myself though...i have fears i wont do what i know i want to do...that my body will do another thing that my mind is doing. i have crazy thoughts. my mother is just...she can just be so beyond horrible. shes crazy...shes inconsistent, she doesnt remember the things shes done, she explodes, i live with a live grenade that blows up randomly, my whole life i have been on my toes waiting....and sometimes (stupidly) i relax..and then she pounces....ive come to the point where i dont even hate her...i just want her to be like a normal mother....even act like one...who supports me, who doesn't mock me or my father....who i can talk to with out her telling everyone.....who doesn't ignore me because i have a different opinion....she lectures me around once a day about how "abstinent", "lazy", "bad", "ignorant", "selfish", "careless", "moronic"...and so on i am....how if my father hadn't screwed me up i would be such a "good girl"......im 15 and maybe this is okay for a 15 year old to hear on a daily basis but when i was five i did not need to be mocked and berated by my mother. one minute she'll give me a kiss and the next she'll be screaming at the top of her lungs...she comes into my room at 3 in the morning to do this...im just so sick of it. when i was little she used to guilt me about everything...she made me feel bad about everything i wanted...like i was being selfish...she made fun of me...it was cruel...until i was 13 she would hit me, grab me, dig her nails in my skin, chase me, wash my mouth out with soap, give me extended time outs while she stood in front of me and screamed at me, pulled my hair, threw me down, dragged me, stood over me and screamed, threatened me, slapped me, spanked me after chasing me around the house....this happened very often ( i remember it being every day)...add the emotional distress....my childhood consisted of me locking myself up so she couldn't get to me....there were many more unnecessary punishments...no dinner...whenever i asked to be with a friend she basically asked me if i was trying to replace her....something crazy like that.... she's actually i believe clinically insane...but maybe its also my fault...i dont know...i just dont know anymore.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed109

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Innocence Cruelly Stolen: 
I remember that horrible day well now ! i was 11 yrs old and my friends father raped me . i was left alone with him in that house , and i still say the mother knew what my fate would be ! i did tell her on her return to the house , but she said she would not tolerate lying in her house , and threw me out . i did not tell anyone , even my own mum . he told me he would kill me and my family if i told . i am now nearly 47yrs old , and i have been to the police , and currently waiting for a trial date . the brain is an amazing piece of equiptment, i stored all that pain away somewhere and tried to carry on . but since the disclosure i have really struggled to face it . luckily i have had amazing support from the police and therapist , so i will get there . i would urge anyone that has been raped to tell the police . it does not matter how long ago it happened either , there may be others it has happened too , in keeping silent about it , we give the abusers a safe enviroment to carry on ! love and best wishes to all who have been affected , and i hope you all find peace xxx

Child Abuse Story From Jeremy

by Jeremy
(Toronto, Canada )

I tryed always to block out what my father did....since I was about 4 years old he never really showed that much affection towards me. I always thought there was something wrong with me until I was 12 i just thought he hated me He never started hitting me unti i was about 13 when my mom gave birth to my sister until then i was the only child.

I remember the day like it was yesterday I had just turned 13 two weeks before and i was walking threw the kitchen right after i woke up. I heard him scream for me in the living room i couldnt quite make out what he was saying so i just decided to keep walking..then out of no where i felt someone shove me i fell and hit my head on the counter i stared up at him and tryed to get up he grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall and it seemed like he was going crazy the look in his eyes still haunts me to this day i walked away with a broken rib black eye and a busted lip. It was on and off threw the next couple of years with the abuse i tried to stay out of his way and mostly failed at it I had been hospitalized 3 times. When i was 15 something happened to me that a child should never have to go threw. I was sleeping in my room and my dad came in with another man i recognized the man my dads brother i had only met once. I sat up and my dad grabbed onto my arm and i asked where we were going he threw me into the bathroom and my uncle handed him what looked like money but i still had sleep in my eyes and my dad said have fun. He raped me and then told me to take a shower i was still crying the next morning when i relized that my bed was covered in blood i freaked and told my dad about it he slapped me in the face and said never bring it up again. I finally got enough courage to tell my mom and she tryed to move away from my dad but after struggling for a couple of months we had to go back. I had to deal with that b*****d until i moved out i never saw my uncle again and havent visited my parents in 4 years i am 22 now and am married. I am a survivor.

Child Abuse Story From Paige S

by Paige S
(Kitwe, Zambia)

The man who ruined my life: 
My story is one i can never forget. My great aunts son came to stay with us. He was from austria. It was only me my mom and him in the house. My mom needed to go out and do some shopping so she left HIM to babysit me. I was only six at the time. When my mom left HE asked me if i wanted the present he bought me from austria. Of corse i said yes. And he told me to follow him to the spare bedroom. I did so because i was soooo excited. When we reached the room HE slammed the door and locked it and went to close the curtains. We were now both in the room. He started to undress me and i asked him what he was doing. He said he was doing and he said he wanted me to try on the clothes he bought me. I was now completely naked. I was a small little girl. Then he picked me up and threw me onto the bed. I started to cry. Maybe he thought it was a joke. I tried to climb off the bed but he held me down. I was terrified. Then he got undressed too. He was also naked. He got on top of me and put his penis into my vagina. It hurt alot because i was too young for this sort of thing! He even made me give him oral sex. This went on for about forty five mnutes. I was wondering what was taking my mom so long. When he had finshed abusing me he got off the bed and got dressed. I was too afraid to move. The tears came running. My eyes were so sore. He lifted me up and dressed me again. He opened the curtains and the door. But before we left the room he asked me if i had fun. I didnt answer. I just ran to the lounge. I was sitting on the carpet playing with my toys. He came and sat on the couch and it was sooo awkward. About ten minutes later, my mom came back. She put the things she had got into the kitchen. She walked into the lounge where me and HIM were. She asked me if i had had fun. I pretended not to hear her. She walked away with a smile and then a laugh. I went to my room, taking the house phone with me. I called up my brothers girlfriend who was in her twenties. I asked to speak with my brother but he was working late. So i told her what had happened and she said she would come pick me up. You might be wondering why i didnt call my dad? Well its because he died when i was three. I snuck out of the house when my brothers girlfriend came. I stayed at her house for the night. Eventually after staying with my bro and his gf for two weeks i found out that my mom knew what HE was going to do to me when she went out. HE had paid my mom! I couldnt believe it! I am now thirteen and i live with my brother. I dropped out of school when i was seven and i have just started school again this year. My brother can now afford for me to go to school. I have never seen my mom since the day i got raped by a member of my own family and i never want to see her again. My story is a tragic one and it has ruined my life. I will never have the chance to experience a happy life. Thank you for reading this. -Paige

Child Abuse Story From Emily L

by Emily L
(California, USA)

Started when I was seven. I desecrated a crucifix I received from my french catholic school nuns. My Mother told me not to go into a tent with a little blond arab boy. I went. he pretended to rape me. I felt the earth move around me and in me. My brother, four and a half years older, and I played strip poker with my other older brother, nineteen months older than me. My oldest brother performed oral sex - fellatio - with me in front of my favorite brother. The universe changed. I had nose bleeds. My parents fought constantly. Beatings, black and blue. My brother rubbed his penis against my clitoris but didn't penetrate me. I asked him to do it again. He said "No!' and he never touched me again. I asked a friend with my same name to come over to spend the night, at age nine, and I rubbed my body against hers to the point of orgasm. I became a perpetrator. Mother was killed in a car crash in which my father was driving when I was almost ten. I became promiscuous from age nine on. One partner a year, age nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen. All girls my age. I was smart and funny, but fat. Didn't get my period til age twelve. Didn't get my period except once a year maybe til my doctor gave me thyroid at age 43. I never had children. I had 25 kissing partners then 25 sexual partners til I got married at age 34. I have been married 23 years, but never had children.
I was date raped twice. Never got pregnant. had minor infections a few times. Treated.
No sex now. I can't stand it. Eating too much. Pray a lot. There are saints in the catholic church who help with nervous diseases - St. Dymphna and a few others.
have had all kinds of therapy. My older sister married her only boyfriend. they have two sons, five grand kids and have been married 45 years now. My Older brother paid for a girl friends' abortion in college, lived with several woman, married one and had two kids with her, then divorced her after 32 years of marriage. I accused him of abusing me, and his wife asked me if he had raped me. I wonder if oral sex counts as rape with a seven year old and then again with a nine year old.

Child Abuse Story From Cheryl

by Cheryl
(Location Undisclosed)

I was 90 pounds at three, left with a disturbed older brother who hit me in the head... 
My parents were see no evil hear no evil. My brother was brutal to me and being 10 years older, much stronger. My gift was my high IQ. My parents made me feel so sorry for them- wow was them that survived the depression.
My mother was intrusive sexually and emotionally all my life, even today as I am a physician in my 40's. I have had two marriages and raised a child on my own. My husbands were neglectful or put me down in ways. I was brought up to be nice to men, and it did not matter if a man was nice to me.

The scars are there. I am proud how I raised my child and gave him love, support and anything he needed. My life had so much potential and yet I always felt responsible for making my parents happy. They had each other. Who takes care of me - myself. I pray that I will meet a partner who will value me, treat me with respect, appreciate me and let me live.

Child Abuse Story From CJ

by CJ
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents had to get married because of me. I think that is the reason i was the only one beaten and abused, they loved my younger sister and she could do no wrong.
The earliest memory i have is of my mother crying and my father threatning her with a knife (arround the age of 4) There are no other memories of her ever being abused, they did fight all the time and he did verbaly humiliate her but that was all. For the longeste time i did think i was adopted since my sister was so spoiled and loved and i just could not understand why they did not want me or love me. If i had a school trip (in our elementry every one had to go it was provided) I would get a little money for lunch, i would never eat but save it to buy them a souvenier. Every time it would get thrown out and i would get yelled at for spending money on junk (sometimes i would not eat from 6 am to 8 pm just to get them something) Every week at least 3-4 times he would be in a bad mood or angry about something (whatever it was it was my fault)and make me climb on the dinner table and make a fist and punch me so hard i would fly off, then he would make me walk back and climb back on and he would do it again. The whole time he would be screaming and spitting at me how i was worthless and they did not want me and i was a bad child. In the mean time my mother would stand behind him jumping up and down screaming;"not in the head, not in the head you do not want a brain damaged one". If i enjoyed something and they would notice it was taken away or given to my sister, when i was little i had a teddy bear that i loved very much, i could not play with it when he was home because he would start kicking it for fun. My sister could do no wrong and she knew it we were told all the time that since i was the oldest it was my fault if she did something wrong and i would be punished for her wrong doings. She knew this and used it. When i was 6 she beat me in the face with a wooden hammer because i did not want to play inside like she told me. She broke my eyebrow (i still have the scar) I went to my dad because the blood was running in my eyes, he got mad at me because he had to take me to the doctor for stiches. While we were at the doctor he told me that if i dared to cry while they stiched me up he would beat me so hard that i would not walk for a week. He told the doctor i did not need a pain killer because he did not have the time to wait for it to work, he stiched me up without one and i never did cry. I never told any one not even my husband till i was married 18 years. He told me to confront them , they denied it all it never happened and if it did the only one who suffered was my sister because she had to see it and she is so sensitive. I do not want to see them any more or speak to them. My husband thinks that is wrong (he grew up with a very loving family) I just want to be left in peace.

Child Abuse Story From Crystal B

by Crystal B
(Arkansas, USA)

I am 25 years old now and have 3 children of my own. Although my life now is fullfilling and I am happy, it wasnt always like this. I was raised by my alcoholic and drug addicted father. My mother left when I was born never to see her, untill I was grown. Anyways, I was introduced to drugs at 8 by my father. from 8 years old untill 12 I was doing drugs, being beat the crap out of by my dad and so on. Everything was my fault. we lived with quite a few people, all of whom got a kick out of seein me get beat! When I was 11 my dad ruined a friend of his new motorcycle, his friend got angry and decided to get even. Him and 3 of his friends picked me while i was walking home from school, and they raped me all four of them, because they were angry at my dad. At 11 I overdosed on perscription pain killers, trying to hide the pain. I went to the Texas Youth Commision (TYC)from age 12 untill 18. I then got out, got married, and started my family. Because of my past, and the things I went through as a child, I am the mother I am today. Everything I went through will be something that my kids never have to experiance. I was beat, raped, and emotionally abused all of my childhood. But what I have grown to understand is that it wasnt because of me, it wasnt my fault. Your past doesnt make you, You make you! I went through hell as a child, hating my life, wanting to die. I was removed from my dads several times only to be returned a week later when he had "cleaned" up. I have woken up in the middle of the night with strange men on top of me naked. I was made to watch some of my dads friends have sex, Other girls older than me that lived with us, would shoot me up with heroin, smoke weed with them, or snort cocaine. Once I got out of TYC I turned to drugs, I was really on Meth bad. When I found out I was pregnant on Feb 3, 2005, I stoped using drugs and have been clean ever since. I wanted to share my story, so that other people out there can know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you CAN be happy!!! My thing is this, I can not go back in time (wish i could sometime) and change anything, it happened, its over, and there is nothing to be done. I refuse to let something that happend 18 years ago control me now. I make my own path, my parents descions are not mine. I hope eveyone out there can one day find peace, as I have, with their past, and JUST LET GO!!!!

Child Abuse Story From Fran

by Fran
(USA)

My mom is awesome, she is very loving and pretty much the best mother in the world, and my dad was very good too, he died when i was 10 , i'm 19 now, and he touched me once, just once and i think he was drunk, we never talked about it, and i forgave him, i really did. But the thing is, my mom thinks he was an awesome person, which he was, he was so good!, and i don't know if i should tell her what he did, because she would be devastated, and he is dead anyway, so i wonder if it wouldn't it be better that she just keep thinking he was an honorable man. i dont know if i should tell her anyway cuz she deserves to know even though it is going to break her heart.
ps: im really ok, i forgave him a long time ago, i just wanna do what my mom deserves!

Child Abuse Story From Hannah R

by Hannah R
(Location Undisclosed)

i wasn't the easiest child, i wasn't always sweet....or kind...but i was five. Home was not a happy place for me, my mother would, how should i say this...."over punish" me. i was at first aways given time out at least once a day and it would last for an hour...me sitting in a hard stool at the end of a hallway while she screamed at me... i don't really remember what i did...i'm sure i did something, i don't really remember a lot from my childhood. ill tell you what i do remember....i remember being chased around the house by her....i remember her catching me....digging and squeezing into my arms....and then i'd be on the ground...and she would hold my wrists together and her face would be so close to mine...i could see her tense lips in between her yells. i remember being dragged into my room, thrown on the bed, my pants pulled down, that horrible smack as her hand collided with the skin on my backside. i remember being slapped in the bathroom, i remember being slapped in my bedroom, i remember soap being forced into my mouth. i remember being in the living room and being forced to the ground because my hair was being pulled as she screamed at me. i remember being a little girl and looking in the mirror at the red marks on my skin. i remember crying all the time, and most nights this would happen later in the night. i remember the things she used to call me, everything was a problem to her, to her i was selfish and careless and stupid. she made me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my father. she would give me unfair conditions, and everything was a problem, everything i wanted. there would be an issue and the yelling would start. i was an "ignorant little thing" and a "bad girl" and when i asked what i even did she would ask me "are you stupid hannah? are you really that dumb and ignorant", i developed OCD and a lying habit and she would accuse me of lying all the time, and whenever i showed that i had OCD i would be punished, and yelled at, and threatened. "you better stop this nonsense hannah, STOP IT"and then when i said i couldn't help it i was screamed at even more, and hurt, and grabbed. i was always given random speeches about how i could be a better girl and how ignorant and stupid i was and how i don't try and how i am lazy. she would burst into my room and start screaming at me for a fight we'd had days before. i was in constant fear of when she would erupt, when i would be hiding in the bathroom to escape her. she would grab my face and squeeze it and yell at me, my whole life it was like this. if i said i didn't like her dinner..i would be forced to sit at the table until i ate it sometimes it would be 2 am before i finally caved in. she would only pack me sandwiches for lunch and i cant eat bread...and if i complained i would be screamed at and hit so i kept quiet and didn't eat lunch for years in elementary school. she was always an hour late to pick me up from school, i could never depend on her, she never came to my school performances even though she said she would, she would always forget about me in the street and walk off somewhere and leave me looking for her for sometimes hours. she was mentally unstable my whole life...one minute we would be hugging the next she would be slapping me. once i had my mouth washed out because i didn't smile at a baby in an elevator. school wasn't much better than home...the kids at school would call me stupid and ugly, for two years everyday a kid would beat me up during recess...slam and knock me to the ground....kick me....other kids would make fun of me....kick me...call me ugly...one tore up my homework...another harassed me for two years....he used to drag me into the boys bathroom and lock me in....or jump on me...or hide my things....he once almost threw me down some stairs....and choked me....when i was little my neighbor mentally abused me....and would hide in my house....and basically stalk me....i would have sexual experiences as a child....that would lead me to constant masturbation as a very young child....because i cant remember alot of my childhood part of me believes that i was sexually assaulted...or exposed to something inappropriate as a young girl....my whole life was fighting....or hurting...or insults....i dont think there was a day when i didnt cry...or a day when i wasnt hit or insulted in someway....i lost my faith in religion because my mother did not agree with my beliefs....when i wanted to go to my best friends house i was constantly accused of trying to replace her and my dad with other parents.... she accused me of crazy things. i have memory lapses....where i cant remember one year of summer camp...i think id had my first kiss but that was also the year two older boys lured me into the forest to show me something....i dont really remember what happened....most of the time im over what happened in my life...but there are those days when i need to share my story...and just let it out....thank you.

Child Abuse Story From Dan

by Dan
(United Kingdom)

School: 
There was an age gap between me and my brothers. Everytime i started a new school my brothers had already moved on. There was only one year where i was at the same school as one of my brothers and that was junior school. Everyone knew my brothers but i was not like them, i was a classic example of a wimp. Every sports teacher wanted me but i was the complete opposit to my brothers. I prefered books rather then balls but as soon as teachers knew who i was and who my brothers were then my life was decided. I hated sports, no matter how good my brothers were. My parents knew this but i got so much verbal abuse about how useless i was from teachers, i actually started to beleive them. My grades were threw the roof but physically i was next to useless. My Family loved me regardless but school, i hated school, i loved learning but i hated other peoples oppinions of me. I was treated like a geek, a swat, a no-hoper, apart from a few teeachers who thought sports were second to education. When people realised i was not as physically capable as my brothers the abuse started. I was a wimp and i got beaten up as a wimp. I was a geek and i got beaten up as a geek. Some students decided i was a girl and decided to use me as such. Sorry no insult intended towards girls. I just used that expression to show what happened to me.
I was often anally raped in the showers by a particular group of boys. Most of the time i tried to excused myself from sports which i manage to great success but not always. My brothers knew them, if i had said something back then my brothers would of kicked the sh*t out of them. I was scared, my brtohers were not around and i kept my mouth shut.
They all know now what i went through but they blame me for not telling them. I should of said something and they would of sorted it. They were not there, i was on my own. It is great having older brothers but when they have moved on and i am left sittng in a classroom full of apes. I have moved on though.

Child Abuse Story From Ron

by Ron
(Oregon, USA)

Sometime before the age of two my 8 year older half sister attempted to cut my penis off with a pair of scissors. My grandmother caught her in the act. I have no memory of it but did receive stitches and do remember still having those stitches about two years later when they finally came out.

The same half sister again tried to cut my penis off when I was 5. I kicked her in the crotch and she fell. I kicked her a few times and ran. Between the ages of 4 and 8, the half sister would dress me up like a girl and parade me down the street and to the park. Between the ages of 4 and 6 I actually enjoyed the dress up part but never went outside that way.

Now I am 63 and have never been in a relationship. I have had exactly 4 women who I dated more than 3 times and have never dated any woman more than 5 times. And I have never kissed a woman until the 3rd date. All kisses were simply what I call Catholic School Girl Kisses. A type of kiss I could have given my grandmother, but of course a different effect with a woman I am attracted to. With the exception of high class prostitutes, I have never had sex with a woman. And I haven't been with a prostitute since 1982.

So my life is all screwed up due to this abuse and likely other things created by it. I sure wish I had counseling about this, at least by high school.

Thanks for reading this. I hope it helps other men in dealing with sex abuse and maybe women as well. Some cretin where I live sodomized an 11 month old baby about a month ago. I sure would like a few minutes with him. Someone like that need not be wasting air.

Child Abuse Story From Emily

by Emily
(Location Undisclosed)

My parents died when I was 5 and I’ve been living with my aunt. I’m 15 now. I had been keeping it a secret, it started when I was six my aunt was usually drunk so I stayed at my cousin's house and that’s when it really began, I mean he didn’t do anything too bad, yet. He really just showed me stuff on the computer and he touched me and made me touch him. And then I’d start crying and he’d either stop or duct tape my mouth shut. But that only lasted till I was nine, and then he actually tied me down and raped me. It was the most miserable day of my life. He stopped a few times but didn’t untie me because in an hour or so he’d come back and start again. I don’t think I’d ever seen so much blood in my life, it hurt so bad that for the next week he went easy on me. But that day when he finally untied me he ordered me to sit at the back of the bed and to not move. I was so terrified when he came out with a towel and bleach, but I was relieved when all he wanted me to do was clean up the bloody mess. And when I was done he ordered me to get in the bathtub and he scrubbed me until he was convinced I was clean and there was no evidence left. And when I turned ten I tried out for every sport possible if it meant less time with him. It worked, until next year when we didn’t have enough money anymore. I tried to hang out with my friends but they were always busy. Then when I was thirteen he started to come up with games. The one I hated the most was role-play. He would show me people on the computer making love and then he would make me act like the girl while he acted like the guy. I hated it because I was supposed to act like I liked being raped and forced to do all these nasty things that made me feel dirty and slimy on the inside. Sometimes he would take pictures of me or he would make me do these weird nasty and sometimes even painful things just for his amusement. It made me sick inside. And I even tried to run away once because I was tired of living in this hell my so called my life. But I know not to do that again. I paid for that, people were suspicious for weeks and I was in constant pain. Luckily one of my teachers found out and the bastard is in jail.

Child Abuse Story From Sienna

by Sienna
(Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada)

when i was living with my auntie she always yoused to hit me and my sisters with a shoe a belt a metal hanger a wooden spoon we always we yoused to cry and cry and when we would cry she would say shutup and she would pinch our toungs hard till our toungs would bleeed and she would pull our ears and she would pull us by our hair:(

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

I wrote before about my situation acting out sexually. It started when I was seven, acting out sexually. I have read in one article that when there is sibling incest one or both parents has had an affair outside marriage. My parents were horribly abusive to each other. You commented on that with a wonderful article about witnessing domestic violence and being terrorized. I love that. But I also need to understand what caused me to become sexualized so young. Seven is young. We had moved to the South of France when i was seven and my Mother was friends with a young photographer there. My step mother told me she believed my Mother had an affair with that man. (She came into my life when my Mother died in a car accident when I was nine. My father started dating her right away. She was only eight years older than me). But i was a mess from age seven on, about sex. I couldn't get enough of it, it seemed. Between the dirty jokes I heard from my father, my brother telling me I was going to be a Playboy Bunny, to reading all the dirty jokes in the Playboy magazines and books like "Jokes for the John", I kept myself very entertained from age seven on.

I would soil myself which would make my Mother furious at me.

This lack of control sexually lasted well into my 30's. It was only when I was 34 that I got married that I could even try to stop myself from acting on sexual feelings. But I felt like a nine year old when I would make love to my husband. It was very discouraging. I never got pregnant. I felt too traumatized.

Maybe you can steer me to someone who could help with this problem.