Child Abuse - A Mother Regrets Not Acting

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My Son: 
My beloved precious son was abused by his biological father since the age of 6.
He suffered unmerciful rage, belittling, being spat upon and torture until the age of 18.
I being a good Christian hid all of this and tried to make things right for him by making purchases to ease the pain.
I even made myself a human sacrifice so that the beast would leave him alone.
His gate keeper was so inhumane that my son would go to school with deep bruises on his body, his heart, and his mind.
I could go on and on regarding the horror he suffered.
It began with his father abusing me, and then manifested itself onto my son.
I live with guilt pain and anxiety every day that I did not remove him from the situation.
He is now 36 years old and does not speak to me.
He is so angry that I did not protect him. (I divorced when he was 18).
He now has his own children and does not allow me to see them.
Please realize I never laid a hand on him. Never.
I adored him and still do.
He carries the pain with him like a shield. He will not let go.
He has had no contact with the abuser in 20 years.
There were no ramifications for his abusive father either.
He went about his merry way after I divorced and never looked back. He has never had to be accountable for the agony and indignant way he treated my son.
My son was a really good child, and never ever deserved this type of treatment. Everyone around us seemed to turn their heads and ignore what was going on.
I miss my precious boy who I tried to protect so badly I could die.
What does a mother do or say to a child she loved so much and did not remove him.
I absolutely regret not getting him away earlier.
I have come to terms with my abuse. He has not.
He blames me, and I am in deep agony now myself.
It's as though he now has the power to make me suffer for what happened to him.
I love my child. The tears will never cease flowing for the loss of his affection. We were closer than two people on earth.
I guess I am just writing to say to anyone who has been abused by one parent, please do not blame the other.
They were in the current with you. They love you and wish and pray they would have done things differently, and gotten you away sooner.
Silence is no way to handle your anger. It still rages inside and will rear its ugly head someday.
I love you my son.
Mom