Comments for Can Never Forget

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Nov 17, 2014
 Elina:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Of course you can never forget. People who say that or suggest it simply don't understand. They think they're helping rather than hindering. What they don't understand is that when they say "forget", those who have endured abuse ear it as "keep it stifled", which is what abusers have told us directly and indirectly throughout our childhoods. That is what society continues to tell us. But I have a different way of looking at what happened to us.

Forgetting would be a disservice to what we endured. Forgetting would mean that there is no purpose to what we endured. Forgetting would deprive the world of much needed healing.

So the next time you hear "forget", know in your heart that the person saying it is really trying in their misguided way to be helpful. But also know in your heart that remembering does not mean hanging onto the anger or hostility or all the feelings and emotions that are triggered when a memory floods your consciousness.

You see, Elina, what you DO with what you endured is what matters. If you are filled with anger and hostility, then you stay in a prison, locked in with the person who abused you. Sharing a cell with your abuser, and every day handing over your power to that cellmate. Forgiveness is actually letting the anger release you from that locked in link. It isn't about whether your abuser deserves forgiveness or not; it's about YOU deserving to live a life free of the life sentence. What happened to you was not okay and will never be okay. And forgiveness never says that. Nor does it mean having any kind of relationship with an abuser. Or even telling the abuser you forgive them. No. Not at all. In fact, many times, the abuser is long dead when the survivor is ready to do the forgiving. I do not embrace the biblical version of forgiveness and grace. Rather, I embrace the healing power forgiveness can bring survivors so that they may graduate from survivor to thriver. But only when they're ready. So meet your Self where you are in the moment, with the knowledge that though forgiveness may not be available to you today, maybe it will be tomorrow. I send you love, light and healing energy, Elina. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Dec 02, 2014
 Elina
by: Anonymous

My childhood is similar to yours, but only without the sexual abuse, so you're not alone. What a sick, depraved parent your mom chose to be. She really missed out so much that she never got the chance to enjoy the wonderful relationship that she could've had with such a great, fantastic daughter like you. She must've shot herself in the foot in regard to you.
Jan 26, 2015
 Go talk to your boss
by: Anonymous

I hear your pain and that can not be undone.

Go see your boss. He may end up being a support for you. OK he got frustrated and yelled at you. Something he should not have done. But having a job is so important. So much better than not having one. I bet your boss was really freaked out by your reaction. He tried to help by coming over to you. To me that shows an empathy. He wants to help but does not know how. Anyway that's just my thought.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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