Betrayed By Mother

by Amber
(New York, USA)

Hi my name is Amber. I am a mother of three and married for nine years. Now here is my story. I was five when an officer's son of my father's navy had his way with me. He was fourteen. I remember it like it was yesterday. Still to this day, I can remember every detail perfectly.

After the incident I had become a completely different child. From then on, I was acting out, is what my parents called it. Then from then on my brother started molesting me until I was twelve years old when he was allowed to have a girlfriend. When my parents would tell me they were going to go somewhere and I couldn't come, I would then immediately go and run in my room and hide under my bed, but my brother always found me eventually. There were times when he would get so rough with me I would have bruises and cuts all over my body and my brother would tell my parents that I was playing in the yard or we were "wrestling" that's what my brother called it when they would leave.

For years I would get spanked for my behavior because of my brother. Every time I would try to tell my parents they would just say oh there goes Amber looking for attention again.

Then after I had been out of my parents house for a couple of years I decided to tell my parents what had really been wrong with me. I was 23 years old, and do you know what my mother said to me when I told her that her baby boy had been molesting me or having sex with me for years, she told me that my brother didn't love me in that way. But here is the kicker, my mother was also molested and raped by her older brother for years when she was younger. She never told anyone. She kept it to herself for years. Now at 32, I really don't have anything to do with my mother due to the fact that when she told me that, and I saw her reaction, it was like being stabbed in the back of her utter denial about her own son molesting and raping his own sister. I have nothing but utter disgust towards her, but unfortunately I still love her and always will, and am still to this day looking for her approval on things.

My husband says I'm crazy for the way I feel.

Today I am still struggling with my many emotional problems on my own, but I still don't trust anyone with my kids alone, not even my own husband. I am a true mother bear when it comes to the two children that live with me. I do worry about my oldest daughter living with my parents due to circumstances that happened when I was young because my parents allow my brother out to their house all the time. So needless to say, I am very fearful for my daughter's sake. I am in counseling and have been for years and still have not found anything to truly help me overcome my PTSD or my depression.