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Feb 06, 2015
 Benett:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Shame, blame, guilt...they're all part of the effects we suffer when we come from abuse, but even more so when we've defended ourselves physically from an attack from our abuser. I've learned through my own healing that it's the first place to find forgiveness. I often get backlash when I say this because it does seem to say that the victim did something wrong. That's not it at all. Though I'm not one to condone violence, and I don't recommend going that route for young people stuck in such circumstances (legally, children have no rights when they strike out at their parents, which can bring on a heap more challenges), I do completely understand. We get to a point where we can't take it any more, and we have to do something to protect ourselves. As for forgiving yourself, as long as you (and I use "you" to represent everyone, not just you personally, Ben) still carry shame or guilt over what you did to stop the abuse, you will remain in a prison of that shame and guilt, and never find the key. You did what you had to do at the time for your own physical well-being and sanity. That didn't turn you into the monster your mother was. Her actions turned you into someone who needed to protect himself. I'm not saying this to point the finger of blame. I'm saying this so that you can re-frame what happened, and in doing so, find some semblance of peace.

You cannot make your mother take responsibility for what she did. Nor can you get her to admit to the terrible acts she committed against you. You can only decide how YOU will respond. And that response will either take you further down a path of pain, or re-direct you to a path of healing. You didn't have much in the way of choices as a child. You certainly do now.

I send you love, light and healing energy, Ben. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 23, 2015
 Thank Heavens!
by: Anonymous

Ben, you did what you were inspired to do in your own given situation at that specific time! Thank heavens! You stood in your power and stopped the abuse! Let it go! Forgive yourself! Write a letter to your mother and then burn it. Get out all the darkness, heartache etc. Then forgive her and leave her in God's hands. <3

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