Ashamed and Embarrassed

by Sky
(Pennsylvania, USA)

My name is Sky. I'm a 41-year-old woman with 4 children and recently divorced. Last week my aunt died and it was her funeral this past Saturday. A lot of my family came into town in which I haven't seen some of them in over 15 years. One of then was my cousin who molested me when I was 7 or 8 and he was like 12 or 13. I saw him and now I'm having all these emotions I'm dealing with all at once. My family members don't know.

I feel helpless right now. I also feel angry and mad at myself because I'm grown and I shouldn't feel scared or confused but I do. I feel like I'm depressed and I don't know how to explain it. I don't want to put all my problems on my boyfriend and be a burden. I'm ashamed and feel embarrassed about it. Has anyone else felt this way? I just want the pain to stop.