Child Abuse Story From Abdul

by Abdul
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 21 now, and my life cant seem to get any worse. When i was younger, from 5-10 years old i was being sexually abused by my brother on weekdays and by my cousins on the weekend. At that age i didnt really understand wat was happening. When i hit 15/18 i was enjoying life, partying, girls n booze, so i really didn't think about it. It all came up in the last couple of years, and i had a bust up with that brother so i decided to tell my other brothers and sisters, they didnt believe me they just blamed it on me, said it was me making eveything up, they told me it's all the drink n weed i smoke, but i do all that because they take all my pain away, it makes me forget what happend to me. as i am a muslim it's against my religion to do all dm stuff. About a year nd half ago this happend. i left college coz i was losin it, and no one in my family belived me, i didn't tell my parents coz there very old, and it would break their hearts, and at tht age, it would kill them. i started to drink more, i lost my girlfriend because became abusive towards her, i can;t trust anyone. i moved out and lifes been so hard, i can't keep a job,i keep having panik attacks, i'm always down, when i was younger i was the life and soul of every party, the most popular student in school, and now i cant even look people in the eye. i have tryed to end it all but i can't even do that. i hate my life. icant sleep anymore. im 21 i shuld be enjoying lyf. im so insucure, i cnt even hold down a relationship, i have no money lost all my friends. what do i do, i had so many dreams, becoming someone. what did i do wrong 4 all this to happen to me.

Child Abuse Story From Sandy C

by Sandy C
(Dubuque, Iowa, USA)

My mom and dad were drinkers and my brother babysat us 3 little ones and he always tortured me in one way or another and when my dad died when i was 10 he started sexually abusing me and even after he got married,but i know why and that is because he was sexually abused by a priest when he was an alter boy.i know why he did it but to this day he will not admit it.i started having panic attacks at 10 yrs old and was afraid of everything even a siren.i have had panic attacks all my life.ruined me sexually.

Child Abuse Story From John

by John
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I am fifty now but can remember it all as if it were yesterday. My abuser was my mother. I really don't blame her. I blame my father who ran off leaving me with her when I was just two years old. He knew she had severe mental problems and was sexually perverted in very extreme ways. I also blame the school system of the time for not catching on that something had to be very wrong at my home.

My mother had been an abused child herself. Her father had been into some very sick and twisted things and her mother turned a blind eye to avoid a scandal. I know all about my mothers childhood because she would tell me about stories about her father as she did some of the same things to me. He liked to dress her up as his "little princess" before he abused her. He encouraged her older sister who had also been abused to burn her with cigarettes.

Her father died when she was sixteen and she ran away from home and ended up as a prostitute. By the time she was twenty she was a specialist. She saw clients into sado masochism, fetishism and bondage and dicipline. My father was one of her more interesting clients.

Her mother passed away and she ended up with the family house. She married my father because he was from the area of her home town and was soon living with him back where she had been abused. She turned the master bedroom on the 2nd floor where the abuse occured into a sort of twisted shrine to it all. All four walls were done in pink satin curtains, She tented the ceiling in pink satin, satin bed skirts and satin bed sheets and comforter. Even satin table cloths and ribbons and bows everywhere.

My mother was the dominant partner in the marriage. My father made sure she had all the leather and satin outfits to go with that image. My father was a crossdresser and would have periods of guilt over it and deal with it by running from her. Before I was born she had two children still born.

Her final pregnancy was difficult and after I was born she was told to never try again by the doctors. I don't really remember my father living at home. Years later my mother not so much confessed but gloated to me that she had started "preparing" me as an infant. By preparing me she meant licking my genitals.

My very first memories in life are of my mother sittting on a couch smoking cigarettes and wearing a lot of black leather. Always in leather gloves. If I ran around or made noise like any normal little boy I was stripped naked and taken over her lap for a severe spanking. After the spanking I would be crying and would have to get on my knees. She would hold one leather gloved hand over my nose and mouth and smoke a cigarette with the other and I would be lectured. I hated her cigarettes, the smell and how my eyes would water. Boy's were filthy, noisy, dirty, disgusting little animals. I was told she was sorry I was ever born. How I should have been born dead and how I ruined her life. If only I had been a girl, a sweet, well behaved, mature little girl she could have loved. I can also remember at that time I spent a lot of time on the flor on my tummy rubbing. I was masturbating and was having dry orgasms. She would encourage and rease me for it then spank me for being so sick and disgusting. Next would come another spanking where she would encourage me to rub on her leather skirt as I was spanked.

I came to think of her later as "Leather Mommy". At night when she would tuck me in it was another mommy who did it. I would later come to think of her as "Satin Mommy". She would come into my room wearing satin lingerie and satin gloves with of course her cigarettes. She would speak very softly and tickle just my face with a few satin ribbons. I was encouraged to run my fingers over the ribbons. She would talk about satin. How nice it felt, how soft, slippery and shiny satin is. I can remember loving how it felt when she would tickle my face. She would tell me that satin was for girls. If only I were a girl she could dress me in satin. How if I were a girl she could always love me. How I could sleep in her bed at night on satin. She would tell me it was so sad because I had such a pretty face and how I would have been a beautiful little girl.

Child Abuse Story From Amelia

by Amelia
(Maryland, USA)

I'm 17, recently i've begun to examine what it means to be 'emotionally abused'. My mother has always had wild inappropriate mood swings, and when we were small she use to slap us. I never thought much of it, my brother and i had to be told by several distressed teachers/counclers that 'threatening violence' on other people was not appropriate. We thought it was normal, my mother use to threaten to kill/harm us all the time. I never really understood it was a problem, but recently my mother and brother got into, well
i won't call it a fight, you don't fight with my mother, but she lectures...loudly. She'd been yelling about his anger issues, telling him how wildly inappropriate they were and how he had no right to be angry and that if he couldn't get ahold of himself right this minute she would send for the police. I was there the whole time just listening, there was nothing i could say to make it better, his only movements/responses were to make fists and clench his jaw...but then she told him to smile...to smile while she yelled her head off that he should be grateful and smile I'll never forget that day...it was the day i woke up and realized there was something wrong. That there had been for a long time.

It was like she lived by the saying 'the beatings will continue until moral improves'

There have been days were she has woken me up at 2 in the morning to do the dishwasher or put away laundry i left out, then give me a lecture for an hour or three...

Anyway i just wanted to thank you for your blog. There was a lot of interesting information, I never considered emotional abuse, my mother always said that sort of idea was for weaklings.

So thank you helping me, i really do feel a bit better. I plan to do more research on the subject.

Child Abuse Story From Sid

by Sid
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was about 5 or 6 I was sexually abused by my cousin then later on somebody else started sexually abusing me too. When I was 16 I told my parents about my cousin abusing me. (by the way he is also my Godfather, great huh). My mom called the police and they came to take my report about what happened to me. Later on I had to go see a detective and explain again to him what happened to me. Nothing has ever been done to my cousin and till this day I feel stupid for telling what happened to me. They couldnt arrest him because I cant remember everything that happened to me. I know it happened to me more than once and in my head I replay one scene of it happening over and over again. I had to see him my whole life growing up and I hated seeing him, he would gross me out. I wasnt scared of him, I was scared of that side of the family not talking to me anymore, I didnt want my dad to have to lose touch with his family. After I told my grandma and aunts wouldnt talk to me, they said I was lying it broke my heart. My grandma died a few months after i told and I didnt cry. I feel horrible that I couldnt cry but the tears just wouldnt come out. I was more sad at the thought of feeling like my dad was holding back his sadness for me. I wish he wouldve cried, I didnt want him to be mad at her because of me. I feel like I should of waited to tell atleast till after she had died. Now I'm 18 and I feel worse than I did before I had told. I still replay the abuse in my head. Now I fear that my abuser will find me and want to hurt me for telling. Its a constant thought on my mind, dating is hard for me because I feel uncomfortable when boys start getting to close or touchy. Theres times when I feel ok, but than there are days when I just want to sleep and not leaving my bed because I feel sad and drained out from thinking to much about what happened or it happening again. I cant tell my mom because I dont want her to worry. I dont know what to do anymore.

Child Abuse Story From Nicole

by Nicole
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm writing because I think I was abused as a child. When I was eight, my stepdad started making me touch him. He would take me aside every night until I was 14 (when he abandoned my family) and he would make me "rub on him." He said it was our game that nobody could know about. At first, I had no idea there was anything wrong, but as I got older, I began feeling dirty. I was terrified that my mom would find out and that she would either kick me out of the house or, even worse, she would leave and make me stay with him by myself. I got to the point where I couldn't be in the same room as her because I felt so guilty. I would cry myself to sleep every night and pray that God would make him stop or give me the courage to say "no". He never tried touching me, so I never thought I was abused. Plus, it does not seem as bad as stories from other people. However, now at age 22, I'm beginning to realize that it might have been sexual abuse. I don't know if the fact that he would make me touch his genitals, even though he never touched me, was abuse. I'm confused.

Child Abuse Story From Sammy R

by Sammy R
(Location Undisclosed)

Until I was about 14 I didn’t remember being molested as a child. I had blocked it out completely. I always had dreams about it but I never made the connection. Then one night after I got in a fight at school I lay in my bed and started to cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop for hours and I started to remember things from my childhood. I remembered being sexually abused by two different people as a kid. The first was by my kindergarten teacher. The specific details of what she did came together like a puzzle. She would make me stay after class with her. Making me kiss her, touch her breasts, she made me take off my pants; touching/ sucking me. This went on for about a year until I left kindergarten. The second time was by my cousin. I was six years old and she was 17. She would come over everyday to my house and take me a room in the basement. She made me kiss her, touch her, make me get naked and did stuff to me. This went on for couple months. After remembering all of this I became depressed. I started to think about suicide. The first year of knowing what happened was a pretty bad time for me. My demeanor changed completely. I couldn’t control my emotions anywhere. I became withdrawn from school, just wanting to be by myself. When I graduated high school I started to get back to my normal self. I made a conscious effort to move on with my life. I’m in college now and this experience still effects me everyday but I can control my pain better.

Child Abuse Story From Allisa

by Allisa
(Florida, USA)

Well I am 15 now and 4 years ago I got raped by my ex-boyfriend. He was 19 and I was 11. He didn't know my real age because I looked mature for my age I looked like I was 14,so that how old I told him I was. He believed me so we dated for a while and he met me at church one time. He drug me off campus and taped my arms together but for got I had legs to kick him with.

So I was kicking him and he tied my legs up.I couldn't do anything at that point so while he was having sex with me I was screaming to the top of my lungs till someone heard me,my friend heard me and ran to us.She hid behind a tree and was watching he ran out behind it so I could know she was there to help. I was lipping to her to go and get my pastor but instead she tiptoed to the back of him and kicked him in the back of the head.Then went and got Pastor. Pastor called the cops on him and the cops took him.

I wasn't bothered anymore till I was 13.And a 17 year old raped me. I was madly in love with him...But I went to his house and he took me to his bed a wouldn't get off of me...I told his parents and his parents kicked him out of the house...I really wish people would stop child abuse and sexual abuse...Because I don't like that most kids try to hid it like I do because if you don't tell it's never going to stop... My pastor,my friend,and my one ex-boyfriends parents know and that's all...No one else...

Child Abuse Story From Jessie G

by Jessie G
(Oregon, USA)

my parents were drug adicts so they were never around. i had to move with my grandma. i at first loved to be there but then i got scared to go to sleep at night. when i was sleeping my uncle would come in he would start touching me.i would wake up but i was scared so i pretended i was still asleep and i hoped he would just leave me alone!! it happened from the age of 8 to 14.i hated that my parents were not around to save me. as i got older my grandpa started to touch me inappropriately and started to kiss me and still i was disgusted with myself.i thought something was wrong with me why did they choose me??later i found out my grandpa did the same to my little sister and i didnt believe it. i am so mad at myself for not helping her. the abuse doesnt happen anymore but i still have to see there faces everyday and it disgusts me i cant have personal relationships because they scare me and i dont know how to move on. i am now 16...

Child Abuse Story From Ellen

by Ellen
(Utah, USA)

The ugly side of him: 
I remember the very first time I was hurt. I can understand my mom's anger. I was 4 years old and had gone to a neighbor's empty house that was up for sale. I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong, but a few other neighbor kids and myself were there. My mom found out, sent all of us home, and returned after a few minutes. I was crying already because my mom had been yelling, but I was thrown on the ground where she kicked me repeatedly whilst continuing to yell.

The next episode I remember was by my dad. My mom had made a TON of hot pockets for me before school because they were my favorite. For some reason, I refused them. She became upset and walked upstairs. I think she told my dad to convince me to eat them. He appeared and asked me why I wasn't eating the pockets. I told him I didn't want them. He began to get angry as he continued to ask me questions about the situation. Out of no where, he started slapping me across the face multiple times while shouting at me. I couldn't move. I just sat there. My mom came down after the 7th (or so) hit. She told him to stop. He took me to McDonalds for breakfast afterwards. He said he was sorry. I felt bad for making him feel that way and for my mom for doing all that for me.

I remember my dad hitting me and my sisters whenever he was angry from that point on. One especially brutal one occured when we were trying to read the bible. My handicapped sister kept bugging my other sister and I. We would express our annoyance a few times. The last time, my dad blew up. He threw my sister to the ground and began kicking her. She cried and every time she tried to get up, my dad would kick her so she fell again. He just kept kicking her and yelling at her until they left the room. I felt so rotten. He was mean to her especially about her weight. He called her a "fat tub of lard" once. That is the only time my mom ever really stood up for one of us. "That is your daughter." She said. This same sister was stomped by my eldest sister. She had taken her jewelry and we found it in her backpack. My eldest sister summoned her, threw her to the ground, and stomped on her repeatedly. I only watched.

My dad got mad when I was typing an assignment and tried to print it out, but our very OLD computer was having issues. My brother (being the techie of the family) tried to fix it, but when it didn't work, my dad got angry and blamed my brother for the malfunctioning computer. He threw my brother around and punched him. I threatened to call the cops and that stopped him for an instant, but my mom told me not to. I later saw my dad beating my brother with a crutch. It was all my fault yet again.

I was always beaten for not getting good grades. One time, my clothes were in a pile in my room (not hung up yet) and I kept talking back to my dad saying it was my room and how I can have it however I liked. He proceeded to pull my hair and hit me. He tried to bash my head into my electric guitar, but I had grown stronger.

Once I turned 14, I decided enough was enough. Now, I don't recommend this because my dad is only (relatively) mildly violent. I never ended up in a hospital, but to continue... I didn't want to read scriptures with my family one night. My dad became angry when I left the room in a huff and began to descend the stairs to my room. The next thing I knew, my dad had thrown my scriptures at me (he missed). He rushed at me. I couldn't feel any pain because of the adrenaline, but he was hitting me (for not reading the bible!). I hit him back. I threw a few of my own punches. He suddenly stopped and walked away while shouting profanities. After a few minutes he came back downstairs. I was crying. I felt so rotten for hurting my dad. I love my dad a lot. He calmly sat down next to me on the couch and said he was sorry. He showed me the open cut on his face. I did that to him. I hurt my dad. I felt so horrid. After a moderate conversation, we hugged and he promised never to hurt us again. He succeeded. He never did lay a hand on any of us again. He worked out and lost a LOT of weight. His whole angry side went away. He is a lot healthier, happier, kinder, more patient, loving, wonderful dad now. He is SO amazing! I love my dad so very very much! He is a completely different guy now. And I thank my lucky stars that he has completely dissolved the ugly side of him.

Child Abuse Story From Zach C

by Zach
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm a 15 year old male. Ever since I was 10 my older brother has been sexually abusing me. It's not that my parents don't care/notice, because me and him share a room so it's pretty easy for him to get at me. He'll come over to my bed and roll me over onto my stomach. He'll always say stuff like 'just relax' or 'it's okay if you like it'. He makes me give him oral too, and puts his hands on me in public cuz he knows I can't say anything. He's 3 years older, and the one time I tried to get him to stop I got a split lip and a black eye. One time I told my mom that i didn't like JD, that he made me feel like crap. A week later my parents made the two of us take a camping trip together so we could bond. 2 days of just me and him; no distractions. Every night he'd roll over and start touching me. He'd put his hands up my shirt and down my pants. He'd sit on top of me and make me perform oral on him, and pull my hair to get me to stop struggling. He graduates this year, then he's gonna go off to college and leave me alone. It's stupid that he gets to just move on with his life and I have to stay behind and deal with what he did. I'm nothing to him, and he's everything to me. Because of him I forgot how to form relationships, so even after he leaves im still gonna be the jumpy kid in the back of the classroom with no friends. He killed my whole world, and now he's just gonna walk away. It's not fair.

Child Abuse Story From Zach C Part 2

by Zach C
(Location Undisclosed)

I posted something on here before. My older brother molests me, and has been since I was 9. Last time I wrote I said that he was going to college. At first I was pissed that he was getting away with everything he did to me, but then I realized that i was gonna b free of him and nothing else matters. Anyway, he recently told my parents that he wasnt going to college, that hes gonna stay home and work for a while, and my parents said it was okay. I dont know what to do. Its gotten way worse. Hes been more physical lately, leaving me with more bruises and even broken bones. I tell my parents that im clumsy and fight at school sometimes, but sometimes I tell so many lies I cant even keep track. Also, there was this one night when he drugged me. I dont know what he gave me, but I was really out of it and couldnt fight back at all when he came onto me. I think that scared me mor than the violence cuz I realized how easy he can overpower me, even if I try to fight back. I cant handle it anymore. Ive thought so many times about ending it, but im a coward. I guess thats it. Im just losing control.

Child Abuse Story From Shelby

by Shelby
(Kentucky, USA)

i was only 5 to 7 when it happened i am now 15 and its still on my mind i have horrible memories. When i was five years old i was just trying to stay at a friends house. When i got there everything was ok until we got in our nightys and tried toi go to sleep. Then it happened my friends uncle came through the door and took one my friends he took about 30 min with her she came back crying. then he took her sister my otheer friend for about 30 min and she the same came back crying i didnt know whaT TO do. i had no idea what sex was. then it was my turn i wouldnt go so he slapped me picked me up and took me to his bedrooom and tried too touch me i said no and he told me it was ok. he was just checking for something. but me being 5 i thought he was telling the truth and i didd not know what was going to happen. So i let him he said he was gonna get me ready for a bath. so he took off my clothes and then started touching me again i tried to fight again but it was no use he was alot bigger then me. so there wads no use then it hAPPened it hurt so bad i cried i cried and i cried. when he was finished he took some pictures of me and my privates. and then he took me back to the bedroom i had blood on my legs so when we went back to the bedroom he put us all in the bathtub together and he started taking pictures again. when we got out he made us take more it happened till i was about seven until i fianlly told my parents and he was already locked up but now i am 15 still cant get over it. and he is out i see him alot he alwayss sstares at me its like he is a burning a hole rightt threw me and everytime i see him i see it happening all over again.

Child Abuse Story From Oda

by Oda
(Norway)

I seriously had THE ideal childhood, untill I was nine years old. Although I lack the extra layer that protects most people from being affected by every little thing that happends (A dead spider, a sad song, a sad book, one nasty comment), I was fairly happy almost all the time. People often told my parents that my eyes literally glowed. I looked so happy, full of life, vital. And I was.

My brother has Down Symdrome, and that has always put more resposibility on me and attention on him. I never minded though, I loved taking care of him. I laughed and applauded when he spoke his first word "bath" (at the age of 5) and when he learned to dress himself (at the age of 12). I worked hard to learn sign language so that I could communicate with him before he learned to talk. He is 3 years younger than me, and has never taken anything away from me, just made my life so much more rich.

Although I was happy, I got sad frequently (mostly because of little things), like the fact that my dad never accepeted an apology. No matter what I did, just break a glass, "it doesn't help to apologize, Oda, it doesn't make it alright". Then my mother would talk to me afterwards, accepting my apology, telling me everything was OK. My first years at school weren't so great because I didn't dare to do anyting, in fear of starting to cry, and even though I cried a lot at school, the other kids accepted me. Suddenly I had plenty of friends. I was happy.

Then, out of nowhere, my parents told me they were getting a divorce. I cried, cried and cried, for a week, and then I stopped. I was determined to make the transition easier for my brothers, because I had just gotten a baby brother, he wasn't even 1 yet.

My dad got a new girlfriend three months after he moved out of the house. She was nice. But she introduced some new drinking habits, and my father (who had always had a weak spot for alchohol) didn't respond well to this. He started drinking every weekend. Then almost every day. Then every day. My brothers and I lived every other week with our dad, and the other with our mom, so I only had to deal with this every other week, but I think that only made the contrast more clear. Safe, not safe. Safe, not safe.
My brothers didn't understand what was going on though, the youngest was too young and the one with Downs didn't get it. I remember being so happy that they didn't have to deal with it.

I became their parent that week. Fed them, dressed them, put them to bed, helped them and played with them. My dad got drunk, but usually he wasn't mean untill after they had gone to bed. Naturally he had plenty of nasty comments all the time, but my brother never saw him really mean. (Thank God)

I, who already was very vulnerable (lacking the protective layer) spent most of my evenings crying and being afraid. Yet, I never told my mom. I loved him.

One thing that he lost by treating me this way was that I stopped telling him things about my life. When I was sad, happy, excited, proud of something, I told my mom.

My room is in a hallway, so the entire familiy had to walk past me to get in and out of their bedrooms. I remember one night. My dad had been mean and yelled at me, told me to "shut the f**k up" and told me mean things about my mom. I cried, naturally. Then he walked past my bed and sat down (I had just managed to stop crying) and told me more mean things. The tears welled up in my eyes. He smiled and went to bed. That night his girlfriend was there and they didn't close the door while having sex. I laid there trying to sleep, but had to listen. When I finally worked up the courage to get up and close the door, they just looked at me and opened it again. Honestly, I didn't really care what they did, and being only 11 I remember finding it emberrasing and strange, so I called my mom. "Guess what dad did?" I said, and then told her what I had heard. I don't remember what she answered. I always spoke to my mother while sitting in the bathroom, so my father couldn't hear what I said.

Right after I hung up he came in and asked what I had told her. I didn't answer. I don't really remember much, only his hand holding my shoulder pressed hard against the wall and yelling in my face, his eyes lightening and thundering. His hand at my throat. My tears. And then I told him.

I went from being a happy child, to walking around on my toes, trying not to get noticed. I continued being the parent for my brothers and used to tell my father I had broken things, when it really was one of my brothers. That kept him from yelling at them. I always got in between, on purpose.

The drinking was now really bad, but no one noticed. When there were other people around, he was the nicest dad in the world. I know that people say that, and mean it, but this was different. He was THE ideal dad, like I remembered him from when I was a kid. And don't get me wrong, we had good nights, nice conversations, jokes and good food. I lived and breathed for those nights.

My mom found out and told him to stop. He did. Then he began again, and I didn't tell her because she said: "If he starts drinking again, you have got to tell me, Oda, and I will take you away." I didn't want that. We were fine. I was fine.

She found out again last year and now we live with her. I am now 17 years old and lived with this for 7 years, taking responsibilities like an adult, being terrified, crying. But I never had a breakdown untill afterwards. I couldn't deal anymore. I collapsed.

Now I am finally starting to get better again. But some things makes me shut my self in, freak out. Like a beer bottle, wine bottle, the smell of cologne and spaghetti. And I still lack the layer. A sad song still makes me cry, but now I don't hate it as much, because I know what it is like to really cry.

I still have a lot of responsibility for my siblings, but now it is mostly because I want to, and out of habit. I have to help around the house as well, because now that my mom is alone with three children, and works as a teacher for kids at the age of 10-11 she gets really tired. Yet this situation is much better than the previous.

My dad is sober now, and my brothers spend some days with him, but never nights. They are thrilled to get to see him again, and I know that I will never set my foot in that house again, but I am happy they still have both parents in their lives!

Thanks for listening, and trust me: Things can get better!

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed65

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My daughter abused by her step dad! 
I have a 5 years old daughter, I met a man when my daughter was only 10 months old baby, then he became my husband and a step father to my daughter and he was very supportive and loving husband and step-dad. But just 3 months after we moved together I noticed that my hsband has a really bad temper and with a big foul mouth that everytime my daughter cries he screamed and swear at her , it really made me cry, its so heartbreaking for me. She was only my little baby. Few months after I noticed my husband's PC was full of downloaded hardcore porns, and I even seen some child porn he visited when I checked the computer history. I was horrified with what I saw and everytime I talk to him he just swear at me and warned me not to touch his stuff, he said he love me and he married me ,he said he just want to sell them and make money. Then I saw some emails from his x-girlfriend's and saw his replies as well, I talked to him about it but he just said his x-girlfriend is very poorly and he can't just tell that he is happily married. But I wasn't satisfied with his answers, i feel hurts. And because he got a small business ,so he have some excuses that he will be very busy but I found out that he is more busier watching all his downloaded porn. We had a lot of arguments about it and until told him if he wont stop I will leave him. Until he bought a new laptop and he been so busy , so its been peaceful for a little while and I gain trust with him again, but suddenly I noticed he take his laptop everywhere with him, but anyway I just didn't bother checking now. Untill a shocking words came out from my daughter's mouth ''mum, daddy got a big trunk like an elephant and i touched it and he didn't get angry with me, he like it'' I felt shaking and tried not to show to my daughter that im hurting, and I ask her where was I when it happened then she said I was sleeping...then she said but daddy done it to me too, i said how? she said he put his hand under my knikers, and she done it with actions I was so terrified. I didn't know that everytime he try to cuddle my daughter in the living room and pretend his playing with her and sometimes volunteer he will shower her. while everytime I'm busy in the kitchen, and everytime I think back how he hated my daughter and swear at her everytime she make little mistakes. An all of a sudden he became sweet father and swear to God I have never ever had a single thought that he done things like that to her..After I put my daughter to bed, I ran downstairs and burst into tears and feeling that my whole body was tearing apart. So I waited till he arrived from work, I was very brave and ask him straight away what she told me, and then he seems not to bother he just said my daughter is very curious little girl and sometimes she looked at him and sometimes he is naked then he said and its normal to expose to the child, he said she know's that he' got no knickers on, and I said shes only 5 , why u never stopped her when she do that to you , he said i he did he makes faces with her and about in the living room he said that the were just watching tele, nothing happened he said, he done nothing wrong, he keep saying my daughter is very curious girl, when she wakes up in the morning she goes to daddy's side and then and knowing her daddy always naked! I feel and I know just lloking through his eyes while talking to him he is not telling me everything. I told him I think you really are a pervert, you need a serious teraphy, he said he's not a pervert, he keep saying not sexual abuse , not that! I really love my daughter and I really love the man I married and thought he treated my daughter like his real daughter. Now we still live together and my feelings changed, and I will be working same company with him, I just dont want him to go near with my daughter now and I just want to work hard for my little one. But what I'm gonna do with him? do you think that he is genuine and honest? do you think he deserve a second chance? do you think he wont do those nasty thing again to my daughter? Please help me, please

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed66

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

A Lost Person: 
When I was about 7 years old, I used to be sexually abused from my older cousin. He's about 6 years older then me so he knew what he was doing. He used to tell me to touch his penis and stuff like that. I never had any privacy when he was around. We used to play hide and seek and that is when he would abuse me. My parents didn't suspect a thing. Only a few important people know about my past since I dont want the attention.

I survived from it, I learned from it.

I'm a survivor :)

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed67

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

First off this is very hard for me to write because i've never told someone my full story. my best friend knows about my abuse but not any details because its nearly impossible for me to go into detail.
okay.. so the first time my brother ever did anything to me i was 5-6 yrs old. he would constantly want to play truth or dare where he would just constantly dare me to take off my clothes. at the time i didnt know anything was wrong with it.. he also made up a "comforter game" where we would take turns being naked under a comforter and he would try to get to me. once i started wanting to play the game he cut me off and said no. i didnt understand y.. years later my brother sexually abused me when i was 11.. i've suppressed it for the past six years but now im 17 and its seems like its on the surface constantly and i cant seem to push it away anymore. at 11 years old my brother was 16 and i loved him. for the most part he was really nice to me. then at some point things changed but first in a good way. he was incredibly nice to me; always getting me whatever i wanted and watching movies with me and so on. i basically thought i had the best big brother in the world. one day he wanted to play hide and seek with me and my little brother. he insisted that my little brother be "it" and then he said to me to follow him to hide in the attic. once we were there he brought up the truth or dare games he always played with me when i was little. i got really uncomfortable and ran to my little brother because i knew he wuldnt ask me when i was around him. from then on he would constantly ask me but never got violent. he just threw the biggest guilt trips on me until he finally came up with the story that he was taking a health class and he missed a project where you have to "measure" a bunch of female parts. he told me he was going to flunk out of highschool and that our parents would kill him if he didnt get them from me. he would actually start crying in front of me and i couldnt take it i just kept trying to say no but he kept persisting. he would make deals like okay how bout u measure this part and then tell me but then he claimed he needed to check. he would call me down into the basement and make me watch pornos to show me the parts he needed to measure, and he'd corner me in blockbusters, and my room, and places in my house to constantly pressure me. finally i gave in.. he took me into a bathroom in our basement and fingered me and asked if i wanted him to "lick" me and i had no idea what he meant.. i felt so gross afterwards and it hurt.. he actually wrote me a note the next day about how everything he told me was a complete lie.. i have no idea y he did any of it or why he told me he lied or anything. the problem is that i have just completely let go of him as my brother but my family is literally the perfect family and my parents dont know anything.. we are literally that picture perfect movie family that everyone wants except for my secret. its just manifested itself for so long idk how to be normal anymore and idk how il ever be sexual with any guy. when you trust someone so much like my brother that i actually bought all that crap and then it was all lies its hard to trust anyone else. i just cant deal with this by myself because i have to act normal 24/7 but i really dont think i could live with myself if i let this secret out to my family.i have dreams about my brother chasing me and nightmares where im stuck in porno's and they make me do stuff and then my brother comes in and video tapes it and i just dont know what to do.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed68

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Let me start out by saying my story isn't nearly as bad as most on this site...
It all started when I was 7. My sister died and my mom blamed me. She had always been the favorite and the "perfect" one. I was a stupid, fat, ugly, and unwanted. After my sisters death, she would burn the backs of my hands telling me it was all my fault and she wished I was the one that died. When I got a little older she would hit me with books, lamps, anything she had on her, her fist... When I turned 13 she would not only yell at me constantly, but slap and hit me too. She tried to poison me once but I was bulimic so I threw up the poison and just got a little sick. I would purposely get hurt just so I could have an excuse for the bruises. It was an awful time for me and I feel so guilty about my sisters death...
Thanks for reading my story...

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed69

by Name Undisclosed
(Wisconsin, USA)

Broken Spirit: 
I am a 31 year old woman who suffered abuse from my mother since a little child into my teenage years. i feel like i lost so much of my personality due to this. i dont have any friends nor the confidence or trust to make them. i am a lesbian, i believe i was born this way, tho it could be the longing for a motherly affection that i never received. i cant even make small talk, and people think im unapproachable,even tho i feel like i am the nicest person you could meet, maybe its the permanant scrowl on my face that ive had since at least 6th grade. even as a grown adult i would still have nightmares about my mother. i dont have a clue on how to be myself without being self concious. on the outside i am a very attractive person but my confidence is so low that it makes me look weak and afraid. women tend to think im too nice so they dont want to date me and when they do i am too possesive and controlling. i dont know how to b competitive because i dont want to be a person who thinks more of themselves or others. i know that these are all excuses to hide in the shadows but i really want to be better but im 31 years old and all the years i was supposed to have fun was spent being ashamed of who i am, not because of my sexual preference but just because of me. i havent accomplished anything in my life i graduated high school but i didnt do anything else i was very smart through school but my explosive temper often got me suspened so i could never be a part of the school functions which really made me isolated. i feel like im all alone and no one likes me. i know this sounds like a big baby crying but i just have to let this out. i feel like i was supposed to be a star or have some great destiny but i was robbed by the person who was supposed to nuture me an help me grow instead of breaking me down. i have no spirit.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed70

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I dread going to bed and waiting for the beast to enter my room
My bed is not the safest place in the world
I hate school holidays there is no escaping the beast.
I hate standing the other side of the bedroom door building up the courage to open and to stop him hurting my mum – my sisters eyes are pleading for me to intervene. She is looking more ill but at least when in hospital she has escaped the beast.
Mum is at work and sis is in hospital – I am in hell and pinned against my bedroom wall. I cannot stop his hands, his words, him hurting me. I am 11.
I hate the feeling in my stomach when I look in the mirror.
I feel very jealous of my school friends. I wish I could live with my best friend – she has a wonderful family – I knock for her on the way to school – I always get there early I love pretending to be part of their family. Her house is warm full of love and fun I don’t want to leave. Her brother always takes the mickey out of me and I love it – I wish I had a big brother to look out for me.
I question whether god exists I know that Father Christmas does not – or is he just a fake as my step brother and sister get more than my sister and I . My sister and I have to clear up after them all like maids.
I hate the taunts that the beast and his children make about me my sister and my dad – there words are very evil. His daughter pokes at my sisters scars on her legs from her diabetic injections – she is evil like her dad the beast. Her brother is nice sometimes I think he only acts like that to please the beast. My stepbrother and stepsister come every fortnight – which means he wont touch me when they are there.
I told my mum the very first night the beast touched me. She still stays with him – she loves him -more than her children – I annoy her when I repeatedly tell her - I feel very lost and scared.
I go to step in front of a lorry – I can’t - who will protect my sister
I don’t want to know that my dad never satisfied my mum sexually
I am in puberty and the beast and my mum are verbally abusing me about my skin and that I am a dirty girl – I only wear so many clothes in bed to stop him from touching me – My mum berates me in front of my sister and him telling me I am dirty and not as pretty as my sister and that I was wrong to tell her to wear knickers in bed (I want to protect my little sister – wearing knickers would not stop him). She shouts at me that he wants me to go and live with my dad and step mum– the words cut through me like a knife.
I can’t go for two reasons – my sister cannot be left there on her own and my step mum would not want me. I am 13.
I look to the sky – Nanny can you hear me, can you save me, can I just go to sleep and never wake . it would all be over. I am so tired and my school friends are wonderful but they are allowed out after school I am not - a prisoner at home. I cannot go to friends or have them round. My friends are drifting away – all but one –she knows she never asks just says I have lost a lot of weight over the summer. I am now 14. She keeps me sane and when at school I actually smile and laugh, I love school.
I start to feel stronger and begin to hate my mum – she should watch her step I could tell and she would get sent down too. Would anyone believe?
I think she senses me being a threat – we suddenly leave and live with my aunt and cousins. She asks me if the beast has ever touched me. I look puzzled and my sister is very confused. When I tell her she shows no emotion but says it is over – I am perplexed but so relieved I don’t ask any questions.
Ironically Childline is set up – just too late for me. I am 15.
We live the three of us with burgular alarms and panic buttons – he follows me home curb crawling time after time and one night he stands in the garden and looks through the window – I freeze unable to scream or move I am 16. He has broken bail conditions and goes to prison.
I go to court age 17 I attend college– before the days of video evidence – I stand age 17 in the dock 10ft from the beast and give my evidence – I lie- I never told my mum about him molesting me. I am painted out by the defence to be a slut, lazy and slovenly. I want the world to swallow me whole I feel naked standing in the dock his eyes bore into me. I wonder if anyone believes me for so long I was told by the beast and my mum that I had an overactive imagination. Funny that – I didn’t imagine my black eye or bloodied nose – not funny at all.
My sister gives evidence but she is lucky she sits next to the judge and can whisper in his ear – not as exposed as me – the jury look at her with compassion and some of them cry. I have to sit in court and listen to her evidence. My cousin gives evidence and tells of the night she stayed and he made a pass at her. I wish I only had to endure one night and not four years. My mum weeps – I feel nothing for her. I sit next to my Dad behind my family the beasts eyes still follow me. I feel sick.
He is sentenced for 3 years for indecent assault – he serves 6 months.
Life moves on I see him in the high street and my sister has to sell him cigarettes one day – he is free and can find us any time he wants. The only reason I feel safe is that he has remarried – his new wife has 2 young daughters and the thought of this chills me to the bone. My sister goes off the rails – she makes herself very ill she is on self destruct – it is painful to watch – my mum fails to see it is her doing but my mum is concerned of the affect it is having on her and her boyfriend – apparently my sister is a difficult person to live with. My sister comes and lives with me and my boyfriend (now husband) – only now she is facing a life saving operation does my mum realise what she has done and takes responsibly for my sisters chosen path.
I am with a wonderful man - my rock sent from heaven. I am 20 – I have children and they have the childhood I wished for. I am fiercely protective of my children and shudder sometimes when my mum is round.
Even though extremely blessed the demons sometimes find me. I still feel very responsible for my sister’s welfare. She is now 36 and still waiting for a life saving operation. I am 38 and the demons do not leave me in peace.

Anonymous

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed 71

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Scared: 
I don't even know if this could be considered as abuse, but i come from a fairly good family with my parents and sister. my mom has been in and out of hospitals since i was 12. Around that time my dad started touching me. he would touch my breats and stuff. over the next year or so he started touching me under my pants. He always told me not to tell mom cuz she would be mad at me.One time when we went camping he sat beside me and he said he would "help me get to sleep" he then started rubbing me, i was so scared i didn't know what to do. so i just layed there i was very embarrassed. This went on and off for a couple of years. he hasn't done anything since i really turned 18. whenever i think im ok now, i start getting these nightmares and i can't seem to forget those times. But im scared about my sister, she is 14 and i don't know if it has been happening to her.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed 72

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I really don't know if this is abuse or if It was just simple punishments. I can already feel I will overdue somethings but I will write them as I remember, just to let it all go somewhere.

My life was normal before about 7 years old. I lived with my older sister & baby brother. I had friends, did well in kindergarten, good toys & good memories.

Then it all suddenly changed. My mother and father were nowhere to be found. At the time it was a huge mystery to me, why I wasn't with them, but now I know I was taken by social services & put into a foster home with my older sister. Where my little brother went during that time is still a mystery to me.

There, in a place I can barely remember, was where I went through what must have been my first abuse.

I can barely remember that time but I remember alchohol, a tall thin girl who was my foster sister and two adults. the last thing I remember there was actually being able to play in the yard with my foster sister & hitting her accidentally with the ball. Her nose bled everywhere. The mother of the house came running out to me in shock and told me "You better run! You know what will happen when he finds out!" Such a terrified face on an adult shook me to my core. I remember the feeling that this was not my first offense. then he was there. A huge hulking man whose face contorted into the most maniacal mad face within seconds of seeing his blood daughter hurt. I remember running. Running, running running.

Every time I was to be abused from then on I knew never to run. It only made things worse.

After my sister & I were removed from that place and put in the home of what we were told was a close family member, we were reunited with the most amazing beings in our lives at the time: Our Parents.

But things were different now. I don't know what happened and I'm sure I never will but now we were being diciplined.

Simple things. Eating snacks (which was called stealing), leaving our room without persmission, getting up to early etc.

We were called thieves, fat, ugly, selfish, ungrateful. It started with my father and the belt. He was suddenly a mean figure. My mother would try to give us a chance to explain before sending us to our room but he would scream with his deep, frightening voice.

Suddenly the roles were switched. it was an incredible shift. My mother became the discipline, my father a silent figure in the background.

She started calling us retarded, as well as the previous names. We were fat & stupid. Every name in the book. though i must admit my older sister took the brunt of the verbal abuse. My mother would get angered by the littist thing. Scream at the top of our lungs. Command that we line up infront of her, tell the truth (which was whatever she wanted to hear) and she would hit us. It was just a belt at first but Followed by the shoes, the hand, the clothes hanger, vaccum hose, spoons, toys ANYTHING within reach. The fridge & cabinets were locked so we couldn't get any food without her knowing. We were'nt allowed at our friends homes or out without them knowin.

Then we moved & the change was drastic again.

She was always screaming and accusing my siblings and I of ANYTHING. The sounds of screaming from my house are unbarable to remember. We were all scared of her. My youngest brother took the blame for every one of her problems. Even when I would try to admit to doing something she would ignore me and beat him to his knees. I would sit at the stairs crying. Hearing him scream and beg. "no, no no please!" ...It was terrible. A little boy should never have to scream like that.
We were fat, stupid ungrateful, dirty, dumb thieves. We weren't allowed out of the house at all except for school and in our fenced backyard for a few hours over our mothers watch. we were locked in our bedroom for hours without a bathroom. Often resulting in us using the restroom in the corner of our room.

my sister was the retard.

my brother was the punching bag.

I was...spoiled. Though was hit & yelled at from the bathtub to the bedroom, I was much less than my siblings. they favored me and I never understood why.

I hated them..her for what she did to my sister. She beat her down, kicked her and emotionally broke her to the point. She even began hitting my brother and I and bursting out in fits of rage.

Me at 10, my sister at 12 my brother at 6 already were deeply afraid of her. He hated her. He often said when he grew up he would kill everyone but me. My sister just didnt care. They were careful to hide bruises or scars so teachers & such would not know. Whenever I heard "are there problems at home?" i would deny the voice in my head screaming YESSS YESSSS and remain faithful to my family.

I was taught, If I told, I would be taken away. And nothing would be worse than being taken away. I didn't want to get my mother in trouble, right? I hated police. they would break up my family. I despised social services. all they wanted was to hurt my family and I. Pull as apart and away from each other. I rarely felt love, but the need to be obedient was so strong.

I was sure no one would help us, either way. Either we didn't deserve it, or we shouldn't betray our family.

It went on for so many years, my sister became withdrawn and angry. hitting, screaming, even throwing things like batteries or putting holes in walls.

My brother hit his head against the wall. He would do it all the time. It was so frightening to me. he would slam it so hard I was sure he would faint or die. He spent half the day at day care and half at home being beaten and yelled at and commanded to do things. He was so young and would always say he hated himself, his family, life, everything.

I just hated myself & her. Often times we would be beaten for not finding and item of hers we "must've stolen".

oneday, another day of being favored, I sat doing homework as my siblings searched for one of her items. She then became infuriated with my ability to tuneout the yelling. After a few minutes the broom went down on me. Over and over. Back of the knees was the worst part. Then my knee split. She must've noticed because her face changed. The air changed. This was my chance. I knew she could be a good person, a good mother, for what I had known her for before. Maybe I could reason with her.

"I don't...I don't want to be scared..." I muttered.

It was silent. Then she yelled again. "YOU DON'T WANT IT TO HURT?! THEN FIND MY SH*T!!"

I gave up that day.

It got worse, before it got better The collective self esteem of my siblings and I was non existent. We all just wanted what most kids wanted. Friends, time out to play etc. But after all this, we all wanted to die. To make our own, and her, life better. It was all my brother had known, but my sister and I knew life could be better. I don't know what was worse.

But, one day, for me, it just stopped. No explanation, no apologies. Just when my self image was at its lowest, I was no longer hit. But my siblings seemed to get it twice as much. And an older, estranged brother, took my place in a way.

why did they favor me? It never leaves my brain. Why was I never blamed for things? Why did I get hit less? I didn't understand. did they know hearing others being beaten was worse than the feeling of being hurt itself? I don't know.
but it stopped for my siblings. soon after.

As time passed, I read books on abuse but still never understood. Then I found out the abuse my mother went threw. It was unbelievable. her knee, leg, ribs and skull had been broken. She had so many scars and bruises. She was burned over stoves. Locked in rooms. Kicked out. Let it. Yelled at. Responsible for her siblings. Abandoned by her mother. Not fed. Not clothed. The list goes on and on. And thats only what she feels OK telling me. Who knows what else she has been through.

Should I be lucky to not have gone through what she did? I feel so sorry for her. I had only read of such abuse & only images of (sorry to name a book) A Child Called "It" came to mind. I mean, for someone I knew so well to have gone threw just what had happened to this boy? Seemed unreal.

The things I went threw seem so tiny compared to her life.

Either way, at least I let it all out somehwere.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed73

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I am 13 years old. My mom began to abuse me when I was very little. I can still remember those times when I was only 3 or 4 years old and she would try to suffocate me with a pillow so I could fall asleep. I grew up thinking that all parents were abusive like this. My mom would always try to hurt me in one way or another. Sometimes, I could call my dad for help and he would come save me but other times, he just ignored me.
One day, when I was in second grade, my mom got angry at me because I would not practice the piano. She chased me through the house with a knife in her hand. She had done this plenty of times but had never cut me. Eventually, I got tired of running, and I sat down in a chair, believing that my mom would not try to cut me. She DID end up cutting me, not very severely, but enough to scar. She lifted the knife to try to cut me again, but by then I knew to run to the piano.
A few days later, my teacher asked our class what our parents did as punishments. Like I said, I grew up thinking what my mom did was normal, so I raised my hand. When I was called on, I told the class that my mother cuts me with knives. Then, I showed everyone the scar. My whole class was impressed. I forgot what my teacher said, but I do remember that later, she called me up to her desk. She asked me if I was telling the truth and made me show her the cut again.
Soon, a parent conference was scheduled by my school's social worker. She came and got me in the middle of class and brought me to the auditorium, where the conference was being held. I do not remember a lot about this conference, but I do remember our social worker asking my mom why she cut me with a knife. My mom answered, "I only do it for her to concentrate!" And the social worker said to me, "See, your mom only does it for you to concentrate."
After this, all was forgotten, but not at home. My mom became even more abusive and made me promise to never tell anyone what she was doing to me or else I would be taken away. I loved my mom at the time and never understood what she was doing to me. I would always ask her if she loved me and she would beat me in response but I still loved her more than ever and never wanted to be taken away, so I kept quiet. My mom began to use the knife more and more often. She also began to use bicycle chains and drag me down the stairs by my feet, so my head would hit each step as we went down.
In fourth grade, there were many days where I came to school with my eyes so swollen and red from crying the night before. My friend was always suspicious about what was going on, but I never told her.I didn't think that she would believe me. In fifth grade, I never had a voice from screaming and yelling so much for my mom to stop hurting me. But all I wanted back then was for my mom to love me.
Then all of a sudden, in sixth grade, the physical abuse stopped. Sure, there were still emotional abuse going on, but it was so much better than what was happening the previous years. All of a sudden, I began to hate my mom. I absolutely couldn't stand her. I never wanted to see her and would lock myself in my room for hours.
I still hate my mom. I don't see how I could ever love someone who has never loved me when I so needed it when I was younger. I could never understand why she stopped beating me, and I'm just glad she did it. Nowadays, we argue 24/7, since she believes I am too stupid for anything.
This summer, I went to camp, and there was a girl in my cabin who was my total opposite in relation to our family-lives. She seemed to have the perfect family and I would feel so jealous. I was the only one who had never gotten a letter or care-package from my family. She was probably the one who understood me the most. I began to get used to not having to hear my mom yell at me all day long and as camp drew to an end, I knew that I would soon have to go back home and suffer endless emotional abuse.
I am applying for boarding school so I can finally escape my family. But even if I do, I don't think that I'll ever forget this.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed74

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 16 years old and I think I'm being abused. You see I get a lot from my mom, food and other necissitys(sp), along with a few expensive items I don't need, and I get to do whatever I want pretty much...but my mom treats me different then my other siblings.she's told me a few times it's because I stole her childhood (she was 15 when she had me). But that doesn't justify it. She calls me names, all the time. I'm pushed to pretty much raise my 5 year old brother. I'm constantly cleaning the house while she gets drunk(she's an alcholic) and in the mean time I have to do my homework, and that's not really that bad, it's livable. But what gets me wondering is the name calling. I'm constantly called fat, worthless, stupid, and idiotic. I'm told all the time life would be much better without me. And I don't know what to do. She also treats me way differnt then my younger sister who is 15 like she buys her stuff then will force me to give up the stuff I bought with my money to my little sister, and she forces me to clean more then her and she punishes us differntly for the same crime. I feel as If I'm just being spoiled, I know there are people who have it way worst then me, but I don't know. I'm suicidal. I take anti depressents and all my friends say I'm abused but I don't know. I would really like some help.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed75

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I was physically abused by my father, and my mother just watched: 
I was four years old when my father tied me up half naked to cry all night long in the sofa at our house. Of course the abused did not stop there. My father often used belts to hit me every time I made mistakes. I grew up rebellious, and did not do well at school. My father did not only abused me physically, but threatened to take away school and whatever extra-curricular activities when I did not do things that he asked of me. His lines were always, "You will stop studying if you don't do as I say." or "You will stop going to your ballet classes, if you do not listen to me." In addition to physical abuse, my father also touched my vagina while I was sleeping.

I hate my father, and I hate my mother for not doing anything to stop the abused. I want to kill both of them. I always imagine stabbing both of them repeatedly. I want to sue them for what they did to me. My mother neglected my sister and I while growing up, and I want to kill her. In my head I always imagine myself stabbing my mother repeatedly, maybe over 100 times. I hate them. I hate them. Where was GOD, when these two people abused me? If GOD were in every person, how could my father and mother have done this to me?

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed76

by Name Undisclosed
(Michigan, USA)

Father: 
My life was pretty good. amazing actually, all until i turned 11. i started puberty. boobs started growing. i looked less like a child and more like a woman. but i still had a kid's heart.

i was a cheerleader and got good grades in school and i liked to read

my father began to look at me in weird ways. he began to come into my room at night and watch me sleep. then he crawled into bed. at first he just slept with me. nothing else. then it got worst. first of all, i had no mom. i dont know what happened to her but im too scared to ask now.
well he started to sleep with me every night instead of once in a while. and began taking his clothes off. like first a few nights without a shirt. then without pants. then he lost the underwear too. me i was fully clothed and snuggled with the amazingly solid wall.
my brother, two years older, was oblivious.

then i began looking "hott" like the staple magazine girl. i didnt wear make up or dress skimpy or anything but i had big boobs and a skinny frame and a pretty face.

my father began groping at me in bed. and undressing me too. then suddenly, my brother came in my room one night. and he saw my dad. they got into a fight. but somehow, my dad convinced my brother it was all right. and my brother began touching me as well. as punishments, my father or brother would undress me and play with my body. fingering,groping, licking, humping. anything. i began to cry and blame it on myself. i tried to make myself uglier. bad haircuts. not shave. but nothing worked.

i poured my heart into cheerleading and school because home wasnt home anymore.

then.. i got raped. 13 years and raped by your father with your brother watching i cried and screamed but nothing worked and i was threatened not to tell anyone afterwards.

the sex became regular. both father and brother taking turns different nights. or doing it at the same time. it was horrid and i began drinking to get away at night. i was kicked off of cheer because i missed so many practices due to my brother and dad keeping me home for their own entertainment.

never was i hit. never was i physically hurt.

and the worst part was... my body enjoyed the sex. it was instinct. and they took moans and wetness as a sign to continue.

i hated myself.

and one person saved me. a cop who heard me screaming one night while my father and brother did their usual sex.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed77

by Name Undisclosed
(USA)

I'm a teenager right now. Still scared and afraid of my parents. I'm scared I might say or do something wrong that will trigger their minds to yell at me or hurt me. Or that an action or a word might turn on a switch that will make them hurt me, both physically and emotionally.
You see, I'm a musician. A very good one I think I am. I play many instruments, violin, cello, viola, bass, guitar, drums, piano, etc. I write poetry, songs, lyrics, stories, and other stuff. I also sing, and I'm trying to learn dance, but my school only offers 2 electives per student, for me it's chorus and orchestra. But I'm in 8th grade, and I've started having interest in music in 6th grade... But wow, I think I would be in a coffin, dead, if I didn't start music. Writing and playing music was the only thing that saved me. Of course, I have a few friends that know about my issues at home... But they don't understand. They have such wonderful and fun and kind and caring parents...
Me: ugh, I hate my parents...
Friend: don't say that!
That's what it is all the time.
I've had depression since I was very little, around 4. Then I started to realize that I had it and had thoughts of suicide at age 7. And I'm 13 now... Almost 14. And my situation has gotten worse. Like Metallica said in their song The Unforgiven 2, "No there's no sun shining through, no there's no sun shining...". I've always thought that love can save me. But the problem is I'm not that attractive or popular. I'm very weird indeed, but funny. I just hate it...
Well anyway, I think about suicide a lot. But I never do it. I know it's not worth it, and that maybe things will get better. And that I should wait until I'm 18, then I can run away from home and do what I want to do.
When I grow up, I want to have a record label and have a band and sing. Or if not, a violinist. I remember, in 7th grade, my dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I told him I wanted to be a musician. That was a horrible mistake. I should have never said that. He completely flipped the table over. Told me that I have no life and that I was stupid and that no one is dumb as me and that I fail at life... He forced me into this religion, it's buddha, but I was secretly Christian at that time, right now I'm Wiccan. But yeah. I told him I didn't want to, and he tried to kick me out of the house. I was really scared.
So the main problem(s) with my dad are that he tried to force me into a religion and that he's always against me, and that he wants me to be successful in math/science.
My dad's a scientist. So, he wants me to be a scientist too. But I don't want to. He doesn't listen to me. So, he makes me do all these riduclous math workbooks from Japan(that's where I'm from, but I moved to the USA). And I don't speak Japanese, and the problems are in Japanese... So I have no clue what they're asking me to do, I have no clue what it says. So I look at the answers, and then I get in trouble. This has been going on for 10 years now. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of my dad asking me to show the work every saturday or so, me trying to fake it and lying, him yelling at me that I am a failre at life, and him threatening me.
I just hate how everytime I pass by my parents or see them they always yell at me or complain about me or scold me or hit me. And I hope you understand what I'm feeling, I don't want to be at home. I want to die. But I want to play music and hang out with friends. And recently my mom has thrown out my acoustic guitar. From the 3rd floor window(we live on the 3rd floor). It shattered to pieces. Now, if you're a musician you would understand how it was seeing that with my own eyes... How could someone do that? How can someone throw out someone's life? Throw out a remedy or medicine of a person who was suffering so much? I don't want my other instruments do get like that, so I never play music now. But I do when I'm home alone. I just hate how I always have to be careful, be careful of what I do. It's just not living.
School used to be heaven for me compared to my house. But recently, people have been bullying me, talking about me behind my back, leaving me out, pushing, laughing, calling me names. Etc. So I don't want to go to school, the only best part of the day is orchestra, which I only have for 50 minutes. So that is like 50 minutes of heaven.
Now, to my mom. My mom hits me more than my dad does. My mom slaps me, kicks me, pulls my hair and tries to kick me out. Of course, that would be the best thing, but the problem is I don't have money(I never get allowance)... And I can't get a job because I'm still in school. My mom slaps me for many reasons, I don't listen to her, I lose something, I spill something, I do something small wrong, I stain a shirt, I make my brother cry, etc. For the smallest things, she yells at me then hits me until I'm heavily bruised or bleeding. She has short temper, and she's really bipolar. She's also repetetive, which annoys me so much... She hits my brother too. Chokes him. Hits him. But he doesn't get it that bad compared to what she does to me. She makes me go to Japanese school every Saturday. Basically it's just studying math and language arts. I don't understand it, and I don't have time to do it. And I get a ton of homeworrk, and I fail all my tests and everyone is an a**hole. I just don't get the concept of it. Homework from there has made me decrese my knowledge, made things worse with my parents, a waste of money and time... Why the hell should I go?
I guess this is not the kind of story that they want, it's uinfinished and boring, no one would read it. I just wanted to dump my feelings out... I don't know if I'll survive, but I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by the time I'm 18... So long everybody, and I hope none of you have a stiuation as bad or worse than mine...

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed78

by Name Undisclosed
(Orlando, Florida, USA)

I love dancing and acting and being the ceneter of attention.im very confident and outgoing and have alot of friends.i sound like a typical 15 year old girl but not only if you look behind the glued smiled on my face and the story that lies in my eyes.where do i began?..... As a child i grew up with both parents and lived in the suburbs of orlando,florida.happy child & a happy family. Then there was a split between my mom and my dad that turn our once happy family when i was 5years old.i remeber my mother burning my daddy things and throwing them out the door.tears covered her face while she threw them outside in the rain.unexpectedly my mother droped me and my two brothers off to the backery where my daddy worked. She kissed us on the forehead and left us in front of his truck in the parking lot.hungry and confused we didnt know what was going on at the time. But we all knew this wasn't good because our mother wasnt coming back......life with only a father was a lil hard to get use to..my daddy started dateing this women who had two kids of her own. They moved in with us and i had a new brother and sister.i was confused because i was curious to know what happen to the woman i use to call "mom". Life wasnt that bad until one day i met my new "mom" nephew. At first he seemed like a cool kid and he even started spending the night over.i remeber taking a bath and singing in the tub. So innocent,so pure.untill my stepmother nephew walked in the bathroom. I shut the bathroom curtains and i remeber him saying "oh,my bad!" and i headred the bathroom door shut.so i started singing again....unaware of his presence he pulled the curtains back looking down at me smileing at me.i felt uncomfortable so i begged him to get out.he started takeing off his shirt stateing that he was going to take a bath with me. That's when i jumped out the tub.he grabbed my arm and i remeber those words that sent chills to my body "let's make love". I ran out the bathroom naked and searched for something to wear in my room. I headred my daddy's voice downstairs so i tried to hurry up. He beat me to it because he followed me and shut my bedroom door. I looked at him now afraid and crying i ran to my bed and wrapped a blanket around me.he kept pulling for the covers. As we wrestled for the blanket he finally got it off me. He walked over to me smileing and touched me in my private area which made my body tremble.i can recall seeing some shorts by the bed. I ran and put them on. He grabbed me by the neck and kissed me on the lips. Then the door open. A sighn of relief.which i thought it was but it was only his baby brother which was 2 at the time.i heared his mother call for him so he and his baby brother left the room.i ran and shut the door crying putting on my clothes. Before i can open the door again it was him standing there in front of me i started punching him and kicking him until he pend my lil body down to the wall and said "don't tell your daddy what i did or we both going to get in trouble" i yelled to him to let me go he did. I remeber sitting on the ground and him on the bed both in silence.my stepmother open the door and said "you ready to eat" i got up and raned..feeling confused..i remeber laying down that night crying.everytime i close my eyes i can see his face.my mind kept replaying that event.i was just a 5year old girl. At that time i needed my mother!but..she wasn't there.

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed79

by Name Undisclosed
(Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada)

My life was over as a kid; I didn't have a chance: 
My mom had me when she was 16 years old, I didnt know my dad, he died when I was ten, drank so much cause of residential school effects I am assuming. I was adopted by my grandma and who I call my step mom cause she raised me since I was 2years old. I was often witness to parties and being neglected and having nobody, i have spent many hours running the street in a small town trying to find a place to stay while only finding another party. I would be alone all alone feeling like nobody cared. I don't remember what age I was that my boy cousins would start sexually abusing me, I was maybe 7 years old I think. I was abused by my cousins, by older men who make me sick, everytime I see them I was to make them feel how I felt!! I hate them! They took away my life, I was never the same after. I am closed off, cold towards guys, I have been told by ex boyfriends I am a cold person, I don't like huging, kissing, or any of that, often when I am having sex I sometimes think of the times I was abused and lose interest. I can't keep a realtionship going, I have been single for a long time, I am single mom. I was promiscuous growing up and didn't care who i slept with or abour my reputation. People who didn't know anything about my past would call me a s**t, whore, etc... which is alot of mental abuse. Which led me to drink and just not care what people thought. I was an acoholic at 17 years old. I have a son now and I am single mom, I am very causious about who I let babysit him who is around him, I am very protective and I don't leave him alone much at all because I don't want to leave him with that one wrong person who can change his life forever. I wonder cause my mom was also sexually abused, I wonder how she could know or leave me with peopel who have been drinking or would come home drunk knowing the risks already. I have beat up people and lose my temper easily, I don't trust people, all because of sexual abuse and seeing physical abuse while growing up. I don't mean to hurt the people I have hurt, I know it's wrong, but I have been hurting since I was young. I was called down by my auntie and my mom called a s**t and whore, they didnt know I was sexually abused and how gross I felt and hurt I was and I just didn't have any care about who I slept with. I am starting to understand why I acted the way I did and wish life would have been easier and I didn't have those bad things happen to me. I have been sober for almost 4 years now, healing journey begins I have changed my life for my son and am doing good now, but these memories are still there, when I put my fake smile on for the world I am still hurting inside from all I have been through

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed80

by Name Undisclosed
(Nebraska, USA)

Molested. And. Confused: 
It also happened to my sister, who is a year older than me. I was 6(I think) at the time. My step-brother was like 11. I dont remember how it started or anything. But I remember it like it happened yesterday. We would go in his room and play 'truth or dare'. He would dare me to do oral on him, he would do it to me. I didnt know it was wrong, I mean I was 6, alittle kid. I didnt know what it was, or how to feel about it.
I dont remember him every telling me not to tell, but I never did. It went on for like a year or less, and then just stopped.
Sometimes my sister would do it with us.
He never penetraded us, but the molestation was plenty.
My parents dont know, and Ive only told one of my best friends. Its easier to tell people who you dont really love, rather than the ones you do love. I could never tell my parents.
Because of those many incidents, I now have postpartum depression. Or at least have the symptoms that I have read off the internet. It replays everyday in my mind.
Im afraid of getting serious in relationships. Im shy. Reserved. Paranoid. But the thing with all that is, I hate everything about this. I hate being shy, quiet, reserved, and I hate the fact that Im afraid of getting into relationships with people.
And my sister, who this also happened too, is totally opposite of this. She has made some bad choices, but is not is a Great relationship with a great guy. She is outgoing, and she doesnt let this ordeal run her life.
I guess I dont get how that works.
And I dont get why Im afraid of getting close in relationships, but then I thrive for it. I love knowing someone loves me. I love the thought of being with someone. Getting married. Having kids.
But every time I find someone, I always drive them away. And end everything we have. I always mess it up somehow. I love guys, but they intimidate me.
Im a 15 year old girl, afraid of love, afraid of getting hurt again.
Sorry this is so long. Just needed to get it out.
Also, Im getting better. Im excepting it happened, and making changes in my life, for the better.
Thank you!

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed81

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Unknown)

Never Heard! 
It happen when i was younger. my sister boyfriend would come in my room and touch me when i was sleeping..when i got up he told me not to tell.. so one day he came over and he try to do it again so i hit him, and my sister yelled at me. I told her why i had hit him but she said i still shouldnt have hit him... so no body no's ...he want to jail for munder, but he is out now and he had came back in it my sister life..... i dont know what to do im scared he'll do it again....he just looks at me and smiles...

Child Abuse Story From Carra

by Carra
(Indiana, USA)

Why is my life hell? 
My mother died from cancer when I was only eleven years old. I was sent to live with my father who is a abusive alcoholic,both mentally and physically. I remember that my mother divorced him because of his tempers and drinking. I remember that he was the first person to call me a b***h, a hoe, fat and make me feel worthless. I was beaten, smacked, and kicked. I was left with welts from belts and extention cords. He told me and my sister we killed our mother. As I ate he called me fat. I was intimidated and humiliated as often as he deemed deserving. I never had a chance to mourn the loss of my mother. I quickly became suicidal...and depressed. No one could get me out of that hell hole. The schools did nothing. My family did nothing...everyone turned a blind eye. My sister was my saviour but she couldn't do much. My father married my stepmonster who doubled the emotional abuse. the physical abuse stopped from him. She competed with me for the attention from my father.When i went to counseling three times a week from being sucidal she said all i needed was an ass whooping and all i wanted was attention. yeah...positive attention...not the abuse...i was only 14!!! Hell I didn't want any. I wanted to stay out of his hellious furry. As soon as I was eighteen I was out of there. she suffers him soley. hell they suffer each other. I still deal with depression and anger because i don't have family who can relate. No one can relate....ever. I fight everyday to get out of the bed and I fight daily not to fall back into depression. Its so real...everyday its real...i am constantly told i am weird...and i never let people get close to me. I am recieving help to this day. But its still hard. I hope this helps all who read.
I am a survivor...and so are you...never forget....

Child Abuse Story From Nikki

by Nikki
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 12 and I have bin abused by my family: 
My mom wasnt really the problem it was my brother he was all physical abuse and my mom was verbal.My mom would always call me names and my brother would hit me everytime I did something wrong.

After I said that I had, Had enpugh of this and my mom said "what you have a perfict life" I said "you would change your mind if you were in my shoes" My mom thought that I gave her to muh sas so she slapped me..

I ran to my room. I had remember that my friend told me that her mom abused her she cut her self to get reliefe. She was abused by her mom and it got so bad she hung herself so now she's gone.

I found a sharpener and got the blade out and I remmeber she told me not to cut vaines. So I made sure I went around.. But after I did it once I couldnt stop. So I continued.

After each cut I put a peace of toilet paper over it. I think my mom won't find. I think who cares if she does. I think I don't care.

4 Days later my brother found out he said I was messed up in the head and started hitting me with a baton and he broke my wrist. The same day my brother said don't say what really happened or I will make it worse.

After I got my castMy brother was hitting me again but this time only left some bad brusing. I snuck out that night with 4 bruced ribs and A concotion, After that I moved out of my house and in my best friend!

Child Abuse Story From Mick

by Mick
(Location Undisclosed)

Hello and thank you for reading my story. I have recently broken up with my girl friend,I couldn't give her the reasurance she needed as I wasn't able to reasure myself. I am heart broken. I have struggled to reasure myself my whole life and being in a realtionship only magnifies this. All my relationships have a similiar pattern, as the love developes part of me shuts off and I just cant give anymore. As a child I was abused physically, sexually and emotionally by my father. He was in and out of my life for the first twelve years with a few meetings ending when l was fifteen. The abuse only really stopped at 12 when I no longer lived with him. I was taken into a childrens home which was a positive move and a place i still have good memories of. I have managed to be self sufficent and achieve many positives in mylife but relationships wether friendships or more intimate ones have been unbearably difficult. Now in my mid 30's l'm asking myself can l ever have a relationship. I am so heart broken after this break up, however it has shocked me into seeking help. I begin councelling next week and I aim to spill my soul in an effort to find peace and comfort. I cant go on any longer like this as the pain is too much but with people l care about all saying l need help and me wanting the same l feel optomistic for the future, it can only help. Its understandable to hate yourself when the person who should be protecting you abuses you.

Child Abuse Story From Makaylah

by Makaylah
(Wyoming, USA)

Fly swatters and meth: 
It was november 2004 6 and 5 year old Ric and Ky (names changed) were left home alone with there 9 year old sister and 3 year old sister. The boys not know what trouble they would get in went into there parents room. They found a bag of meth on the bed and brought it to there sister. The sister didnt know what it was so she dumped it outside. When mom and dad came home they werent pleased. They found the bag was missing. They yelled at the kids asking what heppend. Too scared all of them said they didnt know. They lined up the kids and one smacked them and beat them with flyswatters until one spoke up. Even poor little 3 year old Sally (name changed) was beaten. Makaylah the older sister finally spoke up and said she threw it away. Makaylah was beaten brutally and sent to the corner where she was forced to stand for a whole day with out food and little water.

Child Abuse Story From Rachel

by Rachel
(Location Unknown)

since i was five i would always hide from my dad. he was very scary and just nasty.... at first he just started hitting me with a belt and just say i'm a b***h or even other names i would always cry. my mom passed away after my 3rd birthday.... i don't know what happened to her my dad wouldn't tell me... so i had a feeling he did something but who knows.... after thoughs years my dad was still hitting me and calling me names... but after i started middle school i started developing fast and i mean FAST!!!! i kinda hated myself for it cause even in school i got grabbed on the chest area.... one day i went home from school terrified wondering whats going to happen next.... my dad was really drunk like wasted.... i went to my room to go change then thats when he went into my room and forced me to touch him and tell me to call him the best daddy in the world.... i was so scared that night thats when he raped me... i started thinking about severley harming myself i started cutting and just a huge change in my personality i mean i know i was messed up before but when he raped me it changed.... i could never get my virginity back one thing i was actually proud of in my life but its all gone and i feel nasty i lost it to my dad.... i know its not my fault but i cant do nothing about it now.... im 18 now my dad passed away from drinking to much..... im living with my best friend now and im slowly getting better from this situation.... but it still haunts me to this day.... im very open on telling my story now if people ask for my history.... im very mature for my age.

Child Abuse Story From Jonathan Q

by Jonathan Q
(Texas, USA)

Why me: 
i was a little kid not much to look at and not smart. when my mom was 18 she was with a guy who would hit her and beat her with any thing he could. when she got pregnet with me he tried to kill me while i was still in her. she fought back and sent him to the hospital. the cops came and got him they walked in with her still holding the broken 2 by 4.
then she had me and had to rase me as a single mom with a 9th grade readinh lvl. she still tried to have a normal life and date guys, but a yera later she got with another abuse of guy. he would beat her. i never told her this, but i remember her screaming becuse he would hit her. she got pregnet with his kid and than he left. so she had to take care of us both. however she couldn't so she gave up my sister. i havent seen her in 16 almost 17 years. i remember what she looked like when i was one. havent talked to or seen her exsept for pictures. she still went on dates though and she finly found a guy that she loved. and at first i did to, but after i asked him to be my dad and they got married he changed. when i was about 10 i told him no and i was sick of him yelling at me and things like that so i kept yelling back and i was rude a little to., but he scared me so bad i ran to my room crying. she yelled at him for that. he didn't stop though. when i was 14 i came home and he started yelling at me i got scared and backed up to the wall. he hit me across my face, but he's smart he never leaves a bruise. he kept yelling and hitting me. and when i was 15 he got so mad that he through me onto the floor and when i tried to get up he punshed me and told me to stay dowm. he never stopped yelling at me i was so mad and scared. i kept waiting for him to kill me he never said it, but he did say a lot of things. like he said i was a waste of space and that i didn't deserve to live. that he wish i was dead, that i was nothing to him..so on and so on. and to this day he still hits me but i never told my mom becuse she loves him. i cant take away her love becuse of my selfish resons so i let it go, but i getting mader and mader. and i am scared that when i 18 i might do some bad things becuse ill be at the high point of my hormons and ill be full of rage. guys get at the high point with there homans at 18 girls at 24, so how will i act at 18 full of testasteron and rage. (cant spell my mom had a hard problem with that 2 she couldn't even read till the 6th grade didn't know how to spell her own namd but she new that letters and could figher it out.), but i don't wont to hurt anyone. i just scared of what i can do becuse i have goten stronger. i only way 145 but i can bench 245 and thats a lot for my size. what will i become if i cant control myself?

Child Abuse Story From Alex L

by Alex L
(Location Undisclosed)

Here's what im going through, and i'm over my head. i dont know how to handle it. Im 15 years old, my mom has suddenly decided to hate me, for the life of me i cant figure out what i did. we used to be really close but that isnt the case anymore. she hits me.. a lot. she likes to use a bat, but she'll use what ever she can get her hands on. Ive been cut with a knife on a number of occations and i have the scars to prove it. shes lately threated to kill me, she thinks that i ruined her life so she thinks i deserve to die. shes put a knife to my throat,and tried to sufficate me with my pillow when im asleep a couple of times. I kept telling myself that things will get better and i can handle this, but its getting worst and worst. im at the point where im afraid to fall asleep... i always thought i was a strong person, but lately i just feel like im pathetic for not being able to suck this is up. i cant take it anymore. i dont know how to get help.

Child Abuse Story From Ashley G

by Ashley G
(Georgia, USA)

The abuse that i went thru when i was little: 
When i was about 3 years old i had an abusive daddy. he was always drunk or on drugs and just didnt know what he was doing. he always hit me if i went outside or to friends house or even told him good night. he was a realy sick man. but now he is doing a whole lot better he got help with the drugs, drinking, and abuse. but now when i look back on everything i think he was just messed up and he realy didnt mean to. well to all the people out there being abused please get help cause its not good cause what if you have kids one day and your abusive to them its not gonna help the situation any longer. even if you are being abused by parents, grandparents, friends, spouses still love them they just have a problem that they need help with try and get help please cause its not worth sitting around and being like his punching bag.

thanks so much for listening
Ashley G

Child Abuse Story About My Great Uncle John

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My great uncle John grew up as tough and mean SOB as anyone in the family. His child abuse began a while after his parents divorced and his mother remaried to RP. RP liked the idea of his oldest stepson B-- becoming a proffesional heavyweight boxer, so RP would have B-- and Uncle John fight. John- being legally blind- would have to take off his glasses, making things even more unfair seeing as B-- was already 7 years older. So every night it was the same routine... B-- would beat the $#!T out of John. Well one day John got the best of B-- and beating him on the ground when RP walked in and didn't like what he saw. He then proceeded to pick John up, shake him around while screaming at him, and then run his head into the basement wall(concrete). He then held John while B-- repeatedly beat John again and again. John would never be physically capable of standing up straight ever again. John later grew up, though, with the three of his brothers closer than ever. They learned to forgive and forget seeing as they were young and had the father that they did.

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

The first memory I have of my childhood.... my birthday, (either 4th or 5th I think) I don't no if it was the first time but it's the first I remember. My dad had been drinking, he was angry at my mum, they started fighting and she hit her head on the door handle. She wasn't moving. Dad had no one left to take out his anger. He took me to the kitchen and pinned me to the table, and then... yeah, that was the first time I remember. This carried on for years, every single day without fail. I felt disgusting, I was disgusting. He told me if I told he would kill me like he did mum and I believed him. The sexual abuse was only half of it, a bad grade at school = a beating usually with a belt but often with other objects to. A word spoken at the wrong time = tied to the bed frame with tape over my mouth for the night. I was convinced every day I woke up it would be the day I would die. I didn't, I survived, I'm 16 now and I lead a relitively normal life. Behind closed doors I am broken and I will never be fixed, he ruined my life. I would do anything to stop this happening to other children. Thank you fir Reading.

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous

by Anonymous
(Location Unknown)

Hardest part of my life: 
My story isn't as bad as other ones that I've read, but my parents are currently going through a divorse right now. I'm 13 years old and my dad left me and my mom and brother. He claims he wants to be single, and he told my mom that, I overheard it and it killed me considering he told us he says he loves us more than anything in the world. The day he left me and my brother were crying and my mom tried explaining to us why he left, my mom called my dad and asked him if he could come home for a minute and help her explain to us why he left, and he asked my mom if it was worth it and didn't come. We were building a house and temporarily living in an apartment waiting for the house to be built. Our dream was to have that house we were waiting almost 10 months for that house, right when we got the permit to start building, he left. My mom is going through a really hard time trying to get money from him to have us live the life before. I haven't seen my mom happy in 3 months when he left, our bills are 3500 and he wants to give 5000 a month. He's only doing this to make my mom struggle. My mom isn't fighting with him for her rights, its for our rights my mom loves me and my brother more than anything she didn't want to get the divorse just for us, she was suffering 15 years just so me and my brother can live a normal life. My dad puts me on the spot and asks questions about who is at our house and what my mom is doing and he always says that i hate him and dont want him to come home. My mom on the other hand, blames me for the fighting. I really just want a break, im 13 years old and im stressing so much i have no idea what to do but theyre both taking it out on me and hurting me a lot, they might not know it and i hide it i dont want more problems. My dad says he loves us and my mom says he doesn't. I believe my mom. My dad used to be the best dad ever he took us our everyday and this past year he's been ignoring us. I mean I'm used to it now, but when i look back at how great of a dad he was it really hurts. I just want to live a normal 13 year old girl's life. Back to before i had to worry about financial problems, and when i worried about grades and homework. My parents both hurt me a lot and sometimes i start to get the thoughts of running away, any suggestions?

Child Abuse Story From Anonymous51

by Anonymous
(Location Undisclosed)

My actual sexual abuse isn't that severe compared to other writers on this site, but I still find it very hard to tell people about. I've only told about one or two close friends any sort of details, and only about 6 people know that i have been abused. I get very emotional and start crying even if I just mention the abuse. I've never been able to tell my parents, either.

It started when I was in the first grade. I was 6/7 years old. I was in class, and an older boy (he was not in my grade) was sitting next to me. We were in the back of the room and it was free time, or we were doing something in class where people could move in and outside of the classroom freely. He got really close to me and asked me to unzip my jeans. I didn't want to and I thought it was really weird, but he kept bugging and yelling at me about it, so I finally did, thinking that after I unzipped my pants he would leave me alone. He did the opposite. Once I did, he tried to touch me and tried to pull down my underwear (I still remember what my underwear looked like to this day). He kept trying to touch, lick, and kiss me on my face and in other places, and succeeded. It felt so weird and I had no idea how to stop him. Then he unzipped his pants and pulled down his underwear and wanted me to touch him. He was yelling at me the whole time, trying to get me to do what he said, and trying to get me to "relax" so he could kiss me more. He told me if I didn't touch him then he would tell the teacher that I broke a classroom rule. He said this because when I was little I was always "the good kid" and was really afraid of making the teacher upset or getting in trouble. Luckily, free time was over, so he stopped for then.

That was the worst instance of my sexual abuse, although there have been others. I realized about half a year ago that this abuse, though I didn't know it, was controlling my life. I had ended up so insecure about my body image, my relationships with friends and men/boys in general. I had a hard time trusting anyone, or letting anyone too far into my life. I didn't realize it then but the abuse I had suffered when I was little had screwed up my whole life. I was so ashamed of what I looked like, that I didn't want to look 'cute' or anything like that (I am a girl). In junior high this feeling intensified, and more people started bullying and teasing me about the way I looked. It got so bad I cut myself for a little under 2 years. Some days went by where I thought of killing myself, and what would be the easiest way to end my life. My parents found out about the cutting, because i would cut myself on my wrists. They were worried and put me in therapy, but I didn't tell them what had happened to me, and I still really wasn't aware that this stage in my life was a by-product of being molested.

I was doing better once i got to high school. I was very involved and busy. I had friends who didn't judge me on the way I looked or dressed. I stopped cutting also. Then one day during senior year, me and my friend were just fooling around, and he accidentally touched me inappropriately. He did not intend to at all, but to mine and his surprise, I snapped at him, and told him to back off and stop touching me. I had almost started crying right there. Then it all came back. i started flashing back to that unforgettable day in first grade. I didn't mean to be mean to my friend, but that was my unconscious reaction to what had happened. My friend wanted to talk about what had happened, because he had clearly seen that this had upset me. During the time in between when the incident happened and when we actually talked about it, I started to think why I had reacted that way. Everything made me think of my past, and for me to get so freaked out by being touched there by accident, I started to think of everything that I felt insecure of in my life, and it all made sense now.

I ended up talking with my friend (it was not easy and I don't think talking about something like that ever will be!!!). It felt so good to get something like that out and off of my chest. This guy was the first person I ever told. The feeling of "coming out" about your abuse is so amazing and liberating. I had felt filthy and shameful for so long. I thought that no one would ever want to hear "my pity story." I've recently told a few other close friends (in the past month), and I am coming to realize that telling others who are willing to listen to my story is not the selfish, self-centered thing that I thought it was for so long. It is a healthy way to let out your feelings. It doesn't matter if the abuse has gone on for many years or if you have been touched only once. WE ALL NEED TO TELL SOMEONE! Telling someone (it does NOT have to be your parents) is a crucial part of healing your past and it isn't big-headed or self-centered.

I hope that this helps at least one person open up to someone. I am still trying to figure out how to further heal myself, and i am also working on talking openly about it with very close and understanding friends.

Child Abuse Story From Sky W

by Sky W
(Oklahoma, USA)

I suffer from emotional abuse...I think. My dad is nice. Most of the time. I love him. I really do. But he is prone to bouts of extreme anger. It's scares me-a lot. He'll throw stuff around and make holes in the walls. He punched a door one time, and it's still broken. I get scared, because he does this at least once a month. I'm constantly afraid that something I say or do might tick him off.

All of my friends love him. That's because he's too happy around other people. At home, he belittles me. He tells me my ideas are stupid. He constantly ignores me, or shoots down everything I say. In fact, I hate myself because I cherish the few, rare moments where I make him laugh. It makes me feel sick that I hang onto those moments. He's threatened to shoot my dog in the backyard before, and I said I'd call the animal police. He grabbed me around the neck, threw me against the wall and told me not to ever say anything about reporting him to the police, in my face. His eyes were void of anything. I have 3 rabbits which I cherish very much. He said he'd throw their cages out into the backyard, if I didn't sweep the back porch regularly. And then, if they were still alive, drive them to an abandoned road and leave them there to die. It scares me. A lot. He's called me a bitch before. And he knows it hurts because I've told him. He said it shouldn't. He always says I can do better, whenever I get all A's on my report card, save for one class. I've considered suicide. I just don't know. I want to go to a counselor, but I don't want to be taken away. I just want someone to listen and hold me while I cry.

Child Abuse Story From Kristine H

by Kristine H
(Hawaii, USA)

It all started when I was 6 years old my mom married an army guy. I don't remember how it started but it happened when my mom went to work he'd make me go with him. Or when I came in from playing outside. It started out as touching. He'd touch me and made me touch him. I thought it was normal but for some reason I had to keep it a secret. After awhile he made me perform oral sex on him. After he'd give me money And send me on my way. At one point I wanted to tell but he told me no one would believe me and if I did he'd make sure I wouldnt see my family again. So I kept quiet. At age 14 he started haveing intercourse with me. Everytime I felt dirty I lay there hopeing he'd hurry. I tried committing suicide 4 times. I remember a councler told my mom I wanted to die...my mom just laughed. The first time my mom found out she just tried keeping me away from him and never alone. But it still happened only now he took me out of school to go to a hotel. At 15 she found a note he made me write to him. She stormed down the stairs and grabbed whatever that was in her sight and beat me with it. If it broke she'd find another and another.3 days later she sent me to my grandmas while she worked it out with him..still til today my mom, sister,my sisters sister and his family thinks it was a affair and it was my fault....I try to forget about it but they won't let me. I lost my innocence, my mom, my sister, my ability to trust or get close to anyone. I'm scarred for life. I've done drugs I'm still battleing my addiction. been sober 7 months. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it.15 years later and im still dealing with it on my own all bymyself. While they act like nothing ever happend. how is it that he gets off Scott free and I'm the one doing the time.

Child Abuse Story From Lauren M

by Lauren M
(USA)

I don't know if my story counts as abuse or not. My little brother assures me it's not, and I'm just making everything up and I'm the one being mean.
I'm 15 years old, soon to be 16. And I haven't talked about this to anyone other then my aunt and my little brother.
Growing up my dad was usually working, and when he was home he'd spend his time with my older sister or my younger brother. I don't really hold that against him, being the middle child it's expected.
But, for about the first 8 years of my life I kept accidentally calling my older sister mother; my real mother was usually on the computer, looking up things on the Internet all day. She never talked to us, never looked at us, never played with us. My sister did most of the cooking, and she and I split the cleaning. Mom just spent every day with the computer, from the time she woke up, to the time dad came home around dinner. Once dad was home, she'd act perfectly normally as the perfect housewife, she'd cook dinner and set the table and dad didn't know the wiser. Second he went to bed, she'd get on the computer and stay up until 4 or 5 am.
Sometimes when we asked if we, we meaning mother, and us, could make cookies she'd say 'Oh, you can make cookies if you clean up the kitchen', or, 'We'll make cookies tomorrow, I promise' and then she'd forget about it the next day, and deny ever promising us anything, and sometimes yell at us as though we are accusing her of some misdeed.
Once my sister reached puberty, our mother started to get verbally abusive with my sister. She'd call her names and yell at her for things like one of us spilling some milk, or leaving toys out, or blaming her for the dirty kitchen because she messed it up with her cooking. She'd get really mad at us, and she was really scary. Sister was a strong-hearted person, so she fought back, which only made things worse in the end. My sister hated us, because if we weren't here things would be a lot easier for her, because she would not have to take care of us and be our mommy.
A few months ago my sister moved out with her boyfriend. In the weeks leading up to her leaving were very bad, mom didn't even try to hide her true self from dad after she found out. She screamed, and yelled at her and called her names. After she left, my mother was actually glad she was gone, and thanked the gods. Blaming everything that bad happened on sister, because she caused so much trouble. Dad didn't do anything.
Now with sister gone, it's my turn to be the oldest child according to mom, I do a lot of the housework and cleaning and I make breakfast and lunch, she makes dinner, and cooks on the weekends. The verbal abuse has turned to me, but I really love my mother, but it hurts. After we got in a really bad fight, because I wasn't doing enough housework, and I wasn't being a good oldest child, I closed myself up in my room and that's when I started cutting myself on my legs, so no one could see. I thought I deserved it and that if I cut myself, if I punished myself, that somehow it would make mother happy. Sometimes I wish she would just hit me instead of yelling at me, make me feel a little less guilty.
I used to scrape nail clippers against my legs when I was 5 or 6, thinking mother would notice and give me a hug. But she never did' And truth be told, I've never been hugged once, until my ballet teacher did when I was 13. Back then, I wished every night that I could be her daughter, and she'd take me away from here and I wouldn't have to be lonely anymore. She was my very first friend, but after a few classes I never saw her again.
For a few days, mother actually woke up and made breakfast for daddy and I, and she actually smiled. I was so happy that I started crying; I thought I had my mother back, and everything was going to be okay after all, and everything before this was a bad dream. But that only lasted for 3 days, and remembering it is just like salt on an open wound. It's as though she gave me a taste of happiness, and then snatched it away from me just so that I knew what I was missing from a mother, like taking giving, and then taking candy away from a baby.
I haven't talked to my dad about this, because I don't want to bother him about it. Maybe my brother was right, and this isn't abuse, and it's all in my head, and that I'm the one who's being mean and cruel to mother. I'm the bad person'
I've attempted suicide a few times, but I stop myself because I don't want to make a mess for mom, or cause dad any trouble.
I don't know if this is abuse or if it's all in my head, like brother says.
Because of numerous experiences, friends abandoning me because I'm not part of their religion, my mother not wanting me, my teacher leaving me, my sister hating me, my brother not believing me, my dad not protecting me, it's wrecked havoc on my social life, online and in the real world. If I do start to get attached to anyone, or anything, I unconsciously detach myself and treat him or her with indifference, or simply vanish from contact, so I don't have to get hurt.

Child Abuse Story From Shannon

by Shannon
(Toronto, Canada)

The first part of my childhood, from birth to age 13, was spent with both biological parents. From the age of 3, my Father sexually abused me. My Mother caught him the very first time he ever touched me, and numerous times over the years....but she did absolutely nothing to help me. During this same time period, my Mother was rarely around if she didn't have to be. Her social life was what mattered, she abused alcohol and weed and verbally abused me. I spent my entire life being called a "little b***h". She was especially awful to me if I didn't have the house clean when she woke up/got home.
My Father's sexual attacks continued regularly atleast 3 or 4 times a week until I was 13 years old...
My Mother dropped my siblings and I off at summer camp one August morning (the summer before I turned 13) and a week later, when we were expecting to see her in the pick up area...there was my Father. No matter how many times I asked where she was, he ignored my question for most of the 5 hour drive home. He finally told us that she had left him during the week that we were at camp. Life as I knew it was about to get even worse...we had been living with my Father's parents while he was building our house. After she left, he moved us in to this unfinished house that had no plumbing, no hydro and no heat and I was basically turned in to a wife. I had to cook, clean and look after my 3 younger siblings. At night, things were unbearable because my Father began having sex (rather than just touching and all the other gross stuff he did) with me almost every single night and if I cried, he would tell me it was what I wanted and that it made him happy.
We heard nothing from my Mother from that August until a week before Christmas, when she showed up out of the blue on my birthday. After everything I had been going through, I was afraid to face my Mother...I hid in my room for the first hour she was there. When I finally came out, I said hello and all she said to me was "Oh, you're talking to me now B***h?"
A week later, on Christmas Eve, she came to spend xmas with us and I had to sit there and listen while my parents argued and blamed and USED ME AS A WEAPON to hurt each other. All I ever wanted to do was please my parents, and so when my Father had trash talked my Mother, I agreed with whatever he said. That xmas Eve he threw all my words in her face...I'll never forget her coming in to my room that night around midnight - she said "I'll get you back for this you little b***h!" I hadn't seen her in 4 months and in less than a week, she had called me a B***h twice...the fighting got worse between them and she FINALLY took us away from him that very day...as all of our xmas presents remained unopen under the tree.
Fast forward a year and she moved her boyfriend and his 2 kids in to the house and once again, I was Cook, Maid and Child Care Provider to my siblings and his kids. From the day he walked in to that house, what her boyfriend wanted, he got - what he said went. What her children wanted was of little to no importance. If I tried to argue with him or stick up for myself, she would take his side every single time and he would smile at me when she couldn't see him and move his hands around like he was controlling a marionette and smile. His verbal abuse and controlling behaviour proved far too much for me and I ran away from home at 16. My mother didn't speak to me for 4 years because by leaving home, somehow I had "f**ked her over"...I never asked her for anything, never turned to them for help in anyway, I simply left one day and never looked back. I'll never know how she saw this as an attack on her.
I could go on and on and....sadly, on and on some more. My mother has hated me my whole life for things that were not my fault, not in my control and she made me the ultimate "Black Sheep" with my siblings so that none of them have a problem verbally and mentally abusing me either. But - if I fight back they attack me and cast me from the family until one of them deems me worthy to come back.
I suffer from Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Bi-Polar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with after my son was born (at 32) before that, I had gone undiagnosed and self-medicated with drugs and alcohol for about 12 years - and my family? My sister rolled her eyes at me when I tried to discuss my illness, My Mother simply said "No you don't" when I told her...they all tell me they're sick of me "making myself in to a victim" by having a mental illness that I would rather NOT have! After the most recent abuse I took from my family, which was at my sister's hands - I have gotten very ill mentally. I can not control the constant negative thoughts in my head and I cry all the time. It breaks my heart because I want to be a happy loving caring Mother who never ever puts my problems on to my son. he's only 9 months old and everyone who meets him says he's "such a happy baby" but I obsess inside my pain and hurt so much, I already worry about what he'll be like as a teenager if I don't get healthy and find some inner peace.
Anyways, thank you for providing a forum for me to discuss some of what happened to me.

Child Abuse Story From Kim O

by Kim O
(San Diego, California, USA)

Where do I begin? Standing in tears? Salty. Sweet. Snakes. Scorpians. Polar Bears. Monsters. Drowning. Being shot at. Stabbed. Chased. Flying. Those were the dreams during childhood. My dear Mother: The emotional, spiritual or psychological cost to her children was of no concern to my mother. Whatever she did, we were collateral damage. To her and my Dad: Money became everything (they made it big in real estate in 70's). If it's true the "love of money is the root of all evil", than here's an example: After my great grandma died, my mother’s demands for her money went rejected by my grandfather, so my mother suddenly announced my grandfather molested my sister June (not real name) and I, and that we should "immediately see a psychiatrist" and sued him. I found this odd, considering we had just spent the past two decades—every Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween, birthday and Grandparent’s Day with this now "monster grandfather". “This doesn’t make sense,” I argued. I repeatedly told my parents I had no recollection my great grandfather molested me or June. And when I did, my mom got that pinched look around her mouth, and spoke in slow, deep tones—the kind she got when she was gearing up for vicious. “Just pretend that you’re in a show and when the curtain goes up, you act. When the curtain goes down, you walk off stage and go on with life.” “I’ll pay for it,” she added, as if that was her only way to win you over. Money. Again, whenever I’d feel sick about lying, and protest, my mom would insist June and I were too little to remember, but we should “try and remember” because it would show what a monster our “perverted” grandfather was. I found it interesting that going to a shrink wasn’t intended to “help” my sister and I, but only a temporary “act”, so we could play victims of a pervert great-grandpa, my parents could then sue. Amazing how it only mattered now. In the middle of my mother's lawsuit with my great grandfather. My sister went along with it all. She was too scared to protest. Funny thing is, all this time, my father was a cop. Someone you expected to protect you from the seedy elements of the world. Too bad he didn't glance over at who he was married to. He never protected us from our mother. My mother had a strange habit of telling you how wonderful things were going with her, when your life was hard. She did the same thing with money. If you shared secret cares or concerns about making it in life, she’d switch subjects and do something like drag out the latest architecture plans for one of their buildings they were funding and go on and on about them. “It costs so much,” I’m so glad we’re worth millions.” She’d make sure she spoke of whatever was the opposite of what you were feeling or needed. Tell her you’re sick, she’ll tell how good she felt. If she offered to help you, and you told her you needed a toaster, she’d buy you bread. She also blew up and threw things a lot. Like shoes. Pillows. Spoons. Hot tea. But it was all just fun and games. There was something wrong with you, if you brought it up.

My mother was especially cruel to my sister Mi (not real name). When Mi had kidney stones, my mother plopped by her hospital bed, and hounded her about daycare for her kids. “I'll pay for it,” she promised. My mom did things like this. Hound you. Shame you. Mock you, especially when you were down. Promise you and never come through, though she had the means to do so. When I was 18, I enrolled in the furthest college from home. Of course, though she had promised to pay the tuition, each semester she played games with the check. "I don't know if I'm going to pay for your classes this time." It was as if she wanted to show you how much control she had, at the last second, before you could garnish some control. One weekend, upon returning home for a brief visit, I found my younger sister slumped against the garage, pale and vomiting. She’d taken a bottle of aspirin. I ran inside the house and found my parents eating popcorn and watching Johnny Carson. “June (not real name) took some pills,” I shouted. Without looking up, my dad said: “She’s an idiot.” Reaching into a bag of M&M’s, my mother glanced up and said, “Oh...you’re home.” I wanted to smash the television with a golf club, not that anyone in my family played golf, but it seemed a good weapon for the cause. And I wanted to scream, “What is wrong with you people?” “Who and what are you?” But as I watched their stone faces, a long rope of sorrow entangled me as I realized they could care less how they were crippling us with the slings and arrows of apathy. I flashed to the time I was a teen, and had taken a bottle of pills, and instead of taking me to the hospital; my mother loaded up my sisters and me and took us to a drive-in movie. As I wretched into a paper bag she turned and hissed, “could you stop making so much noise?” After she finished her large popcorn, Almond Joy, diet coke and the paper bag had become a soaked sheet in my quivering hands, she turned and handed me her empty, greasy bucket. “Here use this,” she said without looking at me, and laughed about something in the movie. A few years later, I had a son, who was later diagnosed with severe autism and self injurious behavior. The month he was diagnosed and I felt as if my heart had been shattered, my mother offered these encouraging words,"poor Kimmi, me and my handicapped child. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, the whole things is just a horrible tragedy." I could've let these words cut me, though they hurt, but I stored them to make me stronger. The more she emotionally abused us, the more psychologically resilient I became. I would later became a tireless and successful advocate for my autistic son. And someone who could quickly expose people like my mother, these master manipulators. Living with her crazy abuse also gave me the edge I needed to deal with the crazy realities of living with autism and self injurious behaviors. And though my faith has suffered immensely, I do believe God has some strange, out-of-our-ability to comprehend-cosmic plan or purpose for people who have survived the soul shattering experiences of parental abuse.

Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason
(Location Undisclosed)

when i was 7 years old a boy that was 13 years old started to molest me, it stared out just touching then went on to oral and anal sex.
That went on for about 2 years, and on the last day both him and his dad raped me.
I have never told anyone because i felt ashamed,alone and helpless.
I am 34 now and still suffer from it

Child Abuse Story From Sabrina

by Sabrina
(Calgary, Alberta, Canada)

Ever since I could remember, anytime I did something wrong, my father hit me. Before, it used to making me kneel on the ground for hours until he told me I was forgiven. Course I was scared of him so I kneeled, and if I disobeyed, he'd hit me. Even for the smallest thing like not locking the front door at night or not loading the dishwasher right. As I got older, it got worse. He would come to my room in the middle of the night, turn the light on bright so my eyes hurt and strangled me with his bare hands. My mother would come to my rescue, after being woken by my screams. But she wouldn't always be there. When he and I were alone, he hit me HARD. It was like a hobby of his, it made him happy. My mom wouldn't even believe me when I told her cause she thought I was over exaggerating. I don't spend much time with him, unless I'm forced to. But when my mom would be busy and he would have to drive me to gymnastics, he drops me off about 5km away from it and tells me to get out of the car and would beat me until I did. I had to walk all the way there. It would take me a good hour and I would be so late to my class. Not to mention I had to walk, by myself, along side a freeway, at the age of 10.
This is still ongoing and I don't know how to end it. I'm so scared for my own life. Because if he doesn't beat me to death one day, I'll surely suffer the consequences of him beating me by abusing drugs or alcohol. Or maybe even just excluding everyone from my life because I don't trust in them. I find myself doing this already, so how can I improve in the future?
I don't know what to do. I live in fear. I cannot tell anyone or surely, he'd kill me. I just want someone to listen, someone to understand. Someone to understand that won't judge or tell me to talk to him about it. Cause the moment I have the courage to face him, he'll know that I spoke to someone about it. And kill me.
But then again, I've already lost my soul. Lost my childhood. What else do I have to lose?
Help. Someone make me feel alive. Happy. Loved.
Please.

Child Abuse Story From Hayden

by Hayden
(Tennessee, USA)

I was ten years old when my thirteen year old brother began to rape me. It started when he just wanted me to give him oral but then he kept pushing for more. When I was fifteen my dad walked in on my brother doing thath to me and closed the door. I tried to commit suicide after that and was admitted to a mental health ward where child services removed me from the home. i went to live in foster care and the first family I lived with adopted me. I am twenty seven years old now and my husband and I have beautiful twin girls and a little boy on the way. Despite being happy now my past is never forgotten and continues to haunt me everyday but life gets easier the further away you get from what happened.

Child Abuse Story From Erica

by Erica
(UK)

This was me: 
So after I was led to the cow shed and shown how to milk a cow, I was also taken behind the steriliser. I was developing breasts.
He put his hand up my top. He put my hand down his pants. His dirty, cows**t-covered pants.
Then Sister rode up to the cowshed and broke his concentration. He made it seem like I was still going, feeling him up as though he had no choice if anyone asked. Sister had called, but I wasn't allowed to hear her.
You do as you're told or you're naughty. God will punish you
The feeling told me I was doing something wrong. But I hadn't intended to; I didn't choose this!
The next time, but perhaps it was the first time, I was at Granny's house - I'd drawn the picture of a woman with a harp. She was playing beautifully. I showed the picture to him. He said, "Yes, lovely" and put his hand up my top. He rubbed his partially erect penis against me.
What the hell? What is that? Surely my picture is the good thing. What are you doing? Why are you rubbing yourself on me? Why are you slobbering on my lips? I don't know what's happening!
So many times I felt scared.
Please don't leave me alone with him. What will he do next? Why? It's odd, but people are letting him do it. Periods are odd too, so it must be part of it all. I suppose.
Sat reluctantly, in the back of the tractor, above the manure spreader. A blade. I'm told it's dangerous. I'm vulnerable. I'll be hurt if I speak out. That's my fate.
No, Old man. It's not. That's your fate - s**t spread in a field of mud. You.
Nothing worth remembering.

Child Abuse Story From Jessi JT

by Jessi JT
(New Brunswick, Canada)

First i Really wanna say, hearing other peoples stories on here made me Burst into tears. My childhood Growing up was a complete mess... I Don't remember anything till i was at least 9 yrs old. From ages 1-5 i was living in Foster Homes and Living at the hospital, Away from my two younger brothers.Until i was 5 years old and my father finally took me and my 2 younger brothers.

My Whole Childhood was Messed up,i knew Sexual Things that i don't understand how i could possible know. like i remember grade 3 or 4, its sorta blurry, sneaking into the elementary girls changing room with a boy, getting naked and rubbing each other.. mind u i didn't really know what i was doing quite then.. but i always questioned on how i picked it up.. i actually got caught from a teacher for doing that and me and the boy got forced to go talk to someone. which i think was pointless. I Was Built with so much anger.. i was 7 yrs old and throwing dressers and bed's around, telling people off, Yelling Things a 7 yrs old should NOT have know. my grandmother had called me the devil child. Everyone look Down upon me .. even Aunts and Uncles took me as the troubled one growing up.

In 2006, When i was 16 years old i Fighted to go and live back with my mom and her bf. i new this was the wrong choice, my father in my eyes is the best man any women would ever want to have by there side. but i was getting lonely i wanted my mother. Mind you i did try and Move out at 15 and my father wouldn't let me go that easily. he's called the cops on me and was actually out looking for me at some points in time. i was even in a foster home before he finally let me go. I New he cared i New he loved me , i was his only LITTLE girl.

Living with my mom wasn't so bad AT First. I Had Everything i ever wanted, dad was poor, mum was wealthy. Her new bf that she was living with was a trucker in his 60's. mum was in her 30's. But like i Said i had Everything i Wanted , Hard Wood Floors , Matching oak Dressers/bed/night table. Big Base stereo System . Lava Lamp which i thought was so Cool!! Anyways This is Where it Gets challenge n for me ..

One month after living there i was sleeping in my room .. it was a log home .. my mother slept upstairs her bf down stairs. I Had no door on my room. (Didn't like that idea too much being a 16 yr old girl and all). one night i woke up to my moms bf hands up my left of my shorts and he was *Fingering me*.. i Didn't know how to react .. I Was Disgusted , sicken ... i started moving around a Bit.. Maybe if he new i was waking up he would stop... that only made him Go at it more.. i remember him whispering "do you like that" *Ugh* he finally Stop .. I Woke up in a Jolt Freaked out and went to go sleep with my mother upstairs i Never said anything. Then about 2 weeks later i broke out into tears.. i was at a Fancy Hotel i picked up the pay phone and called my dad, Begging to let me come home .. i couldn't possible tell him what happened!! i Felt sick for even thinking it!! I Sure as hell couldn't possible speak of it!! Soo i ended up living in a "Youth Center" for awhile

Couple weeks later ... me and dad Came to a Agreement that i could Finally come home if i had Signed a letter to follow these Certain rules, and if i was to break them i was to Go back to this youth center or find some other place to go. 1 week later i wrote dad a letter on what happened. i was too embarrassed to tell hm face to face. THIS WAS MY DAD!! my Role Model.Right Away he took me to the police station, To make a statement. Soon After that a court date was set.

I Often Wonder if i would have won, What would of happened?... They made me look like the bad guy .. Cause i once took a lot of Drugs. Extacy at that. I Still To this day Don't understand what THAT had to do with the assault?!?! I Lost, i Broke out in Tears Even After 2 years. I Guess i was sorta lucky. cause i met a Great guy when i was 15 we dated for 3 years , So he helped me threw it all. Mind u He didn't make me look perfect on the stand. He said some a**hole things about me ...(We had broken up the time of the court day!) Still He Helped me threw when i Needed. So u see i dealt with all that .. i accepted it as much as i possible could.. i often think i was SO Stupid i didn't see the signs when they were right in front of me.

Things like , "Can i be your gf", or "u like porn watch it with me.." .. or want to know what I'm doing every minute of the day. i remember once when i was 15 or 16. i told mum i wanted a dildo. she went and told her bf.(idiot) he then confronted me with "ill buy u one if u let me use it on you."

Anyways Years Past. I Always Been the depressed type not badly but i can sure get down pretty low. like suicide low. it was 2009 December 31, New years Eve, Actually it was 2010 January 1 st. i was already 19 Turning 20 Soon. I Got Wasted at a bar. and Blacked out. Now i DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THIS!!! Guess i Blacked out. and went to his house. it happened all over again.. and i was texting my friends at the time what was happen-ing. Told Them Everything.

What is Wrong With My Brain. I Now Feel That in order to be in a relationship The Number one thing is Sex.Before i was Turning into a ... Well Let just say not too well.. i was sleeping with anyone i possibly could. the more the better. sometimes more than one person a night sometimes more then TWO. I Feel i Live in the dark Shadow's Always With Question, Always Un answered.. I'm Soo Lucky I didn't Get an STD, Or pregnant. Slowly learning self control. but I'm having Such a challenge ..

I Rambled on Long Enough.. Thank you For Reading.. I don't know if this shall help much. but it sure feels good to write it all out.

Child Abuse Story From Stephanie

by Stephanie
(Crawley, United Kingdom)

My earliest memory of abuse was when I was 4 years old, my uncle (A) came into my room and started to touch me in inapropriate ways... as i got older the abuse was more graphic and frequent ... he would make me preforme sexual acts on him, myself and my brother... he emotinally abused me as well saying that no one would believe me, it was my fault and it was "our little game & secret" He evntually stoped abusing my brother but still raped me near enough every time he got to see me.... (daily) I have always been and still scared of his temper and anger he shows... he can become very angry easly .... recently he has become violent, hitting me in the face and gripping his hands tightly aroung my neck leaving marks.... his excuse to me was "im only playing, don't take it to heart, or else no-one will ever take you seriously"

My other uncle(B)(different one whom was living in the same house as me and my brother) started to abuse mee as well but not at the same time as my other uncle.... he made it more into a game.... he mentally forced me to believe that it was normal and that i liked it... even though deep down it felt wrong... he continued to make me preforme sexual Acts on him, watch pornographic material and continue to rape me... untill he was involved in a car accident 6/7 years ago... my nan (his mother) caught him rapeing me when i was 10/11 years old... she grabed me by the wrist and looked down at me like i was the one to blame for what happend ... she quickly bathed me.... saying nothing to me but hatered showed from her glare and body language..... she never spoke of what she saw ever... she knew my tourture ... but kept it to her self as she was ashamed of me... and didnt beleive what her "precious" sons had done to me...

The abuse from my other uncle (A) continued until i was 14 ... he suddenly stopped and only abused me a few times for about 1 year... it started again when i was 15 but not as graphic..

My brother started to abuse me when i was 11... after what happend to him... (he thought it was normal until he was 17) .... still carred on though

I have only told a few friends as it has been physically and mentally traumatising they have tried to get me to tell the police but there has always been something stopping me .... it is hard to prove as i dont bruise very well and i am and always have been emotionally numb .... i could only put on a fake smile.. and the rest was oblivious...

my mum doesnt know ... as im affraid that she will never believe me .... im scared of rejection and isolation .. I have been let down by social services when they didnt investigate the report of sexual abuse fully (reported by my friends mum - police officer) ... they told me that they would speak to my school and gp ... but never did... and they should have understood that i would have lied as one of my uncles was there watching me as they asked me intimate questions... i tried to give as much body language as i could to make them see what i was hiding ... but they just ignored that and left me wher the abuse carried on.... and still carries on by one of my uncles (A) ... my brother stopped last year and im 17 - 18 in 5/6 months

i feel let down by authorities ..... and isolated to deal with this own my own... i know others are in situations like mine or even far worse.... but i just need someone face to face to talk to.. who i can trust...

thankyou for letting me express what has happend hopefully i can tell the police one day and get justice and help i deserve

Child Abuse Story From Teenage Girl

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I was eight when it happened. My older brother had made a bet with me and I won. He said I got to pick a dare. I thought it would be funny if I saw his underwear and sung the song "I see london, I see france, I see your underpants". He said we'd do it later. Next thing I know he's in my room when I was getting ready for bed and he said I'll show you mine if you show me yours. I said-that's no fair, but he iinsisted I do it, and I did. The next night he came in my room while I was in bed and he reached down my pants touching me. I kept my eyes shut because I thought it would help me escape. For many weeks it would happen sometimes randomly, but then everynight. He touched me, and took my hand and made me hold and stroke his penis. Then one night he heard my parents coming upstairs and he hid in my closet. They figured out he was in my room and sent him to counseling. My dad asked me what he did-and I was ashamed so I told him that my brother just sat there at night. He never said he would hurt me or anything-so why couldn't I just tell the truth? Ever since then he hasn't done anything-but we don't acknowledge the event. But it's hurt me-I can't stand being touched by anyone, and I've prevented myself from having relationships-because I'm so scared. I've tried to tell my parents-I've even written notes that I end up burning or ripping. What if they don't believe me, they allready gave me a chance to tell the truth? I just want to get over this and move on with my life...

Child Abuse Story From Alyssa R

by Alyssa R
(Georgia, USA)

Lonely Soul: 
I guess you would say that is much more of mental abuse rather ; physical.

My mom and i got along wonderfly!
Until the seperation of both my mother & father.
Things started to change when i was about 7-8 years old. My mom becamse frusterated, mad, & upset. I felt her need of love, she never really had any friends, and we never really get out much. Me and her are always fighting, constantly.
My dad was always my favorite, fun, funny,
friendly. But he doesn't want me . & I hate him for that. I'm still trying to talk to my mother. But since her & I don't have a stable relationship. I can't. "You can't miss what you never had." I tell myself repeadily.

Child Abuse Story From Vorbei

by Vorbei (not my real name but it fits)
(USA)

I am a 16 yr old girl. I don't really have much of a self esteem. For the longest time I thought I would be better off dead or never born. It was clear to me that my parents didn't want me. For the first few years of my life they weren't around. They were in jail while my grandmother raised me. She told me that they would be nice and loving but I soon found out different. My mother was the first to come back and I had visited her but when she was back she was different. Most things I did set her off I knew what a belt felt like and I found out she actually had dreams of killing me. 2 yrs. later my dad came home and I had yrs of basically being told I am a stupid evil ugly worthless child who could never do anything right and should die. I also found out he has no problem cursing his child out and beating her until she couldn't make a sound even for the smallest of things. I learned of his temper and how to read people's moods and listen to creaks in the floor for bad things to come. I used to have dreams that I was adopted and when those shattered I'd dream about killing myself because they could not see the pain they caused me and I thought it would make it better. I used to flinch alot at sudden movements or loud noise and I hate yelling.
I have nightmares and I get nervous. I ran away and am now in a group home but I still think about all of this and why they hate me so much.

Child Abuse Story From Lexcy

by Lexcy
(Houston, Texas, USA)

im now 13 but it still haunts me in the middle of the night. When i was 5 i was on vacation and we went to visit my aunt's house. While my aunt and my mother talked outside me, my brother , and her 8 year old son were left inside.Then i went outside for a little bit to play with my mother's hair.Then she told me to get my (austic)brother James*(name has been changed) cause we were leaving.I went back inside to go get him , and i asked my cousin where is James he told me he was down the hall.I go down the hall as he was behind me . From out of nowhere he smacked me on my tush ,and turned around and repled what was that for . Then he saids for this he opens the door and pushes me in the room.Before i can do anything he duct taped my hands and mouth together he started to pull down my pants. Even though i did not know what was going on i knew it was something bad,so i fought to keep on, but he was still stronger. He than began to lick me down there,as tears ran down my cheaks.After he was done with me.He said if you promise to be a good girl i'll take the tape off.I noded my head . He first took off the tape around my writs,but when he took off the one for my mouth I could not help not to scream . At an instat he grabed my writs turned me around,and spanked me hard.Then he said that's for not being a good girl liked you promised.He fliped me back around and stand me up.Then he took his hand and clutch me inbetween the legs hard and said if you tell anybody i promise you this can get alot worst. He picked up my pants for me zipped them up and everything.I then went outside to see that my mom and my brother were already outside we got into the car and go back home.

Child Abuse Story From Savannah

by Savannah
(Canada)

My story isn't anywhere near as bad as alot of people on this site, but I'd still like to share...I have been physically and emotionally abused since I was 3 years old. When I was 3, my mother got remarried... My earliest memories are of my stepdad doing things like tricking me into drinking alcohol (telling me it was apple juice) and then throwing me down the stairs into the basement when I got sick. He would also do things like lock me out of the house whenever I needed to use the bathroom and stand inside the door laughing at me.

When I was 5, my mom and my stepdad got divorced (at this point they had had 2 kids). Things were good for a while.

On my 7th birthday, I had a huge party with all of my friends. I heard a motorcycle in our drive way and I looked out the window to see a man getting arrested on our front lawn. That was my first introduction to the man that would eventually tear my family apart. This man was my mom's new boyfriend and he was crazy. He'd beat us for no reason. He called it spanking, but when your getting whipped across the back and head,I don't think anyone would call that spanking. He used to drag me around the house by my ears and call me "fat ass" and tell me how worthless I am. Once my brother misbehaved and my moms boyfriend locked him outside the house for two hours in -15 degree (Celsius) weather, he was 2 years old. He would force feed us food, and if we got sick he'd keep shoving the vomit/food back into our mouths until we kept it down. Sometimes this went on for days. Also if we misbehaved he'd threaten us with the guns he kept in the cabinet. If my room wasn't cleaned properly (like military precision) he'd beat me. And burn all of my things in the back yard. If one of my siblings misbehaved, we would all get beaten. I still have scars on my back. My mom during this time kept trying to take us away...but he would always find us. And when he did he'd try and kill her (choke her, punch her, try and push her down the stairs, etc). By the time I was 11, he kept dragging my mom on "trips" (he was a gang member—it was drug related) leaving me alone with my much younger siblings for weeks at a time. They'd leave us without food and they wouldn't pay the bills, so we wouldn't have heat or water or anything. So if we needed to use the bathroom or anything we'd have to go to the corner store and use theirs. For food, I would put my siblings in a shopping cart and walk them across town to the food bank, so they wouldn't starve...it took 2 hours each way. I made sure they were perfectly dressed for school, made them lunches, helped them with their homework and walked them to and from school, while still trying to keep up with my own school stuff. None of our teachers or anything ever guessed anything was up. If they needed forms signed or anything, I'd forge my mom's signature.

The day after my 12th birthday one of my friends told me about Child Protective Services so I called them and they took us away. We were placed in a foster home. There we were only fed hotdogs and cheesecake 24/7. I'm lactose intolerant so that didn't go so well. Also our foster mother used to empty the household garbage into my bed every day. It was disgusting. After a couple months, I was adopted by my grandmother and my siblings went to their dads.

During the abuse, my mom would send me to my grandmothers when I had particularly bad bruises. (a couple times my ears where so swollen from being dragged around that they were 3x their normal size) and she was always told that i fell down or something...and if i said i was abused that i was lying. My grandmother to this day, even after hearing the reports and everything still thinks i'm a liar. She calls me the "storyteller". I find that really upsetting. She doesn't believe anything i tell her about anything. I hate it. My mom took off after we were adopted out and i haven't heard from her in 8 years. I miss her very much. She was a good mom... just helpless i guess. But after all of this, i have alot of anxiety issues, trust issues and self esteem problems. It sucks.

Well... thanks for reading.

Child Abuse Story From Aubree

by Aubree U
(New Hampshire, USA)

It all happened when i was 7 years old. My mother and my father got a divorce. my parents had me at a very young age, anyway my mother married my step dad. I guess i thought he was a pretty good guy. He was in the army and treated us ( me and my mom) well. Then he started abusing us. He threw me down the stairs a couple times, and hit me with belts, and choked me, it hurt soo badly. My mother had no idea about this. I knew how she felt about him, and he and i would work together and make up lies to keep it from her. I was a very outgoing child, i loved to make people happy. When my brother was born he started to abuse my brother. Then my mom. Then my mom called the cops and he was arrested. But i was also sexually abused. My mother's friend's brother touched me ALOT. For about 4 years. He raped me when i was in fourth grade. I am sorry i am shaking and crying. I cant think straight.

Child Abuse Story From Angela M

by Angela M
(New Hampshire, USA)

“Help me Help you” is one of my uncle’s favorite sayings before something bad were going to happen. I stayed over my uncle’s house because my mom worked late at a bar and had another job right after that. My mom worked all the time and went to school and my dad was a drunk and he could keep his hands to him self. You can take that Howe ever you want to. I rather have stayed at my uncle house then my own. Of course it really was not a home.

When I was about 8 1/2 my uncle started to touch me and I had to touch him. I didn’t think anything of it because why would someone who loves you would want to hurt you. He would not only use his hands he would use other “House” hold materials, such as beer bottle, remote, wooden spoon. He hurt me over and over and over again but he always managed to say sorry. I believed him every time. I would try not to think of the bad things that my uncle did but the good things. He played with me, helped me with homework, colored with me and my favorite thing he would do is sing me to sleep. After a while he changed a lot his eyes were so hard to read I didn’t know if he was happy or mad. One night my uncle and I fought about what to wear to bed and if I wanted to take a bath. I love baths I love water. My uncle got really mad at me and yelled and told me to take a shower. That night I went to bed alone he did not come in until late. He lay beside me and he told me he loved me. He would take his hand is tickle my back and go all around my body. I knew he was still so mad about me fighting with him and I knew nothing good was going to come out of that night. “Help me Help you” and then he would hurt me.

For the longest time I did think it was my fault until earlier this week. When I talked to my therapist he made it so clear and it scared me because I was only nine years old and how could I have done anything to stop him. That’s what scares me to this day. For four years he hurt me and said sorry. Don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it. I am mad at myself because how could I have not seen this before I am nineteen years old and I am still so confused about a lot of things. I am working on it and talking about my life once a week but it plays in my head 100 times a day. Sleepless nights, wetting the bed, scared of someone to be mad at me, not wanting to leave the house. As the days pass by I hope that my life will get better but before that it will get worse as I am told.

It took me the longest time to talk about this, eleven years to be exact and what has happened. this is just one small ripple in my life and I hope some of them will fade away.

Child Abuse Story From Gracelyn

by Gracelyn
(USA)

Where was the love? i always wanderd that,whenever my dad would be screaming at me.and thinking what did i do? My daddy liked getting drunk,but,i hated him drunk,he said mean things,and hit me.Sometimes he'd lock me in the laundry room,to sleep on a mat,in total darness,often without telling me why.I tried to be a good girl,did my work,kept the house clean,everything i could think of.but it never worked,he always hit and yelled at me.when i was 12,he started coming into my room,he started kissing me,and touching my private areas,i told him to stop,but,he said "this is how daddys show their love to their daughters" .he just kissed me for a while,then,told me to take my jeans off,when i didnt,he pinned me down and pulled them off,he started rubbing my chest also,and,he put his hand in my underwear,i screamed for him to stop,but,he shoved his tongue in my mouth and i couldnt scream,ir breath.when he was done,he grabbed me,and threw me into the trunk of his car,he took me to this building,where there was alot of dead dogs,one dog was mine,i had him forever,and,he was dead,my dad said this would happen to me if i told.a few days later,my dad got upset for no reason,he pulled my hair,and calling me a b***h,and a s**t,he turned our stove on,and waited untill it got hot,i knew what he was thinking,he eyes were crazy wild,i started begging him not to,pleading with everything i had in me,he told to me to shut up,and kept my hand on the stove,i got 3rd degree burns that day,and a scar i still have.daddy also drowned me in the tub in boiling water,when he was really drunk and angry.I went to school soaking wet in December,in freezing cold weather.when i got to school,i was shivering and coughing so bad,it took about a million blankets to get my body temperature back up,my teacher asked what happend,i said my daddy held my head under the water,my skin was all blotchy and red,but my teacher didnt do anything.The next day,my dad was screaming that i didnt love him,that i was going to burn in hell,and he punched me in the stomach,and kicked me,then,he cut all my hair,he said ugly girls dont get to have long hair. I got out of my daddys house when 5 months ago,he had love with me at school,after screaming at me from a confrence,the principal walked in on him becuase he heard yelling,and everyinthg after that is a blur,i remember people rushing up to me,and crying,and,police sirens.I now live with a foster family,they are ok,But,im terrified of bathtubs,i only take showers at the gym,and,i wont go near a stove,my foster dad came in to check on me one night,and i started screaming "im sorry,ill never do it again,i swear,please dont drown me" he wasnt going to,i guess it's my instinct,im in thereapy though,and getting better slowly,but,i dont think i deserve this family,and,am really thinking of running away,this family is too good for me,they deserve a good daughter,not me.i wander what i did to make my daddy stop loving me,why he hit me,and loved me at night.i might not never now,but,i can just try to forget this.THanks for letting me share my story,im 13,and,im an abuse survivor. Bless you all,and please,speak out against abuse thank you.

Child Abuse Story From Alexandra B

by Alexandra
(USA)

Incest: 
This is the first time im letting this out...When i was 5 my first sexual experience was with one of my older brothers... my parents were going threw a divorce.I didn't know what he was doing to me...I thought it was a greeting or a different way of saying i love you.first it was fondling then started to become a learning process. He started teaching me how to give oral and began rubbing my vagina explaining that this is what makes a girl feel beautiful. At first it felt really uncomfortable but i didn't know what was going on. I wasn't taught about sexual things yet and what was wrong or right but ended up doing them. Also being introduced to pornography from all types of crazy categories.This went on till i hit the 3rd grade which at this point came a part of my life... i didn't want to tell on my older brother because i knew he would get in trouble and i didn't want him to hate me...but my sister told my mom when i confessed to her... my sister was older than me and he took it alot further with her (that is all i am saying i will not go into detail about her story)....but I wonder was he waiting for me to hit puberty too. After everyone found out,i was really embarrassed and I hated him but for a totally different reason. I did feel gross about my body because everyone said it was a terrible thing but i thought i was "his" favorite. I have no idea why i felt this way...makes me feel gross saying it. My mom took me to therapy sessions which didn't help. All they did was prescribe me some pills. I ended up trying to commit suicide with them. My mom refuses to talk to me or bring it up...come to think of it we still haven't had that sex talk. My dad still worries if ill grow up mentally alright. My dad doesn't judge me and keeps me and my older brother separated...my older brother began to live with his mom for now on after that. I haven't seen him in many years now. I moved to a different city far away...and try to avoid dating people of my own race...skin tones of guys similar to mine..feels awkward. But have this desire of having sex with men far older than me and way older than my brother( i only think it). I began to despise young men in their teens and 20s. Im finishing high school now and as a matter of fact im very conservative with myself. I hate it when boys flirt with me or look at me the wrong way. i was actually called a weirdo because my reactions to it were aggressive. But im Happly dating a very special guy in the same grade as i am. We have been together since junior year now.... Im trying my best to make this relationship work and live a normal life.

Child Abuse Story From John W

by John W
(California, USA)

We were young, I had just started puberty I was 12. T, my close friend hadn't. We would spend the days playing in the street or the grass, running around in our shorts tops off. Most of the summer we would spend half nude in the sun. I would stay the night at T's house, we would stay up all night playing video games or talking about dreams.

Sometimes T's dad would come in the room to tell us to be quiet. Little did I know that he was scoping us out. The summer continued on, staying the night, showering, dinner with the family. It all was very comfortable. T and I had seen each other naked before, he was inquisitive of my uncircumcised penis, but it never went farther than that. T was just a kid like I was. But little did I know, his dad wanted to know much more about it.

We were sleeping, both on the ground, because that was the cool thing to do. It was very hot and the air conditioning was never on. We were both topless, sleeping in our underwear. His dad came in to "check" on us. He came over and shut the video games off, this change made me wake up. I glanced over and he started walking towards me, I didn't think anything of it. He started to rub my chest, touching my nipples and then he sat down next to me. T was sound asleep, and had no idea what was going on. His dad started to run his hands down my stomach and to my underwear. His large fingers caressed my boxers rubbing against my testicles. He opened the flap of my boxers, all while I pretended to be asleep. My genitals had some pubic hair. He examined my penis and made interesting statements "This little boy is uncut. His foreskin makes him look so young". I don't know who he was talking to. After some more fondling he got up and left. He didn't know I was awake.

I didn't think much of it, nothing seemed to be wrong. I continued to spend the night and these "visits" happened more often. One night, he came in and woke me up and took me to the den. We had a good relationship and would talk often, but never about what happened during his visits.

The lamps were on, it was somewhat dark. I was in my swimming trunks from earlier in the day. He had a camera set up, he told me J, you're growing up very nicely, you have a nice body. I was confused by what he was saying but I was very aroused. He touched my body all over and said that young boys should become men. He told me to pull down my shorts and expose myself to him. He gazed at my body. I started to get an erection and he made a statement about what I should call my penis. He stopped the camera and showed me some videos of gay sex. He said it was okay and that men can like other men. After watching some videos he was stroking my penis. He commented that how most boys don't have a foreskin, he wanted to know more on how I had kept it. I wasn't sure, so I said I guess I'm lucky. He proceeded to get undressed. He showed me his penis and tried explaining circumcision and his scar. He turned the camera back on...(sexually graphic content removed). He told me that I need to learn more. For some reason, I wasn't afraid, he made me feel very comfortable.

T and I continued to play, he was unaware of what was going on. His mom was never around so it was just the three of us. My sexual relationship with his dad continued to grow. He would continue to record me stripping and he would spend ample amounts of time examining my foreskin. He would offer to perform oral sex on me and I would get to ride the dirt bike or other cool toys. (sexually graphic content removed).

A few years past, and I hadn't told anybody about our experiences. I still remained friends with T. We would still spend the nights together, though the visits from his dad dwindled. When I was 15 his dad invited me over, it was just me and him. He told me to spend the night, I told my parents that T wanted me to stay over, and they didn't mind. His dad told me to get naked, I did, then he stripped too. He had the camera and told me to show off, turning around and displaying my prized parts. He then said that he wanted me to help him. I didn't know what he wanted (sexually graphic content removed)...I screamed in pain. He washed me afterwards and said it would be okay. A few other times through the night he proceeded to perform sexual acts on me to make me feel better, he would perform oral sex and masturbation.

After this incident I told everybody I could what happened. I knew where the videos he made were. So when the police arrested him I showed them where they were. He's now in prison for ninteen 35 year sentances. I recieved counseling and assistance. This no longer haunts me, and I ensure that my children aren't exposed to the same thing.

Child Abuse Story From Nicholas

by Nicholas
(Location Undisclosed)

I've never told anyone this before but here goes. I was 5 and my Dad left me with his coworker and friend, I'll call him "Bob" while he went to work cuz my Mom was in hospital for chemo. After my Dad left Bob said we could watch a movie and he put on some child porn, I was horrified and said I didn't want to watch it anymore so he said he'd turn it off if I let him take some pictures of me which I agreed to. Bob went and got his camera and then told me to take off my clothes which I reluctantly did and he took pictures of me naked. Then he started touching me, I kept telling him to stop but he told me since I hadn't seen the movie he had to show me how it ended. He carried on touching me and made me touch him too then he told me to lie on my front and I refused so he hit me and said I had to be behave unless I wanted my Mom to worry and get sicker, I was scared but I did what he wanted. Then he raped me. I was 5 years old and that bastard raped me! I was only 5. I remember crying the whole time, even afterwards when Bob took me upstairs and bathed me to wash away the blood, he kept saying it was my fault for not watching the movie and I should stop crying. When I eventually did he said "good boy Nicky, you'll be okay" which he always said to me when he was done abusing me. I didn't tell anyone about what he had done, I was so afraid that it'd upset my Mom and she'd die. It wasn't the only time he abused me, my Dad used to leave me with him all the time. Sometimes he'd just touch me, sometimes he'd force me to perform oral sex on him and sometimes he'd rape me again and occasionally would take pictures of me naked. Thankfully my Mom went into remission and I went to live with her again (my parents were divorced) and I didn't see Bob again.

Then somehow I forgot about the abuse, I think it still effected me subconsciously though as I was a lot quieter than before, I was very wary and distrustful of people and I hated taking my clothes off in front of other people but I was basically okay. Sadly my Mom's cancer came back and she died when I was 12, at the funeral I was crying and Bob was there with my Dad and he said, "good boy Nicky, you'll be okay" and just like that the memories came flooding back to me and I remembered everything he'd done to me. I was so miserable, I don't know why I had to remember but I did and I couldn't forget it this time. I started having nightmares about it and vivid flashbacks, I even started getting panic attacks whenever I saw Bob who seemed to visit regularly. In school I became even more withdrawn and isolated myself from my friends. I think Bob realized I remembered because one time he followed me upstairs and pinned me against the wall, I started crying cuz I was terrified he'd abuse me again but he told me unless I wanted to be an orphan I wouldn't tell my Dad, he said my Dad wouldn't believe me anyway because I was a worthless child and he was a respected lawyer, then he pushed me away and said I was too old for him now. I cried for hours in my room and then decided I'd kill myself, my Dad found me in time though and saved my life. When he asked me why I lied and told him it was just because of my Mom, he was so worried about me I decided I'd only resort to suicide as a last resort so I turned to drugs. I used money from my paper route and kept my grades up so my Dad wouldn't know, the drugs made me feel better and for awhile that was okay until I was in college. My roommate started asking me about the nightmares I still had and I was dating this really nice girl but whenever we tried to get intimate I flashed back to Bob.
I was hopeless when I realized I'd never be normal again and tried to kill myself but my roommate found me before I died. I lied to my Dad about my OD pretending I hadn't been trying to kill myself, he wanted to send me to rehab but I refused cuz I needed them to feel better in fact I was angry at my Dad, if he'd never left me with Bob then I'd never have been abused. I dropped out of college and moved away, became another lowlife drug addict. I was miserable though, I still had flashbacks and nightmares, the guilt and shame don't just go away, I still felt hopeless. Then a few months ago I got arrested for drugs but got probation but it scared me into getting clean (7 months so far) and I'm trying to make things right with my Dad. What's really hard is that he's still friends with Bob, the man always seems to be at his house working or just having drinks and whenever I see him I just want to go get high. I've started feeling guilty wondering about how many others he abused and how many other lives he ruined because I never told anyone, its so maddening he's so well off and pleased while I'm struggling to hold myself together, 25 years later I'm still suffering from what he did to me. I've been thinking a lot about getting some kind of counselling or therapy but I'd have to ask my Dad to pay for it and I still haven't told him. Sometimes I think he deserves the truth and sometimes I think it'd be cruel to upset him, besides how do you tell your Dad their best friend's a pedophile?

Child Abuse Story From Celine

by Celine
(Cleveland, Ohio, USA)

Ok so my story really isn't that bad but it makes not only me but my best friend concerned. It all started before I can remember. My dad is a Alcohalic and on a normal basis drinks about 2-4 bottles of wine a night. Now to many this may not seem like a lot but to me this so way to much and oviously for him too. He has a job that I am sure that anyone could handle without really getting to fed up but for him it seems to be a hassle. Then when he has a work problem and he sees me I am the target. He has only ever hit mr once and thy was enough times but verbally he is still quit a evil person. All my friends think he is this great nice guy who likes to have everyone at our house but only if they knew. When I was too little to remember my mom would take me to my uncles house to get away from him. Now my mom hadn't had a great history either. When she was twelve she was raped and her mother ignored it as well as having a majorly abusive bf in high school. She was vuntable so she didn't fight back. As I got older though it started to make me angrier so I started to rebel and he would drink more and get angrier so my mom started to drink. She would be asleep my 7pm and I would have to deal with them both by myself. I was like 13 then I think. But one day the three of us were on a dog walk around some lakes by my house and my dad told my grandparents something we didn't want them to no and I decided that I finally needed to stand up for my mom so I fought back and I told him off and then started running home. My mom followed eventually and I told her about all the things my dad had done and how I wanted her to get a divorce with him so we left but my mom got bored of my complaining so she made me come back after 3 hours. It was tense for a year and finally my parents got in a huge fight that included a lot of alcohol. Me and my mom left to go to my grandparents house and we lived there for the summer because my dad was too much of a a**hole to leave the house. Now I am 15 and my parents are getting a divorce I have run away twice in the past year and am blamed for everything by my family. My mothers unstable I hate my dad and I don't know what to do. My friends and people at school think I have a perfect life and are soo wrong. I could really use some advice.

Child Abuse Story From Kaylen H

by Kaylen H
(Indiana, USA)

when i was just born i was in a meth home and i was used to steal things. then when i was three i was put in a home with my step mom and dad and my step mom was physically, mentally, and emotionaly abusive and for 11 years i was abused. when i turned 10 i was adopted by my stepmom and then my dad raped me for 3 years. Finally when i turned 13 i was taken out of the home and put in a foster home with my grandparents. My dad is now in prision and my stepmom was put in a mental hosital. i lived a horrible life of pain and depression.

Child Abuse Story From Clara

by Clara
(Location Undisclosed)

Unlike the many stories I have read here, my story is different because I wasn't as brave or strong as the other people who have shared their stories for I did end up hurting others. Everything started when I was 4 years old or at least that's the earliest of my memory I can remember, my older brother and I were left home alone one day and he took me to my room and taught me how to have sex. I had no idea what he was doing, I never understood and I never told anyone about it. I think it only happened once with him. Then, every time my older cousins, who were 2 to 4 years older than me, came to visit my family they had sex with me as well. I was about 5 or 6 at that time and still didn't understand what was happening. I repeated what they did to me with my dolls and soon I did the same things they did to me with other cousins who were about 2 years younger than me. I don't remember when I started hurting others, I just remember not being able to stop, and i wonder if I was able to stop, why didn't I stop myself?? I think it was about when I was 7 years old that started to realize that the things that were being done to me and the things I did to others was called sex and that this was a very bad thing. I cried myself to sleep every night thinking of all the horrible things I had done. Again my cousins came to visit my family and they had sex with me. I closed my eyes and just couldn't wait for it to be over. Everytime they kissed me I felt like throwing up. Then I ran to my room and cried until head hurt. When they went back to their hometown, I started doing again the things they did to me to my younger cousins. Every night I cried thinking why was i doing these horrible things. Many time I wanted to tell my mom about everyhting but I was so scared she wouldn't believe me and also every time she got mad she beat me up. Everything continued until I was 11 years old because that was the time i got my period for the first time and I was scared to get pregnant. I stopped hurting my younger cousins and every time my older cousins came to visit me they always tried to pull me aside from evryone else because they said they wanted to talk to me. But I always found a way to stay away from them, I never left the grown ups' side and tried to be surrounded by a lot of other people and never left alone. A couple of months after, my mom, siblings and me moved to the U.S. I still had thoughts about sex but I never did anything with anyone anymore. Every night I thought about the horrible, disgusting life I was living in before. The questions to myself were always if I knew hoow much I hated the things my cousins did to me, why did I do the same with my younger cousins? why, why??? All the pain from what my cousins did to me did not matter anymore, I thought I deserved it. The only thing that mattered to me was what i had done to others. It hurts me so much that I hurt them. Every night I prayed to God that the people I hurt in the past did not suffer from what I did to them. I asked to please if necessary to give me their pain, I only wanted and still want and wish for their happiness. Every day I think about this and I pray to God that they shouldn't suffer and that they don't go make the same mistakes I did after I was abused. I have been living in the U.S. for almost 10 years and everyday the guilt of what I did consumes me more and more. I always wonder how could a child do these aweful things, how is it possible?? Ever since I moved to the U.S. I haven't had sexual relations with anybody or had a boyfriend because I feel dirty in the inside, in my soul. When I was 12 , I started thinking carefully of what possessed me to do such evil things besides the abuse by my older cousins. I remembered feeling this force, something inside me that I wasn't able to stop when I was younger. So, I said to myself that I must be strong and not let that evil force take control of me again and I did it, I never let it take control of me again. I had other cousins who were younger than me in the U.S. as well and whenever I was left to babysit them, the only thoughts that went through my head was to protect them from anyone including me and even though I knew I wouldn't hurt them I thought that if ever that evil force would come back to me I would do anything to stop it. I had decided that nothing would ever again control me to hurt others, before I was tempted to do something bad I would rather kill myself. The thought of death was also something that went through my head very often. I felt that I couldn't live my life because I didn't deserve it. I contemplated suicides many times and many times I was close to killing myself but suddenly I started thinking that death it's just too easy, that if I killed myself with the only purpose to escape my pain would be very coward of me. I thought that it was best if I was miserable and kept suffering silently. There is not a day where I don't think about my past, I compare the person I was back them to the person I am now, and it's like we are two different people. Sometimes, I even wonder if all my bad memories were just bad dreams I had but I pinch myself to remind me that I was abused and I abused others and the pain I should feel for hurting others. I think that there is still something I can do with my life, I want to help others and tell people to never ever leave your children unsupervised not even for 5 minutes because a lot can happen during that time. This is what I have learned from my experiences and also to pay close attention to any strange behavior your children may start showing. I feel that God is the reason I have changed so much. Every time I prayed that was the only time I could find a little peace in my heart. My best friend is the only one who knows about my past and I was able to tell her my story because she told me hers first and we were both amazed at how similar our lives have been. Just like I pray for those I hurt so they can be happy and not make the same mistakes I made when I got hurt, I also pray for those who hurt me so they can try to be happy too and have truly repented from all the bad things they have done. My friend tells me that I should try to live my life, try to be happy and stop tormenting myself with the past. Although I wish I could, what makes me happy is knowing that I can help other people out and of course I wish I could try to live myself and let love in my life but it is just too hard, there is so much pain in my heart. I need some advice on what to do because I really do wish to find true love, to be happy, but I can't.
Thank you for taking time to read this, I really appreciate it.

Child Abuse Story From Cindy R

by Cindy R
(Newfoundland & Labrador, Canada)

I was abused: 
One time i was raped by my father . brother and my uncle . they took me for a ride . they stopped pull me out of the vihecle i'm only 12 years old that was when i was 8 years old . there was blood everywhere ..
coming from my bottom . my mom . call the cops they were both aressted for years .. i was scared and never went out a again only when my mom was around ..

this is my story .. i was only 8 years old when i was sexually abused by my dad , uncle , and brother ..

this will never happen again

Child Abuse Story From Stacey M

by Stacey
(Sunderland, UK)

I am 21 years old and until recently i have lived with a sickening secret to protect my family from heart break. i lived with my mother, step dad, two younger sisters, my younger brother and my younger cousin.
my story begins when I was around 11-12 years old i remember waking in the night to find my step dad standing over my bed looking at me, i didn't think anything of it at first 'he was just checking in on me' i thought. one night i was sleeping and felt someone groping my breast, i didn't want to see,look or hear who it was, i wished i was still asleep, i didn't move i just kept my eyes tight shut and hoped it would stop. The next day i carried on as normal, i had a pretty happy life back then i was always smiling and having fun with my friends and family. i used to play shop keepers, teachers, cops and robbers, daft games like that :) with my sisters.
a few nights later again i woke up in the night to the same feeling of my breast been rubbed, i felt embarrassed and ashamed. "stop pretending your asleep", he said. i didn't move, speak or even breath i just continued pretending.

now i look back on his comment "stop pretending your asleep" makes me feel disgusting, he must of liked it when he knew i knew what he was doing.

the night calls kept happening more and more frequently as i got older. he'd also stared to grope me when ever he got a chance when no one was watching or around, he made it out to be a game, i tried to block him from touching me but he said i wasn't fast enough and used to laugh at me, i felt pathetic. I cant remember feeling hatred towards him back then and it wasn't until things got more sexual i started to detest him, not just because he was doing this though, he also was a nasty man, he was great towards my mum as far as i could tell he was dead sweet to her, behind her back was a totally different story.

when my brother was a baby my step dad, my two sisters and i all camped out in the back garden. i remember telling him i wanted to sleep next to my sister but i was told i had to sleep at the top with him, i felt sick cause i knew he was going to try something and i couldn't get out of it, id asked not to camp out and he said we were all going to camp out to give my mum a break with the baby and id do anything for my mum.

at first camping out was kinda fun we were all having a laugh we had lots of sweets, pop, crisps etc, telling ghost stories, jokes, playing would you rather, things you'd usually do camping out.
my sisters had fallen asleep and there was just us two. he started by rubbing and squeezing breasts, he said "if ya suck hard enough ya nipples will get bigger" so he did it he sucked my nipples and sure enough they got bigger. he asked me to sit on top of him and dangle my boobs in his mouth cause it would be easier. as i was sitting on top of him he asked me for a kiss, i gave him a peck on the lips but he managed to stick his tough in my mouth,i wanted to vomit. i had to get off him he was a wide man and it felt like i was doing the splits. i laid back down and his hand was in between my legs, he inserted his horrible finger\fingers into my vagina,he asked if a boy had ever done this before.i shuffled up a little as it was sickening. he pulled out his hand from in between my legs and put my hand on his penis i instantly got a shock and pulled away, id never seen one before this and i definitely didn't like it. he retrieved my hand and placed it around his penis and put his hand on top of mine to keep it on,i looked away with my other hand covering my face so i couldn't see, he then started to move my hand up and down,(i knew nothing about sex\foreplay back then and i wasn't sure if it was right or wrong all i knew was it didn't feel nice, any of it) he got faster and squeezed my hand tighter and then it got slower at that point i looked just for moment and saw him wiping his sperm on my sisters top that she'd taken off earlier. a feeling of worthlessness and emptiness rushed through me, i now began to despise him.

i rolled over and went to sleep.

the next morning as we were packing the blankets he asked me what i was going to tell my mum, i said "that you touched my fairy" he then replied "ya cant say that cause your mam doesn't like that word" at the time i had to think about it as i knew my vagina to be nothing else but my fairy so i didn't know how to tell my mam cause i couldn't find the right words.

the night calls got less and less frequent, and the groping whenever he got the chance to also stopped.

he started to apologize, especially on new years eve, every year without fail. i used to dread the moment i had to hug him or kiss him on new years or birthdays or Christmas.

about a month ago my sister sent me a text message saying she was sexually abused by dad. i am not going to go into detail of what happened to her as that's her story to tell but i can say he had did things to her exactly the way he did them to me. i now feel guilt because i could of prevented that from happening to her if i had just told someone, anyone what he did, what he was like. after reading her message i rang my mum and for the first time since it happened i told her and for the first time i cried and sobbed my heart out. my mum still doest know everything that went on with me but it is in the polices hands now and am getting on with my life, i have a 1year old daughter and my partner to look forward to in life and i am happier.

Child Abuse Story From Cori

by Cori
(San Jose, California, USA)

One of many: 
I'll tell the story how I remember it. I was in trouble again. It was an accident, but I knew it didn't matter. I was 7 and a friend and I were playing hand ball against the garage with tennis rackets at his house. I hit one a little too hard and the tennis ball broke one of the windows. My face went white, and I ran as quickly as I could. But not home. I hid in some big bushes half a block away for 7 hours. It was dark, roughly 10pm and I was freezing, the hunger set in, I had no choice, my fear of the beating that was about to take place will become reality. I watched my house from a block away. When I seen my step father R-- leave, I knew this was a small window of hope. Hope that I could get some food while he was gone. So I ran into my backyard, my heart was beating out of my chest. As I came upon my back door window, I had seen my brother J-- and my mom eating carrots while sitting on the couch watching TV. I slowly tapped on the door. My brother looked at me with his eyes wide open, he was just as scared as I was. J-- gets up and lets me in. My mom looks at me and says, "Get to your room and wait for your father." I asked if I could have a carrot, she said no. I was so scared I could hardly walk. My eyes wide open, my heart beating so loud I could hear it. I was shaking out of cold and fear as I made my way to my room.

I closed the door and ran under my bed. This was not the first time I hid there, I knew the bed would not protect me, but it was all I had. What seemed to be hours was only about 10 minutes when R-- came home.

"Is he home yet," he yelled.
My mother replied, "He's in his room."
"Cori, get out here." I did not answer. "Get the f**k out here now." As I crawled out from under my bed it was like my vision was getting blurry. I was so scared of the next few seconds I could not stop shaking. I walked down the hallway, and into the kitchen, there stood R--. He was 300 and some odd pounds, standing 5' 11. He had a mustache and an angry look. He always had a saliva build up around the corners of his mouth when he was angry. I was a dwarf in comparison, 7yrs old, standing four foot 3, and about 65 pounds.

I knew to stand at attention and to not look him in the eye. As he yelled I could not make out what he was saying, my fear had taken over and it felt like a dream. My vision was blurry; all of his words seemed mumbled. He started poking his massive fingers into my chest as if trying to break a bone.

The next thing I know he grabs my shirt right in the middle of my chest with his left hand and picks me up in the air, looking me dead in the face. With a quick swing of his right he cracks me right in the mouth with his fist, the force ripped me out of my shirt and I land on a wooden table which broke when I crashed into it. Waking up a few minutes later, not able to speak, the taste of blood in my mouth and throat, face swollen and bruised, I was glad it was quick, the beatings usually last much longer.

Child Abuse Story From Deedra

by Deedra
(Cincinnati, USA)

I had to post my story somewhere because I was a victim of Child Abuse. I was 8 years old when my older brother, who was 16 at the time, started molesting me. I feel so ashamed and guilty and stupid all at once because when I was 8 years old, I didn't know any better. My mother was single and a heavy drinker and was never home, so all I had was my brother.

I guess the reason I feel so upset now is because back then, when my brother started molesting me, I didn't feel scared or upset or sad. I know that he took something away from me, a part of me I won't get back, and I am hurt because of it.

It started simple, We used to sit around and play videogames together, and just play around and watch movies. One night we were cuddling on the couch watching a movie at home, and I don't know what led up to it, but then we made out. Next thing I knew, he was touching me. And I didn't stop him, before I knew it, it became a regular thing for him to touch me. I was so stupid because I actually liked it. I even touched him too. Soon enough it led to oral and then before I knew it I lost my virginity to him when I was 10 (on my 10th birthday actually). When I think about it now I feel so sick to my stomach, because this was something I let him do. I didn't know any better and he took advantage of me.

When I soon realized what was going on, I tried hard to get away from my brother, but he kept insisting that we kept doing it. There were several nights he wouldn't take no for an answer, he would use his strength against me, take off my clothes or tickle me, and then rape me. Then my brother would apologize to me, and I feel so stupid now for believing he cared and that any of those apologizes were sincere.

It wasn't until he moved out (I turned 13), that all of the abuse stopped. I tried telling my mom, but she didn't believe anything. I was so hurt, I felt betrayed.

It's taken me til I was 22 that I overcame this struggle. It's effected my life, and I hope others can learn to get stronger from these bad experiences in our lives.

Child Abuse Story From Anonimus

by Anonimus
(England)

This story isn't that bad but it is to me. When i was 7 me and my mum moved to England and my mum got a new job and met someone and he was nice at first then he started hitting me and my mum he use to rob of us and sent me to bed if i never eat all my tea and i had to stay there all day he use to lock me outside in the cold he never did this when my mum was there . he use to smack my head of the radiators and punch me i was always full of bruises and then when i turned 12 he tried to rape me i was scared but i couldn't get away he pulled me to the floor and was imatating on top of me what he would do to me he had me pinned down and i couldn't move i got away but he kept on coming back i was young i didn't know what to do i went upstars to talk to my mate on the phone tell her what happened but he came upstairs tryed it again i was sh***ing my self he never did rape me but thats not the point its not that what hurts its the fact what he use to hit me all the time make storys up so my mum would go mad at me he use to not let me playout and make me watch porn it wasnt nice the police got told he got away with it and just got put on the sex offenders list for a year he will be of it now he should be locked away he is capable to do it to any child if he tried it with me

Child Abuse Story From Lisa K

by Lisa K
(South Dakota, USA)

I was in kindergarden, and my brother was in second. My parents were divorced and my brother and I lived with my mom. My brother and I have a hearing problem so my family had some problems.

It was a normal night at our house, when my mom told us to get in the car we're going somewhere. I fell asleep and before we knew it we were in another state. My mom pulled up to this stranger's house and went in. When she came out she was with this tall black scary looking man. His name was R---. I could tell he didn't like me or my brother. But we went into the house, my brother and I went to sleep.

Soon we started sleeping there on a regular basis. Next thing we knew my mom got married to R---, and we moved in with him. My mom got a job, and R--- started watching us.

He wouldn't feed us and he made us stand in a corner untill my mom got home. My mom didn't notice anything. One time my dad called but then R--- hung up. We haven't talked to our dad in a couple of weeks.

He started getting angry at my brother and I and he took off his belt. He startng wooping us with the metal belt. He did it to my brother I didn't know what to do so I just cried. Then we moved to souix falls and it got worst. My mom was gone for a few days and R--- didn't feed us. He made us stand in the corner. One time he told my brother to go get BBQ sauce and he did and R--- started wooping him.

He was super nice to me. But then he started touching me in places where I didn't want to be touched. One time I tried calling the police but he hung up.

But one day I got ahold of the police and child welfare came and got my brother and I. We had to deal with that for a year. It was the worst year of MY LIFE. Now im with my dad living a great life. I started high school, have wonderfull friends, im a athlete. I just am greatful that my brother and I made it.

I came across this page,while I was doing a research paper. I pray for all the children getting abused!

Child Abuse Story From Ryan

by Ryan
(Location Undisclosed)

As a young male teenager, is it considered sexual abuse to be encouraged to masturbate while being watched by a stepfather. He never told me to do this, however he would require my curtains in my window stay open and removed the blinds in the bathroom and would watch from outside anytime I showered or went to bed. He would go out late at night and I could see he was outside looking in by the glow of his cigarette. I found if I masturbated he would treat me better and leave me alone from uncalled for punishment. He told me I could not use kleenex or toilet paper for this purpose as it cost too much money. He would not allow me to use clothing and told me how horrified my mother would be if she found clothing with semen on it. I now believe he wanted to see me not only masturbate but rub my sement into my skin or eat it. I too, was told I could not have wet dreams as again this would horrify my mother, thus telling me to be sure to masturbate nightly to avoid this from happening. I grew up from age 13 through 20 in this household with him watching me nightly masturbate. I thought sex abuse was only touching of someone, however I heard a person speaking and it sounded as if this too, may be a sign of sexual abuse. I blame myself for allowing this to happen and question if it was me and if I was the one who created the situation, but now at age 45, I just do not believe this to have been caused solely by me. I have never discussed this with anyone.

Child Abuse Story From Anna6

by Anna
(USA)

I was abused as a teenager by my mother and step father. Before my mother married my step dad, she was a wonderful woman. She and my real dad got along really well. When I was ten, my dad died in a car wreck because of a drunk driver. My mom met my step dad a few months after the funeral. They were married that same year. My step dad started the abuse first. I was usually the one who was hurt, but sometimes, he went after my little sister. Eventually, I started to protect her so he wouldn't hurt her anymore. The punishments were anywhere from belt whippings to caning...smacking, kicking, and even punching. At first, my mom didn't agree with his disciplining ways, but eventually, she fell into the, we'll call it "addiction." I always believed my step dad was addicted to hurting my sister and me, because it was an everyday struggle. I went to the hospital only once because they didn't want anyone to get suspicious, so I had to recover on my own all the other times. I stayed with the abuse just so that I could keep my sister safe. My step dad said that if I told anyone, then I would be "signing my sisters death certificate". My baby sister was so scared. Her grades were awful, she was depressed, but we didn't have enough money to pay for a shrink. She told me that I was the only thing in the world that kept her going. I could say the same for her. Finally, on my sister's eighteenth birthday, we decided to run away together. It didn't matter how much money we had or even if we lived in an alleyway in the midle of winter. All we cared about was getting each other out of that "Hell Hole." We ended up moving in with my boyfriend, who I eventually married. He is great to my sister and I...and my sister still lives with me to this day. We have three beautiful children and neither of us believes in even spanking. I can say that because of God and my beautiful sister, I am strong today. Many times, I had wanted to kill myself, but that little voice in my head said "Keep going...your life is just beginning to get better." I'm glad I didn't do it. I hope to start a foster home when I am older for abused teens one day...with my sister at my side.

Child Abuse Story From Manuel

by Manuel
(London, UK)

I think i must have been about a 9 year old boy when it began. I cant remember exatly how it came to it but i remember that my brother somehow managed to get me naked. He was about 3 years older and when we were younger we were sharing a bedroom or spending large amounts of time in each others bedrooms. He would touch me, but i mainly remember that he would make me lay flat on my tummy and try to penetrate me from behind by laying on top of me.

I distinctly remember what is now most confusing to me; I would kind of "like" what was happening and play along happily. I would even try to kiss him as i apparently understood very well that it was something to do with loving affection and that kissing was in place. He would refuse to kiss though. I would also try to penetrate him, which he would allow but as i wasnt able to get an erection yet he would tell me i couldn't do that yet.

I think this took part over 3 years with varying frequency. It would happen when my parents were away or downstairs and would even happen in a tent we shared when camping with our parents on holiday.

After that i remember i developed some clearly strange sexual behaviour. Like self penetration, wearing my sisters underwear and cloths, sexualising other boy from my school, asking boys in to my bed when sleeping over and so on. All the while i knew i was straight and romantically only developed feelings for girls.

Later on i would start a phone sex and phone dating addiction hooking up with girls but later mainly men. I was 15 to 16 by then and a family friend abused my state of mind and started a relationship with me at the age of 15. He tried to get me to take pictures but luckily i had the frame of mind to refuse. He basically taught me man sex and i would see him about once a week.

Later in lif i would get addicted to hooking up and untill today strugle against the urge to do so. I still have only romantic feelings for women and have a clear distorted sense of relationship and sex.

I now hate my brother but cant get my self to tell anyone but my wife and close friends and remain behaving friendly towards him. I am very afraid that untill the day i die i will remain socaly, sexualy and relationaly messed up.

Child Abuse Story From Millie

by Millie
(Location Undisclosed)

it all started when i started staying at my best friends house every saturday . her dad , had this weird obbsession with my hair and he would make me sit between his legs so that he could brush it . then one saturday night when i was 11 , he made me and my friend watch porn and he would buy us bacardi breezer or wkd every time . i only drank it because there was nothing else to drink my friend got sloshed and went to sleep at about 1 in the morning . her dad was awake on this chatroom and he made me put my boobs on there for all to see . later he told me they were nice and i freaked and went to the loo . i didnt bring any pajamas because i was distracted with homework , my mate lent me a cardi but the top button kept on coming undone . i was wearing leggings too . when i got back i said i was going to sleep and he said ok and insisted on sleeping in the bed with me . i lay awake and he realised i was uncomfortable so he went on the floor and put my friend in the bed . i could not sleep , i kept glancing at him every now and then and he stayed awake , looking at me . when he was asleep i grabbed a duvet and slept on the bathroom floor with the door locked . i was terrified . the next day he dropped my mate home and he said to me good girls get treats , i thought he was going to rape me , but he took me to a sweet shop instead and took me home . it reminded me of my stepdad who was wrongly placed in jail 4 child abuse 4 10 years and is still in there . that was a year ago and even though it wasnt that bad i still felt sick , dirty , and embarased .i still do . i still have not told my mum yet because i am too scared . i often pinch myself or bite myself to punish myself it was my fault , i should have packed pajamas . i will never make that mistake again .

Child Abuse Story From Kimi

by Kimi
(West Virgina, USA)

I have to find some closure some how. Some peace between the scriptures or my face planted in the floor in prayer..I dont remember the 1st time it happened i just know it did. As a result i took up masturbating at 6 to deal with my confusion.Then shortly after things got weirder. My cousins began coming on to me wen i was around 11. Both younger than me which really threw me off. I tried to avoid them but i was often left around them. they were stronger then me and often forced themselves on top of me touching themselves. I felt and still feel dirty and sorry for them. I believe the same person who started me down my dark rode may have also opened their eyes as well. This happened once more with the female and a few times more with the male.

I spent my high school career cutting, depressed, suicidal, ashamed, guilty and most of all miserable and confused about what happened and my value as a person because I was too weak to stop everything from happening.

Then two days after i graduated from high school. i had a new associate force himself on me in my own basement. I couldnt scream because my mouth was covered and i was afraid of what would happen.I never spoke to him again and ive only told one other person.I managed to fight enough so that my virginity was still intact but i cant say the same for my dignity and self-esteem.

Im a survivor because im still here. After and still battling with depression i have not manage to kill myself so I think thats a great sign i still have some fight in me. Im just praying now i can stop living in survival mood and start living.

Child Abuse Story From Lauren

by Lauren
(California, USA)

Child Abuse Survivor: 
My mom would always find ways to bring me down. She had many nice attributes, but the ugly ones were overpowering. She mostly verbally abused me and even threatened to slap me on a couple occasions. She kicked me out of her apartment and kicked me in the stomach after calling me a backstabbing little b***h. She sent me to live with my dad, but shortly afterwards, she called my dad on a regular basis wanting to talk to me seeing if I was "okay". Of course I didn't want to talk to her, she didn't have the right to talk to me after what she'd done. I did go back to pick up some stuff and see my rabbit. There weren't any complications and it went pretty smoothly though I was still scared out of my mind that she would do something. My dad even brought one of his friends with us just in case she lost her temper, but that didn't happen thank God. Dad got full custody of me shortly after that and my mom was fighting to have visitation rights, which I did NOT want. Four years later, I tried visiting her and starting off fresh since I was eighteen and I had rights to see her. At first it was going good, but then she wanted me to spend more days than I wanted with her. She even tried to get me disability and put me in ALTA's program even though me and dad are trying to get that through my school. When she wouldn't stop, I finally said that that was enough. I cut off connection with her completely with the exception of birthday and mother's day cards. I don't want to see that woman for a long time!

Child Abuse Story of a Neighbor

by Elena
(Los Angeles, USA)

I was sitting in the balcony then I found that kid waking in the street then suddenly I saw his sister Grabbed him inside the house and she forgot to close the window I saw her beating up the boy like hell and the boy was screaming and crying.And when Once i took the boy and spoke to him he told me And the boy told me "My eyes started hurting me and sometimes i see blurry from the bored of the school and i copy stuff wrong and and the teachers and kids in my class make fun of me sometimes I have marks of beating up and when kids in my class ask me whats that i just tell them my cousins cat scratched me even though my cousin doesn't have a cat,or I tell them i fell from my bike or I tell them a Glass broke on my hand or I bumped in the wall ,or a car was about to crash me or a motor cycle even Or stuff like that."And then I told him I'll try speaking to your sister he was like "NOOOOO PLEASE DON'T TELL HER SHE'LL BEAT ME UP MORE AND MORE AND MORE."And when I told him Why don't you tell your mum or Dad he said "I told them many times and they make her grounded or they go to the school,and tell all her teachers or all her enemies ,and kids with her in class,and they always shout and I'm sick of that.And I wanna be an Emo.And today morning just because we didn't have enough food and my mom was going to the grocery shop,and she gave her what she has in the fridge and didn't eat a lot as much as she ate she threw the bread on the floor and stepped on it with her slipper ,and when i told her god could make us poor some other people they're hungry and they can't find food like us she beat me up." I told him "Why will you be an Emo.Emos are people who lost there Destiny and it will never come back to life again.Emos are people who don't have a mum or a dad.And you should not be one.He said "You said it".I said "What did I say."He said "you said Emos are people:who lost there Destiny and it will never come back to life again."I told him But also I told you honey they lost there Mum and Dad ,but you didn't".He said "I just wanna be a one."I told him "don't be one you're just 8 years old.He said "okay only for you.And I told him "Everyday I promise if I came from my work not tired I'll go out with you to any place you want and we'll have fun together okay honey."he said "okay" with a big smile.And day by day he's getting better because i take him everyday out to : the fun fair,malls shopping for clothes,and going to movies and other stuff.Today I've Taken him to the doctor of sight and then the doctor told me I should get him glasses then I did get him Glasses today I'm so happy that I'm getting the boy Happier day by day.

Child Abuse Story From Jenna

by Jenna
(Alabama, USA)

i am 11 yrs old. ok this first thing happened when i was 7 or 8 or somewhere around that age my step father asked me if i wanted to sleep with him and my mom i said sure because their bed was a king bed and very comfortable so i went and laid down with them. when my mom went to sleep he would finger me really hard. this happened quite a few times because i didnt want my mom to ask me why i didnt wanna lay down with them. my stepdad has 2 children my 8 yr old brother and my 3 yr old sister he woould leave hand marks on my brothers face and arms and would beat my sister and me like that too but and he would call me fat and ugly and i was stupid which kinda surprised me i am in a gifted class for those above average grades he would also call me and my brother retarded my mom split up a little bit before i was 9 and he would pull my moms hair and pull her out of bed i witnessed it but she doesnt know about any of me and my siblings abuse my sister cries and screams when she goes over there and the next time my mom plans on letting her go i will tell her about our abuse but my sister and brother have to go over there for christmas and stuff like that. i have only told my best friend about this stuff and she is right here beside me she is like my sister. ok the second thing happened just last week my cousin came here from Florida ok he told my other cousin to go to sleep and she said ok i am tired then i knew something was up.so we started watching videos on the computer then he grabbed my boob.then he put his finger down there and rubbed it i said j---- stop he said stop what. and then it was normal again.so i have read the other stories on here but mine is different because i dont cut myself im not too depressed it just pops up every once in a while and my mom doesnt know about any of this thanks for taking your time to listen to my story.

Child Abuse Story From David

by David
(England)

I come from a family with four other siblings, at the age of three myself and my elder sister who were the youngest were taken into care. i was taken because of neglect and my sister because my father sexually abused her. We went to our first foster family where we were physically and mentally abused, we were often locked in our shared bedroom with nothing to eat for days and ate paper and salt dough models to get through it. i was later sexually abused at the age of four by the families 13 yr old daughter. after months of abuse the family were caught out when our social worker turned up unannounced. We were moved on to my current family. My sister now lives with my birth mother due to complications in the foster family. i was adopted. When i was 17 i was told by my birth mother that when i was conceived my father told my mother to abort me. He never wanted anything to do with me and will not accept that i am his biological son. I have a stable relationship of seven years and a daughter of 20 months old. i find myself struggling to move on with life sometimes and feel like i do things in my life wrong. i know i have problems but need help to forget the past. I always want to try to talk to my birth siblings about my past but i feel ashamed by myself and just cant do it.

Child Abuse Story From Ali

by Ali
(United Kingdom)

When I was 8yrs old I was sent to a school in Newcastle. My headmaster was a Mr Y and his secretary was his wife. I don't know how to start this story because it is so horrendous.

I was transferred to this school because I was badly behaved along with my two friends at a regular primary school, one of my friends was sent to boarding school and my other friend was left at the primary school because their parents had money.

When I first went to this school Mr Y told me that he would not put up with any fighting or bullying which I never did anyway but I soon found out that I had to stick up for myself espacially from Mr Y!

It was not long before I found out that he was abusing yong boys in his office since I was sent to his office one day and I caught him with a young boy on his knee who was clearly distressed then he shouted at me to got out of his office and it was then I realised that he was having improper relations with this boy of tender years.
After this my life was hell, he picked on me rotten includind beating me in front of teachers and other children. In some cases one of the other teachers had to drag him off me when he was attacking me in the dining hall when he sat on me and started to beat me.

This is only a small part of what he did to me and I have suffered in silence for many years and I have since found out that Mr Y is now dead but he has been prosecuted for child abuse so I feel that I can now not get any retribution against him but I still feel that I shuold have some case against the authourities that put this man in a position who was teaching vulnerable children.
There is much more to this story which I have not divulged, not because I am ashamed now but I feel that I have been robbed of justice since he died!

Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(Location Undisclosed)

I was only 8 when this happened , I still have nightmares now and I'm 18 years old. It all started when i went to stay round my bestfriends house while my parents where on a holiday, a week had past but then on the monday 2 days before my parents were due to pick me up my bestfriend Lucy (changed name) had a Athsma attack and was put in hospital, that night i was home alone with her uncle and as usual he would make me a hot chocolate before i went a bed but this time he followed me up the stairs as i was only eight i just thought he was coming to tuck me in bed but i was wrong...
when i walked into lucy's room i heard him unzip his flies i turned around in horror hoping what i thought i had heard was wrong but i wasn't, there he was with his penis out, staring at me with a menacing look in his eye's. then it happened, he pinned me down on the bed kissing me i tried to scream but he had his hand over my mouth, he started poking around in my knickers , i kicked and wriggled but he was bigger and stronger than me. when he was finished he threatened to kill me if i told anyone then left the room satisfyed, i felt so dirty with myself. there was blood on my legs and in my underwear. for the next to days i just layed in bed or on the sofa curled up and wanting to be with my parents again , when my parents came and picked me up my mum and dad knew something was wrong and when i got home they got it out of me my mum was in tears , now that man is in jail yet i still have nightmares

all i know is that is wasn't my fault it was the sexual abusers not mine.

Child Abuse Story From Angel

by Angel
(Location Undisclosed)

It was new years eve..my little brother and my older brother and I had just watched the ball drop. We all nodded off soon after that. We shared a bed on the floor of the attic. My older brother was in the middle and my little brother on the other end. I woke up a little later to feel something rubbing against my back side. I was still half asleep when i realized what it might be. My heart sank and as I turned around I could hear my older brother coughing to cover the sound of his pants zipper.. I felt so sick.. so betrayed. I have only told two people of this. I could never tell my family. It was disgusting.

Child Abuse Story From Heather

by Heather
(California, USA)

My story is a long one. I never really understood i was really being abused until about 8th grade when the worst of the abuse began. by then i felt that no one would believe me. and in part that was true. see,i my dad had started dating my (now ex-stepmom) when i was around five and they didnt divorce until the end of my sophomore year. Those years were hell when i was younger though i just assumed it was normal i guess, even though i never understood why i was constantly getting yelled at while others in my family were able to go play or watch tv. one of the first things i remember about my stepmom was one night when my dad wasnt home (he's a firefighter so he was working 24 hour shifts) she had spanked me (i was around five or so) but i never told my dad and she had asked me why i hadnt and i just replied i don't know. maybe this was the door that opened where she knew i wouldnt tell on her, im not exactly sure. i remember at only 6 or seven i would be given a task such as scrubbing the bottom rim of the toilet with a toothbrush, and being yelled at if it wasn't done 'correctly'/ another thing i remember is i was being yelled at for something once again and she pushed me and i fell and slid across the carpet floor ( i was very light when i was young)which in turn gave me rugburn, my dad had came home that morning as my stepmom was gauzing the rugburn and my dad asked what happened. i replied that i had just tripped. theres more that happened back when i was younger but a lot of years i can hardly remember and some stuff comes back in random bursts now.in fourth grade my stepmom began manipulating me into thinking my real mom was a bad person. eventually it worked and it resulted in about 5 years of not seeing my mom. before complete separation with her we had family counseling and mediation. though no one saw that my stepmom was an abuser. but she was good with that, she had a way of appearing as a good likeable person on the outside but in reality she was cold. i had always been fearful of my stepmom, and that in turn made me the quiet kid, the kind of girl thats gets teased in middle school but everyone thought i was just shy. (the middle school kids teasing me just came into my mind not too long ago and i was confused at how i had just totally blocked that aspect of my life) in seventh grade my sister graduated high school and moved out, that meant that more of the abuse would be on me now since my two stepbrothers could do no wrong (only one lived with us now, he was a year younger than me but treated me almost exactly like his mother did) in seventh grade i tried to talk to a school counselor about what was going on but i could tell she didnt really believe me. so the next day i just told her that everything was fine.in 8th grade i fought with my best friend (there wasn't really a good reason, i was just cutting her off from my life so that she wouldn't have to endure the wrath of my stepmom. i began hanging out with the popular kids at my school to make my stepmom happy but it made me miserable. i knew they were talking behind my back but i pretended to ignore it. at home i would be called names and hit by my stepmom. I remember once she grabbed the back of my neck so hard that it left bruisemarks. the next day i put my hair behind my ears making the bruises visible in hopes that someone might notice and ask what happened, of course, no such thing had occured. throughout the year i tried to plan several escape plans but never followed through any of them for fear that no one would ever believe me and i would have to brace whatever punishment my stepmom would decide to give me. By the end of 8th grade i became friends again with my best friend(secretly though so that my stepmom could not talk bad about her) the summer before freshman year was probably the worst days i had ever experienced. I remember she used to always tell me that i would become lesbian because i would never have a boyfriend. she constantly told me that i was ugly and had a face that only a mother could love. i was forced to wake up at 4 in the morning to feed her horses. my dad was working most day so there was a lot he didnt know about. however, though i would never tell it to anyone else because i dont think he ever wanted to burt did out of fear, he had contributed to the physical abuse but not as much as my stepmom did and anything he knew that she did, he didn;t say anything to stop her. i felt alone and lost. i felt like i was only living to survive. i was an empty shell just going through the motions. my stepmom constantly accused me of ignoring her, but i never did, if i didn't come the first time she called my name, that would qualify as ignoring her. one time i was washing my hands and i hadnt heard her. i was coming up the stairs and i stopped when i saw her there on the stairs and she asked why i hadn't answered her, i told her i was washing my hands and couldnt hear her over the water, she didnt believe me and she was at the angle where her foot came at my face sending me backwards down the stairs and slamming against the downstairs door,which gave me a slight bloody nose. one time i had been in my room and i was getting yelled at for something, and i was sitting down and she was standing up and she kicked me in the side. Whenever she came at me to slap me she would threaten to break my hand if i tried to block her advances. in summer i would be made to stay outside from morning to late night pulling weeds or doing some other senseless task such as picking up sticks (we lived in the country) and i would not be allowed to come inside until she said to often if she was gone she would lock the house so i would not be able to come inside. i was often told that i would never amount to anything, that i was stupid. i felt worthless. For a short time i began cutting myself, but stopped as soon i realized it was dumb and would not help my situation, still though i was depressed. i never could seem to actually smile. In every picture of the time i lived with my stepmom i have a fake smile and you can tell the sadness, the lonliness in my eyes. Freshman year i got in trouble for criticizing food her brother had made us. the punishment for that was a whipping with a belt, the belt had metal rings for the holes and it left a huge bruise that you could tell was from a belt on my entire right thigh, in PE i hoped someone would notice. but again no one did. In october of my freshman year my stepmom tried to say i had aspergers syndrome (a form of autism, i knew it wasnt true but i went along with it because that would mean that i wouldnt get in trouble) we saw a doctor, occupational therapist, and psychologist. none of them saw what my stepmom was, and the actual reason i was the way i was. in april of my freshman year the most tramatizing of the abuse happened. it was about a week before my birthday i remember and it was early morning and my stepmom was yelling at me for something i can't recall. all of a sudden her foot came up to my face and kicked me. it caused my front tooth to be knocked out. suddenly my stepmom became sympathetic and im not sure why but i went along with the story she fabricated, that i had tripped on my schoolbooks in the dark morning and hit my tooth on my laundry hamper. everyone seemed to believe this. even the dentist had believed it. i still have the copper wire behind my tooth that made sure it would be kept in place. it's a constant reminder of that day. at the end of my sohmore year in 2008 my stepmom decided she wanted to divorce my dad. it took me awhile to realize that i was finally free from her but there are things that i still keep hidden that recently now come in the form of haunting dreams that keep me in an anxious mood the next morning because when i first wake up it's sometimes hard to tell what's reality. sometimes i'll wake up and dread the morning until i realize that i'm not a prisoner within these walls. but i feel as if i cant really tell anyone my full story because it is so long and i don't wish that burden on anyone. I got out of my child abuse by pure chance. but i know everyone is not that lucky. i have no idea where i'd be now if she were still here. but every day i wish that i had spoken up and made people know what she was doing.

Child Abuse Story From Andrew H

by Andrew H
(Colorado, USA)

I’m 25 years old now, and I was abused for a good part of my life. Started in the 80’s, when I was 4 years old (I think), and went on until I was 10 or so. And at the same time my brothers, my sister, and my mom was abused. It all started when my mom meet my first step-dad, when I was 3 years old. At first he was all nice to us, but after my brother (one out of three) was born, he changed. He start with yelling, he yelled at anything and everything. Then he turn to striking us on the butt, for messing up in the smallest way. Like for one time, he bought me one of those Ant Farm thing. And on the first day, I was like 5 years old, I overfeed them. Well, he freak out and beat me, he beat me until my butt was so red, it was cherry red, and I could not sit on it for a few days. Well he calm down, and told my mom that he was so sorry and he just had a bad day. And he told her that he will never do it again.

Well, for a few years that how it was like, he will strike us and yell. Than he will say he is sorry. And after my other brother (two of three) was born, he told my mom that he will go get some help. He says that he was abuse when was young (but both his mom and his dad, and his sister told my mom that they was never abused). So it went from bad to worst. In 1993, that year change my life forever, my mom says that she told me to wait until after we got back home to feed the dogs, but my sister says that she forgot to tell me to feed the dogs. But anyway, the dogs was not feed, and he got so mad that he kick me hard six times (he was like 250 to 300 lbs and I was like 90 maybe 100 lbs) in the leg. Well, I broken it, and I was trying to tell him that but he did not care. He try to make me walk on it, twice, so that mess up my leg some more. And cause we was so scare of him, we first lie to everyone about happen. But in a few weeks after I broken my leg, my mother met another men (who is my step-dad now, and who I will call dad), and he help her to start coming out with all what happen. And he too was beaten up too. But after a few years, he was gone and out of the state. So we all thought it was over, but we was so wrong. He will came into town drive by our house almost every year.

Well, today, my sister (who is the oldest) is starting her own family with a 4 years old boy, and I work at a major Health Services in the lab dept, the oldest of my brothers I trying to start his own family. But he run into problems with some ex-girlfriends. But now he find a nice girl who maybe having kid. As for my two youngest brothers, one just finished school and the other one is almost finish. Luckily or not, my three brothers rarely reminders what happen, and my sister and I just try not to talk about it. We hide most of the stuff that happen, she will not even tell me some of the stuff that he did to her. (But I believe I know what he did) And as for me, I’m still single due to that I’m scare that might became like him, I meant that what the state told my mom. After everything my siblings and I have to go to psychology therapy, to see how much damages was really done. They say that it did damages my sister, the oldest of my brother and me, and that we will be in jail by 18. Which was only true with my sister (that was from her boyfriend‘s friends, and that she break-in to a drug dealer’s house), but she got out thanks to her boyfriend.

Child Abuse Story From Alice

by Alice
(Location Undisclosed)

As I'm typeing this I'm crying. It hurts to think of what happened but it hurts even more to talk about it. I was in third grade when my oldest brother started to molest me when he was 10 and I was 7. It was the first time I lived with my dad for a school year(normally I just visited him on holidays and in the summer). At first i had no clue what sex was so I didn't think anything was wrong when he climbed on top of me. We never actually had sex but he would move in between my legs like we were. The next night I told him that I didn't want to but he told me, "Do it or I'll tell *stepmom's name* and dad that YOU are making ME do this." So for two hours I cried while he had his fun. You should know that our stepmmom was verbally abusive and thought it was okay to hit us to get a point across. That was how I spent many of my nights, it was either crying or just silence and they never heard me silently screaming for help. I had planned to tell my mom when I went to visit her for the first time since I left for the school year........but that wasn't until Christmas. By the time Christmas came around I felt like throwing up whenever I thought of what he did. Plus my mom was sooo happy to see me I decided that I would keep my mouth shut. This went on for 7 years. I would look around at my family and relize that I was the only unhappy one. Why should they suffer for what I couldn't stop? I was also scared that my dad and stepmom would kill me along with my brother. So I suffered, alone, and to this day I have only told two people about it, and those two people are not my parents.

Child Abuse Story From Sue

by Sue
(USA)

I am a 38 y/o female who suffered and still is suffering from severe abuse at the hands of my mother. She was always angry. She could not understand why I loved her so much. She would beat me and my older sister with her hands, feet, belts - only the buckle, pots and pans, cooking utensils, rip our hair out of our heads, slam me and my sisters heads together and off the walls. She slammed my head so hard off the wall once that the wall cracked from where my head hit it all the way to the floor.

And she was smart about the abuse - she rarely hit us in our faces. She would beat us on our backs, stomachs and legs. That way no obvious wounds were visible. She started throwing me out of the house at age 7. She packed a suitcase and told me to get the "F" out of her house. I went to my dad's house for about a week.

She tried to retrieve me a couple of days after arriving at my dads house and my grandmother slammed the door in her face. My grandmother also disclosed to me that my mother would lock me and my sister in closets when we were much younger (I do not remember this but do believe it happened). I am petrified of the dark and wonder if being locked in a dark closet for a long period of time is the cause of this.

Anyway, lets flash forward a couple of years. When I was 11 I went shopping with a couple of friends from school. It was February and it was dark outside very early in the day. I called my mom from a payphone to let her know where I was and what I was doing and she told me to get home NOW. So - I had to leave. As I was walking home from the store, I noticed a man following me through the parking lot in his vehicle. He then parked his vehicle and followed me on foot for three blocks, grabbed me and then tried to force me back to his car.

I managed to get away from him and hopped on a bus. It was the wrong bus and I had to get off much further from my house. I told the bus driver what had happened and he just told me to "get to the back of the bus". People were staring at me but noone did anything. I looked out the rear window of the bus and noticed the creep running in the direction of where he had parked his car. I was terrifed that he would get back to his car quick enough to follow the bus and then me when I got off.

I thought about going to the police station but decided to just go home and tell my mother what had happened. Well - I got home and told her what happened. She beat the tar out of me and sent me to my room.

The next morning, very early, I was awakened to my mother's sillouette sitting on the end of my bed staring at me. I sat up startled and asked her what she wanted. She asked me what the guy looked like - I told her. She asked me what kind of car he drove - I told her. She asked me how scared I was about the thought of the guy finding out where I live - I told her I was terrified. She said "well - he's outside the house right now" and she got up and left my room. That was the first time in my life I was frozen with fear.

About 20 minutes went by and I found enough courage to get out of bed and to the window to look out. When I looked out - there was nobody there. She lied about the whole thing. I found out years later from her that she didn't belive me. So it never got reported to the police. The guy who tried abducting me in now in jail for abducting and killing two kids. I still live with the guilt of not reporting it.

I was jumped and almost raped when I was 13. This guy actually chased me to my house. I was hyperventalating on the floor and she just strattled me standing over me with her hands on her hips looking down at me and yelling at me "get over it - I WAS raped". She did not give a crap at all. I have spent time in foster homes. My mother has had me arrested several time for curfew violations. She would pack my bags, throw me out and then call the cops to report me as a runaway. The cops would pick me up and arrest me. It was absolutely INSANE.

She always had and still has an uncanny way of just putting me down. Telling me I would never amount to anything, I would only be a whore, a loser, a drunk and drug addict. She has done some very serious damage to both me and my sister. She has many, many issues as well.

I have gone to counselling and was diagnosed with PTSD and depression secondary. I've been on a antidepressant with some positive relief but I had to stop using this particular medicine b/c it was only supposed to be used for a few months.

My doctor actually kept me on it for a year and a half which was much longer than it was supposed to be used. I have not gone to counselling in a while (a couple of years) and I suffer from alcohol abuse. I am ready to get back into counselling and try to get some help for myself.

I have a hard time in relationships with men as well. I have huge trust issues with men. And I only seem to be attracted to men who are messed up I.E. abusive. I am currently in a very unhealthy relationship with a man who has many, many issues with his own childhood abuse and neglect and we are just water and oil together.

Some days are OK. Most days are Hell. I am sick and tired of being depressed all the time and abusing alcohol. I am just so tired and all I want is to feel good. I mean, just really find some peace and happiness in my life. I don't want to die to have the peace that I crave. I want it now while I am still here on Earth. The pain I live with every day is just overwhelming. I simply cannot deal with it anymore. And that is why I want to go back into counselling. I really believe that it will help me for the better. Thank you for letting me share my story.

Child Abuse Story From Kaitee

by Kaitee
(Location Undisclosed)

I'll tell you a story of when my childhood turned from great, to horrible. It started one day when I was in grade 5 playing in the back oval of my primary school. I was having a great time kicking a ball around the oval with my best friends. Then I accidently kicked it to high and it went over into a nearby bush. I said I would get it because it was my fault. I went to go and get and waved to some other friends that where near that area.
I could see the ball so I went straight in. But I didn't see that there was someone else in there with me. When I got up, I saw who it was. I will not mention names but he was the most despised person in the whole school. Anyways, I looked at him, said hello and then goodbye and left, tried to anyway. He pulled me back by the collar on my dress and started to unzip it. I tried to yell but he covered my mouth. He then raped me. I was so angry that that happened and it has never left my mind since.

Thank you and remember, you are never alone when it comes to sexual abuse.

Child Abuse Story From G in Oklahoma City

by G in Oklahoma City
(USA)

My abuse started when I was 4. My father sexually abused me and my mother physically abused me. I tried to tell people, but no one believed me. This was all happening when a child would "make stories up" because they got into trouble at home. I would go to school with bruises all over me from my mom, or walking funny because my dad raped me that morning or the night before. This went on until I was seventeen. I gave up on trying to tell anyone when I was about 12, and just endured what ever came my way. I also have 2 younger sisters and a younger brother, and I honestly thought that if they were hurting me then they would not hurt them. So I just dealt with it. To my knowledge my father never laid a hand on them, but my mother still had her short fuse and would beat them, I was still her #1 punching bag. I have never had anyone to talk to bout this, I told my sisters and one believes me the other does not, I grew up with the attitude if you can't trust your parents who can you trust. I have anger problems (very short fuse) but I do not get physial, for the most part I try to walk away. Never got therapy, I can't afford it, and the free theapy is group, and stil not ready to face live people with this. by the way I am now 39.

Child Abuse Story From Freedom

by Freedom
(Location Undisclosed)

Behind the picture:for me,the abuse gradually got worse,it stared as domestic violence,my dad would beat my mom,then it turned into verbal abuse,he'd scream at me for no reason,then turned into physical,he'd beat me,with his belt,or punch and kick me untill i was bleeding,when i was about 8,my dad started exploiting me,he would take me to different motels,and leave me with differnt people,all of which would rape and abuse me.i always tried to keep from reacting,but,i never could,and i hated myself for that.this went on untill i wass 10,then,i was taken away becuase i was sleeping in a bush near the library.i went to a foster home,with a couple who soon adopted me,things were fine for a while,then my adopted father,i'll calll him B,started molesting me,he'd come to my room,and pull my pants down,and touch,and rub,or make me do it to him,he told me,that if i told anyone,he was going to ruin me.i kept quiet,when i was 12,i tried fighting back,yet again,and,he dislocated my arm,my adopted mother never noticed anything,even when i was limping to the dinner table with a tear-stained face.at school,i was having violent outbursts,alot.if someone made me mad,or said the wrong thing to me,i went compleatly beserk.it took at least 4 or 5 teachers to control me.everyone wanted to be my friend though,they said they liked my "bad boy attitude",i wasnt botherd with them though,they hung around me,but,i barly talked,not like anyone noticed though.when i was 14,one teacher noticed something finally,B had just beat and molested me,and i was in an alley,trying to find food,and shelter,i walked in the road,and,almost got hit by a car,the driver got out and yelled at me,he was my teacher,but,stopped when he saw my bruised face,he took me to a resturant,fed me,got me an ice pack,and asked why i was out at 3:30 AM,i asked him the same thing,but,thats not important,i didnt say anything,just,stayed quiet,when he pulled up to my house,i leand in to kiss him,and unzipped his pants,he was shocked,and nearly screamed,he asked what the hell i was doing,i said that's what my dad makes me do if he gives me something.the teacher drove me to a police station and raised hell untill someone agreed to talk to me.i got out of my house,and examined,and questioned.i had to have surgery on my arm from B dislocating it a week before.i got transferred to a behavioral institution,becuase i went insane,i wouldnt eat,or talk,and,i woke up screaming with cold sweats,in there,i made a friend,who,was a little like me,names J,and i met my first gorlfriend M.i loved M dearly,but,3 weeks after officialy becoming her boyfriend,she comitted suicide by slicing her wrists.i felt it was all my fault,that i didnt think,and,that got me back in the physc ward,in a rubber room.in all truth,i was a mental,and emotional wreck.i got out of there,and am now at a half-way house,im 23,two weeks from being 24,and still do outpatients at the B.I am in SEVRAL threapy sessions,and ALOT of medicines.and,im not gay,just so you know,it was how i was brought up i guess.I wanna say,that,sometimes you have to look between the lines to get the truth,becuase abuse really screws a person up.please,speak up if you/any one u know,is getting abused,sorry for my story being long,or,graphic,but,thank you for letting me share my story.

Child Abuse Story From Leslie

by Leslie L
(Maryland, USA)

When I was 10 I arrive to the United States. My dad left when I was 1year old and my mom when I was 5years old. they came to the USA to give me and my sister a better future. I came to the US on December 3, 2004. i was 10 years old. i didnt remember my father at all... he was practically a stranger. My mother I did remember. on February 2005, he (my father) started touching me...it started one day in the living room, we didnt have much furniture, so we were sitting on the floor watching tv. I didn't notice anything until he asked "do you like this?" i looked at him and didnt get it. he was touching my leg close to my vigina. i was 10 i didnt noe the sensation of a sexual touch...i told him i didnt feel anything n he reply "it feels so good to me" i was shocked and didn't know what to do. at that moment he got up and went to the bathroom as soon as he left i rushed to my room and stood there crying and wondering what to do. if i shold tell or not. the next day i was eating breakfast about to go to school. i couldn't get out of my mind what had happened the night before and started crying. my mom saw me and asked what was wrong and i told her she got really mad and took me to school and said she was gonna take care of everyhting. When I came back home i didnt wanna see him cuz i didnt know what my mom had told him. he came home before my mom, and told me to follow him that he wanted to talk to me. he took me to the bathroom and locked the door. i was nervous and afraid. he asked,"what happened yesterday?" i didnt answer. then he said "why did you ay that to momi?, that's not true i would never want to harm you. But sins thats what you think, I won't touch you or play with you or show you that i love you." i started crying and asked to forgive me for taking things the wrong way.

4 of July 2005
the night before he touched my chest. i didnt have any breast yet, i didnt have my period eather. but he still found me attractive and he would look for me and asked me if could touch me. i wouldnt say anything and he'll take my silence as a yes. thigs started getting worse each time. by 2006 he would take my close off and kiss me aywhere he wanted. it was increasing from been twice a week it went to every day. anywhere at any time he wanted.one day my mom came from work late and found us i was on top of him he was touching me and kissing me, she was furious and started screaming and slaped him and he tryied everything to explain to her how it wasnt what she thought it was. my mom called a friend and they talked every night in the living room and keep me and my sister in our room. 2007 he made me touche him, he would put his penis between my legs. he would spy me after i took a shower. he would finger me slowly each time a little deeper. he said he didnt wanna take my virginity. he was a religious freak, he'll take me to church and make me read the bible after he would touch me. he said like that God would forgive us. he would let me have a boyfriend would check on my body cuz i use to like to draw little hearts on me, he would hit me if i did.in 2008 my mom asked me if it had ever happened again, i couldn't answer i wouldn't answer she pressured me. and i started crying and she knew, that same day she kicked him out of the house police went to my school and took me with them. my mom freaked out and rushed to get me, they asked me al source of questions and i aswer every single one of them. i wasnt scared when i was with them. my dad went back to my country he ran away from the police. it's been hard for me to understand what happened or how to take it. i am very confuced and cry all the time, feel like my family doesnt understand why i hate him so much. and sometimes i still blame my self, for everything that happened, i even wanna die somtimes but am too afrid to do something.

Child Abuse Story From Amanda

by Amanda
(Location Undisclosed)

I was 6 or 7 when my 14 year old cousin started abusing me, it all starting when we were at my nanny's and granda's house, it's hard to remember everything and time scales as I have tried to block it out but I remember him askin me could he take my trousers down and look and feel my private area cause he needed to practice 4 his girlfriend and it would be are secret. This started happening more but I was never allowed to look at him, he used to rub himself up and down me but not to my knowledge did he ever fully insert into me. He used to play games with me that we called little red riding hood which involved me pretending to collect apples from the pretend garden and catching me and to search me 4 the apples he put a piece of wood in my pants and then put his hand down and played about till he got it out, he always said only me and him could play and know about that game cause I was he favourite cousin. I used to think it was great at first I had a proper boyfriend as I thought and we did proper grown up things until he started to sneak into the room I slept in at my grandas house, I would of pretended to sleep and lay on my stomach thinking he could do it then but he jus used to rub himself around my bum instead. I never thought he was doing wrong jus me cause I was to young to do them things I always blamed myself until I was old enough to understand. When I was 8 I told my brother who was only 11 he worshipped our older cousins. And didn't understand the seriousness of it and jus teased me 4 having sex so young. Then one day when I was about nine my brother told my older sister who is nine years older than me she went mad as I'd expect shouting at my brother 4 not telling sooner he was crying which made me feel really scared and completely in the wrong about tellin on my cousin, my sister told my parents who tried there best to get me to talk and tell me I was really brave in speaking about it and I was not in trouble but I didn't believe them so wouldn't admit the truth I knew I had to say something so said he rub me once on my bum which in my head didn't seem that bad. They phoned my aunt and told her but he denied all of it our parents knew it had to be true I was to young to make it up and kept us apart until we were older. My mum always wanted police involve but my dad thought it would tear up his mother and father and thought I would 4get about it so it was left. Right up until I was 16 I blamed myself 4 tellin on him, I felt guilty 4 tellin our secret and always scared in case he hated me. Then it hit me it was him who was wrong which led me to suffer depression since then I seen a doctor about the depression and she referred me to a c.b.t (Cognitive Behaviourial Therapy) doctor, to which I mention I had been sexually abused once but she said it wasn't her speciality and did I want to talk about it with my doctor I said no cause it was too hard to tell her then her not respond in a helpful way.

Child Abuse Story From Kayla

by Kayla
(Indiana, USA)

The battle within: 
I dont even really know where to begin im not even sure if i should be doing this but i dotn have anyone to talk to and im cracking and starting to think im going insane i have always had to be a strong individual but sometimes it really does get to be too much... i think im done being strong for awhile i cant do this by myself anymore... it was different in high school i didnt have to do anything i lived at home had no resposibilities... now im in college dealing with that and participating in a sport and my past is creeping back up on me... i dont talk to people about this everytime i have i lose someone that is very close to me over something that i cant control and something that i didnt cause... theey dont understand my causes they dont understand why i am the way i am... sometimes i dont understand me either i dont know where im going what im doing or if i will even make it.. sometimes i see intervention and these people have horrible lives and made decisions that have taken them through the twists and turns of hell it always seems at the very beginning of those bad decisions that they were sexually physically or mentally abused as a child, a large fear of mine is that happening to me is that i will crack and fall off of the deep end like i feel like i am now..i cant be inside my own head anymore its to painful there is to much to deal with i have been dealing with it alone for so long anyway why am i cracking now im out of the house i dont have to deal with it anymore im safe im finally safe...from the physical... i was abused since i can remember sexually abused by my father growing up i thought it was no different that everyone had been raised this way that it was "normal" i have one sibling that i lived with and my father remarried when my brother and i were young as youngg as i can remember she is a loving but calloused woman but means-well most of the time. my birth mother on the other hand has been in and out of the legal system since she was 15 she is a hard core drug addict and alcoholic, so in turn my biggest fear is that i will end up like her that i will snap and just find something that takes me out of the inside of my head and my thoughts and memories so i will no longer have to endure all of the things i once had to everyday for the rest of my life...so many thoughts that roll through my mind i dont know what to do with them where to put them and how to make them stop, pain, resentment,love,cruelty,hate,self-hate,disgust,coawrdice,not feelign worthy of loove, not feeling worthy of a real caring relationship, abandonment, alone... i have no one i can talk to i have no fmaily no friends who would understand what i went through and am going through... i have kept this secret for 19 years to protect everyone that i love my brother my grandparents aunts uncles cousins friends and most of all my brother... i have sheltered him from everything i possibly could growing up the alcohol the yelling the abuse and eveyrhting that came with it... he got to be the care free one the unreserved one that thinks everything is handed to him on a platter... the one who doesnt understand that everything comes at a price. i had food on my table growing up clothes and shoes on my feet it came with a price and i paid it to keep my family together if iw ould have ever said anything it would have killed my grandparents destroyed my aunt and my mother and my brother and i would have been put in state homes i will never be the reason my family tears apart from the inside out i refuse to be the weak link. i think about all of the other things that people go through in other countries that is so much worse than what i go through and what i have gone through and i get furious at myself and have self-loathing and disgust i cant wrap my mind around the idea that i cant handle it im tougher than this man up and deal with it... its not going away anytime soon so live with it...

what do i do now i dont know where to go from here... i dont want to do this anymore i dont want to carry this on my shoulders im tired i just want to quit i dont want to be inside my head i dont want to know the things i know and see the things i see im tired... im done....

and this is the part where i tell myself to man-up stop bitching and deal with it i will be just fine i always am thats what i do im good at being fine...

Child Abuse Story From Tom

by Tom
(Location Undisclosed)

My stolen life: 
I cannot adequately describe the true extent and level of abuse that was done to me. It all started when I was born. I was the middle child of three children. My Dad was a very hateful man even while I was in the womb. My mom was a very apathetic person who could not show love to me. As I "grew" I was ushered into a life of fear and terror. My Dad was mentally ill and drank alcohol. I never realized to the extent how my life was so twisted around till later on in life. I experienced sleep deprivation torture by my Dad. My Mom also drank and I felt abandoned by her even though she was present. As time went on the abuse was ritualistic. I was condemned constantly by Dad. I received no praise at all and when I thought there was one it was quickly taken away. I felt so hated. There were regular torment sessions from my Dad. He punched me in the chest so many times that the area around my heart has been permanently pushed in. There was a particular session where I was sat down in the kitchen where it was my Dad's "favorite " place to bring me, break eggs on my head while pouring cold water from the fridge on me and medicine cabinet items were rubbed into my eyes while the windows were opened in winter. As all this was being done he would be constantly curse me and calling me all kinds of names with the worse filthy and degrading language I HAVE EVER heard come from a human being in my entire life. As a result I was emotionally stunted and socially inept.I made no friends. I did not know how to. Even more so, all of my school days I was terrorized by bullies. They must have sensed I was a weakling. I had no safe place at all. I felt I was involved in a war and I felt as if I was a robot and my will was destroyed. So, fear, terror and anxiety ruled over me and my life. I did not have the ability to feel any good feelings at all. To this day I struggle with this. In long time ritual child abuse from an early age, I read that the development of the brain is radically affected in a child. There are centers in the brain that are not fully grown and are smaller than those of a brain of a child that has been reared in a loving home. One is the amygdala which regulates emotion along with the hippocampus which gives a person the capacity to feel loved. Also the corpus callosum is also smaller than that of others. This organ enables the brain to communicate between the two hemispheres of the brain. One activity of my Dad's was to light Stick matches under my nose while I was Sleeping to wake me up for another "session". I could go on with more incidents with different levels of severity but there would be too many to count And write down. On many occasions I was afraid I was going to be killed. This treatment lasted over twenty years. I cannot ever know to what extent it has effected me. I am 53 years old now. But yet I believe that this is behind me. And I am feeling hope about the future. Thank you for listening. Tom

Child Abuse Story From Destiny

by Destiny
(USA)

My childhood stolen: 
When i was little my parents were good to me but as time went on i got a little brother and things went bad.I once was feeding my brother he was not very old my mom was at work and my dad was mowing the lawn. He had asked me to feed my brother. Well my brother started spitting everything back up as my dad came through the door a little while later. He raced in and i tried to help but he did not want my help so he kicked me and i flew across the room and hit the door. I had hit the edge of the door, i saw stars and i knew nothing for a few seconds and then i woke up and scampered to my room. I had been eight years old. As time went on i got kicked an chocked but i will always remember that one time. i had not been bleeding but i stayed clear of my father to this day.

Child Abuse Story From Ann

by Ann
(Rochester, New York, USA)

I am a SURVIVING victim of child abuse. I was physically abused by a step mother for 11 years, from the time I was 5 years old until I was 16, when I finally had the chance to leave home. I am 60+ years old now and I can tell you, whenever I hear of a child being abused, I re-live my childhood of fears and can relate to the horrific stories.

Just recently, a step-mother was arrested for beating her 8 year old step-daughter with a belt and electrical cord, until she bled in the face, head, arms, legs (so badly bruised) she had to be hospitalized. I too, was beaten and had coat hangers wrapped around my throat, Sloans Liniment poured in my mouth, cayenne pepper put in my mouth, legs dripping in blood from being whipped with Rose Bush stems with large thorns, locked in a dark closet for hours on end, and if I took the time to tell you her reasons, you wouldn't believe it. All I can say is that I have 2 beautiful adult children and I would kill the person that did anything horrible to them. Back in my childhood days, for some reason Child abuse was something that was hidden. Anyway, I can honestly say laws have to be changed to protect these children. Don't slap the "mother, etc" on the wrist and return the child to its environment, but put the wicked person in JAIL! Because of the rare situation in my case I have been approached to put my story out there for all to read. Oh yes, the "step-mother" died in 1984, the same year my son was born.

Child Abuse Story From Lottie

by Lottie
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm so tired but I cannot sleep. I wanna cry but I cannot weep.I wanna stand and scream and shout.But when I try nothing comes out.
I wanna cut til no skin remains.The perfect release for the inner pain. It's not the right thing to do. And if only somebody knew.How to get these images outa my head that fill every day with dread.
I'm tired of living this way with fake smiles every day. I put on the mask and off I go it's not really me but who's to know?I'm losing grasp of reality is it the mask or is it me?
I need some help in letting go the pains of the past but I need to know...Will it make a difference? Will it help? Stop the nightmares that make me scream and yelp? But for now I guess I just wait and see, what tomorrow has in store for me.

(I attended counselling for 4yrs. Spent 2 in silence, 2 talking about the weather so don't suggest that)

Child Abuse Story From Taylor

by Taylor
(USA)

My experience isn't nearly as bad as others, but I feel like I need to let everything out. Not just portions of what's happened. So, when I was two years old, my step mom spanked me so hard that she broke all the blood vessles on my bottom. I remember everything that happened. I was just potty trained, but had an accident while I was at her house. My dad wasn't home. She pulled me over her lap while she sat in the bathroom and hit me over and over again. I remember screaming. I remember my brother, who was also two, was standing right outside the door. He didn't understand what she did to me. I remember my step mom yelling at me all the time. She would make me call her mom, and if I didn't she would run towards me and threaten to hit me. She would flip me upside down and swing me, and I would cry I was so scared. All she did was laugh. Throughout my childhood she would make comments about my mother, who had full custody of me. She would make comments about her and my stepdad, hinting at them being sexual. She doesn't think I remember anything, but I remember everything she would do. My mother took her to court when I was two, and they didn't consider what happened to me abuse, so I don't consider it abuse either really.. It was just court ordered that I couldn't see my father for 6 years. There was another incident that happened with one of my brothers too, when I was 5. I feel so dirty because of it. He was 8 and I was 5 and we were both laying on my couch. He started feeling up my leg; he said his hands were cold. He never touched my privates, but it's a memory I just can't seem to forget. I don't know why. Were really close now, he's 19 & I'm 16. & He did apologize for everything he did to me when we were little.. but it's something I can't let go. I guess because I allowed it to happen..? Anyway, thank you for reading and letting me share my story.

Child Abuse Story From Katelyn

by Katelyn
(Canada)

When i was about 4 or maybe even 6 (its hard to remember) i was so close with my brother who is 3 years older then me. he was my hero and my idol and i did whatever he said. It started happening when he started hitting puberty i was his way of expressing it.

i always did what my big brother said, and i shouldnt have. well on day we were alone in my parents room and we were just being siblings and playing games. but then things got serious. he put me on my back said that all siblings do this. that if i wanted to be just like him i had to.

he forcefully kissed me over and over again until i couldnt breath. teaching me things no kid should have to know. he stopped eventually as we got older and i still just dont forgive him. we arent as close anymore. and its hard to look him in the eye. i tried to erase it from my mind, but part of it always burrows its way back in to my thoughts.

im 14 now and not the brightest kid. i have a porn addiction and i feel having sex is the only proper way to feel loved. i dont like guys my age i like them older around my brothers age... (17) . my past has made me only like FORCEFULL guys. which basically means they get what they want when they want to. i cant tell anybody they would call me gross. all because of this im scared to get close to people. Im terrafied of commintment.

Child Abuse Story From Zachary

by Zachary H
(Texas, USA)

It all started when I was 4 years old maybe younger. This is the first time I remember it anyways. When I was 4 years old my uncle who was 22 started to babysit me. He would touch me in places and he'd make me touch him. He would have sex with me and he would make me do sexual things to him. This went on till I was 7 then he just stopped doing those things to me. Then a couple of months after he stopped a neighbor girl started to touch me and me touch her she was 14. This went on till I was 8 and she made me have sex with her in all kinds of places. Then one day I told her I didn't wanna do it anymore. I wonder now if I was the one who started touching her or was she touching me. I also started doing sexual things with my friends who were guys. We did thngs to eachother. My bestfriend and I did things with eachother till he moved away when we were 11. I am now 18 and I constantly think of my past. I think of how my uncle hurt me all those times when he tried to have sex with me when I was only 4. I hate all of this so much. I just want to be normal. Please help what do I do with these confusing feelings. Should I tell about him to other people? I hate him sooooo much.

Child Abuse Story From Aimee M

by Aimee M
(Location Undisclosed)

My mom and sister were abused for years: 
Well, this is not about me. It is about my sister and mom. But these things affected me in so many ways. First,my dad would control and verbally abuse my mom before I was born for Years. So when I Found that out at about age 6 almost 7. That made me see my dad in a whole different way. Eventually he proved over the years he is changed and me and my family are so blessed to have a father like him. He is changed in so many ways. He has been changed for about 11 years. Note-I'm 13 almost 14 this all stopped when I was at age 3. But I had my brother. He is now 27 and for the most part better. But since he was 14 he abused my mom physically and verbally. It stopped when he was about 22. She had bite marks and bruises and scrapes all over her body. My dad would not do anything about it. He would always Ask my mom what she did wrong. He never understood. Let alone cared. Until my brother turned 20 did my dad stand up to him. He just blocked out the past and everything bad. And my sister had been abused by my brother ever since they were about 4 and 7. I spent hours sitting outside in any weather condition waiting for the abuse to stop. My dad worked All the time so was never home for these things. I walked in once at about age 9 to see my bro slapping mom across the face and heAd butting her several times. I grabbed the phone called my sister and she drove home from her date As fast as she could. My sister almost died from my bro if it wasn't for my mom blocking my brothers attempt to smash into my sisters ribs and kill her by doing that, due to the fact he is 2 times her size. I still don't seem to forgive him for that. And I am never going to love him like I should. My dad now steps up whenever anything happens with verbal/physical abuse. I feel safe . But incomplete with my family. Because of my bros past. I'm not sure how to feel. I do talk with my family about this and we cope with it. Thanks for letting me vent one more time.

Child Abuse Story From Lucy

by Lucy
(New South Wales, Australia)

i was only 6-7 at the time and my step brother kept telling me to come in my room and i did and he would say shut your door and take off your pants and underwear. i was only young so i did it of course, than he would sexually abuse me when he left i told my dad he said if he does it again than tell him he came over again and did it again but i didnt tell i was to scared.

i was about 8-9 the next time he did it to me we had a 2 story house and a pool he was over and we were swimming he said to me come around the corner so dad cant see do i did and than with my swimmers still on he would sexually abuse me.
i was to scared to tell anyone at the time cause i thought i would get in trouble for not telling but know at age 11 it has really affected me. if i watch movies and they have sex scenes it makes me sick from what he did to me.

my father found out so he doesnt come around anymore but i seriously hate him and i will never forget what he did to me :(

Child Abuse Story From Hailey

by Hailey
(Location Unknown)

Noone really understood me when I was a little girl how did I have all these marks on me and why I would always cry. There was days where I was scared to come out my bedroom. I would have friends over and my parents would still beat me. I never got anything that I wanted or needed. There was times where my parents just ate food in front of me and told me there was not enough for me. My step dad would hold me down while my mom beat me. People at school still make fun of me. But now that I live with adults who actually love me things seem to be getting better.

Child Abuse Story From CB

by CB
(California, USA)

From the heart of an abuser: 
It started when I was three. I didn't know anybetter than to play games, and act silly! My dad repeadly hit me, then when I would fall to the ground he would kick me. And my dad was never a tiny, or a skinny man. He always worked out. And it got worse over the years. I told my mom but she's so tiny and when she tired to stop it he would hurt her. But my dad has always been the money maker, so if we told people or asked for help we would end up on the street. Last year my dad broke my ankle with a hammer. Then he said "you ever tell anyone you litle s**t ill kill you ya here me." So when the doctor ask me how this happened I had to lie I hated lieing still even today. Then people started to figure out my story in my old litle town so my dad imediently made me and my mom move across the country. Now im living in southern california. Im 11 and it hasnt stoped. And I cant give out my name for what would happen and he to find out is to umbarrial to think.

love your litle warrior,
CB

Child Abuse Story From Jessica

by Jessica
(USA)

ok so like i dont wana go into detail but its hapened all my life from simply pushing to slaping to pining up against places to sitting on throwing things at me to even sometimes punching, my mom and my step dad both do it (yes my parents are divoursed but thats a dif story) when i was little i dident enen know it was bad it happens constantly almost every night i dont even like to tell my freands like 3 freands know they think its so easy oh just call the police and hide your phone under your bed hide your camera and take a picture its not that easy my parents are super good at hideing it they are super fakes they seem so sweet and inocent all my freands love my mom but its all fake she even puts on make up to go to the park when it happens she hides the phone they close the wondows i cant get my camera when im pined up to a wall if they saw theyed delete the picture enyway i have a brother but hes 4 he just stands and whaches he rarely trys to help i sometimes they do it to him to i always do the best i can to help him no matter how much trouble im in i tell him to tell people becouse its against the law and they can go to jail for that becouse he remindes me of me when i was little and i remember how it felt and how sad it made me and how it hurt and how helpless i felt i mean ill admit it my parents dont hit me for no reason make bad choices sometimes but they shouldent hurt me they will sometimes have me screaming and shivering in fear and they will just say oh stop i barely touched you which is a huge understatement if i am bleeding or have a mark theyle say i did it my self last year i tried to tell a counsler at my after school program and they laughed they literaly laughed i was crushed i told my gidence councler at school too he was actualy crying and he said he was going to call these peaple to talk to my mom but they never did and all my teachers adore me i try to do my best im not bad i dont get into trouble alot im small for my age im a girl im not buff and tough im 13 and i still get abused frequently today i now have resorted to cutting i honestly cant take this eny more i truly wana hang myself belive me i have tryed and i have a rope i made in my closet but i do have some good news just yesterday i had a litle time so i hid my camera and hit record it was just a little fragmant but it just might be enough so here goes wish me luck

Child Abuse Story From Ashley

by Ashley
(California, USA)

My father has hit me ever since I could remember. He has given me countless bruises, cuts, and scars over the years, yet still everyone doubts my situation. CPS has investigated before but dropped the case. To this day my father kicks, punches, pinches, bites, twists, and generally abuses me, calling it "discipline". I remember one night he saw me texting someone past my curfew (which I admit was stupid of me) and grabbed me by my hair and threw me off of my bed and onto the floor. He grabbed my wrists, twisted them, and pinned me to the floor by sitting on me. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me to, "Never, ever do that again unless you want a black eye and broken bones". He hits me with a remote and usually hits me in the face, giving me bloody noses. My dad calls me names too. The other day he called me, "A fat, useless, ugly child who won't get anywhere in life" (I'm actually anorexic at 75lbs.). Oh but he's given me gifts too. Like depression, anorexia, and PTSD, among other things. Being an artist, I'm sensitive about my drawings. What does my dad do? He calls them ugly and burns them. The worst part about all this is that my mom knows about all of this but doesn't give a damn. Recently, one of my church friends has noticed the new bruises and cuts I seem to have daily and she's called social services about it (I told her a story of how my dad hit me with a hammer) and they're supposed to be here soon. Hopefully this whole issue can get resolved and I can have a normal life.

Child Abuse Story From Bella

by Bella
(Location Undisclosed)

I have tried telling people this before and they acted as if nothing happened. Hopefully, by telling my story, I can help someone tell theirs. I'm a 23 year old college student who was sexually abused by my aunt's old boyfriend. I remember it like it was yesterday...... My family and I went to my Aunt's house for the weekend, they wanted to go night clam digging at the beach. I decide to stay at the trailer with my Aunt's boyfriend (we'll call him B), anyways he said we should sit outside and tell stories around the campfire with some other neighbor's... I was listening to one story and it seemed a little inappropriate, now that I think of it. All of the sudden B lifted me on to the picnic table and asked me if I was cold. I told him a little and he started rubbing my arms and upper body.... then he proceeded to rub his hands on my legs up towards my vagina. The neighbor's were watching as this went on. Then he took off my pajama pants and started rubbing his body on me. The guy neighbor told him to touch me some more, so B open his fly and rubbed his erect penis up and done my private area. I was only about 10 or 11 at the time, so I didn't now a lot about what was taking place. He proceed to lift up my top and kiss my chest area and told his friend how "wet" I was down there. His friend then touched my crotch and said " she is defiantly wet and ready for action". Thankfully, the guys female friend spoke up and said that was enough. To this day I haven't told my mom because he said he would kill me and anyone I told. I wish I would have told someone sooner, but I think I suppressed the memory until the day I lost my virginity when I was in high-school. I remember laying there and him touching me, then these flood of emotions overcame me and I had a flashback of that night on the picnic table. Thankfully, I have now overcome depression and thoughts of anger, along with blaming myself.. After reading other stories of abuse I'm glad my experience was minor compared to others. I thank God that I can live my life as a happily married college student and not have to worry about the depression or feelings of shame and guilt coming back. I have recently told my husband what happened that night, so that helps. I just wish I would have told my mom and aunt , so those sick and disgusting people could be put away. I feel horrible because every now and then I wonder if he ever did that to someone else and I'm to blame because I didn't tell. Thanks for letting me share my story.

Child Abuse Story From Niwifaa

by Niwifaa
(Location Undisclosed)

The emotional abuse I believe started very early, when I was about 3. I was a very stubborn child and refused to call my step-father "dad". I believed that my dad was the person who conceived me. Even at three I understood that. I think that put a bad taste in his mouth and I guess thats why all this stuff started.

When I was about 10, verbal sexual abuse started. He would say things every time my mum left the house. He would tell me he wanted me to look at pictures, watch movies and read books. I never knew what that stuff meant, I was a sheltered child and had no clue what sex actually meant. I had no clue that those movies were pornography movies, but I found out soon enough.

I was 13 the first time the touching started. I mean he'd say things like "you look sexy" or "you'd look sexy with no underwear" and things like that, but he never actually touched me like that. I mean strong hugs, yeh, but actual molestation---no.

Then it just happened. He gave me some porn magazines, told me to read them. Then the next morning he came into my room and did what he wanted, then brought me downstairs and laid me on the couch and did whatever. He then held up my shirt and told me I wasn't "ready yet" and then told me to shave my pubic hair and lose weight. The next day it happened again. This time he left the room, then came back and threw 20 dollars on my dresser. Yeh...just like a prostitute. I felt just like one. I wanted to just lay there and not go to school. I probably would have if my room didn't remind me of the stuff happening there while mum was asleep. Same with the couch.

One day, I was told to go with him somewhere, by the end of the night we were in his truck and I was just laying with the seat back kinda waiting for him to be finished. It was the worse of all the other times, so much stuff happened that night. All sorts of disgusting things. When I got home that night I got in the shower and tried to wash the shame, guilt and overall "eww" off of me. Ugh, it sucked so bad.

I was depressed for a really long time after that. I would think about it every second of the day. It was consuming me. I then started to play a little game with myself to make me not think of it. Every time I felt disgusted and thought of the stuff that was going on, I would punish myself some way so that eventually my mind would just tune it out. It worked for a while, things got easier for me, but then it just all came back and nearly knocked me on my butt.

Eventually, I told a friend and she and another friend were my supports. I was so weak and they were the only ones holding me up. I think I really would have jumped off a cliff without them.

I ended up being put in foster care, and two mental hospitals for cutting and suicide. no surprise there.

I left foster care, and was the black sheep of my family. I was abandoned. I would be left alone at all hours of the night because my family went to go see him at his house (he was on bail until his court case) and hated me too much to stay home with me.

I spent all that time alone crying, hating myself. I would cut my thighs, punish myself for feeling the pain of being hurt. I didn't like to think of the stuff I was going through or the fact that I was hated by my family, if I did, I would cut my thighs as a punishment for thinking. I must have been some kind of crazy. I guess.

Those were dark dark times for me. I'd wake up for school alone, and come home to an empty house. My mom would come home for a bit then leave again, along with my brother. They both rarely talked to me and my brother was allowed to jump on me and push me around and stuff.

Eventually the relationship with my mum and brother got so much better because I ended up telling the DA that I lied. I knew that having my mom's husband put in jail would hurt her.

My "thanks"? There was none. Instead he moved back in, treats me like dirt and blames me for everything. He tells people I'm a liar and he acts like he's a victim. I wake up everyday to him and go to sleep everyday to him.

I'm not healed yet of course, because I still live with my abuser, but hopefully one day I hope to have a husband and I hope that I will be able to think about relations with him without having flashbacks and without crying.

Child Abuse Story From M

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

umm, so much on my mind, i grew up with drunks trying to grab at me, uncles who played hide and seek with me just to touch me in the dark, my dad shooting at me drunk while i went to walk to the store, the store man making moves on me and he had a vulgar tongue, school is horrible ..no friends at all, they picked on me from the beginning of school to the end .hated it, hated the bus home and to school was even worse beacause the bus driver sided with them all. im 8 years old, hate my life sorry i just needed to vent

Child Abuse Story From Kelly

by Kelly
(USA)

It all started when I was eight. My mom was no longer able to bear children and I was a pain in the butt. So my parents decided to regress me back to being a baby. It started off with diapers at bedtime. I'd rip them off so my mom bought locking plastic pants to keep them on. After a while it escalated into 24/7 diapers. After I became incontinent, the locking crib was introduced. The lid locked in place and there were straps for my wrists and ankles. They also added straps to the changing table. In two weeks time, I was introduced to the heavily straped high chair and the baby car seat. It didn't take long for all my normal clothes to be pitched and all baby clothes to be bought. All the sleepers locked and I was wearing onesies to school. The school looked into what was happening to me but found nothing illegal. By this time I was drinking formula and eating baby food only. This all went on till I was 25 when my parents finally let me go. I was all alone with no real clothes. I was permenantly incontinent. I am 34 now and still suffering. I'm forced to wear diapers all the time. I got into college and got my teaching degree which I happily teach kindergarteners. I have a wonderful husband and triplet girls who are 2. Nothing like that will ever happen to them. Thank you for letting me share my story.

Child Abuse Story From Ari

by Ari
(Location Undisclosed)

I can't remember a time when I didn't feel depressed or fight anxiety, panic etc. I figured it was something innate in me that just was. Then, I had my third child, and I sank-- hard. I had a major postpartum depression that felt 100x worse than anything I had been through before. Before, when I had gone through rough patches, I could cope by withdrawing myself, but now that I was responsible for other people's welfare and had a family to think about, I couldn't do that... at least, not without seriously freaking my family out.

I sought out counseling for the depression. I remembered very clearly what it was like to grow up with a depressed anxious mother, and I was terrified of that being my legacy. I didn't want that for my boys. But, then lo and behold, once I started to surface from my depression, a whole other box was opened. I continued going for over 2 years to the same therapist and developed a really trusting relationship with her. I told her things I'd never told anyone, not even my sweetie (whom I've been married to for over 8 years). I told her how my mom would alternately hit or ignore me for various reasons, how confusing that was to know which was coming when. I remember trying to run away twice before I was in 6th grade. I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to die before I was 5. It's not that I was recovering some lost life, I was aware of all those things, but acknowledging it to someone who believed me and took the time to listen and help me sort through what all that means for me now. I remember being messed with as a young young girl (pre 5), but everything is vague and foggy. It's only been recently that I've been able to sleep through the night without abruptly waking and panicking. It's also only been recently that I've been able to enjoy sex with my sweetheart without massive guilt shame and fear mixed in. I've gained a lot of good from therapy, but now she's out because she's just had a baby, and I've been passed on to a colleague. I'm trying to continue, but I feel very discouraged, having to hash things out. I tend to go on and on while conveying very little. I like to keep things to myself, and sharing with one person was very easily the hardest thing I've ever done. But what choice do I have? I have no one else to talk to about this stuff. I still have to deal with the flashbacks and the angst of it all. Have to deal with my mom in the here and now and what that means.

Anyway, therapy is the reason I'm still here. I'm convinced of that. Thanks for listening.

Child Abuse Story From Brandy

by Brandy
(Pennsylvania, USA)

My abuse started when I was in 4th grade by my dad. My mom and dad had split up and i was forced to go with my dad on weekends. He is a truck driver so we would sleep in hotels in the area. Thats where it first started in the Days Inn. I was sound a sleep and then i woke up with him on top of me naked shoving his penis in my mouth but i keep my lips closed tight and then ran into the bathroom crying i didnt know what to do and my older sister was sleeping at the time. Then every weekend he would make me give him a hand job. I remember him telling me he would do it with my sister and not me but she would tell our mom. I tryed telling my sister but she called me a liar so i thought if she didnt believe me no one would so i never told anyone except for my cousin years ago but she didnt believe me either. So i just gave up and still keep it a secert from everyone. I havent seen my father since 7 years which iam glad because since iam 19 now i think i would kill him because i still think about it all the time and i think its because no one knows why i hate my father so much. When his name is mentioned i just say that i wish his liver would shut down from all the drinking and walk away!

Child Abuse Story From Nicole

by Nicole
(Ohio, USA)

My story is like many of the visitors on this site. When i was 12 years old my uncle came to live with us. He was the best uncle in the whole world!! He hung out with me all the time, he made me feel special! All my siblings where jealous and my other cousins. It started right after thanksgiving we went to get a tree and my uncle was acting a little weird he kept touching my han as we rode in the car. I really didnt think much of it, then later when we got home i was sitting down stairs hanging out with him talking in his room(which was not uncommon)and he started rubbing my back(i was laying on my stomach) I wont go in to detail but for the next 3 years he would have sex with me on a daily basis, I loved him so much and i knew it was wrong but he always made me feel guilty and told me he would kill himself if anyone ever found out! so i never told. He always said he wasnt a perv and he just cared about me so much and he never had feelings for anyone like he did me. I lost all my friends, he was the only person i would hang out with. My parents both worked a lot so he always was just home with me and my two other sisters. One night when my parents went out of town he got mad at me like he always did for no appearent reason and got my 10 year old sister drunk. I was so mad at him and jealous that he was now treating her how he usually treat me, we all laid in my moms bed and he tried to get her to do things with him! i was so mad i kicked him out of the room and locked us in there, i couldnt sleep the whole night and was so upset by what he had done! After that my whole life was to make sure he could never be alone with one of my sisters or cousins ever again! He would get raged and do aweful things to me like spit on me and kick me out of his car on the side of the road Hours from our house! he would hit me one time he hit me so hard i had as perfect black and blue hand print on shin. I never told i loved him so much no matter what he did, He made me feel special he told me secrets he said noone knew and i thought maybe one day he would change. One day my mom found a letter i had wrote to him saying how sorry i was for everything, and i loved him so much and i would never tell anyone about the things we did. My mom called the police and they made me tell them everything every little detail. Me and my sister had to go to the hospital where they checked us out and std tested us, i was so upset and embarassed. They told my moms whole family what had happened and none of them were surprised. He had been doing it to my cousin who lived in idaho for years and had sent him to live with us for that reason. Later my grandma said it was our fault she said me and my sisters were sluts and we wanted it! When we went to court they tried me to make me a slut to everyone. My uncle in court wouldnt even look at me. He ended up pleading guilty and got 2 years and he doesnt even have to register as a sex offender. He got pretty much nothing becasue no would satnd up with me and my sister. At the end of the trail he stood up and appologized to the judge. And for the first time(besides my mom) someone stood up for us and he said it is not me you should be apologizing to, it is the girls sitting over there that you should be apologizing too! Everyday i regret never speaking up! it is my fualt this happened to my little sister, I made it possible for him to go after her! I know it has effected me greatly i cant trust any guy. I always think he is going to cheat on me. I dream of my uncle on a nightly bases. And threw everything i miss him greatly. I wish everyday i could find him and talk to him, and i know its wrong! How can you forget someone who meant so much to you? even if our relationship was toxic? I want so badly to move on and forget about him but i cant!

Child Abuse Story From Rich

by Rich
(Tennessee, USA)

I am a 41 year old man that has been secretly carrying the burden of ongoing childhood sexual abuse for 35 years. Until now, only 3 people knew of this abuse - myself, my (second) wife, and my abuser. For years, I honestly thought I was ok and could "handle" what occured on my own but I was so wrong. After one failed marriage and a second that is now VERY troubled, I have realized the heavy toll this abuse has had on me and my life. I am not typing this in an effort to blame my abuser for everything that has gone wrong in my life - but as encouragement for anyone that has experienced abuse to get the help they need. This is step 1 for me and honestly, at this point i'm not sure yet what step 2 is... My Story: My mom is only 19 years older than I am and growing up in a single parent home, I understand that at 25 years old she had a life and friends. My mom would drop me off in the evening with her older sister (my aunt) to spend the night while she would go out or do whatever. In most cases, this would be a safehaven babysetter for a child, right? Wrong! My cousin was 18/19 years old at the time and addicted to drugs. In the small house in which they lived, I was always put in the cousins bed to go to sleep prior to him getting home from a "night out". I vividly remember the first time it happened. I went to bed / asleep by myself - 6 years old - only to be woke up by being raped by my cousin. I remember having my face shoved into a pillow so my screams and cries for help wouldnt be heard by anyone. When it was over, i was told if i ever mentioned it to anyone, he would kill me - and i believed him. I also endured this guy getting kicks out of shoving a thermometer into the hole in my penis - amoung other sick occurances. This or a similar event would happen a couple times a week for the next 2 years. I would cry to my mom and tell her please dont make me go stay there but i never had the courage to tell her why. I would just get sent back and have it all happen again, and again, and again - until finally, i accepted that i couldnt do anything about it. Over the years that followed, my cousins drug abuse caused kidney failure and he went on dialysis in need of a kidney transplant. Guess who was a match, my mom, she donated him a kidney 15 years ago which officially ended any hope of me ever telling her what occured when i was a child. Today, i realize that i build walls between myself and people who love me, including my wife - it's the only way i know to protect myself from getting hurt. I dont know how to let someone love me. My wife has gotten tired of running into that wall and recently had an affair. I realize that the long term affects of child abuse has caused me to form defensive personality traits which make it difficult to have adult relationships. I feel as though i am damaged, i have no self esteem / confidence, everyone else is "better" than me. My life has been molded by the abuse and hurt i suffered as a child and i make those around me miserable as a result. Again, i dont know what step 2 holds for me, but i am making a bold step 1 today.

Child Abuse Story From Stephanie

by Stephanie
(Arizona, USA)

I was only two. I don't remember the exact place that it happened. When I get a flashback of it, it's in front of an apartment building. I was two. I was with my twin sister. My older cousin showed my twin and me his penis. We went and told my mom that, "we saw J---'s tail!" J--- was younger than 18 but old enough to know what he did was absolutely wrong.
J--- had two younger brothers, T--- and R---. I also had two older brothers, B--- and W---. T--- and R--- and W--- have been molested by my biological father. My mother didn't know. She found out after she left my biological father (I saw biological father in the sense that all he is to me is half of my DNA). My brother W--- was suicidal. He didn't feel safe enough until after my mom left my biological father to say anything. We couldn't do anything about because it was too late. W--- now faces post traumatic disorders. He has extreme depression and unbelievably bi-polar.
J---, T---, and R---'s mom is my biological father's sister. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she knew how gross he is. Luckily, he was out of my life at the age of four. He has turned my world around. Because of how he affected my cousins, J--- then became like him and he thought that it was perfectly fine to show my sister and me his penis.
He was sent to juvenile detention because my sister and I told my mom right away. No, we didn't understand at the time how truly awful it was, but understood that it was bad and that someone needed to know.
I am now sixteen. I have no contact with my biological father. I still have contact with T--- and R--- but it's not intentional. One of them just so happens to pick up the phone when I call my grandma.
My biological father is now married to my mom's ex husband's ex wife. I can guarantee you that she knows what kind of man he is because of the connections she has with the people who were affected by my biological father. And because it's a small town and the word didn't go un-said.
Out of all the mayhem, my sister and I got the least of the worst. I feel sorry for my cousins. It wasn't their fault for what happened to them. It was J---'s fault however for what he did to my sister and I. And compared to most of these stories on here, my story is nothing. But I don't go a day without thinking about it all because it has affected my whole life.
Some advice; if any of you guys have been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused. Tell someone. A trusted adult, a friend, coach, teacher. Someone that can help. You're not alone. And people live to help. Seek it!

Child Abuse Story From Jasmine

by Jasmine
(California, USA)

Cchild abuse: a friend of my family: 
In my childhood i was 10years old and one day me an my family went to church and this man offered me my cousin and my sister if we wanted to help assaulted girls wich we said yes and after a year he was like a part of a family to us. so after a year i was 11years old my aunt told him if he could take me to pick up my little cousins and he said yes an i was in the carr an i was wearing a mini skirt and he started toching my legs and my hand an even my under my shirt and i was scared he told me if i told any body he will do something bad to me an my family wich i said kk!!! i was scared right when i got my little cousin i hold my little cousins hand and i was scared so right when i got home i told my aunt an i was crying and my grandma told him if it was true an he dinide it an he ran away and we nv saw him agin!!!!!thow now i am 12 i am very scared that i nvr listen to strangers.so i will nvr forget this memmory ever!!!!!

Child Abuse Story From Roxanne

by Roxanne
(USA)

My story is mostly about verbal abuse and a little bit of physical abuse. Im 16 yrs old. I grew up with very old-school parents. growing up 13 and 14 yrs old my parents never let me go out no where and i was very rebellious because of it. they were very protective and didnt trust no one. So one night i decided to sneek out and very often that. One night my mama found out. She freaked out and beat me black and blue for about a month, i would go unconcious sometimes. She was so angry with me. while she hit me she would call me a s**t,b***h,whore, i aint worth sh*t, i would make nothing of my self, any thing you can think of and she would also tell me she wished she would of aborted me. Then after she would spit on me. the abused occured very often for a few months. the verbal abuse still occurs till this day but not as bad as it use to be. Then for my other punishment she took my door off, took my tv, phone, radio,nailed my windows shut and cutoff any communication to any body. for about a year o two. now growing up i started to bond with ma mama more and i know she still dosnt forgive me. but i forgave her for the most part. The only thing that really bothers me is that most of my teenage years were wasted being grounded and beat me. But for the most part me and my mama started to have a great bond that i really appreciate. i'm still healing from old wounds but its slowly repairin it self

Child Abuse Story From Michele

by Michele
(UK)

I am 41 with four beautiful children who I emotionally hide from. This is part of my legacy from a childhood I scarcely believe.
My mother was an alcoholic; my father an abuser on lots of levels and I was an only child.
From the age of six (I think) my life became one long endurance of being beaten; touched; left alone when parents went to the pub and so it went on. My mother and father eventually divorced and my mother's drinking became much worse. She tried to kill herself on several occasions and blamed me for causing her upset. One of her most notable parenting disasters was to move to a house with two devil worshippers and take me with her! Before we left she made me take the Satanic Bible!!! This is actually true. I cannot believe that a parent would harm a child in this way, but she did.
My father died in 1993 so I was never able to get him to repair the damage he had done via counselling.
Two weeks before my sixteenth birthday, I left my mother's house whilst she was drunk and never returned. It was never home and I would marvel at my friends' parents and how they loved their children and fed them properly.
My mother spent her benefits on lager (super strength) and then when totally drunk would beat me around the head, kick and not stop until I could get away from her.
On leaving home, I became an Escort/Prostitute to pay rent. Not great but at least I could now buy food.
As the years passed, I tried to rebuild myself.
Now I am simply a shell. I try so hard to make my children's lives what they should be. But I feel only guilt and shame. I managed to go to university and have a successful career but inside I feel empty. People think I am confident but I am painfully shy and would rather hide away. If I had a choice I would probably live as a recluse.
My mother will never allow herself to accept what she has done via neglect and abuse. Perhaps I should try and leave this but it is very hard.
I recall telling my husband about one of these incidents and adding that my mother should have had an abortion. He cried.
I often wonder what I would have become if my parents had actually loved me. I don't suppose I will ever know.
Thank you for allowing me to share this and I hope one day to find out who I really am.
Michele

Child Abuse Story From Kara

by Kara
(Delaware, USA)

I was abused for 6 years...and held it all in for 4 more: 
I started out believing my sister's dad was my own. little did i know he was just stepping up when my own dad wouldn't. my dad showed up when i was 5 and dragged me away from the man i called "daddy". he took me, still crying, back to his mother's house. it took me about half a year to adjust, and another half a year to trust him. trusting him is the worst thing i could have done. at age 6 my dad began to physically abuse me. he would beat me for no reason with whatever he could reach, check for bruises, hug me, tell me he loved me, and send me to bed. i would cry myself to sleep every night. i would have to wait til he left to cry, because if i cried in front of him, he'd beat me harder. he would say i had to "suck it up and take it quietly". this went on until i was 12. at about 13 i moved back with my mom. i held in everything until i was 16. i had begun to self-harm at 14 and was extremely depressed and no one knew why. im now 17, about to turn 18 and alot healthier mentally and emotionally. my memories will not fade but i no longer let what he did define me. i dont let it control my life or feelings. and now i'm about to graduate high school and go on to college to get a masters in psychology so i can be a child psychologist. i want to be able to help other children like myself, because no one should have to go through that, or hold it in for 10 years.

Child Abuse Story From Will

by William
(Location Undisclosed)

Well it all happened when I was 5 when I was alone with my brother I was being molested for 2 years he kept doing it until he got older then he quit I never told anybody and we just don't talk about it but it doesn't stop there when I turned 8 years old I didn't know what to think but then my godfather was living with us and watched me a cupple times and I remember we were watching tv and then he got his way with me and I felt like garbage I thought it was over but he only did it once then I was 10 I thought it was over but then two strange things happend I was hanging with the next door niegbors then we were hanging in his broken old van it was me this boy his sister an ten kids there I thought it was a party but then the boy and his sister started to have sex while ten kids watched we all watched then my brother came and told me I had to go home but then he got in the van and I just went home it was the wierdest thing ever but that's not all when I was 11 my neighbors moved and then my dad split up with my mom and went with my anty it was wierd for a while then it got really wierd my cosins where living with us then one day my cosin asked me to follow him so I did and we got to his room we were in the house all alone and my own cosin started to have sex with my other cosin I didn't know what to think then he mollested me and I really hated it but I thought it was wierd all these people doing it and when I was younger I had all these wierd thoughts it wasn't right I realized it when I got older sometimes I still do it but I catch myself I didn't understand but I tried to stay away but then my anty and dad split up then I felt better but then I got older and didn't know what to think my childhood was surrounded by sex I felt disgusted ashamed then I started to get really angry over nothing sometimes and I always wanted to cause my dad and new stepmom hell but now I'm living with my mom got a wonderful girlfriend but I haven't got any psychology help yet I can't really say I'm fine the memorys always come back to haunt me but I try my best to forget

Child Abuse Story From Heather

by Heather
(Michigan, USA)

Will the pain ever go away... 
I was about 9 or 10 when it started. I was molested by my cousin. I am a bi-racial person raised in a single parent home. I can't remember the actual act its like I blocked it out. I would remember my cousin who was nine yrs older tell me it didnt matter b/c my father was black so its not like we are even related mind u my mom and his mom are sisters. I am 35 now and it still haunts me from time to time. I never told my mother til recent yrs. But its like what could be done about it now? I am a single parent of (3)children with (3) diffrent fathers. Never had a meanful realationship always wonder how I would have turned out if it never happened.

Child Abuse Story From Angie

by Angie
(North Carolina, USA)

I was physiclly abused ever since I can remember. Both my parents are my natural parents and were terrible parents. My dad did drugs his whole life and actually introduced my mom to them. My dad would go into these fits of rage. Once he broke both my mothers jawbones and the day she were let out the hospital she ran right back to him. He would beat my mom to a pulp and then he would vent his anger on my sister and I. My dad would beat us until we were all bruised. I hated my mom for many years because she never even tried to protect my sister and I. She choose her violent and abusive husband over her own children. The whole family knew of the abuse, my mom had plenty of places to go but she could not leave her no good husband. I were placed into the system for years going from foster homes to group homes. I went years without seeing my mother and she never bothered to find out where I was. My sister was put into a mental instition and will never be normal enough to live among society because the abuse she endured almost killed her. Come to find out my father sexually abused my sister, which my mother knew about. Both my parents are still alive and I rarely ever talk to them. I am still hurt real deeply by the abuse. My dad still do drugs and is still abusive to my mom. I just can't understand the hold that he have on her. I tried to mend the broken relationship that I have with my father but he is still set in his violent ways and shows no signs that he will ever change. He never apologized for hurting me so terribly all throughout my childhood. I told my mom that if he were to die to not expect me or my three children to attend the funeral. I hate to feel that way about my father but he is truly an evil man. As a result of the abuse that I endured I have trouble establishing any type of relationship with a man and may have to accept the fact that I may spend the rest of my life alone. I look at every man and think that they are the way my father is and push them out my life.

Child Abuse Story From Krissie

by Kristianna
(Indiana. USA)

I am 14 years old now! my family is not the best my mom and dad are divorced i haven't herd from him since i was 3 but they never put a hand on me oh no! me im different from a lot of people who are abused by their parents but me no i was abused by my older brother he is now 19 years old.

i can remeber i was about 4 when it all started to happened to me. it was one day my mom had to leave me at home with my older brother and his friends i was only 4 and he was about 12 or 13. i was in my room playing and he yelled for me so i went and he said im dumb ugly fat stupid i was sad so i cried and he got mad and he.....he punched me in the face i blacked out and when i woke up my face was bruised and it hurt bad! so i went and hide under my bed and cried. after a few years went by it gotten worse!!! i am dyslexic and i was in a school to help me with writing and speaking. so my brother called me a retard every time i didn't do something rite and punched me and busted my lip open. i can remember one day it was me him and 2 of his friends so he went to my room with his friends and they started hitting me punching me kicking me calling me horrible names! i was crying he punched me so hard i hit the edge of the bed and he busted my eye open and he let his friend touch me an have sex with me i can remember how bad it hurt and i was screaming HELP ME! they laughed and said dumb little girl no 1 can here u no 1 will save you EVER!!! it stared being a daily thing the touching and the sex i got used to it after about a week or two. they still would make me touch them and lick and suck their privet parts and said thats all im good for in the world is sex and pleasure. all i remember was going along with them so i would be safe. i thought im dumb im a retard im a s**t im stupid i hate my self but i also was asking my self why now why me? what did i do do horrible to them? i got so sad and depressed i started to cut my self in the wrist and trying to kill my self. after my brother when to jail for robbing stores i was still terrorized and delusional i had nightmares for years but i stopped cutting my self or tried to stop. still to this day i have the scars where he cut me!! i think the hole reason he did every thing to me is because i was dumb and i didn't do what he wanted me to do for him or his friends. i eventually told my mom so parts i never told the public about this story i never told my best friend. the only parts i told about was the hitting. sometimes when i when to his house his friends where there and he still hit me and his friend still had sex with me and touch me and made me "use my mouth" for his privet part. i asked him to stop and i tried to push him off of me he was 15 and i was 12 he was a lot stronger then me so when i tried to push him off he held me down to the bed. i am 14 years old now and i haven't seen him since i was 12 years old. i have gotten better and i am over it but still think about it sometimes but if i was stronger i bet i could had helped my self!!

Child Abuse Story From Cassandra

by Cassandra
(Michigan, USA)

I was molested: 
I want to share my story. I don't think I had it as bad as anyone else that I read. I am kind of embarrassed for even writing, but I want to get it out. I was molested by my dad and a few times by my uncle (his brother). I remember sitting by my dad different places and on occasion he would let his hand wander into my pants. It didn't happen much, maybe just 1 or 2 times a month starting when I was around 11. He was very gentle with me and would talk to me casually while he fondled me. Believe it or not, I welcomed the touch and even experienced an orgasm sometimes.

My uncle would try to touch me too, but he molested me verbally more than physically. If he walked by me or had an opportunity to be alone with me, he would rave about my body to me and mention parts of my body that really interested him the most. But luckily overall, he never touched me under my clothes and I kind of shrugged the verbal abuse off.

Back to my dad though, he continued touching me. He was well aware that my body reacted to his touch. He was so kind to me, buying me different things. Once I remember he came home with a kitten. I was so excited, and he knew it and used that as a way to fondle me. I would pet the kitten, while he held me and "pet" me.

One time when I was 13, he was on the couch with me. My older brother left to go to football practice, and my mom was grocery shopping. I had just came home from staying overnight at my friend's house, and I was wearing a skirt that was my favorite. My dad was working his hands on my body but this time I was laying down on my stomach. I remember feeling my skirt rising off my legs, and he actually moved my underwear aside. He was behind me so he had a clear view of my privates. All of a sudden I felt something wet and my dad was licking me down there. I was too embarrassed to move. That was the first time he performed oral sex on me. Oral sex on me became his favorite thing to do when I was a little older. Everytime he had the chance, he did it.

My dad also ended up getting me to rub him down there. I remember walking with my dad back down the beach. It was pretty much dark out, and as I was talking to him I noticed he had his pants unzipped and erect penis hanging out. I tried to act normal but he knew I saw it. He took my hand and to me to hold him while we walked. I am pretty sure I even made him orgasm because he would tremble at times and shake. But I would say I only touched him 5-10 times overall.

But anyways, everything that happened never led to intercourse, so I can be thankful for that. It lasted until I was about 15. I think he just kind of stopped because he knew I was getting older and he was worried I might say something. I did resist him a little bit more when I was older, because I knew it was wrong.

As for today, we have a really good relationship. I am 22 years old and been dating a guy for 2 years. It doesn't effect me much, and sex with my boyfriend and sex in the past with others, I don't think about the abuse. So I feel fortunate about that. My dad obviously knows what he did, but nothing was ever said. I hope it can stay in the past and I don't hate him for what he did. If anything, I think I am guilty of enjoying that "tingling" feeling and initiating what happened. I didn't have to sit by him, or go on walks with him. I was never pressured into it. That being said, I still know it is my dad's fault. Maybe someday it will come out.

Child Abuse Story From Shauneen

by Shauneen
(Location Undisclosed)

I am currently having a hard time accepting that my childhood was full of abuse and lies. I am receiving counselling for problems with depression and anger. Ironically it was my mother who suggested I get help, she gave me an ultimatum to change my behaviour or get out. I am 20years old and studying to become a nurse, so I don't have the time or means (financially) to support myself if I were on my own. She knows that and so I made the appointment with the counsellor thinking that she would tell me how not to act when I got angry, etc.

But obviously that's not how it works. Before counselling I was a master at turning off my feelings and spacing out when things got too uncomfortable. It's very early days in my counselling and although I still find myself becoming detached at times it's getting much harder to do so. I suppose this should be a good thing but it is so hard and everyday I fight with myself about going back to counselling.

You see my counsellor has been asking questions about my childhood and my upbringing which has got me questioning whether or not I grew up in an abusive environment or not. I can not accept that it was abuse but I am beginning to think that perhaps it wasn't right either. When I read some of they stories here, I recognise that some are similar to mine.

My mother was a strict parent who believed in corporal punishment as a way of teaching right from wrong. She would slap us, punch us, kick us, hit us with objects including shoes, kitchen utensils, hangers, brush shafts and anything else that was handy at the time. According to information that defines physical abuse, I think this qualifies but I am having a really hard time accepting that. My mother doesn't fit the profile of an abuser, she loves us dearly and whilst she is very hard to live with (the relentless shouting and fighting) I can't accept that I am a victim of child abuse. I feel guilty for 'telling on her' because even though I am pretty sure that there was something we had done wrong on a daily basis to be punished, it wasn't all bad. We learnt that what we did was wrong and not to do it again, I didn't particularly like getting hit but I didn't see it as wrong.

I am so confused right now and I am afraid that things will get worse if I continue with the counselling. However I recognise that I need help to deal with my depression because I don't know if I will be able to survive another episode like the last one and that terrifies me. But I was not expecting all these other feelings and emotions. I don't know what to do with them. I am so scared because it seems that everything I have ever known is being brought crashing down around me and I can't stop it any more. I can't spend more than 15 minutes in a room with my mother and I have driven a wedge between everyone including close friends and family in my life. I can't bear to be touched by anyone and I have never had a boyfriend because I find it hard to put myself out there so to speck. I would rather avoid all kinds of situations like that and so I do not go out very often with friends. As a result I fear that I am destined for a life of loneliness, hatred and depression.

Has anyone else who has come through abuse as a child ever felt like this? I don't know if I am a victim of abuse and what to do.

Child Abuse Story From M

by M
(Florida, USA)

I'm verbally abused from time to time and it's worse than physical abuse let me tell you. I was verbally and physically abused by my father from the ages 5-12, (physically 5-8, and verbally 5-12. I still get a little bit of verbal every now and then but the feelings don't go away. Bruises can, but emotions can't. My parents went through a difficult divorce and then I lost my grandmother who was the only person who understood me. Now everything's okay, but the emotions come back a lot when I see the hole in my bathroom door. I'm in therapy right now and weaning off a depression medicine. Thank you for reading my story and thank this website for helping me get it out...

Child Abuse Story From Gabrielle About Someone Else

by Gabrielle
(USA)

My cousin is 20 years old. Her fiance of 4 years, opened up to her recently the tragic past he has overcome. He never knew his birth father, and his birth mother was a drug addict who frequently left him and his younger brother and sister alone in the house. She would physically and sexually abuse them often. I saw evidence to that when he took his shirt off once and had cigarette burns on his back. He also told stories of how every Christmas his mom's reason for not having presents was that "I left them in my car and someone broke in and stole them". After a few years they stopped believing her at all. When he was approximately eight years old he and his siblings were taken from their mother and moved into foster care. Their mother would have gotten to keep them if she had taken parenting classes that she didn't show up for. At the first foster home, his younger brother began to take on violent habits such as beating up mentally challenged children living in the home. The three siblings were seperated for the duration of two foster homes, then brought back together in a fourth. At that home they were sexually abused and his sister was raped. They were soon after moved to a fifth foster home where they stayed shortly until they were instead put in a adoption center/child care facility. A family began visiting them frequently and eventually decided to adopt all three of them. The kids moved into the people's house and are still currently children of these people. He and his siblings still suffer from nightmares and memories of their past, as I saw once when we were sleeping at my aunt's house. He began whining and moving in his sleep. When my cousin put her hand on his shoulder he jerked awake as if he was afraid she was trying to harm him. It scared us all. His sister recently gave birth to a healthy baby girl that her adoptive parents are helping her raise by allowing her to live with them until she finds a stable home. His brother is still in high school and living with the adoptive parents but is working on his violence issues that still spike once in a while. My cousin's fiance recently made a few bad choices and my cousin broke off her engagment with him, however they seem to be working things out and they will most likely get back together soon. He is now twenty-three, taking night classes in college, and training to become a police officer.

Child Abuse Story From Teri C

by Teri
(Kansas, USA)

I was trying to recall a happy time in my childhood and I really cant. I know my story seems mild compared to most but it is nice to get my feelings out.

Growing up we moved at least every two years of our lives. My mother became emotionally abusive when I was in kindergarden blaming my siblings and I for her failed relationships, around second grade the physical began. I came home and interrupted her yelling at my younger sister; my mother held me down and repeatedly beat me with a belt. My older sister wanted to get away so she went and hugged a telephone pole during a lightening storm and the police were called. Things got better for awhile when the social worker began visiting, then we moved again. I was 7 at the time and began spending time at my uncles with my older cousin and his friends. This was my first experience with sex, and I really didn't understand it besides the fact I knew it hurt and I didn't like it. My mother had a new boyfriend and things were great for a year then we moved again.

My mother was continually calling me stupid, a loser, ugly, and blaming me for her problems. By the age of 9 I was left in charge of my siblings cooking, cleaning, discipline, etc... I made a close friend but once again we moved, I gave up on making friends due to always moving. My mother met a new guy who seemed cool everyone was happy once again.

For two years things went well then the physical abuse once again, the worst time for me was when my mother choked me to the point of passing out. My step-father began calling my sisters and I fat lazy whores( yea lets tell a 12 year old shes fat). My step-father would put padlocks on the refrigerator and cupboards buying only fat-free food; and if we ate his or my mother's food there would be hell to pay. By this point he wasn't holding anything back: electricy shut off (padlock on box) tell he got home, now electric heat just a wood stove in living room for heat, and the physical began. He was never physical with me because he knew the second he did the cops would be called. He did abuse my brother throwing controllers at him and one time nailed his bedroom doors and windows shut with him in it. I told that to my father next thing I know my brothers living with him but little sister and I have stay there ( my older sister living with aunt by now).

My step-father decided to remodel so all that seperated my rooom from theirs was a sheet, and I heard everything: them having sex and fighting tell 4 am or later. Obviously my depression worsened and grades slipped, there were days when I literally had 30 minutes of sleep before school. During a 3 year period we moved 6 times with them breaking up and getting back together. At 14 my mother kicked me out of the house accusing me of sleeping with my step-father (yea like that would ever happen). My grand-father took me in but I had to work for it, he had a farm. Everday afterschool I would go do farm chores then go to my part time job to pay for my food, car, clothes, ins., etc... I was only able to talk to my sister at school by this point in time. I made it threw high school and moved on to college.

My sister and I began e-mailing again when she was 12, and she told me she had taken my place in the vicious emotional abuse cycle. The day I found out she went to school drunk, I contacted srs: I had been hoping she would skip the abuse on her since she was the youngest. When my mother found out of course I was every name in the book and was told I would never see her again I was like "Oh ya you wanna bet." I contacted a lawyer and by that time my mother was accusing my sister of sleeping with step-dad, so at 13 she moved in with me. I was 18 and my mother refused any financial suppport so I dropped out of college and began working full-time to support myself and my sister. My mother did not contact us again for 5 years. My little sister went back to high-school and was able to graduate and go to college. My siblings all ended up moving back in with me when they had financial trouble and trouble with exes until they got back on their feet. Once my siblings moved out and my ex dumped me I felt alone and turned to drugs and alcohol not a good idea. I decided I was tired of life and decided to end it. I drank a bottle of malibu, smoked some weed, then while drinking a bottle of crown took all the pills I had (xanax, effexor, flexerol, and oxycodone); luckily a friend found me.

I am now 25 and proud to say supporting myself and going back to school to obtain my paramedic degree. I also work at a childrens psychiatric hospital, where my life experiences has come in handy in giving the children moral support.

Child Abuse Story From Angelina B

by Angelina
(USA)

Okay soo my whole life my and my dads relationship has been rocky, And i till this day have guilt that it's all my fault. Ever since i was little honestly i dont remember the times that he was nice to me. All i remember from my childhood with him is him making me get him drinks make and bring him his food socks shoes whatever he wanted while he sat on the couch. It was always me or my mom. Never my 2 brothers. They only rarely sometimes had too. Well i remember feeling angry like just because he made me do everything for him like i was his servant. & if i didnt or if i disobeyed him i was so scared to get hit because he would always threaten to hit me, and scream and yell in my face. I remember one day i was upstairs cleaning my room and he made me come downstairs and clean the our dogs pee and poop up in the house, but instead of having my 2 brothers who were sitting right next to him do it i had too, and that angered me and i remember i just did a big sigh and rolled my eyes a lil and hes like dont you ever FN get smart with me young lady...you understand me? and he would always scream in my face then he would say stuff like i will beat the living crap out of you. So i got so fed up i ran away! 1ST TIME ever. and i was so fed up because he would always put me down constantly call me a whore or slut and say im a disgrace to our family that i embarras him one time he even said he no longer calls me his daughter and i just ran away! to my godparents house not that far from ares and i just cried and they made me come back i HATED MORE THEN I COULD EVER EXPLAIN to be home without my mother there i would cry and beg her to not leave me or take me with her. i hated coming home from school knowing he'd be home. so i got involved in a lot of sports sort of a way to get out and be out the house. But also because i liked sports, and that seemed to be the only time my dad ever liked me. But after basketball games if we'd lose he's always make fun of me instead or point out al of what i did wrong and not of what i did good. I was a very angry person! i hated him! He would always just randomly yell at me or telling me im never gonna get anywhere in life and im a horrible person and im ugly and fat. All my friends saw him as nice but it was just a show! Now im 17 and my dad and mom are divorced they seperated when i was 15. And when they did i felt free i felt no stress i felt good i was happy and i feel like should i feel guilty that i feel that way? at first my mom tried and make me stay at my dads house every other weekend but one weekend he left me locked in his room all day for no reason and i just cried and since then she never made me go over there so i dont choose too. And he always says that i dont care about him i never call him or go to see him but idk what he expects! Because my brothers go see him all the time but he's favored my brothers anyway our whole life! He always makes me feel like the wrong and guilty one! And then on top of that, My older sister's on his side and says i need to open up to him because im hurting him alot? and that makes me feel worse because he hurts me all the time ! UGH JUST no1 but my mom understands! AND ITS STRESSFUL CAUSE 1 day he says he hates me anything i ever do will never be good enough for him and then the next day he says im his daughter and he'll always love me and its just like UGH!! i cry as i write this! i now have a lot of problems with self esteem and im uncomfortable with my body ! i didnt even put my actual real name about this on here because i dont want my dad to somehow find it because im scared of what he'll do.! i used to not be able to even look my dad in the eye and i still cant! sometimes ill stick up for myself! this constant guilt i just dont know how to deal with??

Child Abuse Story From Kayla

by Kayla
(San Diego, California, USA)

It started when I was about four and I am now seventeen.... My parents divorced. My older brother and I live with my mother who is quite the character. She drinks, smokes and is always out. My brother is old enough where he isn't forced by the courts to see my father anymore. But when I was 7 my father started wanting to see his kids more. He got remarried and my brother would go to his house one weekend and I'd go the next. Then my father and step mom divorced when I was 10.... Two years later was when the worst started happening. He always used to hit me. I dealt with that fine. When I was 12 though he started touching me. He'd do terrible things... The only thing he didn't do was take my physical virginity (Oral was done though).... He stopped when I was 14.... Almost 15. My mom doesn't know. Only my two best friends and my brother. My mom still uses my father against me though. I still live in fear from him and I am still dealing with everything. I don't know if he has ever done anything to my brother.... I don't want to know to tell you the truth. But not a day goes by where I don't think about my father and what he has done to me...

Child Abuse Story From Sue Part 2 - The Effects

by Sue
(Ontario, Canada)

Hi Darlene: 
I have actually written my story on your site back in the middle of august (child abuse story by Sue.... regarding my father sexually abusing both myself and my sister and beating my brother... he went on to abuse my daughter too as did my brother, and we have had them both charged...)

At any rate I, like you, turned to food as a solution... the beginning it was a choice I made, with the rather twisted belief that it would cause him to stop what he was doing... I gained the weight but the abuse never stopped... it did anger him greatly, which made me feel better... the more he hated it the more I did it... it felt very much like finally there was something that I could control instead of him... empowering at a time when I felt helpless. The trouble is at some point instead of me controlling it, it started controlling me... and it became the thing that protects me, not just from him but from the world. My weight has been well over 300 lbs since I was in my early 20's... I have always known that it's not healthy, I have tried so many times to lose the weight... and I do well with the diet aspect, I have a great deal of willpower and can easily "not eat" the bad things... but as soon as the numbers start going down, my clothes get loose or people start commenting... I just panic and stop or sabotage the diet... and so the cycle continues.

The trouble is now at age 39 I have been diagnosed with diabetes... a huge wake up call... I was at first on metformin (which my liver did not tolerate) and am now on insulin. I have been following the prescribed diabetic diet to the letter since the middle of July, without cheating... a thing I have NEVER been successful at in the past. I am being motivated by the fear that if I don't do this thing this time I will die and leave my 3 children motherless, and so far it keeps me honest.

What I don't know how to deal with is the total anxiety and panic I feel constantly about the loss of the actual weight. Since my weight is as high as it is and I have not been cheating at all I have lost a very substantial amount of weight... it terrifies me. I had a business presentation yesterday, in full business attire.. none of my clothes fit.. I had to shop for new clothes... it almost made me call in sick and not go in.. usually I am confident and sure of myself in presentation situations... in this case I felt "naked" or "exposed"... the more people comment on it (all positive things to be sure) the harder it is for me to not panic.

I am wondering if this is a normal reaction. I'm wondering if I am totally out to lunch. I don't know if it's possible to overcome those feelings. I wonder if I will always feel so scared. I know that it should be positive. I know that all the positive "you're looking great" kind of comments are meant to be encouraging so I don't know why can't I take them as such. They make me want to put on my old baggie PJ's and hide in my bed where the world can't see me.

I'm so scared... I'm just not sure what scares me more, what will happen if I keep losing the weight or what will happen if I don't keep losing the weight. I'm so afraid that I will just stay in this broken place full of fear and anxiety... I want to continue to live for the sake of my kids and that drives me forward... live yes... but it's no life.

Feeling very scared and alone,
Sue

Child Abuse Story From Me

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

its been 12 years since it started, it lasted for 3-4 years. and i havent told anyone ever. i was 5 when it started and now im 17. im lost and confused. as i thinkits not that bad but i feel it effected my life especially that ive been holding this secret for so long. He was my cousin. i thought it was a game, i was too polite and shy to say no,, he did that every time we met for 4 years and it would be like 3 times a week. i never resisted until it hurt. he would put his fingers in an inapropriate places , but im confused if it really have effected me or should i tell someone because i wasnt raped.. cause when he tried to, i ran away. it all stopped when he once came and i just said NO.. and he never did that again ... it was all about a no ... i am not confident and i underestemate myself.. i never liked myself and i feel ashamed and i still think about it daily. and i feel guilty because:1) i could have stopped it much earlier. 2) i didnt tell anyone that time and i knew he was doig that to other little girls and im not sure all would runaway when they feel that warm strange thing on there!!

i just need to be told if i should try and tell someone... but i dont want to tell anyone if i dont gaurantee it would help or change anything.

Child Abuse Story From Caroline

by Caroline
(Location Undisclosed)

My abuse started when i was 4 years old, my parents had enrolled me into school. But because i was a very shy child and didn't really know how to react with other children i would act up and not want to go to school.

So a close friend of my family's offered to take me into school and help me settle and make friends as he worked as a cleaner at the school. My family thought this was great and agreed.

The first day he took me in there was nothing out of the normal he took me in and introduced me to other children of my age and older. He seemed to be very popular with the other children, i later found out why.

The first month went by and still everything was fine. But then he started giving me sweets and telling me not to tell anyone. Then he would ask me could i keep a secret and tell me things like he was part of a group of very special people and i to could become one of these special people. He would tell me things like how sweet i was and how i had been sent by god to help people.

One day he asked me to dress in a princesss dress and asked if he could take pictures of me in the dress. told me i could have lots of sweets and barbie dolls if i did. This then become every day. Different outfits then it got to just a swimming costume. Eventerly he wanted to take pictures of me with just my knickers on, when i got upset and started to cry he turned nasty and told me that if i told anyone then he would kill my mum and that he could do that because he had killed peoples mum's before. I was so scared and frighted i belived what he told me so i would pose for his pictures. By the time i was 5 he brought other children in and i was forced to pose in sexual possisions with them. While he took pictures. At the weekends he conviced my parents that i should go to his house so i could play with his newphew and neeice that he looked after on the weekends. My parents thought this was good for me.

He had other children around as well as parents thought he was a nice guy and was trying to help their children. Most of the children had learning difficulties. I still don't understand how he conviced all these parents to let him look after their children. At his house the photo shoots as he called them carried on. Then one day there was this female there that was the first time that i was touched all over by a female adult. She hit me a few times dragged me around by me hair and made me lick her shoes when i refussed to touch her. Then he started to lay on top of me and lick my body all over. Every weekend this would happen. and in school at break and lunch times he would be waiting for me outside my class and take me to his office where he would touch me and get me to give him oral sex. He told me if i told anyone no one would belive me because everyone knew i was a stupid kid. Then said he would come and get me and kill me and kill my mum and kill my animals. To seal this he trod on snails and cut worms in half. I was so scared of him i done everything i could to act like a normal child.

The female also contiuned to touch me and get me to touch her and give her oral sex. When i turned 7 she said that she had a special presant for me. Thats when she layed me on the bed pulled my legs apart and pushed an object into me. I will never forget the pain and how much i screamed. After that she forced me to have a bath and to clean myself up.

The rapes by him and her carried on after that. it wasnt untill my mum noticed blood one day that she rushed me to my gp who then sent me straight to the hospital where i was examined all over by a female doctor. My mum was removed from the room. And i was asked who was hurting me and i didnt have to be scared that i was safe now, that no one could hurt me again. It took me a long time to say anything till they said that my mum and dad would be taken away, so that they couldn not hurt me that i started to tell the truth.

Eventuerly other victems was traced and evidence gathered. He and she was then arested.
All the pictures and films he made where never found, i was told that this was because they had been sent out to other places. So as far as i know they could still be out there today.

I never knew what happend to him and her.

As for me it took years of talking to pychiatists and councellors to help me regain a life. I didn'nt have a relasionship with a man untill i was 24 years old. When it come to sex i struggled. Had to go for sex thrapy.

Today i am 26 years old and in a really good happy relationship with a very nice understanding man. He knows that i just cant do oral sex so he never asks and tells me it is not important. That is the one thing i could never over come.

My relationship with my own father fell apart and we hardly speak and the relationship with my mum suffered to. My mum blamed her self for not knowing and not seeing it. I never blamed her. I blame the people who done it. I always will. They took away my childhood. And for years i suffered.

Know i refuse to be a victem any longer and refuse to let them ruin any more of my life.

Child Abuse Story From Teresa

by Teresa
(USA)

I live with my stepmom and dad. My stepmom has a really bad temper. One day I came home from school and my stepmom was waiting for me. She pulled me in the house and slapped me and kicked me. When she was done I could not move. i went to school the next day and I could hardly walk. My friend walked up to me and asked if I was ok and I said yes. I came home and she kicked me more and I went to bed hugery. I could not wear shorts. I could only wear pants and long sleeves shirts. one day while at school my homeroom teacher saw me with a black eye and asked to talk to her so i did and she called my stepmom. She picked my up early and went home. When we got home nobody was there, she pushed me up against the wall and almost choked me. My brother walked in and called the cops and took her away. I thought it was over but she got out and came back to live with my brother and my dad and me. this started happening again. I am in the 9th grade and this has been happening since I was in 4th grade. I wish i was died or never born. My real mom is in jail and i never see her. My brother and me has been in 5 foster home since my dad come and got us out and got married. I wish this was over

Child Abuse Story From Heather H

by Heather H
(North Carolina, USA)

I was born to a mother who all say was a good mother until meth and crack took over...i was born almost 3 months early and was addicted as well. i have at least 6 siblings that i know of...i remeber some things but others i dont....i know at 4 i weighed roughly 20 lbs...i remeber the belt game where she would have us all in one room and chase us with the metal end of the belt i can still see her smiling or her eating food and throwing the leftovers away and if we were caught eating it we got beat for that...one time we went to the store with her and her mother and i remember someone said something about the way we looked and when we got home she beat us while her mother blocked the other car door so we could get away she would burn us with cigs still have some scars from that then one night my sister and i had to stand out side in a tshirt and nothing else waiting to have our ears peirced with hot needles for punishment one time she left us duct taped up hand feet and mouth then said if anyone uses the bathroom your gonna get it my lil brother wet him self and when she got home hourrrrsss later she beat him for it and made him stand in the corner for over 8 hours one time it was one of our birthdays my lil brother peeked out the door bc she had gotten a cup cake and when she saw him she threw a shoe at him and blacked his eye we had didfferent fathers so when my grandmother saw some of the bruises she question and statred to try and get me but they kept telling her we need proof it wasnt un a full size hand print was left on my face and i was at the hospital bc i couldnt walk bc my mothers boyfriend raped me and dislocated my hips he did this after she druged us with cough medicine and left i woke up to my mom screaming at me to get up and walk even though i couldnt and i was only 4 but after that we were all taken away none of my siblings had people who wanted them andthey went to an orphanage and my grand mother couldnt take us all so she took me she loved me but my grandfather hit and threw me on the ground and at one point there were 12 people in a 3 bedroom 1 bath house with drugs all around she was a good lady who got trampled all her life i guess thats why she put up with it then at 12 i left and went to a cousin who was pretty well off and i thought she love me but as soon as she got me she changed she was on like 7 diff meds. would lock me out of the house say things like this is my house you are nothing wh**e b***h whatever she felt if i had a cheerleading game she would lock me out so i couldnt get ready and so i could go....her huband so touching me soon after that but i coulndnt say anything be she would have gotten mad me bc EVERYTHING was my fault i started working at like 6 or 7 years old at their commercial cleaning buissness and went to school...eventually i left there too at the age of 16 then went to a friends house then they made me go to an INADAQUIT foster home so i ran away and ended up with a cheeleading friend who let me stay until i finished high school and left for college...i am now 26 and i always thought i was amazing for making it but i now realize its only amazing for a while then it seems every one thinks that since you no longer in the enviroment you should be fine and i use to believe that bc im prideful and dont want anyone to think somethings wrong with me but as i get older i realize i have some issues but i feel im stuck and too pridful to ask for help bc it may take time not just one trip to doctor and to this day im still a VERY angry at my mother who got nothing for what she did too us "p---" her boyfriend got 16 years though but then again k---- and t--- got nothing and i think k---- really did a number on my mind! Im very smart and was in the gifted classes all through school and i am super creative so i guess i have to proud and thankful for the qualities i have!

Child Abuse Story From Tayla

by Tayla
(Australia)

I'm fifteen and my Pop sexually abused me until i was twelve, the only reason he stopped? He died.

To this day i find it really hard to deal with what happened and only a couple of people know what happened to me, i still find it hard to battle with that voice in my head deciding whether or not, because he's passed away whether or not i should tell my parents.

I guess my story goes a bit like this;
I moved with my mum (who is seperated) up to where my grand parents lived and we stayed with them for about 3 months, in that time the abuse started. He would touch me in places 'my bikini' covered. But i was always told that it was 'our secret' and 'no one will believe you'

I'm at the stage where i keep getting all the flashbacks, which i'm not going to give to any of you readers.

When i was telling no one about the abuse i would ring up Kids Helpline and talk to them for ages and they were the reason i told some of my friends. They helped me see the light alot, they proved to me the reasons i didn't want to tell anyone were stupid.

I haven't conquered telling my parents yet, but with time i know i'll tell them. It's just a really hard thing to do. When i was younger, when i didn't tell anyone, i saw it like this.

Mum told me to ALWAYS listen to what adults said and do what they say;
Pop told me not to tell someone, and there was no way i would disrespect my Pop if i was going to get in trouble for not listening to him. Now, that is the hardest thing that i'm trying to overcome, how apparently i was the victim and it wasn't my fault.

Child Abuse Story From Maria H

by Maria H
(Ohio, USA)

Sexual Abuse: 
When i was at the age of 7 years old is when it all started. my mom didnt ever want me at my dads when i was little but my older sister asked why and she wouldnt tell her but once i turned 7 she started letting me. and for the first week everything would be natural, he would tuck me in for bed and everything. then things started getting weird, he would like kiss my neck and then go down my pants with his hands and run his fingers down there and i tried to push him away but he insisted on doing it and i kept crying and constantly saying daddy please stop! please and he kept making these noises and and screaming and kept getting really rough and then he put his fingers inside me and kept shoving as hard as he could and i looked down and there was blood. i just lyed back down and layed there without saying anything or moving. i couldnt bare the pain. it hurt me terrribly. he finally stopped and gave me a kiss on the cheak and left. i layed there the rest of that night and didnt move. i stayed up all night repeating those actiong over and over again. then the next day he told me to get out his house and that if i told anyone he would kill me, my mom, my brother, and stster. and that was the end.

Child Abuse Story From Jaclyn

by Jaclyn
(Missouri, USA)

When i was four my parents got divorced. not soon after my mother met another man, and he moved in with us. Life was good until my mother got full custody of me. not long after that, my now step father started to tell me that i was no good, that i would never amount to anything, that i was too fat and ugly to be loved. when i turned twelve my biological father died. after that my life had gotten much worse. for almost three years after my father died i was told everyday, that i wasnt going to succeed in life, and that i was just going to become another bum on the streets. One day, about a year after he died, i started to cry because i missed him so much. my step-father found me and told me i needed to just get over it, because it had been a year. My family moved to another state, and i met my husband. after a year of dating he proposed to me. my step-father took this to his advantage to lower my self-esteem even more. he would tell me that nobody loved nor wanted me. that my fiance was a fool if he loved me and would leave me within a week of living with me. i go through life everyday, trying to hide what he has said to me throughout my life. i hide it with humor.

Child Abuse Story From Montana Annie

by Annie
(Montana, USA)

Sexual Abuse: 
My parents always seemed so happy when i saw them together. When they got a divorce it really shocked me. I stayed with my mom because she was afraid he would hurt me. We stayed with my uncle(my mom's brother)who also just got a divorce. The first night we stayed he came in my room and forced me to take off my clothes and he would rape me. This happened repeatedly and always at night. It's still going on and i want help.

Child Abuse Story From Liz

by Lisa
(Corpus, Mexico)

i am mexican female 29 i can remember when i was 13 my uncle sexually abused me it was around christmas time i think when it started because i remember i got a barbie and my uncle said i was too big to be playing with doll's which i think is commen for a sex offender to say and act like that i read alot of book's about the subject since i was 13 because i wanna get a job were i can help kid's who are abused but i dropped out of high school because i got made fun of and did not fit in i was a loner and i got acne which made me felt ugly i still do feel ugly and have have verry low self esteembecause my mom was only one working my stepdad couldent keep a job and the way i dressed,i pee on myself and go school smelling like pee and my dad was verbally abusive he would always tell me and my sister we are fat and to watch our weight and mak comeents about my acne and my dad would hit my mom ,brothers,sisters,half sisters,half brother not me they divorced when i was 4 bit my sis told me he pushed me so hard from one side of the room to the next because i guess he was mad when i was in my bassinet as a baby i fell out and i still have bad dreams were i feel like i am falling and i wake up. my dad choked my half sister once held her against the wall it was christmas and she wanted to go to her grandma's my step mom at the time there divorced she remarried my dad is single)and my dad said no and he choked her cause he started getting violent and she told him she was going call the cop's i was standing in the room frozen i didnt know what to do i still feel bad i did nothing i am older then her she was i think 15 0r 16 i didnt know what to do i never saw anything like that before right in front of me i was scared. anyway i am gettng of the story me, my mom mom,step dad, older sister, older brother moved in with my grandmother i think we didnt have no where else to go and iwould sleep on the couch and my mom sister,grand mother would share the room i think i slept in the living room by myself my brother i think worked and i slept by the christmas tree on the couch my uncle would go ove rther ewhen he thought i was asleep i would pretend cause i was scared and i did not know what to do and my uncle lets call him s that is what his name starts with would stick his hand up my shorts or whatever i was wearing and rub the outside of my panties were my vagina is he would also make me sit on his lap and he would move it up and down or make me sit in between his leg's and make me or himself rub up against me i hated this and i knew it was wrong we were in my grandma's room the house was a 2 bedroom my ( UNCLE HAD HIS OWN room )one time this happened and my sister walked in and just walked out she did or said nothing never told her but later on when we moved out she read my diary and found out everything.i started to sleep in my grandma's room it was just me and her on her bed and i lock the door and he would still come in with my grandma there asleep asleep on the same bed and touch me the door was easy to unlock you could use a fork,butter knife and moved in then lost the house cause he owed money for the house and got behind on payments .my unlce s acted like he wa sorry he was diffrent when i was 19 i lived with my grandma again my mom passsed away of cancer and my stepdad passed when i was 17 of cirrhosis of the liver he used drink alot and when drunk he try to touch me too and i loved him he spoil me took me out to eat all the time only me not my older sis or 2 older brother's. i hate when he drink and try touch me) he got sober but it was too late. i got a bf and had a son and i fall asleep breast feeding him in the living room on the rocking chair i would be so tired and warn out from not getting enough sleep and my uncle would get a blanket and cover me up it was not church cause he went to church when he was molesting me. my other uncle (MY MOM OTHER BROTHER)tried to molest me he gave me a ride to ged class and said something to me or tried to touch me i was 19 i just got out of the car.i wonder if he tried on his 2 daughters that was the second time he tried with me. my grandma's fried i trusted grabbed by boobs he betrayed my trust i thought he was my friend i was 21 he was 49 .and my grandma's friend and neighbor that lived next door try to make advances on me too when i was in my early 20's and lived at my grandma's i trusted him too. all this started with my uncle it messed me up i always think about it and i thought i could forgive me i dont know anymore it messed up my life i made bad choices in life picked the wrong bf my baby daddy have too kids with was a dead beat dad could not keep a job drink too much then i dumped him never visit or call the kids then went back to cali never got child support my kids are 3 and my oldest will be 9 dec 1st.i made bad choices in bf the ones i picked her jerks who wanted to just use me for sex! MY BABAY DADDY DAD MOLESTED ME TOO WE Were drinking MD 20/20 and i was drunk and my baby daddy father put his hand in my pants and was touching me i kept calling my baby daddy name finally i got up and went inside who knws what would happen if i stayed there baby daddy found out never did anything about it he even let his dad move in with us i was scared he and my bro worked at night so it would be me and his dad and my son who was 2 or 3 left alone cause he did not work he was an alcholic would put things in front of my bed room door it had no lock to feel safe his dad found out and got mad but i did not feel safe around him i trusted him thought of him as a father in law he betrayed my trust.i have been abused alot and feel i have been through alot for a 29 year old girl my age i do get depressed and i have thought of sucide but know i feel i cant because i dont want my two boys to be fatherless and motherless i still wanna kill myself i just cant.i have no job,no ged i have not been in school so long i forgot stuff sometimes how to spell i had to go to classes to help me pass subjects when i was in schooli i was never good at school or made good grade's i am really really bad at math so eevn if i want a ged i doubt i am smart enough that i can get one, anyways i let myself go gained weight since i had my kids i am 5'3 probbly 160 or 165 if not a little more still have acn no money to get medicene 4 it not like it would work i fell like a big fat ugly loser

Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(Location Undisclosed)

The abuse by my father started around age six. He would come home from work and my mother would tell him the litany of all the bad things I had done that day. He would take down my pants and beat my buttocks until he was tired of hitting me. Sometimes he used his belt. I remember living in constant fear. I would hide from him under my bed, in my closet, under furniture, anywhere I could think of. Sometimes he would find me and drag me out of my hiding place to beat me with even more fury. I would hide for hours trying not to make a noise. I was terrified of being discovered.

One day at school the teacher noticed that I couldn't sit down and she sent me to the nurse. This was in the l960s. The school nurse found the bruises all over my body and called the police. The police came and took pictures of my body. Then they came to the house. My mother knew they were coming and she hissed at me --"if you tell them what daddy did to you then he will go to jail, and we will have nowhere to live." I knew what to do. When the police came to the house I lied about the abuse.

My parents were worried that the school knew too much about our family. So they sold our house at a loss that summer and moved to another school district. My father was furious with me because he had lost money on the sale of the house.

The beating continued every day until I was twelve. I finally stood up to my father and said that if he left another mark on me i would go to the police and he would go to jail. He never hit me again, but continued to be verbally abusive.

When I was seven I wanted to die because i could see no way out. I took a handful of baby aspirin and hoped to die. Another time I stood in front of the heavy wrought iron glider at my grandparent's home. My cousin was teasing me by holding the glider back as I stood directly in it's path. She expected me to jump out of the way. She gave me plenty of time. I stood there, hoping the glider would kill me. It hit me in the face and broke my jaw.

I decided at age 12 the only way out was to become a good student and get a scholarship to a school out of state. I dedicated myself to this goal and achieved it. I graduated with a Bachelor of Science degree from a very good school.

I suffer from PTSD and chronic severe depression and migraines. I have no contact with my family.

Child Abuse Story From Rebecca

by Rebbeca
(Ohio, USA)

I was in 2nd grade. My cusin T---- would also take me up in our barn and make me do things to him and he would do sexual things to me...he told me not to tell like it was a secret and I dident know it was wrong. He would also do these things to my sister. He would come over everyday and repeat these actions like undressing us and touching us. I dont know what to do I am currently 13 years old and i have nightmares of him coming back to my house and beating me and touching me. I need somone to talk to but i dont know who to turn to. My parents are usally gone to work and i feel uncomfortable around men. Even at school i will talk to some of my guy friends but I always feel like they are going to do somthing to me. Thanks for letting me get this out.

Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(UK)

My Story - How I survived, lived and freed from the nightmare: 
I had always wondered about the scars all over my body, and I was determined to find out. It has taken me 18 years to be able to finally talk about it, and know exactly what went on. I am adopted, and still currently live with my Adoptive Parents. My story is based upon the paperwork that I have from Social Services, the Courts Statements and Medical papers, so forgive me if some of the detail is vague

I was born in 1992, to G and S (my biological parents). A year later, my baby brother, A--- was born. He and I were both un-expected pregnancies and when G had found that S had been pregnant with me, they quickly married, as it was part of his religion, as a Mormon, to not have sexual relations with a woman until marriage has occurred.

Before A--- was born however, (when I was 1years old) I was treated in a seriously in-human manner. My mother used to slap me hard when I did something that was wrong, or annoyed her. In one of the pieces of paper that I have, it recalls G saying in a court case that S had smacked me repeatedly after being sick on her. Another time, she had been caught bouncing me up and down on her lap by G and G's mother. They had warned her to stop, as it was causing my neck to violently swing side-to-side but she continued to do it. It happened another time when G and his mum were not there and eventually it caused her to 'accidentally' drop me on my head. Resulting from this, I suffered an epileptic seizure. I was rushed to hospital and although the doctors said that I had had a serious blow to the head, they could find no damage to the brain or the skull. 48 days later I was re-admitted to hospital as I had suffered another 'fall', and this time, the neurologists had found that I had within 48 days, suffered TWO Sub-Dural haemorrhages. The first one had been undetectable at first (which was the cause of my first hospital admittance) and the symptoms of it been Chronic. Chronic Sub-Dural bleeds take weeks upon months to develop which is why it had been undetectable at first, and they occur after minor head trauma. Chronic Sub-Dural bleeds are also slow, and are caused from repeated minor bleeds. (In my case, I suffered many head injuries during my early child-hood). My second Sub-Dural Haemorrhage was Acute. It was extremely severe and without Neurological treatment, it could have been fatal. An Acute haemorrhage means that due to my ‘fall’, and the impact of it, the blood vessels between my brain and skull had ruptured, causing them to bleed out and therefore causing the haemorrhage which gave me an increasing head size as it was pushing against my brain, and causing severe damage to it. I was put in an incubator for 3 months as they had to drain the blood out of the back of my head. I had tubes coming out of the top of forehead, one through my neck, the rear of my head and a tube inserted near where my tummy is (I’m unsure of why this one was there). When I was discharged, G and S were informed that I had sustained severe damage to my brain cells, which would make it harder for me to adapt my learning skills as I grew up, and that I was susceptible to developing Epilepsy, later in my life.

Around the time this had happened, my brother was conceived. And when the doctors knew of him, he was immediately put onto the ‘at risk’ list. A few weeks later, G, S and I had to be put into a Family Care Centre/ Unit so the Social Workers could see how my Bio-logical Parents were, with me. I was never again left on my own with them, and according to the paperwork, their results were not good.

When A--- was born, (I know some of his injuries) he was taken away from S and G (as was I) and put into Foster Care for some time, after the social workers could see bruising and scars where S had been dressing him in a baby popper’s outfit, and had been pushing his skin through the poppers.

Reading through all of the details to my abuse have been traumatising for me, especially about the details of my head, and A---’s injuries that he sustained through the abuse.

After this, I can tell you that, we are much happier now, as in 1995, I was adopted into a family I could never have dreamed of. Thank you for reading my letter, and letting me share it with you all. It has been hard trying to write this, without letting my emotions take hold of me.

Also, due to my severe subdural Haemorrhages that I have sustained, I do find it harder than many young people to understand certain things, and I take a little while longer to learn everything, but I am training myself everyday, and the doctors say I am making a very good recovery, even though it has taken 16 years to be able to write and read properly. So, thank you for your time, reading my story.

Child Abuse Story From Angel

by Angel
(North Carolina, USA)

I spent most of my childhood being beaten on a daily basis. It started with my dad spanking me when I actually did something wrong and it started happening more and more often. when i was 5 my mom left. She took my brother with her, but left me with him. i spent the next 10 years being beaten with a belt every day, burned with an iron, and theres more im not ready to say yet. I made friends with my neighbor and when it got really bad i would sneak out of the basement window and go to his house. He is a lot of the reason im not still in that mess. im now 17 and im living with a foster dad. Even though im physically out of it, i still dream about it almost every night. and i cant help but think i deserved it. everyone has told me i didnt but its hard to even think about it...please dont make any rude comments..this took a lot more courage than you think.

Child Abuse Story From Jessica

by Jessica
(Kentucky, USA)

I'm 17 years old....I love my family nobody has ever hurt me but only one person and I can't seem to forget about it... My mom used to be married to this guy and I really thought he was nice and so did everyone else until he started to drink and then everything got bad... he would beat my mom and they would argue it really terrified me but i had to be strong for my brother and my sister.

One night when mom left for work i was there alone with my stepdad.. and that's when it happend my step dad molested me And i didnt tell no one for awhile but he would touch me in inapropriate places and ask me to do things. I have nightmares about it sometimes and i cant sleep... my mom and us have a better life now but I cant get over what happened.

Child Abuse Story From Kelly T

by Kelly T
(London, England)

it all started when i was about 4 years old.about 1974.my mum met a man who moved in within the week.at first it seemed ok,yes even at 4 or 5 i remember stuff.
he used to go to the pub and come home drunk.
but i dont think that has anything to do with it,coz he was never drunk when the bad stuff started to happen.
i remember on a few occasions he came into my room and touched me up.also he tried to bugger me.
and it happened often almost every other night.
then he used to make me watch porn films on our super 8 projector while he payed with himself and made me watch.
and it gets worse...
on a few occasions i remember he used to say to me come in our bedroom room tonight and watch me screw your mum?yep thats right.
then i remember one night i went into there room and my mum was tied up and she just seemed out of it.dont forget this when when i was from abou 4 or 5 untill i was about 15.
he made me touch her up while he watched,and i did waht he said coz i was scared,he used to say do this and that or you wont get any xmas presents.so yes usually near xmas but on many other nights too.
many years later my mum told me stories about how he actually forced her to have sex when she didnt want it,like rape ect.
im now 41 and live at home again.and it drives me nuts thinking about it.wishing he was dead.i hate him,but somehow to cope i have just managed to find a way to switch off.
im so scared to tell anyone,especially the police.is it too late.my mum dnt know what this monster did.but i wish i could tell her,but m scared too,and dont want to hurt her,it would really finish her off i think,she is in her 60,s and not very well.
all i can do is wait for the day he dies and finally i will have a weight lifted off my shoulders i guess.
he is also in his 60,s and very ill,and will prob not last very long.is it evil to wish someone like him dead?
he makes everyone think hes gods git,hes friendly to everyone,
not only this but he keeps taking piss out of me and my mum,puts us down allt he time,and moans constantly.
boy i would love him to pay for what he did to me and my mum,but im too scared to tell the police,a few friends i have told and they said i should tell police,but i cannot do it.
so i just have to earn to live with it.
u may ask why the hell am i living with him,well i have had a few rubbish/failed relationships.and keep ending comming back hme again,its the only place i got to go.i spend most of my time in my bedroom.

Child abuse Story From Lucy

by Lucy
(England)

My father was an alcoholic and still is I can,t remember what age the pysical abuse started it was just like that always happened My father would hit us with a belt kick punch us not just me and my sisters but my mum as well she had to go get his drink borrow money from whereever she could or he,d beat her. I think thats why she stayed with him, cause she was scared of him. I always wounder weather she knew what else was happening. How could she not know Although it mainly happened when she was out I remember being around 4-5 when it started happening he,d make me come up to his room he,d tell me how fat and ugly I was and knowone else would want me or take care of me. It started by him showing him self to me and as the weeks went past that turned into touching and making me do things with him it makes me feel sick just thinking about this I can still smell the smells of aclohole it makes me feel ashamed of my self this happened more and more untill a wk after I was 10 when he said I was ready to learn how to be a proper grown up I,m shaking like anything wriiting this he then raped me I tryed my hardest not to scream I feel so ashamed, this carried on for a few months untill my mum finalliy decided she,d had enough and left him she,d had enough of every thing he put her though but how could she not of known unless she did and did,nt say anything. I,ll never know. As I got older even though we were still seeing him things got better he stopped abusing me but I still felt horrale being near him. When I was about 16 I started drinking I hated my self and drank so much I ended up in hospital loads But it did not bother me what I was doing to my self .I carryed on an till when I was 18 I was raped by someone I know which I blame my self for being drunk I tryed to take an overdose a few wks after but it just made me sick for a couple of days. Now I hate my self so much for letting these things in my life happen. I feel I have know control over my life. I can,t stand the way I look so I don,t realiy eat much at all and if I do I feel like I have to take laxatives to get rid of it I feel so alone. Thanks for reading my story.

Child Abuse Story From Vincent

by Vincent
(Dallas,Texas)

My Father is an alcoholic and has abused me my whole childhood, until the age of 10 I would just be taken outside, told to take my shirt off and belted really hard on my back until I cried. Then as I got older and started high school my father would use his fists. I would get punched in the stomach and face mostly, until I fell to the ground and if he was really drunk he would kick me repeatably until I coughed up blood or occasionally passed out. He caught me smoking once and whipped me so hard on my back its left scars that I'm ashamed of.

My mother died when I was born, I don't know if he blames me but he just hates me and I'm completely worthless in his eyes. We moved to Texas and He got re-married when I was 8 and now I have a step-mum and a little step sister who I love, my step-mum tries to control his anger and stop him from hurting me, she even got him to go to counseling about his drinking, but it doesn't matter, my father hates me and thinks I'm nothing.

I'm a little embarrassed to write this but I was beaten really bad one night and he kicked me in my penis really hard, the next few day I was peeing a little blood and I got very worried, I tried to wait for it to clear up but it didn't so I went to the school nurse and she told me the teacher had voiced concerns about bruises they seen. I begged her not to bring it up with teachers or police, and told her my father was taking counseling.

I was kinda a loner in school, I feel really sad and angry with myself, I try not to let it get to me, but I really just want a father, my own father hates me so much I feel like a disappointment. I left school at sixteen, moved out and now work in a video store, I sometimes see my little step sister and mother around town, but my father has basically disowned me.
Worse thing is I don't know why, I wasn't a bad kid, I smoked but that's it, I don't know why he ever had me, why I'm so worthless, and I don't know what to do now.

Child Abuse Story From Lynn

by Lynn
(Wisconsin, USA)

Emotionally, Verbal, and Sexual Abuse in One! 
I was five when my life went to hell. I'm 16 right now But I would never forget what happened to me wen i was nine! It was back in 1999, when my parents were really bad alcoholics. That was the year when I barely seen my parents in my life! I grew up knowing that I didn't really have much of a mother or father. I hated it when they would fight and my mom would make us pack and sneak out of the house. I was the main one that wanted to stay with daddy, but mommy would let me! Then I started to get a little older and my parents started to come into my life, but were bad drunks. The main thing I wanted to tell is when i was nine. My mom finally realized we had to leave, because my dad was starting to get worse and worse. What I mean by worse is he started to take his anger out on me and my little brother (which is one year younger then me). Whenever he beat my mom so bad that she would pass out, is when he turned his attention to us. He would light matches and throw them on us, get the belt out and hit for not being quiet, and he would just plain beat us. But my mommy had enough and took us away from our daddy. We stayed at my auntie and uncles' house a.k.a my godparents. We stayed there for 6 months! It was 2003, when the third abuse in my life began. It went from emotionally, to verbally, to sexually. My mom was into drugs with my aunt and uncle (godfather and godmother). And my mom was too dumb to realize anything was wrong! We were there about a month i was crying for my daddy every single night. Then it turned into about 3 months, and that when things went to far. My "SO CALLED" godfather was starting to spoil me alot. He spoiled me so much I wanted to be by him all the time and wanted to go everywhere he went. But I thought nothing of it when he was spoiling me. He bought me a gift EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR 4 MONTHS!! I really loved him with all my heart. But one day he took my little brother fishing and I plead and begged to go and so they finally gave in and let me. So I was really excited to go fishing and somehow we ended up at this lake 6 hours away. I fell asleep on the way there and when we got there my little brother told me him and our godfather were fishing for 10 minutes and that he told my little brother he was going to the van to wake me up. But what my little brother didn't know, was that he came into the van and locked the doors, closed the curtains inside and closed the windows. I felt his hand rub my hair and I woke up and he said I was so beautiful and and sexy. I looked at him and smiled and looked down. Then his hand was on my leg and started to move it up slowly and got to my thigh and I said uncle stop that tickels and he said,"Hang on babygirl, I'm going to do something to you that will make you feel great and that you will want me to keep doing it". I asked what it was and he told me to spread my legs and I did. Then he started to put his hand up my skirt more and more and when he got 5 inches away from my vagina I pushed his hand away and I said, "NO! I don't like that! I'm telling my mom!" And he hit me and said, "If you tell your mom, I'll tell her you and your brother were doing dirty things behind a tree". So I said told him I wouldn't tell. Then my brother knocked on the doors and said, "Uncle I GOT ONE!!" So my uncle unlocked his doors and opened it and then he took us back to his house. I felt too angry that I would pull my hair out in the basement bathroom and run cold water and sit in it, while i have a curling iron on to drop it in the water so I would die. But my auntie came down and told me it was time to eat. So I put everything away and went upstairs to eat. Then when I got done I took a shower and went to bed. Then he came into my room and woke me up and told me to go downstairs with him, cause he had a surprise. So I got up and went and he had candels lit, a pole and high heels for me. He told me to try them on. I did. Then he put some music on and told me to dance. I did. Then he told me to dance on the pole and I told him I didnt know how. Then he told me to act like I was a girl in the dirty magazines he had. I did. THEN he told me to take off my cloths and dance. I stopped and said no. Then he got up and grabbed my arm and threw me on the bed downstairs and tied me up. He started to take his pants off and showed me his penis. He then took my night gown off of me and rubbed his penis all over my naked body then he rubbed it on my genital areas and then he said, "I'm going to put it in." And i screamed, "MOMMY!!" Then he picked up his cloths and ran into the bathroom and got dressed. Then he untied me and told me to put my night gown on. I did and he grabbed my ear and said,If you ever tell anyone I will make you suck it next time"! So I didnt say a word. But I'm in school right now so my bell is about to ring in 3 minutes so I will continue this story. Thank you for reading this so far. Bye.

Child Abuse Story From Kassandra

by Kassandra
(Location Undisclosed)

When i was 3 my parents separated, and being 23 at the time and still in college/university they could not support my brother and i. until the time i was 10 i lived on and off with my dad, mom or grandparents. My family decided that it would be best to live with my aunt and uncle for a few years, since they were successful and could provide an "Amazing" life for me and my brother. my father moved across the world for business and my mom lived 6 hours away. my aunt and uncle gave us all the things a teenager or child would want. until i was 16 i had no contact with my parents and my aunt and uncle lead us to believe that our parents abandoned and wanted nothing to do with us ever again. they practically brainwashed us into becoming these robots. We did what we were told and had no social lives. our household was rules, that is all it was. The fighting never stopped. when my brother was 17 and i was 15 they kicked him out leaving me alone to deal with their strict and crazy sense of "love". the fighting and stress increased and day by day it got worse, we would have screaming matches, objects thrown and sometimes i would get slapped. they started taking out their own stress on me even when i did nothing. i tried to bear with it but my crazy insecurities and my own stresses with my feelings of abandonment. i started going out and partying with my friends and getting so drunk that i would black out every time. they didn't even know i was drinking. around xmas when i was 16 their stresses with money and losing their jobs were crazy. one night after visiting a family friend they lost their tempers and beat the crap out of me. my aunt sat on me and choked me while my uncle beat me. i cried for help for at least 20 min. if i tried to get away my aunt would pull my hair so i wouldn't try harder. I was shocked that they would do that being the successful and family orientated people that they presented themselves as to the outside world. I especially couldn't believe that my uncle would beat a girl like that. After it happened i had 2 black eyes my scalp was swollen, i had hand marks around my neck and bruises all over my arms and stomach. my aunt cried her eyes out apologizing while my uncle just walked away and acted like nothing happened. they made me promise i wouldn't tell. i stayed home "sick" on Christmas when my family had dinner. i spent the x-mas break locked in my room crying my eyes out everyday until my bruises faded. a few months past and nothing happened until one day they lost their tempers and it was beating time all over again, but this time they avoided punching my face to avoid my friends and teachers asking questions. they did it about once a week for almost 6 months. i couldn't tell anyone considering their reputation in the community and the level of "Class" we had. i was scared that no one would believe me and i was scared that i would be kicked out like my brother. i cried myself to sleep every night and contemplated committing suicide on a few occasions. when i started dating my boyfriend i was finally able to open up. He was worried about me but i made him promise to stay quiet or it would ruin my life and i would possibly have to move to another province to live with my grandparents. after awhile i was getting desperate to get out of the house and find somewhere to feel safe. one day i looked for my dad on facebook and found him, i sent him a message explaining everything and he called my aunt and uncle and booked me a ticket to live with him. i flew out the next week but had a huge fight before i left. this fight was probably the worst, it got so bad that i was on the kitchen floor on my face getting kicked. i pulled a kitchen knife on them because i was so scared, they backed away and stopped touching me. i packed that night and stayed at a friends until my flight. i moved away with my dad for a year and then the next year i moved back with my mother who i hadn't seen since i was young and found out everything my aunt and uncle told me was a lie and so was the past 7 years of my life. my whole family found out the truth about what happened and have cut all ties with my aunt and uncle. i have emotional problems still as it has only been 3 years since i was last abused physically.i wish i could find a way to let go and move on from what has happened.

Child Abuse Story From Anne

by Anne
(Location Undisclosed)

All started when i was 9..till then my parents were just neglecting me..it was like they were just the two of them in the house. Only occasionally i was hearing them talking about how much i cost to them and my mother blaming my dad for leaving her pregnant..so i was spending most of my my time out of the house. I was kinda a wild child causing problems in the neighborhood (my therapist told me later that it was an attention seeking behaviour)but never the less that made my parents even more tired of me..They were travelling a lot and soon they couldnt find anyone to look after me during their absence.(not that they cared about me they were worried that i will mess their house and their precious belongings). As much as they didnt care about me so much they cared and loved their dogs. they were spending a lot for expensive dogfood and was keeping their kennel always clean and in perfect condition. (I could hardly find any clean clothes to wear and i was sleeping in the basement). They decided that the best place for me during the absence would be the kennel. No mater how much i begged them they locked me there and left only to return 2 days later to let me out.Unfortunatelly for me the kennel wasnt visible from the street or from the neighbors and cause i was a troublemaker my screams had as only response to "shut the f.. up. So after a while i kinda accepted my fate and i didnt fight when they locking me back in there. After a while they started to forget to let me out for several days till they stopped letting me out at all.The kennel was a large yard with wooden fence and had a series of doghouses.
i was eating sleeping and spending all my time with their dogs and pretty much living as one..they found it amusing even to collar me.I lived like that for almost 5 years till a new neighbor who wanted to introduce her self went into our yard and looking for my parents saw me..They were arrested and still are in jail. I spent my next 6 years (till the age of 20)in a clinic for rehabilitation cause i was behaving like a dog in many things. the story never made public but i now i am 32 i read other similar stories of the so called "feral children" I still have an affection for dogs which never let me to have a normal relationship or make family but apart that i have a normal life. If neighbors had wondered about my behaviour back then ,then nothing would had happen ..SO people..pay attention..a mibehaving kid is usually a neglected kid.

Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

by Jennifer
(Michigan, USA)

I was seven years old when my father passed away. My mother began a relationship with a man 29 years older than her. Looking at him, you would have thought he was the nicest person in the world. Played Santa Claus at schools, won an award for volunteering his time at Christmas, would always come to get you no matter who you were, where you were at, or what time it was. He was the storybook perfect man. Only I knew the real side of this evil man.

I was 12 when "Gary" (name changed to protect his daughters) began to notice me. He convinced my mother to make me live with him. At first it was great, we always got along great, cooked dinner together, watched tv and went to bed. It began one night when I was laying on the couch with my head on his lap, and he was rubbing my stomach. His hand 'slipped' down my pants. He apologized immediately. Two weeks went by and his hand slipped again. I was scared. I had no idea what to do. This began molesting me every night. He always told me no one would believe me and my mother would kill me and blame me.

I thought to myself, I can get through this. This isn't so bad. However, it got worse. I remember I was sweeping the floor one time and I suppose I didn't do it correctly. He took the broom and hit me across the face with it. I was shocked, but also scared.

He began to hit me on a daily basis. He would beat me with two by fours, brooms, belts, anything he could reach. He would bite me, pull chunks of my hair out, give me black eyes, chipped teeth.

Finally one day, I went to school with a black eye, a fat lip, and a limp. Gary had beaten me so bad the night before that I could hardly walk. The school nurse asked me what happened, and I cried as I told her. She contacted Division of Family Services and they made contact. Gary and my mother told the case worker I was a problem child, and I got into fights after school and blamed it on Gary so I could get attention.

I was so scared for my life everyday after that. Division of Family Services was called out so many times to investigate something new, but nobody did anything. My grades went from As and Bs to Fs. I fell asleep in school because I wouldn't sleep for fear Gary would snap and kill me. Everybody believed I was a problem child.

When I was sixteen, I finally stood up to Gary. He came into my room one night and tried to touch me. I told him that if he tried to touch me again I was going to call the police and have him arrested. He left my room. I still didn't sleep peacefully though.

The next morning, Gary told my mother I tried to steal from him and he was going to have me arrested. I had no idea what he was talking about and I cried to my mother to help me. Gary grabbed me by my neck and threw me up against the kitchen counter. He put a knife in my hand and put one in his and told me to fight for my life. My mother watched the whole thing. I don't know how I got away but I ran for my life. I found the nearest phone and screamed to the 911 officer that he tried to kill me.

The police took me in and made it seem like I was the horrible person. Gary had told them I flipped out and tried to stab him. He gave them the knife with my finger prints on it. He promised that he wouldn't press charges as long as I was released back into his custody. I told the cop everything and he gave me nothing in return. I had to go back home with him. I can't even describe the beating I got that night.

I had saved up around six hundred dollars and secretly bought a car with it with my brother as the second name on the title. I left the next day. I ran away and swore to myself I was never going back. However, I didn't take into account that I was dating the sheriff's stepson at the time, and he told him where I was at. He found me in my car with all my belongings with the gun I stole from Gary. He asked if I was going to kill Gary, I informed him I was deciding if life was really worth what I went through.

The sheriff took me to the police station where my mother and Gary were waiting, I refused to go home with them. I told the cop I would keep running away, I would kill myself, I didn't care. I was placed in a foster home that night. I learned a week later they still didn't consider me an abuse victim, but a problem child. Nobody listened to my story, so I didn't tell anyone for years.

I moved out of state as soon as I turned 19, and seven months later, my mother phoned me to tell me Gary died. I felt amazing. I felt free. I felt.... happy.

Today I'm 24 years old, I don't have a close relationship with my mother nor do I want one, I'm a veterinarian technician working in a rescue shelter for abused animals. I still don't sleep at night, the nightmares still come, but it eases me to know at least I know the truth of what happened.

Child Abuse Story From Caitlin

by Caitlin
(England)

when i was the age of 8 my uncle was living with us in our family home when he started to abuse me i was terrified of wakin up in the morin n goin bed at night he told me no 1 wud belive me so i didnt tell no one ....untill the age of 12 i told my skwl teacher who told rhe police n my mum but hey he was right no one belived me n no one belives me 2 this day he got away wif it coz of a lack of evidence.

Child Abuse Story From Luda

by Luda
(Kiev, Ukraine)

Sexual abuse worldwide: 
Is it really the flower's fault that it's petals were ripped off by force before it even got a chance to bloom? I am a victim of child sexual abuse. I didn't even realise it until several months ago. When i was 3, my cousin who is 6 years older than me moved into our house for a while. He made me touch him, and he touched me in my very intimate place insisting that it was just a fun game. I thought that it was weird rather than wrong. Luckily, he moved out and i didn't see him for several years. Then when i turned 8, my family went to visit my aunt (the cousin's mother) who lives in another country. There i was molested again. I remember lying in bed beside him (the parents think it's okay to put a girl and a boy in the same bed if they're relatives) and asking "why me? why do you make me do these things?"

"You're my girl cousin. That's what they are for."

I have to admit that other than that our relationship was great. we could talk for hours, i trusted him my secrets and would ask him for advice. I also felt proud of having experienced sex before any of my peers did.

However, I did feel that what I had done was wrongful. When i was 11, he came to live with my family again. I was lying on my bed, almost asleep, then he came up, and forced himself on me. I tried to resist saying i was afraid to get pregnant but it was hopeless. Luckily, he didn't get to finish because his older brother was coming to the room and quickly got dressed. his brother didn't suspect or notice anything, butI felt so embarassed.

I hated myself my whole life and couldnt understand why. I hated my body. I started smoking at 13, tried several drugs. I tried to commit suicide at least 5 times. I was one of the smartest kids in school but i considered myself worthless. I couldn't let myself love anyone, and was really mean to my parents.

I had boyfriends who would only want me for sex. They weren't even really boyfriends, just hook ups or one night stands. Most of the time I seduced them first. And whenever a guy wanted me I couldnt turn him down. I thought it was my obligation to please him.

Two months ago when i found out i had an STD because of my promiscuity and watched a movie "Mysterious skin" about two boys molested in their childhood I realized the root of all my problems. THe cousin has been living in US for 2 years and I've tried to confront him via facebook.At first I wanted to kill him. but then all i wanted was an apology so we could put this little mess behind and i could live on.

But now I've realised that I should just stop being promiscuos. a week ago, a guy tried to have sex with me but i said "Hey, you got a stable relationship.dont ruin it. Im done with having one night stands."

I;ve also quit smoking.I haven't smoked in a week.Is this the beginning of a new life?

Child Abuse Story From Nanc

by Nanc
(Location Undisclosed)

My psychologist of 16 months wanted us to rexamine my childhood (I am now 43, female). I didn't want to because we had talked about it before many months ago but he thought it was important and believes it has affected my personality as an adult. And by my reaction to his request, which was literally climbing back wards up out of the recliner in his office, sort of indicated otherwise, which is that it did affect me. I told him I couldn't talk about it but I would write about it. So I had one week to think about and write up my memories of my childhood related to being sexually abused by my brother (I was about 6-7 and he was 11-12), which made me realize I was abused by others too. After my last session where I read my write up, I was having a hard time processing my feelings. I wanted to drink but knew enough to call on my friends for help. They told me NO. I didn't drink that night but thought perhaps if I wrote a poem, it might help me process my thoughts better. So here it is.....


Innocence Lost
My Inner Child Bemused
Me ? Still Wild & Quite Riled

December 2010

Should I forgive?
How do I dare?
He probably doesn't even care
About my 37 years of unconscious despair

He stole my innocence
Exposed me to things I should not have been shown
My family - these acts - still unbeknown

Thought it was over, part of the past
Thought it was back ground chatter, that it didn't matter

Justify, minimize, defend, hide & lie
Bury it abysmally down inside
He wounded me deep, my brother the creep

Ugly scars well up, explode from my chest
Anger, self loathing, unlovable, disappointment, shame
An emotional unstable game

Apparently I'm too hard on me, and too hard to please
Now, I'm on medical leave
No, not again, not the suicide tease

This poem is not done
Rage has been resurrected, yet is still misdirected
Poor Doc Johnny Roy, my whipping boy

Having bipolar is ironic
He's my brother ? I love him though against me he sinned
Betrayed me, fractured my soul, stole my childhood from within

Want do I want? What do I need?
To kick him in the groin? To beat him to his knees?
Maybe just an acknowledgment and a sincere apology
Will that then allow me to be free ?

The healing continues
The fog and confusion will slowly be unrevealed
My confidence, self worth, and patience will grow as the anger slows
Doc Johnny Roy's got my back
Thankfully today I didn't give him the need for an ice pack

Child Abuse Story From Paige

by Paige
(Maine, USA)

I was 12 when it started: 
I was 12 when my moms bf started getting too close. After 2 years my mom, my brother, and i moved in with him. Even knowing what he did to his ex wife's daughter. On March 14,2010 He went to far and i started to scream "GET OFF ME GET AWAY!" He didn't stop. I ended up smashing my head off the side of my door and knocking myself out. I woke up later that day with a huge headache and in pain. Mostly my lower body and my arms. I didn't say anything he said don't worry its alright. I am your friend. Its ok, thats all I heard and my scream every night when I went to bed. I finally moved out and told my dad. We went to the police and now we are just waiting. My mom... she doesn't even care. Its all about her, I told her and she was like stop lying. So I sit here and the police are still gathering evidence i guess. thats what they told me at least.

Child Abuse Story From Random Guy

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Sexually and Psychologically Abused: 
My story starts since i was 5 n my parents were always fighting about everything,my dad used to have many propertys and money,but cuz of some bad choices he went bank rup...bottom line is my mom dumped him becuz of dat,my family blame me for being born and my dad's bank rupt and they were always telling me all sorts of things like: you're a bad person,you're the worst that could ever happen to this family and stuffs like that.

Then when i was around 7y/o i started being abused sexually by my sister's husband,i remember he was always inviting me to stay with him and my sister at their place,at the beginning it was very innocent but then he started showing me his penis,masturbating infron of me every chance he got,everytime we were in a room alone he'll grabed me real hard and rubed his penis against my a**..anyways...i remerber one night i was at their place and he made me stayed in the same room with them after my sis fell asleep he grabed my hand and made me masturbate him all night long,i couldn't sleep that night at all,i felt haunted all the time cuz every second we were alone he was touching my a** and just not letting me having a normal childhood...he raped me several times until one day i desided i wasn't gonna take that anymore and i told him that i was gonna tell the police,at first he tryed to intimidate me but when he realized he couldn't he stoped abusing me,but i still struggle with feelings of fears,insecurities and regrets,cuz am 21 years old now and am in college but i never had a date in my life,i'm too afraid of rejection,can't help to feel unwanted,hated i lost my childhood and my teen years and not a day goes by where i don't regret my life,where i don't feel like i wanna start over,where i don't wish this was just a bad dream,i've been trying to move on with my life but it's hard and being lonely doesn't make easyer....

To end this i just wanna say that i think is wonderful that people with this problems have the courage to open sites like this,and to all the people being abused right now... to fight...!!!!! don't give up..!!!no matter HOW desperate u feel...u gotta keep fighting ...in the end it would all be worth it.

Child Abuse Story From HNB

by HNB
(Nebraska, USA)

I had lived a perfect childhood, I had tons of friends, and my parents were happy together, until the last week of fifth grade when my parents had a couple over that my Dad knew from work . J-- and T-- I think . I had been sick all weekend and came home sick Monday, so I was trying to sleep in my room when I heard my mother moaning in the hot tub, at the time I had no clue what was going on, but the noises persisted and so did the laughing, so I went downstairs after my third time puking without her there by my side . I saw her making out with J--'s neck, but I still had no clue what was going on . They were in the hot tub and I later learned, that everyone had been naked .

When I started middle school in 6th grade I started to get really sad, my parents had become partiers and were hardly ever home, when they came home(Usually around midnight) they would be screaming at eachother and my mom would be cowering against the wall . I became very depressed that year, and resorted to cutting .

In 7th grade I became "emo" . I wore all the dark makeup, crazy hair styles, dark clothes; etc . I had no friends, I was to absorbed by the constant screaming going on in my home life to really socialize at school, or concentrate . My grades were horrible; and everyone laughed at me, telling me to go cut myself; so I did .
They never knew that but telling me to go cut only influenced it . In September my mom, sister and I went on a weekend trip to Nebraska city for some applejack festival, but I was grounded for calling my mom a drunk, so the whole time was hell for me . My mom went out at 3:30-ish pm and didn't come back until 1:00 am . She was wasted . The next morning, we hopped in our converdible and headed home, that was a horrible mistake though . In the middle of a highway intersection, we collided with a white truck; emediately crumpling our little converdible . Ever sense, I will not be caught dead in a converdible, or white truck . We spent the night in the hospital, luckily I had no injuries, but my Dad was to drunk to come get us, my mom had some brain problems, but it only lasted for the day and my sister had to get stitches in her lip .

The rest of 7th grade was a blur for me, but it wasn't much different than 6th grade except for the fact that my mothers liscence was revoked, and the court had ordered her to stop drinking for as long as she was on parole . My Dad however, continued to argue with my mom, and always drank excessive amounts . It made it hard for my mom to stay sober, except for when she was sober, I had began to see improvements .

In 8th grade, I lightened up the darkness, and replaced with with crazy colors . I always wore neon shirts and makeup, no matter what . My hair was teased and always had some sort of huge bow in it, people stopped telling me to cut because they figured I was just weird then, and not emo . But I was still cutting, I had huge marks up and down my wrists, legs and hips .

When I started out my freshman year, everything seemed fine, but i knew it wasn't . In early October my Dad started calling me horrible things . He said I was a gold-digger; a whore; a s**t; a dog who he was trying to train; and many other things . I started cutting my hips more and not my legs or wrists because I joined swim team and it became to difficult to hide . My Dad continued to call me those names and still does, but he is at risk of losing custody of me and my little sister .

My mother had divorced him, she couldn't handle staying with him if she wanted to stay sober .

I don't have the option of divorcing him; he's my Dad .

For now all I can do is hope to God that the court will give us government aid for a lawyer, and I pray to God that my Dad will lose custody . I feel weak, and continue cutting because all I can do is pray .

I have become more involved with my church, and now swim season is starting up again, I have a boyfriend, and I don't cut nearly as much . . . but I still wish my Dad wouldn't call me the things he does; try to kick me out; and threaten to hurt me . . .

Child Abuse Story From An Autistic Teen

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Growing up, everything was very quiet, very cold and very lonely. My mum never really saw the point in interacting with me. I got no hugs, no kisses, no praise and no love.
I'm an autistic 15 year old, I didn't learn how to talk until I was 5, and even now, I still have difficulty speaking and holding conversations, I don't know how to read peoples emotions, it's all alien to me. The only way I can really express myself is with typing.
But just because I can't say much, or a person's touch can sometimes hurt and feel like insects are crawling all over, doesn't mean I don't want to be loved, or hugged, like she does my little brother. I want to be praised, and read stories and to cook cookies with mommy, too...
She expects me to do everything perfectly when she voices instructions, but it's hard to keep track of what she said if it's not written down for me. Even when I do do it as she asks, there is never a word of kindness or praise. I've always assumed she just hated me, but truth is I don't know if she does or not. She never says how she feels.
Once I asked why she never praises me, and she said that if she praised me I would grow up to be a greedy selfish praise-seeking little girl and I would never be happy. That I should just do my best for the sake of doing my best, and not getting yelled at should be more than enough praise.
I was so angry and frustrated after that, and now, I'm on the verge of giving up. That it's not worth trying for anymore. That no one would love someone like me, who can't say "I love you" back. I'm a horrible person, for writing this about her, but it's the truth.
I just want to be loved, and hugged, and have a soft place to land when I'm sad, lonely or upset... But it's too much to ask for.
The one time she did praise me, just that one time, was 'I'm glad you're so quiet'...

That I don't talk...

That I don't say "no"...

That I don't yell... Or scream... Or get upset... That I'm so easy to deal with...
She's glad I don't know how to express how scared, and hurt, and lonely I am, and how much I would give for her to love me and care about me and talk to me, even if I can't say much back, even if I can't express myself I still want to be loved.
I'm shaking right now, because I'm scared she's going to find this, and yell at me for this, and she won't ever love me because I did such a horrible thing like this.
I'm almost 16 now, and I've only been hugged once... And that was by a lady stranger, who helped me up off the side walk when I got hurt by the bike crashing...
Even now, I still wish I could have been her child. What a horrible thing to say...
The only way I can freely express how I -feel-, if I'm happy or sad or nervous is with animal sounds, or jumping up and down, or walking around in circles or clapping my hands together, or hurting myself... But she doesn't understand. It's just 'she's acting strangely because she likes to'.
There's no point in going to a therapist, or calling an abuse hotline, they would just hang up on me, because they wouldn't understand, they would think it was a prank call. The only place I can ask for help, or speak my mind, is here. Online, on the internet.

I know that my mother's lack of affection for me hardly counts as abuse, compared to what my mother went through in her childhood, and what other people on this site have had to live through, but it still really hurts... and I'm sorry if I sound selfish by saying these bad things...
I'm sorry...

Child Abuse Story from Ava

by Ava
(Long Island, New York, USA)

When I was 6 years old I was stalked, raped and molested by my preschool teacher. Not only was I being abused at school but at home to. My mother would beat the crap out of me and especially my brother. I remember seeing welts on his body and mine. The abuse continued when I moved to TF where I was in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend for nearly seven years. I don't let my situation break me. It took me a long time to get over what had happened to me. And now, I don't live in the past I live in the future. I use to try to lock that part of me away, but anyone knows that when you do that it always resurfaces. It just keeps coming back. One way I helped myself was to talk about it with other people and let them know about abuse and that it needs to stop. I would talk about it at rally's at my school. I would write about it, I would tell anyone who would listen about my story. I opened alot of people's eyes because they didn't know that about me. I hope that anyone who's ever been in this situation, please don't let it stop you. Things happen for a reason, it will make you stronger. Don't let the abusers win! You keep fighting and one day you will win, like I did! Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Child Abuse Story From Tatianna

by Tatianna
(Location Undisclosed)

Although I'm 16 and very intelligent, I don't think I will ever be able to fully get over what has happened to me. My innocence and purity was stolen, and it's something I will never get back. If someone were to come to me and say they were sexually abused as a child, I would constantly reassure them they were a child, who knew no better, with their youth taken advantage of. But I'll never be able to come to terms that I was only a child and not to blame. It IS my fault that I didn't tell anyone, and that I left it so long before doing so. From ages 7 - 9, I was sexually abused by 3 older "friends" at the time. Two females, one male. I'm a female, so I've never questioned if a woman could sexually abuse anyone. It wasn't until I was 10 when my life went downhill, and wasn't until I was 12 I had told anyone about what had happened. I suffered from an eating disorder, was kicked out of school, I attempted to slit my sisters throat and a girl in my schools throat for bullying me, I was self harming, constantly attempting suicide, and over all, just messed up in my mind. All by the age of 10. I feel as I get older, it's getting harder, as I'm beginning to understand more and more about it. I am screaming for help, and no matter who offers it, I'll never go into detail about what happened. I want to forget about, the intense nightmares, the panic attacks, my own self image; I don't want it to exist. Despite having been abused, I don't talk about it to anyone, it's too painful, and it hasn't stopped be from having sex. If anything, it's made me very sexually active, with no feeling of self-worth. I feel sex is a duty, that shouldn't be enjoyed. I feel like I must degrade and demean myself in order to feel any better at all. I'm disgusting, I hate myself, and the person I look at the mirror is filth. They will never understand what they have done to me. I don't trust anyone, it's as though I am immune to normal human emotions. When I watch things such as snuff videos of other women being abused, or people and children being butchered, I'm numb and empty. I want to feel, and I want to go on with my life. I want to believe that love and affection exists and that I deserve everything that anyone else should. Those images, voices, smells are burned into my brain and I will never get the biggest part of my life back again due to them dirty bastards. During the time I had first told my mother about what had happened, my dog died whom I considered a part of my immediate family rather than a pet, as I had him from the age of 4 months. I was brought to the doctors when I was threw out of school, who said my self-mutilation and weight needed to be fixed, that I needed help and he would put me into a "children’s ward", which was Foster Green Psychiatric Ward. Or something along the lines of it. But it wasn't until I was put in there; my parents had separated, which I feel I am to blame even though my father was cheating on my mother. There is so much I know I shouldn't blame myself for, that I do. No-one can help me. I'm disgusted at myself, and I feel day by day I'm spiralling into deeper depression like I did just a few years ago, my suicidal tendencies are returning. Tendencies that I wish to tell no-one about in fear that I'll get put into another children’s ward. I'm so lost. I don't think I'll ever feel worth a life, or "clean" again no matter how hard I scrub at myself.

Child Abuse Story From Nyla

by Nyla
(Chicago, Illinois, USA)

My siblings and I grew up in a constant state of fear and anxiety. We never knew what kind of mood our father would come home in. He was extremely volatile and unpredictable. He chased us, pulled our hair, hit us with the belt (often the buckle-end), threw shoes, cans, and other items at us; the list goes on and on. We were told we would "never amount to anything". My mother also was verbally and physically assaulted. Black eyes, bruises, cuts, yelling profanity, and constant emotional attacks -- this was our daily life. We could not tell anyone -- we knew that we would suffer repercussions tenfold if anyone found out.

In spite of this, all four of us children went to college and have had reasonable success in our lives. But deep inside we still struggle with feelings of worthlessness and the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder. We have sought some relief with the use of antidepressants. But the irreparable damage caused in our young lives will never go away.

We have "walked on eggshells" all our lives, always mindful that the smallest issue might set off a bomb. We try to think ahead, and do everything to try to take care of his every need, and keep him happy. It has been an exhausting existence.

I always assumed that this behavior was caused by my father's having gone through an abusive childhood himself. But after talking with an uncle (our father's brother), I found out that was not the case at all. In doing some research, I discovered there is a disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder with symptoms that exactly describe my father's behavior. Since he does not realize he has a problem, there is no hope for change in him. But it helps to have a name to put to his problem. And the rest of us keep reminding ourselves, "it's not us, it's him". Or rather, it's the Borderline Personality Disorder that somehow has taken hold of him. We are determined not to let it ruin our lives, as well.

Child Abuse STory From Calista C

by Calista C
(Pennsylvania, USA)

My Dad: 
It all started when I was 8. I loved my mom, sister, and dad. Till one day, my dad was sexually touching me. I had no idea why he was doing this, so I didnt do anything about it. When I told my dad to stop, all he did was ignore me. He kept telling me not to tell on him, so I didn't. Which was a huge mistake. When I turned 9 he started showing his penis to me. I still haven't said anything to anyone. When I started going through puberty, he would rub my chest area. And then usually stick his hands down my pants. When I was 10 he took my sister and I to the beach for 2 weeks. At night time when my sister was asleep, he made me rub against his penis. Sooner or later he said he would stick it in me when I turn 13. When I turned 11, he started groping my chest area. I started getting wirried. Because he said if I told anyone, he would rape me. So I was with my mom eating at Apple Bees. Thats when I told my mom what my dad was doing. She said he did the same things to my sister and almost raped her at 13. I am 12 now and almost 13. My dad went to court after my sister and I were asked questions from the police. My sister today is 18. And were living happy lives. But I still can't forget what my dad did to me. Today when people ask where my dad is. I say I don't have a dad, anymore.

Child Abuse Story From Winnie

by Winnie
(Tennessee, USA)

I was abused and didn't even realize it: 
My parents divorced when i was about three years old, i loved my dad a lot and never understood why they divorced until i was older. my mother still wanted me to have a relationship with my dad even though they were divorced, he was an alcoholic. when i was about 6 he would always take me to hooters and get drunk and leave me with the waitresses. i dont really remember the first time, but it became a regular thing. most of the time we were together he had been drinking. He treated me more like a girlfriend than a daughter. he liked to french kiss me a lot and that didnt really bother me cause i thought thats just how daughter father relationships were. but then it started getting more uncomfortable, he would lick my ears and told me he loved the taste of my earwax. we would be sitting together and i would feel his hands on my butt and they would slowly creep there way down and into the front of my pants, i didnt like it. but i thought "this is my dad and he loves me" and was too young to know the difference between affection and molestation. sometimes his friends would be there when it happened.. luckily they never tried anything. i had never even realized i had been molested till i was 16 and was talking with my therapist about the matter. he died from terminal cancer recently and its always in the back of my mind. i feel that my ideas of sex are now screwed up because of this.. i make almost everything sexual with every male i come across, especially older ones.

Child Abuse Story From Scott G

by Scott
(Maryland, USA)

This is the first time I'm telling this to someone. I feel like I need to so I can move on. So telling a stranger seems like something easier to do then someone I know. I had blocked out everything that happened to me until I was 14 years old. It all started when I was a kid. I was 5 years old and my kindergarten teacher would have me stay after class. She would have me go to the bathroom. While in the bathroom she would come in and tell me to undress. She then would start to kiss me. This went on for awhile. Then one day she took it farther, she began to perform oral sex on me. I don't remember that part really well. When I finished the grade, it stopped never seeing her again. Looking back I wonder why didn't my mom notice I was gone from the house until late. Three years later I was 8 years old and I was being babysat by my cousin, she was 17 years old. I remember her telling me we should go into one of the basement rooms. I went in and she told me to sit. She knelled done and started to kiss me. She stuck her tongue down my mouth, forcing me to kiss her. She then made me undress and pulled my pants down. She undressed and started to touch herself and me. She started to perform oral sex on me. The feeling was shocking but I liked it sort of. That was the only time it happened. When I was 14 and I remembered these things I didn't believe it. I thought it was my imagination. Eventually I realized it all happened and I became depressed. I started thinking about suicide, I remember one time standing at the edge of a window ready to jump. I started to have these major shifts in my mood. One day I'll be ridiculously confident then the next I feel like a piece of trash. I never stayed after school much and I avoided my friends. I tried moving on during my final year of high school. The summer I finished high school I started to have these feeling for boys and girls. Before I was always attracted to girls but somehow I became drawn to guys. I dont know if it's because of what happened when I was a kid. I started college and everything was fine until one day I somehow regressed. I started to get depressed again. My girlfriend broke up with me calling me a "bipolar a**hole". This happened two years ago and I'm still depressed. Literally 4 times a week I have these breakdowns where I'll start crying for no reason and have full conversations with myself. My cousin who abused me is still close with my family and I see her alot. Its like she has totally forgot about what she did to me. She always says she loves me and wants to hang out with me but I always feel uncomfortable around her. I saw this site while searching for an outlet to tell someone my story and I glad I found this site. Hopefully this will help me move on with my life.

Child Abuse Story From Steven

by Steven
(Newcastle, UK)

Big Mistake: 
I was abused twice when i was a child, once by an uncle once by a pedo, the first was not my fault and i did not know what was happening at first, I would have sleep overs at his flat as he was baby sitting me while my mum and dad used to go away for the weekend, you know he would say i needed a bath and then he would say he needed a shower as well at the same time and he would towel dry me and he carried on from there. the second time with a pedo. I was 13years old and I loved going to the pictures and I would often go on my own all the best films seemed to be on at the stoll a dingy place but that's where i went.
I remembered the film well it was Zulu with Michael Cain, it was the early matinee and there was not many in about six I think, so I was quite nervous when this man came and sat next to me, I just kept my eyes on the screen. A few minutes later he put his arm on the seat rest and i Noticed he was waving a five pound note up and down, call me naive, but back then a 13 year old boy was just that, a kid, not like kids now 13 going on 30. God it was only about 10 months previous i was wearing those woolly shorts that came right up your backside showing all the lower buttock off, with ankle socks and those brown sandals, any way anybody who was a child round the sixty's and early seventy's can relate to that.
As I said i kept looking at the five pound note wondering what he was doing, I needed to go to the toilet and had been hanging on, too nervous to go as i would have to go past him or walk all the way round, anyway I stood up and said excuse me as in the seating back then you had to stand up to let anybody pass, as i was nearly passed him he touched my backside which made me jump and tense up but i carried on walking, ding the penny had dropped now, now i new what the five pound note was about.
I hurried to the toilet nearly running and tripped on the last step before the top and went sprawling.
Of course by then i was panicking and instead of standing at the urinal i locked myself in one of the cubicles, I just sat there thinking about what just happened and was a bit scared, but the more i sat there thinking the more excited i got, if I had just gone straight out maybe it would never of happened. I was a bit stupid as I went and sat back down next to him i thought my heart was going to explode, he started the thing with the five pound note again after about what i thought felt like half an hour he put his head towards me and said do you want this money or what.
Every thing in my head was screaming no but a yes came out of my mouth like someone else was working my lips, **** what have i done, it was like chopping some thing off, to late. he said come on and grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me up slightly from the seat.
When we got outside it was hard to see at first till your eyes got used to the light again, I was half expecting to see an ugly old man, that was in my thirteen year old mind, but he was not ugly and was i think about mid thirties. I noticed he was looking at my jeans i was wearing which were tight fitting round the crotch area and the bottom, 60s and 70s style again and i had a dark blue t-shirt tucked in to the jeans, my legs were shaking a bit and i had gone into this stupid stuttering mode every time he spoke to me, he said come on we will go get a drink at the bus station cafe, he got me a fizzy drink and asked if i wanted anything to eat, yes and i said rice pudding, rice bloody pudding, I can not to this day wonder why i asked for rice pudding. Anyway he said he had a phone call to make and used the phone in the station cafe.
A few minutes later we was on a bus going home to his flat a few miles away, I had no idea where i was going only i was by now bloody crapping myself and wished It was not happening.
Going through my mind was what he wanted to do to me or me to him, i was not to sure about sex all i knew was what my mates had told me or what i had seen in a couple of magazines, but i had seen my step sister with her boyfriend and she had his penis in her mouth, but that was about it.
We got off the bus on a housing estate and walked across the road to some flats, we walked up to the door of one and he unlocked the door and opened it and asked me in, it was when he locked the door behind me that i said i had changed my mind and let me out please, he said no, a deals a deal, and he half pushed me into the living room.
Sat around the room were other people, three men and a boy about my age, and guess what he was wearing, yes you have guessed it short tight pants, ankle socks and brown sandals and he had just pulled them back up again and then i really became terrified as the scenario in front of me hit home, the boy about thirteen was jumping up and down grabbing his backside with tears streaming down his face, and he was stood next to a table which had been placed in the middle of the room, stood over him was a big darkish man and he was holding a cane the ones they used at school.
I just burst into tears and looked at the man i had come with and started to pleaded with him to let me go home. I knew then i had made an utter terrible and stupid mistake which i was about to pay for. I am lucky to be alive to be able to write this, how many other kids like me have made the same mistake.

Child Abuse Story From Charlotte R

by Charlotte R
(England)

When I was about 10 years old I went round my aunts house to stay for the weekend, that's when it all started. I was sleeping on the futon in the playroom when my cousin came in he didn't say anything to me but he flung the cover to the floor stripped himself and then told me to, I resisted but then he took off my clothes for me, then he made out with me threatening he'd do something bad if I told any one. I went home the next day angry, frustrated and confused, why did he do it? I was his cousin he is only 23 hours younger than me and I had let him get away with it, I thought I could stop him by myself but he only got worse. I had to go there again the next weekend but he intimidates me so much I let him boss me around. Here I am two years later and only my two best friends know what happened but I have swore them to secrecy. I hate him for what he has put me through and I always will. Even though its only my friends who know they help me stay away from him by letting me round their places. But now I don't stay over any more I feel so much more confident that I control what goes on in my life. But I don't know whether to tell my parents I'm scared he will get in trouble, I know what he did was wrong but he is still my cousin.

Child Abuse Story From Andrew H

by Andrew H
(Utah, USA)

When I was four, my parents got divorced. I didn't know what was happening at the time, but being four years old at the time, I thought that the world was ending. I lived with my mom, and saw my father on weekends. During the time we were with him, he was always mad. When he married my step-mother, he would hit us kids when we mouthed off or bad-assed her. Every time one of us kids did it, he would woould hit us more and more. Ath age 13, i went to my school counsler and told her this. She told the police, who told the state, that he needs to stop or else he would be arrested. They also took his kids away He finally stopped, got all of his kids back but me. I didn't want to see him, and I still don't see him. After all was said and done, I busted my head three times, got two ribs dislogded, many, many bruises and welts, and got hospitalized once, all while in his care.

Child Abuse Story From Autumn

by Autumn
(Philadelphia, USA)

I was raped at the age 12 to 14 by mothers best friend: 
I was 12 when he started touching me i would wakeup and no one would be there as time went on it would get worst til the one night he ask me to go to the store for him when i went to go get the money from him he grabed me and threw me on his bed after he was done he told me if i said anything to anybody he would go after my mom i held that in for 2 years he never got any jail time out of it i see him sometimes walking around all i can do is cry my mom past on not knowing what he did to me it took me along time to trust any man now i have 4 wonderful children by a wonderful man that knows everything that happen to me im just real scared that i may run in to him one day i dont like my kids going any where i always have to have my eyes on them im still having a hard time sleeping cause i feel like if i go to sleep something bad may happen to my children or my self i always have dreams about what he did to me and i wakeup crying i hope my story helps someone else to tell someone what is going on with you dont hold it in dont hide it you did nothing wrong.

Child Abuse Story From Diane C

by Diane C
(Arizona, USA)

Well I was 4 years old playing out in a pasture of horses with my older brother T-- and I was up at a place where the whole family spent together in California. Anyway, I was wearing shorts and somehow a foxtail went up my leg and went into my cervix so that evening something was pinching me and my mom did not know why I was hurting so she took me to the doctors. My mom, these 2 ladies friends of the family, T-- and my 2 other older brothers were there and I got scared and I was tied down and the doctor needed to stick a huge needle up my cervix , screamed bloody murder and before it happened my other 2 brothers said, I am going to get a surprise and the doctor did take the foxtail out successfully! When the doctor was done, he walked out and I wanted to get off the table and my mom said we are not finished it and she and this other woman tied me down again and my mom was standing where my head was, and looked at me and said now I got you and you can scream all you want and Daddy it is not here to help you and this other Swiss woman friend of my parents put a portable hot iron on my vagina and continue on till this other woman yelled out my mother's name saying that I started bleeding so they stop and when we went back to the house, Daddy knew I got hurt how and by whom and he wanted me to tell him but afraid to speak up that I may got the iron again so throughout my childhood and teen years, now as a adult I have been unhappy and can't enjoy sex anymore like a normal woman can! I have been seeing a psychiatrist for 27 years and he is retired but I have a new one but it is not the same! T-- could not survive remembering what was done to me and my father many of times whip him with a belt! He was kicked out of the house caught using drugs and age 25 he passed away from hepatitis B from a dirty needle! I also was beaten by my dad's hands so 2 brothers already passed away! especially the one saying I will have a surprise! He passed away from cancer of the pancrease and he was 62 and my mother passed away of cervical cancer age 66 1986, 10 years after T-- died! T-- died on December24th 1976! My father passed away in 1991 age 75 having prostate cancer and lung cancer! My 2 older brothers still living . One is 68 and the other is 67 living in California! They both are pharmacists! Hopefully between the 3 of us , I will be the next to go! I am suffering from all this especially I miss T--! I am at age now 56! So this is my story how I was abused, can't trust your own family or friends of the family which is very sad.

Child Abuse Story From Payton-Danylle

by Payton-Danylle
(Missouri, USA)

I was sexually and physically abused by my father from the time I was three until July 2010. I suffer from some pychological issues thanks to the abuse. I remember screaming at my father to stop hurting me when I was younger. I hate talking about it but I think it is best that people know. My paralyzed sister was not as lucky as me. She used to scream in the night thinking father was attacking her. On November 1st, 2010 she commited suicide, most likely from the haunting memories of father. She was only 7. I miss her dearly. She was 9 years younger than me. Being abused for a long period of time can result in the effects it had on my sister. If you are being abused, please get help now.It can save your life.

Child Abuse Story From Kelly

by Kelly
(Colorado, USA)

Love - a lie: 
My life had a relativly tough beging. My mom and my dad were young, My mom was only 18 and I was her third child. My father was her drug dealer. but when they had their first kid they got married. They lasted untill I was 2. When I was 3 my mom met him. She was happy, we were all happy. untill I was 5. Mom worked all day and went to school at night, he was home all day all night. one night he came into my room to tuck me in and say good night, but he stayed longer than he should have and he put his hands all over me and made me put mine on him. when he left he didn't say not to tell or threaten me at all he just kissed my head and said I love you. this continued for just under 2 years. When I was 7 he came into my room like he always did and I was ready to do what we did almost everynight. but this time he got into the bed and looked over at me and asked, "do you love me?" I told him I loved him so much and he told me that he didn't believe me. I asked him why this is when I started to cry because I did love hime I really did why didn't he believe me? he smiled and said "if you really love me then show me." I looked at him and kissed him and said how what do you want me to do, I will do anything to show you I love you. He told me that what he wanted from me might hurt. I told him it was ok. he said that I might cry and I might bleed. I told him I wouldn't cry. (he hated when I cryed, I had many broken bones from crying) he smiled and said ok if you really love me we need to make it real, we need to have sex, do you know what sex is? I said, I think so. he said I will show you... that night I tryed so hard not to cry. but I couldn't help it, it hurt so bad, I asked him to stop, to slow down. he just kept going not soft not gental but hard and rough he pulled my hair he hit me and he told me he loved me. I knew what we were doing was wrong but he told me he loved me and I loved him and that was enough. I never told a soul not even when he brought friends I never told because he loved me. this all continued untill I turned 14. Mom decided she was done with his hitting her and so we moved we all just left him. I was so uppset I hated my mom for making us move. All I wanted to do was cry but I couldn't I had learned to never cry. we moved to far away for me to walk home after school so mom agreed to allow me to walk to his house after school I was happy again, we were happy again. At school I started to notice the boys, I started to want the boys at school to do what he did. I told him how I felt about the boys, he got mad and told me I was his. I got mad and said I wasn't his what about his friends why would he shair me if I was only his. we fought and in the end he told me that he would pay me if I would just be his. I agreed and that was my first job. things were going well for us I had money and he had me. then when I was 16 my mom got mad at him because he came over to our apartment and he beat her. she called the cops and we got a restraining order I was never aloud to see him again. I was so uppset. I locked myself in my room for a week, I missed him so much. then one day my mom agreed to let me go and see him make sure that he was doing ok. we went to his house. I knocked on the door he opended it and saw me. he looked at me and said "what the hell are you doing hear? you f***ing whore?" I told him I missed him and he just said well I dont miss you and I am just happy you are out of my life now. I looked at him tears in my eyes and I said I love you. He looked me right in the eye and said I never loved you, you were just an easy peace of a**. I walked away and tryed not to cry. thats the day I realized love is not real its all just a ploy for a guy to get in your pants.

Child Abuse Story From Chloe

by Chloe
(Location Undisclosed)

i came across this website while trying to search for child abuse laws. i was pretty amazed that there's such a website to help children who suffer from abuse. i had so much feelings and thoughts that i kept to myself and this website is a place where i can pour my true feelings and thoughts, so here i am, sharing my abuse story.

i was often beaten by my parents because they wanted to discipline me. the whole beating started when i was younger than 4 years old. my parents caned me everytime i disobeyed. i was really young, so i don't know what i did wrong and let alone, can't even remember being caned till my mum told me i was the youngest out of all siblings to be caned at such a young age. as i grow older, i usually got caned/ whacked for scoring bad academic marks. i'm from a society that practices meritocracy so naturally, every parent would have high expectations of their child and the emphasis was of course, on results. and results.

my relationship with my mum is hot and cold. i love her alot. i love her so much i couldn't understand why she just had to beat me all the time just because i did something wrong or was according to her "rebellious". i couldn't stand feeling the hatred i harboured every time she whacked me. i got really upset. when i was 13, my dad and my mum forced me to cut my hair short just because i didn't answer one of their question on purpose. and really, it was a casual question like what instrument do you play in your school band. that kind of casual question. they dragged me out of the house by force. literally. and they whacked me because i couldn't stop screaming and crying. i didn't want my hair to be cut. i really wanted to keep my hair long and maintain it that way. i didn't get why i had to cut my hair just because i didn't answer a question. anyway, they whacked me, from the house to inside the car and to the hairsalon. when i came back from my hair cut (nightmare: my lovely hair was short and i was crestfallen) they continued whacking me. there were cane marks on my arms and behind my neck. even my classmate asked me how i got that mark.

when i was 15 going 16, it was the worst period of my life. my parents often confiscated my stuff. like laptop, handphone, etc. and sometimes, whack me. i was so upset, i didn't like the way they discipline me. why must they use violence to deal with me? why can't they sit down and respect me, listen to me, before telling me what's wrong with my views and stuff. they don't, they just whack and my mum always said that she wished she had never given birth to me and i was better off dead. she even told me to go to hell. all these hurtful remarks were tolerable at first. but i soon reached my limit. i often hide myself in the toilet and slit my left arm. the top of my left arm so that my sleeve can cover the slits. i also got into a habit of plucking my cuticles, so often when my fingers bleed i didn't even feel the pain. and when i slit, i wanted the wound to bleed. because i couldn't stand hating my mum. i didn't want to hate her. so i slit to take away those thoughts.

one day, she said the same harsh statement (go to hell, you should go and die) and that was the last straw that broke the camel's back. i ran away from home. i ran away because i thought that would bring her to her senses. but it didn't. when i went back home ( i only ran away for like a few hours and then i decided to head home, because i thought my parents must be worried dead by now), so when i went home, my mum started screaming and beating me. she always pulled my hair and drag me. i would use my arms as my only visor to protect myself but really, because my arms are exposed, she would use her hands to pinched my arms, around the armpit area below. i had bruises there. deep bruises. so bad people noticed it everytime i lifted my arms even though i was wearing sleeves. my grandma even asked me what happened to me. i didn't dare to answer.

i felt really suicidal that whole period. i slit my left arm often and cried myself to sleep. that very same day my mum took away my handphone. really, she reads all my messages and never respect my privacy. but it's over so i'm fine with that. little did i know, around May the same incident occured again, this time it was worse.

in May, not sure which day, i don't even know how the whole beating started. i can't really remember (but i'm sure it had something to do with studying and academic results). anyway, the same whacking and hitting started. tihs time my dad whacked me too. i was cornered and i felt so sick and tired of everything i blurted out that i wanted to commit suicide. i asked them in between my cries, saying: do you even know i'm suicidal? they didn't really care, saying i just wanted attention and stuff. my brother even step in saying that i should not demand for the understanding of others because it's not my right. but i really don't demand any understanding, i just wish my parents would just listen to me. i really wanted to die then. my mum, i think, was angry to hear me say i wanted to die. she went mad, started hitting me, and once again, causing my arms to bruise at the exact same areas the last time. she said: "you really want to die is it? fine, i'll strangle you to death."

then she grabbed me and started strangling me by my neck. she even took a huge cushion to press against me. i didn't retaliate at all. i never retaliated every time i was being whacked. and back then i really thought it'd be great if she killed me. but she didn't choke me to death in the end. this all happened really late in the night. she went to sleep, everyone in the family went to sleep. leaving me crouching alone in the dark, crying silently to myself. i went to school the next day and confided in my close friend. i told her i'm considering reporting child abuse and asked another friend to help me find out about the laws of child abuse in my country (because my laptop was confiscated i couldn't check myself). my close friend talked me out of reporting to the police. she said by doing so, it'll cause my whole family to break apart. i told her i really didn't mind because i don't feel as though i belong to that family, neither did they ever cared about how i feel because they don't bother asking me how am i really feeling.

all these horrible episodes are over now. but my parents do still emotionally abuse me. no longer physical though. they like to critisize me. especially my dad, i feel as though he hates me or something. never in my life have i had a conversation with him that lasted for more than 5 minutes. that's how bad my relationship with him is. every single thing i do is only going to be seen as "bad" to my dad. i don't like the feeling of being accused all the time in this family. i don't like being threatened, being the black sheep of the family. i hate the way they make me feel. and it depresses me alot. they like to say i'm useless, selfish, and everything else bad. i'm probably never going to be accepted by my dad and i don't really care anymore. i've given up trying and for now, i just want to go overseas to study. i don't want to live in the same house as my dad, or my brothers. i don't feel happy in my family. i don't feel as though i belong.

i still have suicidal thoughts all the time. though i've never attempted. because i always hope that one day life might turn out great for me. maybe my parents will suddenly listen to me, respect me for who i am, instead of bringing me down, always shattering my dreams and aspirations. but really, all i want to do is write a memoir about my life, and when i'm done, i'll write a suicide letter to my parents, then i'll jump down the building with my novel clutched tightly to my chest. so when i'm dead, people will read about my life and realise that there are so many teenagers like me that need help and guidance. The path to hell is paved with good intentions. i have to say my parents do love me, but they've never bothered to love me in the right way. and for that, it's a tragedy and i hope if i ever decide to live my life and tolerate the emotional abuse, i'll never treat my kids the same way my parents do. but it's hard to say and i'm really afraid i'll beat my child out of anger. i'm scared i'll become like my parents. i don't want to.

thankyou for starting up this website. it really gives me a tinge bit of faith in myself. i have lost all faith in my life and i've been searching for the silver lining in the cloud.

Child Abuse Story From Elizabeth P

by Elizabeth P
(Location Undisclosed)

I was sexually assaulted by my mothers boyfriend..he treated me very well, like i was some trophy and he treated my brother terribly. He was also abusive to my mother and would yell at her in public and emotionally abused her for months. After my mother finally decided to kick him out she had to wait another three months until he could find a place to stay because she was too nice to kick him out.

He had to babysit me and my brother because my mom worked a lot. He would have me touch him and he would kiss me inappropriately while she was gone. I was only five when this happened and its slowly affecting me more and more.

I didnt know what he was doing, i was never taught that it was wrong, and didnt know that it was until i was older. i still havent told anyone and im 17, and probably never will.

Child Abuse Story From Cleo

by Cleo
(New Zealand)

I was abused by my father mentally and physically and although i may have left him with my family sometimes it feels like he is still with maybe not physically as he moved town. But mentally like a never leaving presence my perminently dark shadow. When he lived in the same town as me i was so worried that he was going to come and get me to punish me for leaving. I still am. I had to stand in front of my father and say that i was going with the police with him watching over my shoulder. I was so worried all i could think was that i'd pay for that eventually.

I have never really been a good sleeper. It just didn't come naturally as a child i couldn't sleep until everyone else was asleep in fear that he would hurt one of my family whilst i was asleep. In fear that he would come and get me. I would stay up late most nights looking after my siblings.

I am sixteen now and it has just been two years since i left my father and even after that we had the court cases trying for a protection order so it wasn't really finished then there was all the worry that he was coming to get me and the arguments with pshycologists and lawyers over whether or not i would really see my father.

So it didn't really end. I still have vivid nightmares and i still can't sleep until everyone else in the house is asleep i scan every room for exits when i enter places. I check the house and surrounding area everytime we move. which is alot.

Everytime that someone mentions pain or hurt like if they said they broke there arm and they were in pain and that it hurt alot. All i would be able to think was you don't know what pain is. It can't hurt that much. All i would picture is my father stood over me fists raised or me huddled on the floor bloodied. And it effects me it makes me sad and the first things i do when i get sad is put on a REALLY good act for my siblings but when i'm on my own or near other besides my siblings i retreat into myself as if i'm not even there.

My mum notices when i'm sad because i just don't talk i stay in my room or just sit in a corner and stare at the wall because thats what i'm used to my mum says i'm being silly and that i should just stop being a stroppy teenager.

But i don't think that i'll ever sleep peacefully again i'm constantly plauged by nightmares. And vivid memories and little things make me retreat into myself. I don't feel safe anywhere. Not even in my own home. I struggle to call my home home anymore its just the house that i currently live in or the place.

Will the nightmares ever end? Will i forget? Will i ever feel safe again? When does it end?

Child Abuse Story From Mere

by Mere C
(Louisville, Kentucky, USA)

My life as a kid: 
I would say i dont remember a lot about my childhood half because of how young i was but half because i made myself forget. the problem there was that i have a photographic memory so it was very hard to forget all of it and a lot of time i will have them running and running through my head of different scenarios. i have horrible anxiety and panic attacks and for a long time depression. it really started after my parent had kids that my mother notice how my father was acting "strange". later because my mom tried to have it all the perfect marriage the perfect family the perfect job and social life it caught up and with my father already being a diffcult person the marriage ended in divorce half because my father was cheating on my mother with a soon to be step mother which i later found out would be one of my closest friend and adovcate. they had similar personalities so they butt heads and later as i got older i started to sneak around a see more things.

my father had always used spanking as a way as a punishment but as i got older they got more violent in ways and for longer period of times. no one could tell him that he was wrong or that possible there was a better way because if you called him out on something than your dont for. one time when i was 5 my brother ripped his shirt and because he didnt want to get in troube with my dad he told him that id did it and he asked me if i did it and i said no or he made me take my pants off and lay on the floor face down and i counted he wouls spank me 5 times before he would make me get up and he would ask me the same question but i was stupid enough to stand my ground and continue to say no where if i told him i did it he would have stoped. this went on for at least two hours until he ask my brother again are you sure that she did it and then he confessed that he did. after that he came back down stairs and told me to put my pants back on but i could barely move and frankly scared to. for all i am telling you he still to this day will not admit to any of this but then again i dont know why i even telling the surface of my story. i have tried counseling but i always quit when we get to the hard stuff. i did make it through one therapist because she pushed me through months but i think i was still not ready and still feel every moment of it even when i did go through it; i feel the pain right there. i not as old as most people on this site but i will tell you i was mature as a 30 years old at age 10. i get along better with people older than me than people my own age.

my father always has been a scream and you had to walk on egg shell so you dont step him off because he was so mad all the time and being an alcoholic didnt help my or my step family. it was not until later that i found out how much he harmed my step mom. there were time that he would shake me and hit me and screamed at me violently and slam my arm in doors and whip me with a wet towel and so much more but i always put myself in harms way to keep him from harming my older brother and older stepsisters because i thought i was suppose to in order to keep hem safe but half the time my step mother got hurt was because she was standing up for my rights. i was required to ge all a's on everything and if i didnt i would have to kneel on rice and recite all the words if it was a vocab test or do the multiplication table if it was math so on. i wish i had to the ability to go more in depth about what has happen to me but its still very close and raw for me. i only able to say the little things that happened. he hurt the closest thing i had to a family and i might of been small and young but i had to stand up to him. i knew when it was going to escalate because i could see it in his eyes and his facial expression and his most annoying this he would say to me is dont look at me like that even when i would not even be looking at him in anyway i had to learn to master the blank stare that would make him happier and hurt me less. it has taken me through a roller coaster on my body because he would calll me fat so i would purge and not eat all the time then he called me too skinny so i would binge eat and i did that throughout my life then to get his attention in a postive way i used to take a hammer and smash my bones and break them for him and them i went to cutting then i went to abusing sleeping pills and choking myself. he would always called me his little angel princess or grace or pumpkin it make me so mad but i couldnt show any emotion ever and now later in life that has ruined me because i can be a b***h sometimes and not mean it because i just go through the everyday life crap emotionless because that how i learned to grown up so know i really dont have any to express but anger and rage. i wish i had the time an energy to write all i want to write and get out but what i even have already has taken all i have out of me. even writing this little was hard. i hope someday it will get better because i have been promised that from so many people throughout my life and it hasnt in some ways it has gotten worse for me. my body only could take so much physical and emotional abuse and i worked hard for it to stop. i raised myself and taught myself everything. i became the mother and the father in my family at a young age and because of that i didnt have a childhood. i regret that but as i always say to everyone that ask i said i am fine everything is great and things move on.

Child Abuse Story From Mere Part 2

by Mere
(Kentucky, USA)

I'm having a lot of trouble right now. i have no one to truely talk to on a regular basis because once a week is not enough. i thought i was over the abuse but i realize it is still as fresh as ever. i finally came clean with someone that my father had sexually, physically, and emotionally abused me. i was going to go to the grave with that fact that he touched me but when i almost got raped a couple weeks ago it brought back a lot. i just wanted to escape. lately all i can think about is aolchol and drugs and i am craving it bad. i just need to find a chat room for teens in the US that is free. i know now that i cant deal with this on my own anymore. i just want to drop out of skol even thou i am a senior and only have 6 months left i get that but when u live day by day like me it a lot harder. i am just miserable and a couple months ago i tried to commit suicide and failed. then i went back to my old ways of what i did when i was a kid and tried to deal with my issues by breaking my bones with a hammer and i just started cutting. he gave me a eating dissorder and i know that may sound wrong but every since i was a little kid he made me work out all the time and then on tuesdays i would have to take all my cloths off and get weighed and if i was over or under one pound of what he thought i should weigh i got punished which when i got older meant burning off the calories during intercourse which is what h said i needed to do. so i really never won. he was an alcoholic so he gtave me my first lesson on how to make his drinks when i was 5 and i got punished if i did it wrong but as i got older i started to drink them and slowly then got addicted to drugs and about a year ago i got off of them but now i crave them. the sexual abuse is hard for me to handle and talk about but it started small at age four by massaging him and as i got older in turned into oral and about 9 in was full on sex. he was always mad about something. i was wearing so many hats that sometimes i couldnt handle it and sometimes i feel like i am still wearing them. i was the wife the mother to my brother the sister the duaghter the house keeper the cook the everything. i just could keep talking but i dont think i can handle telling all. no one can save me but i just need someone for the moment while i am here. he has won the final game and i refuse to fight him anymore if he here or not bc i feel like he is always behind me. i tried calling the hotlines but i doesnt help. i guess i am unhelpable and there is no one out there but this is my last try or free online counselor chat. he has taken my life away from me and i dont know how to get it back with all the trauma. bc no matter if i tell or not he makes the report go away and i just get in more trouble. i lucky that i finally got out of his house but i still feel like i am in it and he has contacted me and i guess bc i am longinh for that father i respoonse and have meet up with hima few times.

Child Abuse Story From Sara Part 1

by Sara
(New York, USA)

I'm compelled to tell my story here due to the fact that a MAJOR part of the abuse is the grand family cover-up. The abuse is denied. Indeed, the main theme of my life thus far has been going along with the family script and pretending none of it ever happened. I've never felt comfortable in this role, which means I always feel a certain level of distress whenever my family gets together. Because that means I have to b.s. and act just to be in the same room with them. But they left me no choice. My mother has been threatening to throw me out in the streets since I was a child if I ever spoke of what happened to me. The rest of my family has looked away from the most violent atrocities from the beggining. They followed my mother's lead in denying what went on behind closed doors and putting on a smiling face for outsiders.
Here is the story of my life from the beggining: I was a mirthful, fun-loving child, independent and adventurous. I'd climb to the tops of trees, paint, had lots of friends both girls and boys and was often the center of attention with kids surrounding me, laughing, giggling, daring each other to do things that would have us constantly cracking up until our stomachs ached from the laughter. My earliest years seemed to be all about giggling till it hurt---that is, except for the intervals in which I had contact with my mother. My earliest memories are of being alone in my bedroom with her and she'd just start shaking me like a ragdoll until all her frustrations were out. Everytime she was alone with me, which was usually every morning she dressed me (from toddler through elementary years) it was her time to grab me by the shoulders and shake shake shake! I'd do nothing but submit to this. I'd just sit perfectly still, silent on the bed submitting to being dressed, submitting to her livid eyes and angry rants about what a "bitch" and "slut" I was. She'd bitterly compare me to my father and in the next breath act jealous that he had offered to take me camping or to the zoo, a motorcylce ride, whatever it was that day--she'd act like a raging jealous woman and treated me not as a child but instead like the "slut/bitch" she seemed to think I was. Often she would pepper the insults and shaking with slaps across the face. Sometimes she'd be dressing me and suddenly out of the blue slap me across the face and hiss "BITCH!" A propos of nothing! Often there'd be quite a bit of verbal venting directed at me beforehand so I'd have a heads up that a slap or shaking session would begin. Yet often she'd simply erupt out of the blue with no warning. She'd slap and shake me and wail about how she'd wished I'd "Go to hell with your father!" I remember asking "you want me to die mommy?" She start rattling me "Die! Die! That's right! Why don't you just die!" I'd passively submit to these episodes. What else could a small child do? Besides, I was basically a happy independent child in those early years, I knew her rage would subside, and I could go play outside, or go to school, or otherwise be out of her hair. In my earliest years I really did live in the moment. I didn't dwell too much on my mothers treatment of me. Besides, once her rage episodes subsided, she'd always pretend it never happened. And I mean fiercely pretend. She'd be all smiles and sweetness if other people were around. It was such a fierce and convincing act I had no choice but to play along. All of us in the family intuitively followed her lead. The abuse behind closed doors was NEVER spoken of. It was endured in silence and fear and than promptly forgotten about and denied. At least that was the case for my 2 siblings. I never forgot or denied it to myself, although I did externally go through the motions along with them and act as if nothing had happened. The peer pressure to go along with that was deeply ingrained. I suppose it was easier for my siblings to write it all off and deny it since I was the only one my mother abused. She treated them like gold.
By the 1st grade I'd started noticing how differently my mother treated my siblings. She was constantly following me around the house and verbally abusing me. If I asked why she was yelling at me I'd get slapped and she'd up the volume on her rage, drilling it into me all the more. Asking why meant I had a mouth on me; trying to walk away from her while she was abusive, doing anything short of sitting passively and submitting to ther abuse meant I as a bad child, a bitch, and a spoiled brat. She was often off about what a spoiled bitch I was, I wonder who she felt was spoiling me? Certainly not her? Certainly not her husband, who was abusive in a different way. The only time I was safe was if my grandma was there, or oddly enough, if my father was around, because she'd be engrossed in fighting him instead of taking it out on me. They fought bitterly, violently all the time. I mean violently. My mother would smash dishes every day, throw radios at him, she even stabbed him in the head with a steak knife at the dinnertable. Just par for the course. As usual, we 3 kids sat silently, enduring whatever daily tantrums our parents dished out in front of us. And then afterwards it would be completely edited out of our existence. Screaming, violence, rages everyday, that we would ignore and pretend never happened once they got it out of their system. For now, anyway. Just as the whole family pretended to the outside world that my parents weren't abusive to each other, they pretended our mother never abused me. For if our parents fighting was shameful, just imagine how much more shameful child abuse was. She never slapped or vented at my siblings. I don't believe she's ever even so much as raised her voice to either of them. Its as if she was making up for the abuse she doled out to me by being extra indulgent with them. They were her co-conspirators so to speak. The keepers of the secret. To this day she treats them as if they can do no wrong. No matter what they've done. She needs them to be on her side. To cooroborate her version of reality.
To sum up my early years...I was basically a happy, exuberant child, if not impishly so, as I was often encouraging others into situations where we'd all end up laughing. My grandmother loved me. I was surrounded by friends and laughter and a sense of childhood play and imagination. All that made the dark secret side of my intereactions with my mother endurable. Yes, she was abusing me, verbally and physically, yes she was telling me I was a loser, a bitch, a slut (but mercifully I didn't even know what that meant yet)Yes, my mother was singling me out and smashing dishes at me, shoving my face into my dinnerplate if I didn't eat everything, etc, but it was tempered by all the other positive things in my young life at the time, plus my basic jubilant nature, plus the fact that I was too young to understand the totality of the abuse directed at me. These were my early years. Toddlerhood through elementary. The next chapter of my life was not without great suffering.

Child Abuse Story from Sara Part 2

by Sara
(New York, USA)

In our early years my siblings and I got along fairly well. My brother and I were only a year apart in age and we were constantly laughing and joking together. I really encouraged the goof in him, as I always fed him with laughter for his antics. In return he really lifted my spirits. My sister was a bit younger and more of a momma's girl, and perhaps a bit resentful she wasn't the center of attention amongst my brother and me. Sometimes she could be a brat. Kicking. Scowling. She gave the middle finger a lot. Tattling to my mother on me about things that would seemingly be benign, such as claiming I borrowed her clothes (which wasn't true by the way. She'd take my clothes without asking and I'd simply request she ask first--which annoyed her, so she'd immediately call out for our mother and claim I had taken HER clothes- which was ridiculous). I say seemingly benign because nothing was benign with my mother when it came to me. And my sister knew it. She'd exploit my vulnerablity. She would make up something and whine to my mother and sit back and watch as I got slapped. Repeat this scenario times a hundred. My sister learnt she could do whatever she wanted to me and get away with it. Not only that but she could bully me, get her friends to bully me, then complain to my mother that I had been the one that was mean, all the while knowing there was nothing I could do about it. The first hundred times I'd tried to deny my sister's fabrications and tell my mom the truth, that in fact it was the other way around and my sister was the bully...I'd get my mothers wrath times a thousand. She loved it when I denied it or said anything at all in my defense, because that meant I was "a liar" "a bitch" that I had a "mouth" on me, was "bad" for "talking back" and it meant she could intensify her rage from verbal to physical. Meanwhile, my sister stood behind my mother with a little smirk on her face while our mom raged at me. This pattern went on for years. Well into highschool. My sister's treatment of me went from bad to worse as she learnt she could do whatever she wanted to me. She'd kick, sneer, tell me I was ugly, make fun of my appearance, and get her friends to join in. This daily flogging exacerbated over the years. And I could do literally nothing about it. I crumpled up like a wilting flower. By then I knew I couldn't go to my mom for help with the bullying because my sister would only deny it and my mother would relish it as an opportunity to verbally abuse me, mock me, accuse ME of being the bad child. And my sister would be there to watch as our mother tore me down with a little smile on her face. The kicker is that my sister would bully me and group bully me for years, and my mother not only wouldn't believe it, she wouldn't stand to hear it, slapping me, verbally tearing me down, accussing me of being the mean one when it was the polar opposite. Giving my sister the ulitmate validation and reward for mistreating me. She learned from my mother the pattern of Mistreat and Bully Sara, deny it, then go on proclaiming Sara is Bad and pretending thats why she's quietly upset and withdrawn. Gradually, by late middleschool into 9th grade I began to withdraw for that was my only recourse. It was all I had.

Chld Abuse Story From Sara Part 3

by Sara
(New York, USA)

I was a child, living with a mother who abused me, living with a family the condoned and covered it up. Living with siblings who bullied me and there was no help for me. Ordinarily parents step in when siblings bully. But here, they condoned it, and the parents were abusive themselves. My mom was abusing me, my sibs bullied me, and there was nothing I could do about it, no one to help me, no one to stop them. Eventually I stopped bothering to tell my mom what they were doing to me because she only denied it and blamed me, slapped, in essense she condoned their mistreatment of me. My brother began to bully me in high school, right around the time that the abuse started to change me. I became withdrawn. There was no other way to deal with it. I suppose I could have behaved like my parents and raged and got physical right back at them, but it wasn't in me. Instead I hung my head, tried to disappear, thinking if they can't see me, if I make myself small enough they won't use me as their target. After particually abusive episodes with my mother I'd retreat into my room. It wasn't safe for me anywhere. So I'd withdraw. Meanwhile my sister had been bullying me for years, and getting her friends to sneer at me as well about how ugly I was, kids at school saw how my siblings and their friends bullied me and others began to do so as well. It grew and grew over the years. And my mother sneered and mocked me "Poor abused you" and reemed me for everything that was wrong with me if I dared to mention what was happening to me at school and amongst my siblings. She condoned it all with a slap. She'd smile and gloat once she'd corner me into a chair and break me into tears. It was too much. The abuse and school and at home. There was no safe place. It was constant. The abuse grew from verbal to physical to sexual violence. And the lesson I'd had drilled into me all these years was that whatever happened to me would be allowed to go on, it would be denied, and I'd be punished, ridiculed, and mocked for the audacity to dare suggest anything had been done to me. I recall distinctly one night in particular I almost told my mother about the rapes. My brother had just stood by and encouraged his friend to push me down to the ground and make disparaging comments about my appearance. I ran home. I'd had it. Being abused all day, sexually assaulted daily at school, then coming home to have my brother laugh while his friend bullied me--I ran home in tears, overwhelmed by all that had been going on for so long. I started by telling her about my brother and what had just happened. As usual she took the opportunity to verbally shame and rage at me, tell me I was a loser and all that was wrong with me, completely ignoring what my brother had done. She yelling at me for half an hour. When I broke in tears her rage merged into a gloateing smile and she stared at me with such pleaseure in her eyes, "Poor abused you" she kept repeating, mocking. She was drinking up my pain, savoring it. I wanted to badly to tell her about the rapes but I knew if I said it she might ENJOY it. She might deny it and blame me and relish it all at the same time. I felt instinctively she would use it against me, hold it above me forever. A power she'd hold over me to hurt me. I looked up at her face, smiling evily at me, taking perverse pleaseure in my suffering. I decided not to tell her. I knew she would find a way to use this too against me.
So my highschool years were those of daily suffering, enduring, just surviving through the day. I changed drastically. I became withdrawn. Timid. I trembled and shook in social situations. I became afraid to go out for simple things like dinner or the mall. If I went shopping with my mother and sister during this time somtimes I would be unable to get out of the car due to social fear. I wouldn't be able to meet people's gaze and trembled like a skittish deer. When I told my mother I was sorry but I couldn't get out and go in the store with them, she'd march out the drivers seat and the rear door where I sat and slap me in the face saying what a "spoiled bitch" I was and how it was just like me to ruin her day! My sister stood outside the car patiently waiting for my mother to be through me me. She'd behave as if it was perfectly normal for our mother to slap and swear, violently slam the door at me with all her might and leave me sitting there while they shopped and had dinner while commisserating over what a bitch/brat/difficult person I was.
By the time I became totally withdrawn my brother started telling his friends I was a loser and a bitch. A few of his friends he encouraged to bully me and they did. I think my brother truly was angry and restent towards me because he was angry with me for failing to keep up appearances. I was obviously withdrawn, people were asking what had happened to me. I could no longer pretend and pass that everything was normal. The abuse began to affect me in ways that showed and were obviouis. He resented me for that. The effects of the abuse were now obvious and I became a threat to the family status quo. He wasn't about to get real and expain what was REALLY happening to his sister, no that would implicate his mother, threaten everyones way of life, reveal a shameful secret--better to just chuck it off as Oh well, my sister's a weirdo, a nothing, and always was, better to join in like a little nazi and write her off completely. People are asking what happened to your sister? Why has she withdrawn? Just call her a loser. Why is she locked away in her room? He can't tell the truth and say his mom just abused her, psychologically tortured her and smashed dishes at her and she'd withdrawn to her room to get away from abuse and recover....Can't say that, so just snort and roll your eyes like you don't care, like Oh, that's just Sara for you, and cruise by your sister's room with your friends and cough "LOSER!" "Loser!"
Years go by..I go with their flow in order to be with them, that is I pretend the abuse never happened. They continue to pretend that I'm just the crazy, loser sister they always had. They make no connection to the chronic abuse, cover up, denial, ganging up and labeling that contributed to this loser-status they've given me. They don't think about how and why I became withdrawn and a shadow of my former self. They don't want to know and would deny it if they knew how I've struggled with PTSD and anorexia. They ignore everything about me except what they need to believe..namely that I am and always will be just a loser, someone to not take seriously, someone to degrade, deny, and secretly resent. As abusers and condoners of abuse, they NEED to keep me in a position where I'm disbelieved, disempowered, secluded.

Child Abuse Story From Nicole H

by Nicole H
(Jacksonville, Florida, USA)

Ever since I was little I have had a very good memory. I guess that could be good and bad. My mother cheated on my father and then married the man that tore our family apart. At first I loved my step father. I was naive. The divorce bothered me more that I let on. Or at least more than anyone would pay attention to.

About as soon as my mother was married. Things started to change. My mother started to scream at me if I missed a problem on a homework assignment. I had trouble reading and my mother would get frustrated, screaming at me and calling me names. I felt stupid. I felt that way from elementary all through high school. My sister was incredibly smart and didn't need as much help with her math or reading homework. Mom put her in GTS. (gifted and talented students) I didn't feel gifted or talented.

It all went from screaming, yelling, and name calling to physical abuse. My step dad would throw my sister over couches. My brother was pushed down the stairs. My mother would slap us across the face or beat us on the way to school with her high heel shoe. I, (the oldest) then my sister N---, and then my brother A--- would sit in the back seat of the mini fan because it was harder for her to throw the shoes at our heads since she was driving.

My sister and myself onetime were playing a prank on my little brother. We were going to put the orange flavored metamucil laxative on his tooth brush. Or at least we discussed it. At some point N--- put it on his tooth brush. A--- told. Mom came home and she beat both me and N--- for about 30 minutes or more with a belt on our back. N--- didn't admit. Mom got tired so it was stepdad's turn. My mom promised if one of us would confess, the beating would stop for both. I confessed. I was beat a little more, sent to bed with no dinner and grounded from everything for weeks. My sister feels bad about letting me take the fall but grateful. My mother doesn't believe us about it till this day. I am 24.

I always grew up never blaming myself. I knew what my mother did was f**ked up. I don't take responsibility for it. I think she should. I did whatever I could to get her into trouble when I was a kid. It never worked. I told school counselors, teachers, and coaches. It never worked. No one cared. No one fought for me. I felt no one loved me.

We didn't see my father often. He seemed more interested after the divorce to be a bachelor than to be a father. He would cancel weekends with us kids because he had a "date". I only saw him once every 6 weeks. He would only take one kid at a time every other weekend. My father had countless girl friends. I would try and attach my self to some of them. But it was always a huge disappointment when they would break up. All I wanted was a mother.

I have tried to forgive my mother on numerous occasions. I feel overtime that I do or try , and then she does something else to hurt me. My mother is a constant disappointment. She has two other children with her second husband and treats them totally different than what she did us. I do not wish on my half siblings what happened to me. But I can't help but be jealous. My mother hardly touches them. She even told me she hated me once.

I got sick of the abuse. I felt trapped and alone. I told my Dad. Me and my brother moved in with him and N--- stayed. I don't know why. But my Dad did nothing. I wanted my mother to get in trouble. I still do. I wanted there to be consequences. I felt like a caged animal when she and her husband would beat me. I wonder if it's normal for my feelings. That I want my mother to pay for what she did.

Why was I so unimportant to her? Why doesn't she love me like she does the others?

Nowadays she puts on this fake show. She has people perceive her as this perfect mother. Like she is the Brady Bunch. I refuse to be a part of her lies. She is emotionally abusive to this day. But I cannot let her go somehow.

I am going to a therapist. I have a fear of doing the same thing to my future children. I want to break the cycle. I am married to a normal, loving husband who pushes my buttons. Their have been a few times when we have been in an argument and I have either punched him in the arm or thrown things at him. I don't want to do that. And he has been supportive in whatever way he can to help me.

I don't know if my mother has ever felt remorse. She has never hinted at an apology or a real sincere one.

I don't know if I will ever get closure.

Child Abuse Story From Nicole H Part 2

by Nicole H.
(Jacksonville, Florida, USA)

Since I have been in therapy my mother has started to communicate about her past. I have never known anything about her past. Except for things my Dad told me to hurt her. They were recently cleared up that some of them were lies. I guess he did that to hurt her. He did that because she hurt him.

I wrote another story. I don't think it is on the page yet. But something has come up and I have a question. I was physically abused when I was a kid by my mother and step father. I was also emotionally abused. She started clearing up some of the lies that my Dad has said about my step dad. It seemed like she was trying to make him out to be this great person. Like nothing has ever happened, a little. She acts as if I like him. Even though the lies were cleared up it doesn't change my opinion of him.

I asked her if she knew why she thought my brother, sister, and myself didn't like him. She said NO. She asked WHY. I could feel her anger. She was actually pissed that I come out and said we didn't like him after all these years. Saying I didn't like him was very gently. Polite even. I despise the air this man breathes. He took everything that I loved as a child. I loath him. I hope he burns. I never told her anything close to that before. I was afraid I would hurt her feelings if I told her how I felt about him. After she asked why, I said "Mom, he physically abused all three of us for years." She said, "I don't know if I would agree with that."

She asked what I thought physical abuse really was. Then I named off a few things that her and my stepdad did. Then she said, " Nicole, I did that too. But I don't think that was physical abuse. I don't think I should have done those things, but I don't think that was physical abuse."

Is my mother in denial to make herself feel better after all these years? She said I would have to talk about that with him. Even though her tone of voice sounded angry and a little threatening. I said very calmly that I would like that and would like to talk to them both about it sometime. I do. I want some clarity. Then she said, "We will tell you our opinion about that as well". She said it calmly but in a real hateful way. It sounded like she was going to blame me. Like it was my fault. My brother, sister, and myself were a handful but is it really my fault. Is it okay that it happened?

I'm so confused. What is the fine line between abuse and discipline? Is my mother in denial to make herself feel better after all these years? Did it not really happen? Am I crazy?

Child Abuse Story From Cameron Part 1

by Cameron
(Location Unknown)

I had the whole enchilada: 
First off I am very much a boy, teenager, and a mucho hombre (big man). It is hard to know where to begin because it isn't easy to tell the whole story, becasue the whole story is still coming. My memories stared around 5 years ago I went to a counselor and she asked me why do you think your need counseling. So i told her straight out I think I have demons which shocked her. I said a renunciation prayer and that night i was talking to a lady i know, and i told her i couldn't have been abused or anything. All i see is a wall from the side of the bed and after saying it a couple of times more came out and I started having my first memory I was shaking, crying, breathing hard, twitching, and my head hurt a lot as well as points on my body that I learned later were body memories. After my first sexual abuse memory I was very tired and worn out and very numb. The thing I didn't understand was since I had been; why my family hadn't told me about it. So when I went back home I didn't say anything because their was a reason that they hadn't told me a reason they were lying to me. That I had been sexually abused. I kept seeing the counselor and finding more and more memories and stuff and being my adventourus self I had to take the red pill and see how far this rabbit hole really went. The fun thing about this is I haven't been falling down this rabbit hole alone. After a time I saw and had to many memories to feel safe at home any more so I left all family and friends which was very hard. The reason I did this was I needed time and for other reasons. That I can't go into. Then my couselor asked me "if their was more of me" which gave me a "?" and see said "sides" I instantly think of my love handles. She then tells me of how people can split to survive what has happened to them. So as I go I start learning that I have more of me I feel like I have a hole town of me's and mini me's. So yes I am one of those people that talks to their selves and ask thereselves questions and yes even answers their own questions and argues with them selves. So I am sorry for the jumping and rambeling I never could understand English grammer and my thoughts will jump from one side to another. So it might get a little bumpy. One of the things my sides learned to do that I was not aware of was to watch everyone. Learn them their lies their secrets and their buttons. So that I could control them like a puppet. I have been learning not everyone is bad and to trust and love people. It is hard to say everything so I may break my storis up so that I can get it all in. Being multipule is special I thought it was a curse, that I was bad, different, freak, crazy, but now I can see how special they are. To me and other people they make me proud, make me laugh, keep me company, keep me very young at heart, and being human. I now know why that I am so interested in toys and still have to buy them becasue adult toys are boring. Right now they are having fun typing all this. To help me mysef and I feel safe I will fog some of the memories and things.

I have sufferd every form of abuse verbal, physical, emotional, neglect, sexual, spiritual, and one that I have never heard but KNOW exist and that is ghost or some might say demonic. I might go into that later. When I was little I loved affection being held I loved real intimacy. Which my perpetrators used to their advantage. Being a little kid I wasn't aware of all the abuse because one it was so severe and all the time i would split and forget. My father used to have me in the bathroom with him when I was like 4 to 6. I can recall seing his private parts and my mind stopping in cuiosity like I knew something but didn't know what. This is where he would strip me down and as well as himself. Then he would just stare at me while he went to the restroom. I hated it when he would call me over to him becasue he would start rubbing my arms and all over me. He loved smelling me and fondling me. Then it would be bath time and he would just hold me in his lap and it would be...hard and he would rub me down with the soap as well as himself and move me up and down on his body. He would then wash off all the soap and make me suck, lick, and bite his penis. Then he would make me stand in the tub facing him and he would hold and squeeze on to my butt as he sucked on me. I felt like I was emploding like all my nervs were running on super speed. It is very hard to feel the memories I can get to them no problem but to feel them is horrfying. It is my way of getting close but not enough to get hurt. He would always be doing something different to me each night. So I could never really prepare myself except for the pain and the emotions. Then some nights he wouldn't do anything which I wanted to be held but he wouldn't and he would be cold and distant. Which gave me withdrawals. He sometimes would just beat me my mind goes black a lot while I try to remember. He would love to see my nose bleed and he would hold me by the front of my shirt and hit me again and again. I remeber I could feel the smock (that is what it feels like to me is a smock) the blood pushing past my nose and his fist as it splattered the white light then the black then the world mixed with the stars. Then he would take his bath and just stare at me and I was in so much pain I couldn't move as he would just watch me then leave. Then my mother would come in and clean me up and then it just goes black. Then their were sometimes he would spank me with his belt until I looked like a koolaide water baloon. There is so much I can recall at only 3-6 that can be overwhelming. I still have a nasty fasination with bloody noses its like someone inside is trying to figure something out. I have to be careful because I want and desire to have broken nose and for it to bleed many times I just want to do it to myself. I haven't yet which is some suprise to me now that I think about it.

My couselors did something to me that I think was horrible when in a session and in a memory I had a side up which took a lot of trust and courage for me to do. Especially as I was going through the memory after that session I went to my next weekly session. Where the couselor told me that I couldn't be them anymore and this was after over a year of going. I received no explanation nothing no sorry and was kicked out. This was extremely hard for all of us becasue instantly they wer like the people that used me. I didn't know if I had done somethin wrong or what had happend but all of our hearts were crushed and sad. After almost 4months of no counselor I was in very bad shape. I felt like I was dying. I heard about this person who did theophostics which means God's light so I was reluctent to go because I was tired of being hurt especially by these people who were supposed to be safe and family. I went anyways and I was drastically changed. I have now been doing these type of prayers for years and it has been the only thing that has changed me. I would be in the room those previous counselors and they would be telling me that I am safe, I am loved, that it wasn't my fault, that what they did to me wasn't love, that God loves me He didn't care what I did He would always love me. I couldn't believe it no matter how much I wanted to or tried. I couldn't change the inside that would still be in agony after the seccesion. It was hard for me and all of my sides because we felt a lot of pressure to make ourselves healed or better or that their attempts were working. So it started making us feel guilty because this God stuff was supposed to be the best their was, and it wasn't working. It made us feel bad like we were doing something wrong but it made us feel guilty and oppressed because we didn't feel like we could say that it wasn't working. BUT theophostics has changed me because through this prayer it has and is changing my life. Because my counselors were never there they couldn't really say that I was ok because a portion of me was locked down in that time, but since God can go past, present, and future He can, is, and has been able to change the lies change the fears, change the beliefs about myself. One of my many memories I was removed from my home after my father had thrown me out of the house at night and started shooting at me with his shotgun which I would have to dodge. I believe I was around 5. I remeber being so scared as the dirt would spray all around me. Thankfully he was in a drunken rage and couldn't really aim. Cops were called and they removed me from them.

Continued in Part 2

Child Abuse Story From Cameron Part 2

by Cameron
(Location Unknown)

I had the whole enchilada - continued from Part 1 
I was taken and put in a childrens home and this is one of the memories that God has healed (this will be like if I was in a seccesion) I was by myself when I did the memory I felt oppresed and sad Jesus asked me "why are you sad" and I go to this memory were I was at a school playground and I see all the other children playing but I can't and no body is playing with me. I feel very sad, hurt, confused, and lonely. Jesus asks me "whats wrong" and this side answers Him and tells Him that nobody will play with him because he is from the childrens home. Jesus talks to him and says "how does that make you feel" and he responds mad, sad, angry, and confused. It was quite a moment and He asks him "what do you believe about yourself" he responds that I am differnt, their is soemthing wrong with me. Jesus then asks "do you want to know what I think and see" I repond "yes" and Jesus starts saying "you see all these kids they have mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters, and their friends and cousons do to that is normal to them. You and the children from the chldrens home don't have mother and fathers like these other kids that is normal for yall but not for them. The only reason your not normal to them is because you don't have the same life that they do. If all children were in wheelchairs that would be normal but say if a child came to the school that wasn't oooohh my he or she would strange and weird and scary. Do you know why they would respond like that" my side said "no" Jesus said, "because you don't have the same carateristics like they do you have a different story but you are a boy just like they are a very cute boy who likes lizards, toads, to climb trees, to go exploring, to run around yelling, to shoot the bad guys, and who likes to be tickled." "I love you and those other kids are just scared because there is no one to tell them that you are the same just different which is good" and as he is smiling at me he gives me a good push on my shoulder and says "you're it" as he runs off. My side heart and spirit and soul just sore as I and him see he is quote unquote normal and he chases after Jesus because he has been tagged. I could then see that I loved playing tag which I didn't know until afterwards. Now I am not scared of other people as much because their other lives and beliefs that are effecting me from different memeories and sides. It opened up a huge avenue for me and for this side he isn't ashamed that he comes from a chldrens home, he isn't angry anymore, sad, hurt. He is just out of breath and is having the time of his life his childhood. The powers of hell coudn't stop me from being healed and incountering Gods light. Each memory that I have and I get healed gives me more and more strength to go on to other memories. Theophostic prayer also taught me to take it outside of the memories to everyday life. I love to go hiking and freeclimbing on rocks but with all of us exploring. I get lost farely easily but I then just ask Jesus which way and He has always gotten me back to the trail. Telling me right or left or straight its funny because I don't come at an angle to the trail. He t's me into it. By far I have hard days too but I have a friend the wonderful counselor to go through it with me. The more healing I go through it is sometimes very hard and painful the level that he comes in and the power he displays is well worth the effort. I am finding more of my self that I didn't know exsisted like I soon will be able to play instruments, I love talking to people, I can do woodworking, I can paint, I can hunt, I can help people, I can also draw, and I am really good at sculpturing. I hope theophostic prayer or however Jesus chooses to minester to you helps you and heals you.

One thing that Jesus gave me when I was questioning who He was and if He was good or bad was that I can't judge the goodness of God by the actions of men!!