Child Abuse Story From Michael

by Michael
(Location Undisclosed)

For 15 years of my life I was sexually abused. It all started when I was around 8 I remember my sister used to want to touch my genitals or see them. Sometimes she would ask me to masturbate infront of her or have sex with animals. Later on my own mother would have me touch her while she was naked and even would go as far as to kiss me on the lips. I am now 19 years old and for the past 4 years of my life I've tried to forget about it by drinking it away. I can't seem to get rid of these memories and for a year now I've been thinking about suicide. I consider myself a freak, I can't even have someone touch me with out freaking out later or crying later. Idk what to do anymore.

Child Abuse Story From Matthew S

by Matthew S
(Wisconsin, USA)

Sitting here by the lake at my hometown in Wisconsin reminds me so much of my childhood. It was a dark time in my life that I never really wanted to talk about even to my wife. Now at the age of 32 I could still clearly recall those moments back in the late 80s early 90s. I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. Hell those memories came back so vivid like a tap on the back.

I was brought up in a family of five: my grandmother, parents, and a brother 4 years older than me. We had some few good times but mostly I rather not talk about. Grandmom was my biggest hero, and when she passed away my world seemed to collapse. I was 9 back then and things started to go downward after her death, at least for me...

My parents weren't the type you would come up to hug and say "I love you." No, I have never said I loved them, neither do they. In their dictionary, the word 'support' probably did not exist. I felt lost during my pre-teen years up to high school. No compliment was made for me either. No matter how hard I tried to accomplish anything, a sport, a subject, anything... And I still remember that day when my mother told me that I was too stupid to ever attend college. It was a blow to my head and my heart. Almost everything that happened in the house was blamed on me. My dad although didn't take part much in any of our fight/argument, he had with himself like a body armor. I felt distant to him. He just didn't care whatsoever going on in the family. And my older brother, I could say that he was a real jerk back in the day. Maybe because he was also being suppressed by our parents that made him so arrogant and stubborn. He was pissed all the time and I was his punching bag. Knowing that he could not release his anger on anyone, he released it on me. I was pinned down by the neck, punched, and even dragged by my brother. I was 11 back then when he started hitting me with all his guts. But now I understand that he was just another abuse victim like I was. We were both neglected. Oh and did I mention also at 11 years of age I was sexually assaulted by my brother's girlfriend and him? It was too embarrassing that even now I couldn't shake off that memory every time I look at my brother's face. They made me stand against the wall and undress. There were nights that I stayed awake and just prayed to my grandmom. I loved talking with her; it made me feel relieved and sane. I used to cry a lot too, but I have never cried in front of anyone in my family.

My early years at middle school were pretty much a blur since I did not have that many friends to hang around with. I used to stay at a friend's house for quite a while after school. Frankly my parents didn't even care where I went. I ate at my friend's house and his mom even did the laundry for me.

Things got better when I got older. My parents and I didn't talk much anymore and I enjoyed that, since I didn't have to confront them as often. My brother stopped beating me when I turned 14, and himself moved away to college. I was still neglected by my parents; with no guidance I entered high school all by myself. And it wasn't too bad. I had quite a rough freshman year but soon I made very good friends, had a girlfriend and I started to get back on my feet since then. That was an accomplishment for me personally. Don't want to brag or anything but the girls liked my curly blonde hair a lot haha! And I finally met my girl, which is now my wife and we already have a gorgeous boy. I love my family so much that at a young age I made a promise to not become like my parents.

There are pages of dark memories that I cannot share fully. The things that happened to me did not kill me, yet they made me stronger. Soon my boy will be waking up from his nap and I need to prepare for a long drive back home tomorrow. Good day ya'll!

Child Abuse Story From Jim

by Jim
(Location Undisclosed)

From the age of four i lived with a foster family which included my foster mum dad and a brothr who was eight years older than me. Everything was fine until when i was six my foster mum walked out and it was just me my foster brother who was then fourteen and my foster father and thats when the abuse began. It started one evening when i had gone to bed and my foster father and brother came into my room and my foster fathr explained to me he was going to use me to teach his son about sex and that first he would demonstrate on me and then he would let his son try till he got it right, this started out as simply masturbation and fondleing but proggesed onto oral and then anal sex with them bot, aftr a few weeks of these sex lessons they then told me one night that the lessons were over now as his son knew what he was doing and that from then on i would have to share the bed with them both each night so they could use me for sex. This happened untill i was thirteen and finally had the courage to tell someone

Child Abuse Story From Domanik

by Domanik
(Location Undisclosed)

I was just a 6 year old boy when i started gettin sexually abused by my older brother it happened over a period of 3 years he would come in my room and say it was alrite and i couldnt tell anyone or id get into trouble an i believed him so i didnt tell when my mom and dad divorced and i moved in with my dad my brother went of to college as he just grduated from high school i thought i was done being abused but my dads best friend who i thought was so cool cuz he took me to the movies and the park was actually a real jerk i was his tool at least that what he told me and he abused me so often that i tried to come up with ways not to feel any pain when he showed up and my dad got drunk and passed out i ended up drunk too i was twelve after 3years of him doing the most disgusting things possible i moved back with my mom and i had a brief time with her as she wasnt really in my life at that point cuz after the divorce she really didnt have anything to do with us so when i tried to tell her she wasnt really listening so nothin was done and i was sent back to live with my tormentor and the abuse continued till i turned 18 but by then i had stopped struggling with him and just did like i was told i became that monsters tool the scars may fade but my memories make it feel as though it happened yesterday and i really cant help but think that there must have been something i could have done to fight back more and not given in im 19 now and i can still see him needless to say i dont go near my dads house when hes around i generally run in the oppisite direction. I wonder if that makes me a coward.

Child Abuse Story From Nikki

by Nikki
(California, USA)

I am 15 years old now but ever since I was little I would always get beat
The beating got worse my freshmen year.. I had a boyfriend named R-- and Im a cheerleader too...so what happend was I did have cheer practice and then it got canceled...so I thought okay staying after school for an hour isnt that bad...(I also didnt have my phone that day)
So I was with friends hanging out where we usually do...and I was standing in frount of R-- and I kissed him a couple times and that's pretty much it..and I guess my older crazy brother found out I did not have practice and he saw me kiss R--..I was talking to him and all I remember is getting pushed to the floor my brother threw my stuff and yelled lets f***ing go... I was scared and so was the people that saw... He wad full on anger and he was yelling at me and I was scared..we got to thr car and he calls my dad! My dad is yelling at me and saying he is going go beat my a** when he gets home...me and brother finally get home and he tells me do my homework in a angry voice and so I did... First my mom Comes home yells at me more and calls me a dirty sl*t and a wh***....and I'm crying and then finally my dad comes home ....he pushes me to the floor and starts to hit me and he is grabbing me by my hair and throws me in our pool and drowns me... I was so scared and terrified... Then he starts hitting me again and tells me to go take a shower and after we had a long talk!!!
So the next day...I really needed to tell someone what happend and I needed to talk to someone!!!!!!! So I told this girl J-- about it and I start crying and she starts crying...I told her please don't tell anyone....well she did she told the school and CPS came in and I had a talk with them.. The lady asks me..do you want to stay with your parents I said yes because I Love them... During lunch that lady goes and has a talk with my dad and he didnt get in trouble I still got in trouble

Okay well that was back in October....now I have a new story that happend 7/18/12 so I got a text from a friend asking if I wanted to go to a party and I said I will ask but I'm not telling my parents about the party just sleep over..so my parents were okay and they told me don't leave the house...but stupid me didnt listen and went off to that party..but before I even got that text I was like I'm going to get ready for no reason today and so I was looking good...okay so my dad dropped me off at there house and I'm like cool let me change so I did I put on short shirts confers and a top that said dream but the party didnt start til 10..then we finally get there and The girl who party we were at said walk though the gates so I did and I did not know anyone there and it was all her older sisters friends!!!! And we are standing there awkwardly and then I saw people I know who is my age and we just sat and talked but the older kids were smoking weed and drinking!! We did not have one taste of anything!!! So we were like let's leave this Is not cool...so as we were walking out and the cops were there and so we walk out and they made us sit on a curb and call our parents..i was freaking out! Because I lied to my dad so I had to call him and I can tell he was pissed and upset! We told the cops we did not do anything bad we thought this was a regular party but it wasnt ... So my dad gets there and I'm scared and my friends are laughing and then the cops say I can go...so I get In the car and as we pull away he slapps me about 4 times and pulls my hair and yells at me and said I could of got raped and or anything and I was crying and he was yelling so I get home and my mom starts yelling and I get pushed to the floor and getting hit and everything was going bad..my parents went nuts..so my dad and mom are calling me a wh**e and tramp and everything because the way I dressed and my dad is yelling at me to take a shower so I'm crying in shower and I can hear my mom destroying my room and I get out and she starts to hit me and the only thing I have is a towel and she is still yelling and hitting and I'm crying and they even said I was a f***up and a LIER and I literally want to die now... I cant Take it anymore!!!

Child Abuse Story From Nikki For My Daughter

by Nikki
(North Dakota, USA)

My story is about my 9 year old daughter! We were at the mall and somebody i dated in the past was there. I started talking to him just wanted his phone number as a friend! He asked if he could hang out with my daughter and I. I saw no harm in that. We sat down as i just got done with work. He was a little tipsy and started to play with my daughter with a toy she got for a prize. He said lets go swimming. I told him the pool was closed. He said he can brake in. I said no. Later on I told him i would give him a ride home. I wanted to be nice cause i thought he was a friend. When we got into the van he said that he did not want to go home. So we end up driving around for awhile and listen to music and talking. He wanted to drive. I said no cause he was tipsy. He sort of got upset. I drove around then end up parking for a bit on a side of the road. He had a drink in his jacket he pulled out. He offered me some. My daughter told me no mom. But i had a long day at work and thought a couple of sips would not hurt. So i think i took 2 sips. My daughter was playing with my cell phone. We started talking again and he then went down my pants and up my shirt really fast. I did not think it was a issue or a problem at that time cause we did date in the past. So i thought he was trying to just be friendly or he remembered the past. I started to drive again to go over to his cousins house. When i got there he said that he will be right back.When he left the van i was talking to my daughter. Told her lets leave him here cause it is getting late and u have to go to the bathroom. But she did not want to cause she wanted to play playstation with him. I had feelings like i should leave him there and had feelings of that would be mean ect..and he seemed nice. When we were getting ready to leave he came back into the van. Then we headed home. After we got close to home i asked him again where he was staying at he said his moms. She lived across the street from us. so i pull into the parking lot and saw that my husband was not home yet. So i drove around the lot thinking if i should go looking for him or not. Both my daughter and friend said who cares. He was getting a little upset so i kind of was gettimg suprious. but was not sure. cause my daughter seemed to trust him. And i thought I could to. He did not seem the type that would do anything. They both got out of the van and went to one of the doors. I sat in the van and was thinking. I had things in my head like thinking about the past when we were dating he never touched my daughter then so why would he do it now? Should i call the cops but he did not do anything wrong? Should i go across the street after i get emy daughter from the door? Should i drive the van around to the door to get my daughter and leave in a hurry? I got out of the van and went to the door to let them in. And when we went up the stairs my daughter told me that he was buzzing doors to get in. I thought he just need to use the bathroom or thought he was just excited to play games on playstaion, movies, wii ect.. He seemed very nice playing with my daughter like a father would play with their children tickling, playing with toys acting silly ect.. But as i was unlocking the door to the apartment i thought maybe he might do something did not know for sure what? What if he hurts my child? But he seems so nice. And we were bored and wanted a friend to hang out with. And thought he never hurt my daughter or me in the past. And she seemed to trust him. When i unlocked the door we all went in. my daughter walked to her bedroom to get her games for playstation. I was watching him he was peting the cat as soon as i closed the door and put down my keys and purse he went into her bedroom! the door was locked! I tried to confince him to open up the door or my daughter to! I heard mom from my daughter! I asked what honey? Cause at the time i did not know for sure what was happening! Then after i could not hear her anymore and trying to confince them to open the door that was not going to happen! I really did not know what to say cause i thought if i would say something wrong he would hurt her worse! I stood there in shock i hit shock stage! And was frozen for a bit did not know what to do and confused! Had things running throught my head that i just wanted to get her out of there! I did not know what was really happening in there. I knew at this point that it had to be something! I was praying to the angels and god to help her get out of this! As i went to get my phone and something to try to open the door like a screwdriver the door opens and he runs out! I saw my daughter picking up change of his. He ran past me and grabbed a knife from the kitchen! And said the he is a bad guy very bad guy and that he was going to kill himself! I told him that u are not going to do that here! I don't want to see it and i don't want my daughter to! She don't need to see that. He walked over to me with the knife and i backed up a bit cause did not know what he was going to do. He sat down put his head on my chest and kept saying i'm a bad person i kept lying to him saying no u are not trying to get him to calm down. A little bit later he sit up on my couch i and said it again the he was a bad person i just looked at him told him to get out! He got up and grabbed another knife and walked out the door. I told my daughter cause she asked if she could go on the computer i said yes u can and i promise her that i will be back that i was just going to be in the hallway. Caue i was afriad that he was going to take that knife and hurt another kind or person! So i was trying to get it back! We were talking he had his head in my stomach and starting to cry Thinkig about his two kids ect.. He said i want to have sex with u! Thats when i got the gusts to ask he if he hurt my daughter and he said no i did not hurt her! at this point i knew he was lying! cause i looked at my daughter standing in the hallway when he was on the couch! And she is not sleeping she is on the computer. I thought why would i give u sex u hurt my 9 year old that i love very much and she did not derserve this at all! Why do u have to be such a creep! So i told him no i'm married! He said who cares. I said i do. I got the knife away from him. He ask me if he could touch my for 5 mins i wanted to say no but i thought about my child! fearing that he might hurt her again or try to push his way in agian! And i was standing by the door to get back in! so i let him for like 2 mins till i could not stand anymore! and told him he had to leave! he said that was not 5mins. I opened the door really fast and locked it!! He left! I sat right down with my daughter me almost in tears cause i wish and wish he would not have done this to her! I mean she is only 9 years old! What did she do to deserve this? When i sat down talkinnf with her i asked her if he hurt her or touched her at all? I frist she said no mom. Then I asked her again about a couple minutes later and i said are u sure? She then said yes mom he did! I asked her what did happen in the bedroom? She said he touched me. I wanted her to tell me more cause we need to call the police! So i asked her what happened after u said mom? She said he pushed her down at the time she said mom! Damn if iwould have known that sooner for sure i would of tried and tried to brake the door down! i was crying trying told hold it in cause did not want her to see it. cause trying to stay calm for her sake! Then i asked why was there no noise after that? She said cause after he pushed her down he chocked her and she could only breath out of her nose! So she could not speak either! Then he pulled down he pants and barely touched her down there and she pee on him! That is when he run out saying shit! When the cops came over she told him everything but almost started to cry but did not. Her eyes were really red around the outside of her eye lids and aroud her eyes! That is another way i knew something happened!The cops did a police report and took pictures of the knifes and my hands the knife had cut us. And the mark on my daughters neck from choking her. They said they did not have to do a rape kit cause she was not raped just barely touch down there.I did not tell the cops what he did to me cause i forget at that point cause i was really concerned for my daughter and scared!We slept together that night as i hold her i started to cry myself to sleep! And the next day they found him at the center and arrested him! I blame myself for it cause as a mother i should had saw signs! I feel like i failed as a mother but i was in shock and now playing it back i should of broke down the door! It has been about 4 months now since it happend. And i still blame myself Cause i had some doubts before we went upstairs to the apartment! But i thought that he has be with her before and that he would not do such a thing! Since this is somebody we thought was a friend and it only happend once I wonder if she will ever forget it or will she be able to move on and have a good life.

Child Abuse Story From Alessandra

by Alessandra
(Location Undisclosed)

I am 16 years old. I have been abused by my father for about 6 years now. It is mostly emotional but physical as well. My dad will come into my room and call me names and then ask me doesn't this bother you and then hit me. I have suffered a sprained wrist, broken finger and many bruises. It makes me upset becuase the other night we actually had a family dinner and I tried to talk to my parents about what has been going on but they told me that I dont have the right to question their parenting ways. I suffered a severe fracture in my foot due to my dancing and he purposely stomped on it and laughed. I haven heard I love you or received a hug from him in so long that I truly believe that he doesn't love me. My mom kind of just sits on the sidelines and pretends like nothing is going on. This hurts me becuase whenever she gets involved she always takes my dads side.

Child Abuse Story From Emily

by Emily
(USA)

Molestation: 
It all started then I was in bout second grade. My mom as going to college nd found a best friend there, who had a daughter my age and an older son. So she would bring me over to her best friends house while they would study so I could play. I instintly loved the daughter A-- but had a weird vibe about the son D--. well at first he just always wanted to play with us but as a few month went by and our family started hanging out all the time he began to start touching my boobs but saying it was on accident. So I told my mom and she said I'm sure be ment nothing. So I was like mybe this is all in my head. Well then he was doing it more and more be now grabbing my privates. I once again told my mom and she blew me off so I was just like whatever it's just me making a big deal out of nothing. Well then this one time we were playing truth or dare and he dared me to take my top off nd I said no I'm not playing nymore and started to walk off when he grabbed my arm and started kissing my cheeks and then my neck and then my lips. I tried to get him off but I couldn't. And then when I had to stay over there for the night and take a shower he would come in the bathroom and look at me but I'd always scream so he'd leave. But while I was sleeping he'd always be looking over at me and staring at me. One morning I woke up and his hands were in my pants. After that he backed off a little for a few months but was still growling me, well then I wake up and his h d in in my pants again and I'm trying to push him off but he's holding me down and fingerIng me hard and hurting me. I never told my mom about that because I thought she wouldn't believ me. Well thn we moved a state away and I told her last year. I am 14 now. She had thought something was going on cuz I went from this happy bubbly kid to someone who was having anger outburst, scared of boys, social anxiety, insomnia, and would cry in my sleep D-- please stop I won't tell. Well I'm admitting that it has messed up and controlled my life. I started getting worse even pushing my mom when she calls me out of that I need therapy. Last week we had a really big fight and she said she will only have something to do with m if I get help. So I guess I'm going to. And I still am having trouble forgiving her and my dad for blowing it off. The molestation went on for 3 years. So well see if I can get help and get my life back.

Child Abuse Story From Sam M

by Sam M
(Chicago, Illinois, USA)

Six years ago when I was 11, I was attacked by a pedophile. It was a camping trip in Wisconsin with my family. I was a boy without fear of anything until that incident occurred. It still haunts me til this day whenever I walk into a public changing room or restroom.

I think that pedophile was following me into the changing room because I heard him walk into the cubicle next to mine. A few seconds later I noticed that he was taking photos of me through the opening under the cubicle's door. Somehow I was too scared to say anything; thinking that he would attack me if I screamed. I hurried to get out. I had butterflies in my stomach and my hands started to shake. I realized that I was going to get abused. And as soon as I pushed the door out, the pedophile was already in front of me. I was too scared to look at him directly, instead I bowed my head and looked at the floor. I choked in my own tears and couldn't make a sound. He pulled my swim trunk down and touched my privates. He then did the most disgusting thing with his mouth. It all happened in less than a minute when another person walked in. The pedophile stood up and walked right out saying: "Hurry on Zachary I'll be waiting outside." At that point I fell to the ground traumatized of what had happened. That pedophile even tricked the other person to believe he was my father.

I did not tell my parents; knowing that they would give me a hard time and it would ruin the holiday. Instead of walking back to my parents, I headed straight to the lake to cool myself down and wash my tears.

After the incident I thought of a million ways that I could have done to not end up in that changing room. I could have saved myself if I was more brave. It took me some time to stop blaming myself. I want to send out a message to all kids out there that keeping silence is only going to hurt you. No matter what, you need to take control of the situation and seek help immediately. But please, if bad things ever happen, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF, mark my word. Bad things happen in the most unexpected way; no kid at that age would have known how to defend themselves. They are at the mercy of their abusers like I was. Please let an adult you trust accompany you, do not go alone.

Thank you Darlene for this amazing website.

Child Abuse Story From Nikki N

by Nikki N
(Location Undisclosed)

I was 4 at that time. So innocent. So fragile. I was on vacation. My cousin was 14 at that time. He was cool in my mind back than. He told me to come and hang out in his room. We would lay in bed. As he touched me. All over. I felt weird. I didn't like the feeling. I blocked some parts of it from my mind these past years. He grabbed me. I ran out of the room to downstairs and I felt a sudden relief. I didn't go anywhere alone with him after that. He's now 20 years old,and has a wife and a child. I hope his child won't have to go through what I went through. He's still my cousin and I still wish him the best. He's still family and a part of me still loves him. I just feel like my life sucks and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm yelled at everyday at home, bullied at school, and I have a cutting problem with depression. It's hard for me to cope with, because I was sexually abused has cause many insecurity problems for me in life. Everyone makes me feel like crap.

Child Abuse Story From Ngoc

by Ngoc
(Georgia, USA)

I'm 13 now. I'm one of the millions who have faced child abuse. My story might not be as bad as the others but I just want to be heard by someone who won't judge my path. I was molested and almost raped by my cousin and uncle at a very young age. I didn't know what they were doing but they told me not to tell anyone because they loved me. Then in 1st grade they taught us what that was. I just felt so wrong. Whenever anybody tickles me It makes me feel so uncomfortable it brings back those memories. I felt so dirty like I couldn't clean or scrub it away. Ever since then life has been hell for me. After being abused. My parents like to insult me telling me I'm the one tearing this family apart. I help around and get good grades and try to be their perfect daughter. But it just doesn't work. When my mom gets mad she'd beat me with a broom and yell insults. Ever since 6th grade, I've been cutting myself. It's addicting, I've tried so hard to stop it. My parents like to tell to go die in a hole, jump off a cliff, or get run over. It makes me feel like one of these days I will. I've actually attempted twice. They weren't supportive at all when they found out how I was done wrong. They told me they would abandon me at a mental hospital. I was so scared. There was also that one time, when my mom threatened me with a knife because I didn't follow her directions, even though I did. My dad and I don't talk unless I have to. He's rude to me half the time we do talk. At school, I'm shy so I don't really speak. I'm afraid of what others will say about me. I have never really felt love. My parents neglect me and I'm just dying for someone to hear me out. But I don't want to be judged or called an attention seeker. I've been bullied by adults and people my own age ever since school started. And I still am. My mom just told me she wants to cut off all relations we have together. She said she'll break my head if I ever call her mom. I don't know what to do. Or who to turn to. I trust no one. The feeling of emptiness and broken isn't the best feeling. I'm not allowed to eat right now. or tomorrow probably. I feel like it my fault. I was just a mistake at birth.

Child Abuse Story From A Worried Mother

by A Worried Mother
(Location Undisclosed)

I am the mother of an abused child. My daughter who is 32 years old now has told me that she has nightmares that she was sexually abused at around 3 or 4 years of age. She can't figure out who did it, but she told me she had an idea.
I didn't pick up on any real signs of abuse, and I did ask her when she was young if anyone had touched her inappropriately and she said no. I feel now that I should had pursued it further. I can't turn back the time and I have told her I was sorry for not picking up on it. She seemed to have been a happy child. Her father and I got a divorce when she was not quite 2 years of age. I remarried and moved to another state 5oo plus miles away. She has two brothers 10 and 12 years older than she is. I had a court order to let the children visit with their father one month each summer. From what I am finding out now is that her father keep playboy magazines and porn in his home. I did not know this. She and I moved back to the home town where her father lived when she was 13 years old. She started smoking, and drinking. Her step-mother would let her smoke and drink. I would find cigarettes in her purse and tear them up in front of her and lecture her, Then I found out she was furnishing her liquor too. I did not smoke or drink and did not approve of either. I didn't keep liquor in my house or cigarettes.
Her father died about 4 years ago from a heart condition. She is seeing a psychiatrist and she is telling me that I am part to blame because I did not protect her as a child. We are arguing all the time. I keep telling her I am sorry. She is married with one child, which is a daughter who is 5 years old and she says she can not stand for her husband to touch her. I feel helpless and she is blocking me out. I seem to never say the right thing. I am beginning to not be able to cope. I know she is going through a rough time and I don't seem to be the one to help. I don't know if I should stay out of her life since she is not speaking to me and doesn't want to see me.

Child Abuse Story From Paige

by Paige
(Australia)

The warnings were present but I was too young and blind,
And still would be if you hadn't scarred my mind,
Your body and soul so perverse and grotesque,
Still Managed to make me feel pretty, statuesque,
Your were nice and funny; my best friends dad,
I couldn't imagine you as someone bad,
Your act was good and it I would rather,
Then the disgusting old man and pathetic father,

She left us alone for not even an hour,
But that's all it took for you to exert your power,
Forced on my back- on the bed we both lied,
You smiled and laughed, pushed inside while I died,
Your force was too strong for my innocence to prevail
I felt broken and torn, ragged and frail.

Why was I there? Apart of your game,
For four years now I've hidden in shame,
It took so long to let myself speak,
To escape the world that had become so bleak,

I'm still up all night, I don't get any sleep,
Instead I lay still and try not to weep,
It took me three years before I let a tear shed,
But they flow freely now- I know that your dead,
You took your own life after the police came around,
I'm so glad your step-daughter made your true self renown,

It eats me up inside, that you did it to her too,
If only I'd spoken up, told someone about you!
She wouldn't have been hurt, attacked during the night,
It's painful to know I could have made things right...

I stole her childhood just as much as you,
I was stupid and foolish, didn't know what to do,
I ignored what had happened and kept it to myself,
Filed the memories away on some dusty old shelf,
It worked for a while and I escaped the pain,
But then one day they flooded my brain,

The gates gave way when she broke her silence,
And told me about the abuse and violence,
I started to remember the things I had missed,
They were relentless and cruel and made quite a list,
I ignored your smile as I plead for my life;
When i begged you to stop, to think of Emma and your wife!

I wish I would have known, that I could of seen ahead,
But what would have happened, would you still be dead?
I know it is wrong to rejoice that you are now gone,
But my happiness and joy is still forlorn,
Because your still here and no matter what I do,
For the rest of my life I will belong to you,
Each time I feel the shackles of anger and shame,
I know it's your fault; you're to blame,

Why couldn't you stop yourself; why did you touch?
It's not a surprise that the knife I now clutch
Comes slicing down when things go wrong,
-It has been your fault all along,

I claw at myself and slice at my wrists,
To avoid my emotions and life's many twists,
It's because of the beast that destroyed my life,
You, the man who gave me the knife,

Everything went wrong and still nothing is right,
Now Love and boys send me white with fright!
I see anger and hate, malice and rage,
Why did this happen at such a young age?
Maybe if I was older I could have escaped,
I could have got away; not been raped,
I was barely twelve when you f***ed up our lives,
And it wasn't just mine, but Your daughters and wife's,

I need to know what went on in your head,
Did you see what was coming? Is that why your dead?
It doesn't matter now i just need to escape this mess,
Be happy and free- not anything less,

I know it's now time for me to move on,
That's why I'm writing; so it can be known,
That the devil is real, he was someone I knew,
He walked on this earth and he looked like you.

Child Abuse Story From Candie

by Candie
(California, USA)

well i been reading this blog for a long time now i never really talk about this with any one... well it all started when i was in 7 grade my dad had an accident in hes work so they cut hes leg off so my dad sue the hospital or something like that the point is that my parents had to be out of town because of that. so i stayed with my brother hes wife and kids and my other brother and sister and 3 uncles and my 2 cousins.i remember the first time it happen my sister my cousin and i were sleeping in my parents room we were sleeping already but then i felt a cold hand touching my breast ! i was so scare of opening my eyes =( but i did everything was off but when he open the door to get out i saw who he was it was my moms brother !! i started crying and i got up and locked the door ! i didn't tell any one because i didn't know how to react to it.. then time passed by and everything was normal my parents came back from Miami and they were building a room for me and my sister and when it was done me and my sister and brother slept there one day when i was taking a shower and i was getting dress i heard a noise out side so i open the curtain and my uncle was looking at me getting dress through the window ! once again i didn't say anything so at night i would lock our door and by the time i was in 9 grade it happen again my parent took our room door off because they had to fix it and they didn't put it back the same day so that night he went in again !! he was touching my boobs i woke up my cousin because she had slept there she said what happen and then he got up and asked us if we had seen hes shoes when he had them on the only person that i told at the time was my sister and cousin we didn't know what to do ! we were all scare but it happen again i don't know how he went in our room again but he did and this time he was graving my legs i was crying so bad and thinking y didn't my brother here him come in why is this happening to me so then my sister said he had gone to touch her first but she kept moving so then he went to my bed where i was sleeping with my cousin i blamed her i told her y didn't she warn me i was crying i called my boyfriend witch hes now my husband and i told him what happen so he told me to leave my house i did i went to my boyfriends friends house and wrote my mom a letter letting her know why me and my sister left ! so my mom knew everything about it she told her sister and they just talked to him ad that's it he still stayed at my house that's what hurts me i feel like she picked him over us ever sens that happen to me i cant sleep alone or with the lights off i am scare of taking a shower at night im 19 years old i have 2 kids and i am scare something will happen to them i don't want them to go through what i did e doesn't live here no more hes been missing fore a while i really don't care what happen to him i just hope he never comes back here me and my mom have fought a lot because i say i hate him and i was mean to him she doesn't understand he ruin my life i have so much anger by the way my dad doesn't know anything about this \

Child Abuse Story From Lee

by Lee
(England)

i was about 9 years old i lived alone with my mother and i was intrigued by her clothes and was trying on underwear,tights and heels was having fun til mum caught me, she went mad and spanked me over her knee while i was still dressed, was very embarrassing for me and i had to stay in them for rest of the day. from that day on she used to call me sissy and i was regularly spanked 3-4 times a week and in front of her freinds ,my freinds and family members too, she used to still bath me well into my teens,i will always remeber my first day at senior school as mum dressed me in blazer,blouse.skirt and tights and took me to school like it i was in tears and so mortified and as u can imagine, i was a complete laughing stock and never lived it down, same at home spanking were done standing up in front of whoever was there as they all laughed at me getting erections,she even took it further with bare bottom public spankings.shopping mall,park bench.beach and mcdonalds.although she didnt do anything sexual i still feel like i was abused and so humiliated all my teens,never had a girlfriend cause everytime i brought one home i would end up over her knee and that would be the last i see of them, i am so confused i am now a crossdresser thought it would of put me off but it hasnt,i am still shocked that a mother could do this to her child.

Child Abuse Story From Erin

by Erin
(Location Undisclosed)

I can feel my anxiety already starting by just typing this. My name is Erin and im 13. Well here goes nothing.

Ever since I can remember my grandpa would touch me. He is an episcapol pastor. He touches my butt when he hugs me and when I was younger would stick his hand down my pants. Also, he puts his arm around my lower waist , almost my butt. I feel horrible writing this because I know it's not nearly as bad as what others had experienced. He also kinda touched my boob a little while ago. I feel horrible everytime I wish he'd die. And then I feel even worse because he's lonely since my grandma died.

Also, since I can remember my parents would smack me across the face instead of spanking. But they don't do that anymore. They have random fits of anger, especially my dad when he drinks, but that's not often. My mom gets drunk/tipsy once at least every 2 weeks. I remember in 5th grade it was my brother's birthday and my older sister and her friend were taking picture of my mom after my dad had said to stop. Trying to be cool, I took one. That set him off and he pushed me into a wall, smacked me across the face for not saying yes dad, then bent me over a laundry machine and hit me again. I was only 10.

I think I may have been emotionally abused, because when I was 11 at the end of 5th grade my best friend died unexpectedly from brain cancer. To this day, I think it's my fault. But anyways, my mom and dad were only nice to me the day that the school called and told us the news. After that, I got no emotional support for ways to cope with her death. I always felt so alone. I remember a sunny day that summer and just sitting there feeling the saddest an 11 year old could be.

Since I've been raised with pretty much no ways to cope, I started to selfharm when I was 11. I'd like thumbtacks into my legs, which evolved to cutting myself and bruising myself with a rock. I still have these tendencies, and sometimes skip meals or puke them back up. Anyways, that school year on st Patrick's day when I was 12 I tried overdosing on ibuprofen. I took 40 before school and got sick and went home. I didn't tell my parents, I was passing out throughout the whole day, and one time I woke up and my mom left me thinking I was napping. So later that day my sister figured it out and told my parents. That was a huge mistake because they were drunk. Long story short, I spent an hour getting screamed and cussed at and held down having my clothes cut right off me. I've told a teacher and school consular about the st Patrick's day and they said the teacher said he can't do anything because it's their rights, and the consular said it was my fault.

Last thing before I end, thank you if you have read this all, last summer my dad made my sister cry in a resturaunt. In the car, I had enough with it when they were yelling asking her why she was crying. I said its because of you guys! That ended up with a scratch on my arm and my phone thrown across the car.

Child Abuse Story From Joe H

by Joe
(Ohio.USA)

My 14 year old brother has A.D.H.D, which I think is what is causing it. But this morning he was going to punish me for bieng somewhat okward, so i asked him what i was doing wrong. And he started draging me to the bathroom. Then he pulled me so fast/hard into the outside corner of the bathroom. I stood laying there for several minutes, thinking i might of dislocated something. Then i started slowly crawling into the bathroom. I was in there for aprox. 39 minutes. Then my younger brother said you can come out. So I walked strait out of the door and started running away.i did come back after about 7 minutes. then he started acting all cool, like nothing ever happened. And That is Only One of The Days That it Occured

Child Abuse Story From Salamander

by Salamander
(Glasgow, Scotland)

My name used to be Henry, however it was changed to Salamander when i was 11.
My mum and dad began fighting when i was around 8/9-ish.
I found out my mum had started cheating on my dad a few months after they began fighting.
Evenutally they got a divorce and my dad left, leaving 'new dad' a place in the house.
When i was 10 my stepdad got angry at my dad coming to visit me so he told me to say 'i hated my dad and did not want to see him again' or he'd smash my face in.
Being young i did exactally that - i've never seen or heard from my dad since.

It was sometime after that when my stepdad began getting scary. At first it was threats when i didn't do something... but then it escalted into a few smacks with a ruler on my hands when i moaned about homework or sometimes a whack with his belt when i didn't do a chore.
My mum began to catch on and spoke to my stepdad, they began to fight and my mum left. (I was supposed to go with her but she's got a personality disorder and people thought she couldn't handle me without help) However, i did get to see her on Sundays.
My stepdad changed my name to the embarrasing 'Salamander' which (as you can imagine) was laughed at in school.
It did get a bit worse... but nothing beyond the grab-hair-punch-stomach kinda thing.
It went on until i was 16 then i bolted out and went to live with my older friend who had got a flat in high street.

Child Abuse Story From Amy

by Amy
(Michigan, USA)

I was five years old when my father started anal raping me. By the time I was seven, he would lick me all over and rub his penis between my legs, in addition to the rape. I was one of ten children. My mother was always pregnant and dad needed his oldest daughter to sexually satisfy him.
The abuse happened three or four times a week. I'm confident my mom knew what was going on and simply didn't care.
Rampant physical abuse began when I was nine and lasted for years. The incest continued until I was in my late teens, early twenties. I never told anyone. I never knew it was wrong because that is what my father always did with me.
In my twenties I ran away from home and completely left my entire family. No one would believe me anyway and I didn't want dad sexually assaulting me night after night. I was completely on my own, in a strange city, but the loneliness didn't bother me so much, because I was finally safe.
I could begin my very long and intense healing process. I have been in therapy for almost twenty years now. I am just beginning to start talking openly about the assaults, the rapes and how it made me feel.
I think and behave like an abused, unloved child, go figure. But I want to heal and my days are consumed with remembering, talking, writing and figuring it all out. At some point, I want a healthy relationship. I want to enjoy and take back my sexuality.
I am unable to hold down a job with a paycheck, but fixing me, being okay and liking myself is a big job, an important one.
I am more than the incest, the sexual abuse, someone to beat on....I am so very much more.
I am a wonderful, lovable, caring person.
I have forgiven my father. I'm working on forgiving myself, even when my therapist tells me I did nothing wrong....it's hard to accept.
I'm getting there:) No one hurts me anymore.
I survived...somehow, I survived. Now it's time to thrive.

Child Abuse Story From Barely Here

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Where to begin? My Father was an alcoholic and a drug addict. He would routinely beat my mother. I use to dump all of my toys in my toy box out and crawl inside it to hide. At night the screams and loud crashes would wake me up. I got good at pretending to be asleep when I wasn't really.
I remember the molestation happening when I was very young. My Father had one spot on the couch he would always sit on. It was right next to the hallway by my bedroom. I remember standing next to the couch to watch tv, being no taller than the couch itself. And that's where the fondling would happen. With eyes directed at the tv, but one hand hanging over the side of the couch he could fondle me while in the same room as my mother and no one even noticed. I remember not thinking anything about it. It was normal as far as I knew.

I have reason to believe he also abused my siblings, but I can't bring myself to discuss it with them.

I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because I remember telling my mother what happened, but she just ignored it. Like I hadn't said anything.
And one night when I spent the night at my cousins house, my older boy cousin snuck in the room. He laid down beside me. His hand slid up and down me. Nothing too extreme, but it was still inappropriate and unwelcome. But I didn't do anything to stop it. I feel guilty for that. But my talent at pretending to be asleep really took over. I just froze.

I'm grown now, and my father passed away years ago. I feel like there's so much more I'm not remembering, worse things. I want to know, but at the same time I don't. I know I slept in the same bed with him sometimes. I know I was left alone with him. But I just can't remember the other things that happened. Maybe it's for the best.
I feel so anxious and have irrational fears of everything. I'm no good at making friends. I have trouble describing my own personality. I feel so disconnected from myself.

I don't know myself, I just know how to act and respond how others would expect. I'm tired of living my life barely here.

Child Abuse Story From Laura

by Laura
(Location Undisclosed)

I observed a lot of domestic violence, and my sisters and i suffered a lot of emotional/mental/physical abuse.
My family are from central america, and within their culture, the man is in control of the family and woman. my father would beat my mother, to the point that when my mom was pregnant of me, she almost had a miscarriage.
to back track, my mom at one point left my father, and had my sister in their country, she hated my sister because she hated my father. then, due to traumatic bonding, my mom returned to my father. due to the country's civil war, mom and dad left to the US, and saved money to bring my sister to the states, at that point I was born. my earliest memory would be around the time i was 5. my mom would beat my sister so badly. from the time she was 6, to 18, i remember my sister being beaten with belts, wires, knives, head smashed against sinks and walls, and being forced to kneel and hold heavy items while beaten. i didnt get much, but i did get beaten, haired pulled, kneeled to hold a heavy item, and what killed me inside was that once i had to lick my kid sister's back as a punishment.

i eventually met this guy at the age of 14, nice boyfriend. he noticed my bruises, and reported the abuse to my teacher. i hated everyone at that time for that, but as years passed by, i appreciate that it did happen or who knows what would have happened.

i feel horrible that despite my kid sis never being hurt physically as we did, she did have to observe a lot of the abuse, which is as damaging and traumatizing.

i sadly then entered a domestic violence relationship, which continued a cycle of abuse and damage. after being sent to the hospital, i was able to leave the relationship. i did get diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and depression, but acquired therapy and medication.

a year later, i did meet a beautiful and wonderful man.

i mean, now, i am in a nice prestigious school, hopefully acquire my MSW (Master of Social Work) by the end of the year, and advocate for abused children.

Child Abuse Story From Arry

by Arry
(Location Undisclosed)

I am now 24 years old. My story is more than a long story but I'm going get right to the worst parts of my 24 years of life. My biological father had been incarcerated for about 6 years from what I can remember and I was living in a foster home, I am not sure at what age I went into foster care. In the foster home I was physically abused everyday that I was there some of the horrible things I've endured while being there was, being thrown on the floor at only 5 years of age and punches repeatedly in the face, put in a fire place threatened to be burned, slumped over my foster mothers knee and punctured repeatedly with a needle on my rear end, beat over the head at 6 years of age with a can of hairspray to the point where the blood was dripping down the front of by face, forced to shower in a basement bathroom full of rats and roaches. And this is only half of the abuse I went through and my mind only gos as far as 5 years old but, one thing I can say is being in the foster home I had never been sexually abused. When I was 8 or 9 I was taken in by my paternal grandmother and aunt and uncle. They were good to me but, I never felt wanted I always felt left out and I was already damaged by the time I got to them that I was a bit of a rebellious child, but no one cared to understand why or cared to help me knowing the severe physical abuse I had gone through. Then when I was 12 I was shipped off to dominican republic to live with my father that had recently come out of jail and just left there and forgotten. And this is where the story gos down hill. All I ever wanted was to be with my mom and/or dad, someone to call mom, someone to call dad. My father was a drug addict and never saw me as his daughter, I remember it like yesterday, he would say I remind him of my mother, and after a couple of weeks of moving with him the sexual abuse began, he would ask me to take off all my clothes when his wife and baby kids weren't around and just stare at me and touch me places where a father should not touch his daughter and he would always tell me that it was so I could "trust him more as a father" and Of course me 12 years old I just wanted him to be my dad so I believed him and he would do things to me and make me do things that are to painful to even speak of all that was left for him to do was rape me! Thank god it never went that far, but it has gotten close to that. He would give me pills every night and told me that they were to "vitamins to develope my brain function", one day I found a pink receipt on top of a shelf that was hung on the wall, something made me be nosey and read it, came to find out the pills he was giving me were heavy sleeping narcotics, which explains why I fell asleep so quickly and heavily but every time I fell asleep with that pill I would have what I THOUGHT were this horrible ugly disgusting nightmares of things he was doing to me. THE WEREN'T NIGHTMARES I WAS JUST SO HEAVILY DRUGGED THAT IT SEEMED THAT WAY! When I realized what the pills were really for I would pretend to drink them and then spit it in the toilet. The worst part of all is I tried telling people and NO ONE LISTENED, everyone just thought I was trying to get attention it took me to run away for a day and just disappear for someone to listen. I went thought this horrible hell from the age of 12 until I was 15 years old, and I always till this day blame my self and hate my self for allowing it to happen, but at the time I was being threatened and I was scared and I just wanted a family A NORMAL FAMILY, A REAL FATHER, at the time I was terrified, I tried to od on pills 3 times and it didn't work because I kept throwing up, I tried to throw my self down a flight a stairs, I've ran away in the middle of the night and gone to places a child should not go to hoping someone would snatch me and just end my life right then and there, I didn't care how I just wanted to die!! To end the misery and abuse, I've cut my self... I put rat poison in my fathers food one day that his wife left ready for him on top of the dining table, but I got scared and threw the plate away and served a new plate of food. TILL THIS DAY THESE MEMORIES HAUNT ME EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY I HAVE MULTIPLE ISSUES THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE OF THIS ABUSE AND I'VE ALWAYS BLAMED MY SELF, BUT TRUTH IS ITS NOT MY FAULT...I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS LIFE AND PAIN AND ABUSE PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY! Today I have a 5 year old daughter and it just makes the sexual abuse I've gone through so much harder to deal with. I left a WHOLE lot of the story out there is so much more to it that no one can even begin to think. This is just quarter of what my childhood has been through. :-/

Child Abuse Story From Aiden

by Aiden
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm 25 now. When I was 15 me and my brother were abused by our dad. He would lock my younger brother in his room for days without food and a bowl of water, while I would be locked in our fathers bedroom. He used to tie me to the radiator next to his bed. My brother was emotionally abused as well as sexually. I was severely physically abused. I was beaten everyday with different objects, one time he used a baseball bat. I wasn't allowed to cry. If I cried he would tell me he was going to kill my brother and that it would be my fault. Then he'd take a hot spoon and burn me with it. One weekend he locked me in the attic and burnt me with an iron. I screamed and the neighbour phoned the police. Me and my brother were rescued.

Child Abuse Story From Gaythri

by Gaythri
(Location Undisclosed)

AT the age of 16 i was in my higher secondary ,that is the day we returned from nepal ,I had tution exams in the morning n my dad used to drop me,
i think he was watching all that because after my exams i got a call from him and he asked me where i m? i tol him i just finished my exams,,he tol me tht my dad n mom r in his place and we all r goin out so since he is close to my exam centre he wud drop me there,,I remember my mom warning me not to go into anybody's car but still i went because i never had a slightest thot tht he was a criminal minded b*****d,

he took me straight to his office,wen i asked y we were here he said, that his computer had a prob n he wanted my help, he forced me n i felt as though like my dad coz he used to call me "BETA"(means daughter), but thn finally i went to his office n ther usually a female used to be ther,but tht day she wasnt,n he showed me the comp ,i found no fault in it,by that time he had bought a bed from somewer n he forced me n did somethin to me, he dint take my top off but i m not sure wat he did in the bottom, i was shocked n screamt in pain,he closed my mouth n kept tellin "PLEASE BETA DONT MAKE NOISE" if ppl get to kno they ll kill me. I got up from ther n he made me sit n tol me tht i shud not tell anybody abt it,n tht the 2 families will be destroyed,i was too young to understand all this,i kept quiet,i still remeber the whole night i cried n from serials n movies i knew tht wat happened was too wrong
The next day i went to my school and tol my frnd abt everythin thing tht happenend,she heared them all in shock n tol me tht i shud tell some elderly person about this, me n her decided to tell my teacher,i told her everythin and she listenend to it with lots of patience, n she tol me tht i shud go n tell my mom or anybody in my family abt this,i decided to tell my mom,
n i still remember my mom lyin on the diwan n my gradmom,i went to my granny n tol her wat happen to me but in some other person's name,my granny got a shock of her life n she reacted badly,i realised tht i cannot tell it to them,

The next day wen i went to school that teacher of mine had tol many other teacher's as well n they all started lookin at me as a spoiled young girl,my teacher being a women gave no help to me and inspite destroyed my trust by tellin other's.that teacher advised my frnd to whom i tol first abt this ,tht i m not a good gal n she shud not talk much to me as she cud loose her studies becoz of me. when my frnd tol me this i went into deep pain n started cryin, i realised tht no body cud help me.

My mom maintained a very open forum with me n i had all the rights to tell her anythin that happened in this world but in those days i felt that it was somewhere my mistake and i would be blamed and punished by all who hear this because MY MOM ALWAYS ADVISES ME NOT TO GO INTO ANYONE'S CAR AND HE KNEW THIS VERY WELL, and she would blame me for this,even the abuser threatened me by tellin that the society and your mom is gona blame u for gettin into my car inspite of her continous advice,this was where i went wrong,i thot he was right and i would be blamed by all,he said if it comes out thn ill tell that "YOU CAME TO ME WITH UR OWN WISH" i cried n cried and he made complete use of my silence,i started hatin all male includin my dad,i never trust any male even today,i look at them with a suspicious eye. thn i realised tht he strted abusing me by tellin me tht he had copies of that day wat he had done to me,he asked me to come n take it n again i went
to take it n he did it again,later many times he used to threaten me n do things to me,i was in deep pain n regret n dono wat else,i felt suicidal
many times but had no guts n the love to my parents was so extreme tht i cudnt do it, coz he cudnt do it all the time in office he had a land wer he made a small place jus to use me,i lost my studies,thts my engineering coz of him,it was the time i felt even horrible coz most of frnds got into engineerin n i being a good student jus got 54%,my mom n dad were into depression coz they expected me to get it,i m not sure how long it wen on but i guess for less thn a year,the day i joined my degree coll n found good frnds, i was 17 by thn,i realised tht its high time i shud react n i decided to talk to him badly, wen he called me oneday i strongly tol him tht "U r a criminal n u don deserve to live, i also tol him tht he made use of a young gal who was 27 years younger to him n oly 1 year elder thn his son,i called him an animal n a disgustin man for cheatin on his wife n children, it was tht words of mine tht hurt him n he strted goin mad,he literally strted runnin behind me n tellin "sorry",i never picked up any calls n frequently kept changin numbers,but he used to somehow get it from either my mom's phone or dad's,n thn finally 3 years went by n i never used to talk to him wen he came home i tried sittin upstairs itself,i started living 2 life,one as an abused and helpess child and other as a happy daughter, the worst feeling was that my mom n dad used to talk to him daily without knowing what he did to their daughter,the abuser his wife n kids used to come home and we all used to go out,,i used to feel disgusted to talk to him n had stopped callin him the word "UNCLE",that word meant a lot to me n i used to call oly trustworthy ppl like tht, I HAD THE WORST TIME OF MY LIFE,
Later somehow due to gods grace and my prayer's we had stopped goin out all together and he oly used to call home to talk to my parents, I started hating him so much tht i stopped pickin up even the land phones fully,i used to get annoyed if i pick the phone n hear his voice.

I think my words started killin him n after 3 years he died due to electric shock,the first time i heared it from my mom over the phone i felt bad but dint cry a bit,coz it was wat he deserved,he always used to msg me n tell sorry for my mistake n pls forgive me,n i hav never replied or spoken to him, he used to msg me, he used to keep a track of wer ever i go n wat ever i do,dono y,i always felt tht,wen he died all news about him strted comin out,tht he was a big time womenizer n used everybody,my dad felt suspicious n terreble,he used to make noise n fight with my mom,tellin tht he was worried wether it was his daughter or wife.i got scared n frightened n prayed all gods so tht it doesnt come out,I cannot see my mom n dad in pain n i cried n strugglin with internal pain alone.

There was another reason why i dint tell my mom even today that is my dad isn't a very supportive father nor a husband emotionally,and in those days and even now wen i was abused(ie 5 years back) my parents always quarell and hav problems with each other,my mom was always tensed with my dad's attitude,and tht abuser knew this very well, he knew tht i wud'nt tell her coz it wud add to her problems,my dad never gives us any emotional support and blames us for whatever happens, so even in those days if i wud hav tol my mom,she wud hav to tell my dad to deal with it and my dad for sure is gonna take a step against him but at the same time he wud make my mom's living miserable by blaming her for not protecting her daughter.

I had decided not to marry anybody n stay single througout my life,but thn wen my parents found a guy for me ,i tried to stop it in many ways but it was as though we were meant to be with each other,i wanted to tell him about it but thn we got too close n i felt i wud lose him if i tell becoz to whomever i have told this they have betrayed my trust,so i lost my trust in anybody,i had recovered from it a little after meeting my husband,i was very happy with my him

Thn we got marrried in April, thn after 2 months one day in june wen i spoke to my mom she tol me tht,the recent news about tht abuser was tht
he used to make use of a small 16 year old gal n its all taken in video cam n his frnd has all the videos with him,i got scared n all my bad
memories flew bak to me,i lost weight in jus 2 days without food,my husband is such as an awsome person tht he read my mind n found out tht i
m not happy,he asked me n i cud't lie lookin into his eyes,i tol him evrythin n i feel blessed tht i found a good frnd in my husband.

Now since my husband knows everythin,i oly want a solution if me my husband shud tell my mom,she is a very sensitive person and a righteous person
too,she wud never give me up but she wud regret for not protectin me n die in tht pain.Even today at the age of 22 i m scared to tell her,the abuser's wife is my mom's good friend too and i think this guy(abuser's frnd) has told her that the 16 year old gal was me. She indirectly talks to my mom about this telling that "dont beleive gals including your daughter",every morning wen i chat with my mom on the webcam she tells me all this what that lady tells her and makes me sware that i m not that girl,everytime she starts that topic my body starts shivering and my hands go cold and tears get filled in my eyes, i feel helpless,i want to tell her but i m not able to.

Child Abuse Story From TT

by TT
(Location Undisclosed)

When you look at me, I am a happy teenage girl. I seem to have 0 problems and everything's my life is perfect. At school I'm known pretty much as the school queen. No one messes with me at school because I myself can throw a deadly punch. But to understand why I've involved myself in physical altercations at school you have know my past, my childhood. From a young age of about 5, I was physically and mentally abused by my mother. My mum would hit, kick, throw stuff, use knifes, suffocation, anything and everything. Along with the name calling and your not good enough downgrading I received everyday. I always believed there was nothing wrong with it, she always told us stories of how her mother used to beat on her. So I always thought that's how it goes.. I have a brother and two sisters, my brother is young than me and one of my sisters is older the other younger. My older sister and I tried our best to take beatings for our younger siblings but it was hard to shield them from the abuse, at night times when my mum was in a bad mood she used to make us get into the car and drive out to the middle of no where and either drop us there or turn all the lights off in the car and speed down the road hoping we'd die. I mean how do you save someone from that? The police right? Mum told us that if we told someone if someone found out we'd be taken to docs where we'd never see each other again until we were at least 18 and we still might never. So when I go to school and I see someone hurting or insulting someone I care about I flashback to mum and my siblings and I feel as though I can protect them here. It's crazy, I don't even know. My flashbacks have got about a hundred times worst.

Child Abuse Story From Alex

by Alex
(Location Undisclosed)

The first time I remember being touched and fondled this happened for a while and it was not that bad but as kids we didn’t feel any harm in it, photos of us playing with each other were taken. The most remembered moments were when we would hear the other kid crying and being abused in the other room some nights. This did not happen to me as often as the other kid, but some nights his dad would come and take me to his room and make me take my clothes off and he would touch me and take photos and make me do things to him that I don’t like talking about. We would end up sleeping in the same bed some nights for comfort. I guess he didn’t want to make things noticeable on me or something, but he enjoyed it I guess. His dad didn’t like us crying it wasn’t the manly thing to do we were told, but we still cried some nights. We had a brotherhood between the 2 of us to always be quite about what was happening I guess we felt guilty or it could have been that his dad told us no one would believe us and no one wanted to hear our stories. I only continued to over all the time because he was my only friend and he liked me coming over as I believe it was comforting to have someone else know what was happening. These events took place for about 2 years and they moved to somewhere that doesn’t matter because I truly would kill this person in the slowest most painful way possible and please don’t ask me how because all my life after this I have been that person that takes everything to the next level and they deserved 10 fold of what was given so think dark and twisted then times it by 10 and you see where I hold a deep and dark evil that should never be released.

I do remember moving, my mom’s new husband was also being abusive towards me for not being his own son. This is was the beginning physical and emotional abuse. I didn’t like him from the get go. I missed my father, but he was bared in the grasp of is ex-wife who was also emotionally abusing me. Everything was somewhat ok, other than being beat with a thick leather belt or smacked in the back of the head or hell whatever else he could find at the time for whatever reason I had made him mad. I never had any really good times with my family and was always looking for a replacement parent or someone that would let me be me to get away from everyone. Teachers hated me other kids parents hated and I know this because they made it clear, hell a teacher call me a nazi in middle school because of my last name and they also made bets on if I was going to pass the class instead of trying to help me learn. I was often pulled out of classes by teacher and made to sit a room by myself after being yelled at. I got in fights in school for a minute and was later sent to an alternative school. I was a lost child with issues and no one cared or ever wanted to help me with anything. I gave up fast and seeing no hope to move toward the future.

I was always a shy kid in fear after what had already happened in my life, but looking for some kind of friendship or care from someone. My mom was always there for me, but had her own issues. I found one of my neighbors was very nice and would talk to me and became trusting, I was shy of course, but I went to his house and built a fairly good relationship with him as he was very nice and gave me gifts. Well, after sometime of hanging out and smoking weed with him often and doing cocaine and drinking sometimes which I really liked I know it was because of the numb feeling that it gave me. He asked me I wanted to see something he took me to a bedroom and closed the door. I asked to leave and I was asked sit on the bed for a minute and smoke with him, I didn’t want to but he was blocking the door and I had nowhere to go. I started crying and he asked me why I told him I was afraid he asked me if I trusted him and out of fear I said yes. He had me smoke with him and then he started rubbing my legs, out of fear I froze, I didn’t say anything, he pulled my shorts and underwear off. I was told me to give him oral and I refused he made me roll over and he raped me. I remember disappearing in my head and thinking things would be over before I knew it, I guess it was a coping skill I had learned from my friend. I remember the pain clearly to this day. He had threatened me that if I said anything or didn’t come back he would kill me, I believed him.

He had me convinced that it was my fault, but I was asking myself why this was happening to me. I feel like it was my entire fault I was to friendly or to trusting, maybe I gave him mixed signs like hugs for gifts or free money to go do things, but maybe he could tell that I was an easy target I don’t know, but he waited and baited me in with drugs. I guess I was a magnet to finding the f***ed up people in this world. The drugs made it easy to forget or at least go numb from the beginning to end. At first I was afraid and would return as felt I had no choose in the matter. I knew it was wrong to keep going over there over time, but I would get paid or given drugs to be quiet about what was going on and at this point I liked getting high it was an escape from life and the pain and the thoughts in my mind. I thought it was better than being at home and wondering if I was going to get beat or told I wasn’t sh*t and never will be and feeling alone. I was going to tell my mom, but when I did my mom was doing oral on my stepfather and I was even more confused and started to think that well this is what life is all about, so I stayed silent, I guess I was that dumb I don’t know.

Child Abuse Story From Tricia

by Tricia
(Nevada, USA)

Unfortunately My Story is also My Daughters: 
When I was 8yrs old my mom had a boyfriend and that boyfriend had a son who was 17yrs old. During Christmas season of that year we all went shopping. Apparently my mother needed to do shopping for me and my sisters, so sent me and the 17 year old to the car. That was when it started. He made me give him oral sex and I was still down there during the ride home. He told our parents I was asleep on his lap. I wish I could tell you how many times it happened, but at this time I do not remember. 8 months after it started I moved with my dad and was never touched inappropriately again. I went on with life as normal, not giving it much thought.
Then I had kids, man how can you love anything more than your own kids. I had a son then two years later had a daughter. I promised them both, mostly my daughter I am sad to say that, but I did. That never ever would I let anyone touch them in a bad way. I didn't just leave it at a promise made while I was holding them as babies. I was very protective of them both. But, I also educated them as they got older on good touches, bad touches, told them the things someone might say as "I will hurt your family if you tell" and anything else I could think of. Well when my daughter was 8yrs old the worst happened.
It was a school holiday and the kids were staying with their grandparents, my husbands parents. They were good grandparents, (or at least I thought that), My father-in-law sexually abused my daughter that day. My daughter went to her grandma right after and told. Brave Girl! However, her grandma told her not to tell us. My brave girl didn't listen to that either and told me as soon as I got home from work.
That day changed both of us forever. We of course prosecuted and he was found guilty but it was so much more than having him legally responsible. My world shattered. I don't know if I can ever explain the hatred and the pain that I went through knowing I let my girl down.
I am trying to heal, counseling has helped us both, however my counselor has recently stated that I really need to go back and deal with what happened to me. I am not ready yet to go there. But soon I hope! Soon I will take that on and hopefully then my daughter and I can both get past this......

Child Abuse Story From Chloe For My Friend

by Chloe
(England)

i happen to know some one who got hit bye a baseball bat and hit with you know them glass bottle lid things from a bottle a glass lid they would get poked in the arm with it this person was my old frend she use to cry to me everyday at school saying im scared of my dad i always ask her why at first she said nothing 3rd time she told me i said you got to tell the police she i said wat about your mum she said that she is sick and tired of her dad doing this so she told the police he got in jail hes out now but he ant aloud to go near his daughtar now theres more problems now that her parents got divorced she lives with her mum her dad is trying to get custody the police and her mum sorted that esily no they said and she didnt here from him again she is now very happy with her mum (best of luck my frend by your old frend)

Child Abuse Story From Kerry

by Kerry
(Virginia, USA)

Sex at 14: 
I have been trying to deal with my abuse for 2 years now after the fact and have been unable to. I was 14 when my best friends father started abusing me. He got to know my family and became best friends with my brother and my mom. And I fell for his tricks. I thought I was in love by the time I was 15 years old. And my parents knew about the abuse and just thought he was "good people" so thought I was lying. He restricted me. I skipped school in high school all the time to be with him, missed my high school homecomings and prom. Have current issues with my body and my perception of who I am and constantly blame myself. The abuse went on for 4 years. I was 18 when it stopped. I woke up one day and just thought enough is enough. Went to the police and reported him. He was convicted of Sex abuse in the 3rd degree last year and is on the Sex Offender List in Maryland. I thought all these things would help me get over what happened to me and move on and unfortunately it hasn't I still catch myself "missing" who i was when i was around him because I was a more alive person I think. Now I am so closed and I let myself gain weight and I hate myself. I dont know how to over come these things.

Child Abuse Story From Kayla R

by Kayla
(USA)

I am 17 now and I am doing great despite the sexual abuse i endured at the age of 6. The sexually abuse went on for a year or two. Every time my mother would go to work he would always make my older brother go upstairs and he would lay me on the couch and take my panties off. He made me touch myself while he watched and played with himself. He taught me things a young girl shouldn't know. He made me suck on him. I spit it out on his chest after that he told me to put my clothes back on and he went and washed it off. After that he expected me to do it more and one day he raped me on this little pallet he made on the floor. He wasnt the only one sexually abusing me either. His son would come and stay and whenever everyone went to bed he would come up to my room. Eventually my mother and him broke up. I have never told anyone what happened to me as a child even my mother has no idea of the sexual abuse I suffered.

Child Abuse Story From John

by John
(Winnpeg, Manitoba, Canada)

Hi, i have been abused in many different ways but their all physical abused..one of the abuse that my dad did to me is when he use his belt to abuse me!The other abuse he did to me was also slapping me hard in the face, use a plastic jar and hit it in my head and the plastic jar broke..my dad always hate me for no reasons..if anyone reads this,i think child abusers must be punished...

Child Abuse Story From Alleshia

by Alleshia
(Florida, USA)

I was molested at the age of 10 by my step grandfather.On the first day,I just went into his room to see if he was alright because he had a bad cough.When I went in there he told me to come here.and ofcourse i did.He told me that i was nice and he promised me a gift if i dont tell and i said yes.then he told me to kiss him.This molest went on for 1 week.I invited my friends over without telling my mom when she was gone.When my friends left,i told her that he is touching on me.I was crying real bad. Till this day I cant trust no man not even my male teacher.I have another story too but i dont really dont want to talk about it.But anyway ive been through so much in my life.I have 2 brothers and 1 sister.BTW,im 12 I just wanted to get this story out. :)

Child Abuse Story From Lulu

by Lulu
(Location Undisclosed)

I know this isn't as bad as some of the other stories I see on here -- but mental abuse hurts too. My dad has anger problems. Sometimes he explodes over the littlest things - like accidentally stepping on his toe! He yells at me and calls me stupid and other bad words and makes me feel 2 feet tall. He also makes me feel uncomfortable. Like he smacks my butt, and says not to wear "booty shorts" because it might make him "too excited." I'm afraid to tell someone, about how he is making me feel though! I told my mom once, but she said I was "over-exaggerating." Maybe I was -- but it still hurts when he calls me names and yells at me. :(

Child Abuse Story From Annie

by Annie
(Arizona, USA)

Part one: My story isn't as bad as most, well what I remember. I'm a victim of Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. As a young child my mother was a meth addict and an alcoholic, so my father's mother took care of me a lot of the time. My mother would whip me with a belt at a young age, for things I didn't even do, my sisters (3 of them all older) would say I did things I didn't even do. At the age of 3 years old I was molested by a family friend who was about 14 at the time it started, I can't remember every thing I blocked most of it out, and I think it's a good thing I do. I remember goin to a isolated area around my house and he would do things to me,the one that haunts me to this day, is we were out by a group of trees which is not a common thing in Arizona, he started fingering me and I started crying sayin I would tell my daddy, I remember him putting his hands around my neck, and told me he would murder my sisters in front of me and then kill me. As a five or six year old this was extremely scary. That was not the only time that he threatened to murder me if I told our little secret. Once I was about seven he put a pocket knife into my throat hard enough there's a scar on my throat from the knife. Saying he would murder me if I told. What stopped B**** ,one night I was at my home and he tried to break in while on drugs, I was eight years old, and I thought he thought I told someone and he came to murder me. I flipped out, My mother got me calmed down and when the cops came I was crying but would not tell them why because I was scared. When I told the cops that night, they where shocked. I made the statements and everything but as the cops said, I took too long to tell someone, I let it happen for too long, so B**** got away with it, later we found out that he was not only molesting/raping me he raped two of his cousins (Younger then me; one 2 years younger, other 5) and his little sister (5 years younger then I) all because I didn't tell anyone sooner. I take full responsibility for what happened to these 3 little girls. I will live with that for the rest of my life. (One was raped by him from when she was 2 to the age of 13. Another was 3 till she was 10 and the other from the age of 2 to the age of 10) I think of them as sisters, and I should have told sooner and he would have been in a place where he couldn't have hurt them. After I told about the sexual abuse is then where the Emotional Abuse started. After my Grandmother on my mother side found out about the abuse I stayed with them in Utah(Just me not my sisters or my mother or father) . Where she would tell me I was a sl*t and deserved everything that happened. She still says I'm a wh**e and will never amount to anything. (Besides being raped I never had sex with anyone, and I have been going to college since I was a Junior in High School to become a Nurse Practitioner) My grandfather would beat me with a belt at this time in my life, for things I didn't do or things that where idiotic, like playing on the grass at school. I eventually left my grandparents house to move in with my father whom divorced my mother at this time. Everything was fine till I was about 13 then I was starting to get rebellious, My father started Emotionally abusing me, calling me everything from a sl*t to a stupid ugly fat a** b***h. My father quit drinking and doing drugs and stopped by the time I was 17. My mother never has stopped Emotionally abusing me. I just quit talking to her about a month ago. Same with my abusive Grandmother. I turned 19 over the summer. I'm now having issues with Relationships. My ex boyfriend was abusive he would push me or hit me if I did or said something he didn't like. I found out a month ago he was sleeping with a 16 year old and she was pregnant (he was 25) and now he telling rumors around the small town we live in that I'm a prostitute, he also has been stalking me, in two days he called me 124 times and texted me over 400 times. Now I'm dating my best friend and he is amazing but controlling at times. I think I'm going to end up marrying someone such as my abusers. :(

Child Abuse Story From Britany

by Britany
(Location Undisclosed)

I am inwardly dealing with my pain. I have no self esteem and it seems one problem leads to another. It started when my mom began to feel insecure in her marriage. (I believe this is when she began cheating on my busy father.) I was only 3 at the time but I vividly remember her grabbing me and telling me, "daddy doesn't want you. Your worthless trash." she would then in her drunken stupor drag me to the kitchen and shove me into the trash can. By the time I was five she was so physically abusive I was always having to wear baggy clothing to hide the marks. The emotional abuse was nasty beyond means. I was a wreck. At 14 I had tried to commit suicide numerous times. My friends at school continually tried to convince me to call CPS, but there was no help for me. I had already lost my best friend to suicide. He too had an abusive adopted mother and killed himself in front of me. No pleading or trying to physically reach him was going to work and he left me. I felt at the time like he was my last link to this world. I drank bleach 5 times. Somehow, whether I had an angel watching me or not, someone found me and took me to the hospital every time. I came to an acceptance with my situation and decided during an intervention that I would just try and wait until I was 18. At 16 I was being starved by my mother who locked the pantry and fridge, at this point I believe it was because I stopped pleading for her to stop. I was only able to eat at school with the money I scrapped up, either from stealing from her or selling my things. It was at this point I developed a severe case of "nervous bulimia". Every time my paranoia or fear became too much I would vomit until I was calm. At first is was about 4 times a week, by the end of this it was 6 times a day. I weighed 95lbs at 16 being 5' 6". The physical abuse became so much that I was secretly going to the hospital for stitches 6-8 times a month. I began cutting. I started because the pain was somehow normal to me. I was used to it, almost accustomed to having it. I was cutting almost every night. I slit my wrists at the age of 18, 35 stitches later I was patched up. This was because I had been blackmailed by my mother. She refused to give me my birth certificate and social security card along with everything I owned.  It wasn't until my father divorced her that I could get them back as well as my car and clothes. Now at twenty years old, I am fighting bulimia, cutting, self esteem and so much more, but I have a loving father and a secure home.

Child Abuse Story From Isabella

by Isabella
(Tennessee, USA)

My dad: 
im 12 mine is kidy abuse my dad used to hit my mom or spank me and my brother sometimes he wood get drunk my mom left hem last year im sad becuse i have bad dreams about stuff that happend when i was a baby i have been waching kids get spanking on youtube i dont no why sometimes i blam myself so i pock myself i told my mom and she said she wanted me to talk to a therpased my dad visted but today he gave me a hug and his breath smelled like beer im very dispoined in him my brother blames my mom but he dostend rember hes 10 now i wish he wood stop takeing it out on my mom my brother also has adhd and he hits me and bites me and punchies me my brother not my dad some times i wont to gest runaway and forget everything my friend that i talk to about it is to my dog but shes old she well probly die sometime soon then i wont have anybody to talk to i no its not abuse but my dad wood tell me i wasent prety sometimes my dad wood fall on me but my mom take of of me befor i wood fall i wish i cood stop rembering but i barliy sleep becuse of the nitemars i tell everybody i do but i dont what shood i do

Child Abuse Story From Name Undisclosed136

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Unknown)

The worst night mares that I had in my life was being sabotaged by family members starting from the parents who denied me since the day I was born and I've gotten hurt by a number of surprised, extreme hatred and too much fright and the villainous and bias hate crimes that was done to me for several years to the point to where the so called mother and father deliberately brain washed me and they both misled me from the very start and the mother, they pulled me out of school from my kindergarten class.

Story From Name Undisclosed137

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

Brothers: 
Maybe if i was a little older when this happened i would of just gone on and ignored it as curiosity. This has been on my mind for so long. My brother did something to me, only the once i think but he never said anything afterwards or tried to explain himself. Think he has probably forgotten about it but i have not. It is in the back of my brain although most of the time i forget about it. Occasionally i remember, like just now he is getting married and said i would be an uncle soon. My immediate thought was for his kids. I love him to bits and i really hope his life will be full of happiness but that one time that i think he went wrong is still with me. Maybe it was just curiosity but for me it was not.

Child Abuse Story From Polekat

by Polekat
(United Kingdom)

I was born to an 18 year old mother who hated me from the very first time she saw me. I have been told by nurses who were present at my birth that my mother refused to even look at me and refused to hold me when I was born.

My mummy gave me away to my grandparents when I was just 20 months old. She was fully aware that both my grandparents were paedophiles masquerading as so called satanists. My mother, from hereon known as "the b***h" had already tried to smother me. Only the intervention of my Daddy saved my life.

My Daddy worked as a lorry driver and worked all over the UK, sometimes he would be away from home for weeks at a time. One thing in my mind is completely clear though...... my Daddy never, ever did anything to hurt me.

I was physically, mentally and sexually abused by my both my grandparents and by many others from the age of 20 months to 2 weeks before my 16th birthday.

One that particular day, my grandfather tried to grab my genitals as a first move to forcing me to perform a sexual act with him. Something inside me just snapped......... I lashed out and hit him as hard as I could.

I knocked him unconcious on the kitchen floor. I walked out of the house with just the clothes I was wearing and I made my own life from then on.

Child Abuse Story From Netta

by Netta
(Houston, Texas, USA)

Im a 20 year old female who suffered mental, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of my father. From the time I was little I was always taught to not step out of line but soon things got worst when my older sister went off to college. I remeber one night my dad, mom , and older brother (who had moved out) were arguing my father came into the room where I was and got a gun from the closet and left when my mother came in the room later on the night when things had calmed down my father came into my room and put the gun to me and said if I were to tell my mother anything again I would be dead and said he was going to pull the trigger. I was also hiding a secret that my older cousin was molesting me this was going on for about 3 years.Also during this time my father became more and more abusive towards me I was being punched beat with a belt for no reason and forced to be starved I was behind mentally due to fact I was not allowed to socialize with peers my age. Since the age of nine i was called degraging names teased about my size and tormented by my diease at the hands of my father. One day I caught a beating for not wearing socks in the house. When I got into high school everyday it seemed that he would pick on me and would physically lash out towards me. He told me that he wished I was dead so he can collect on the life insurance policy. My mother never been there for me everytime an iccident comes up somehow or nothere I get blamed and my father dosent. When I was 16 I was raped by a close friend my parents sided with my rapist and not me. Since then I have tried to commit suicide and was unsecussful I cut myself I was depressed I dont believe my realationship with my parents will ever be mended I have nobody to talk to about it.

Child Abuse Story From Kyle

by Kyle
(London, England)

I've never really told anyone this part of my life, I'm naturally a very private person and to be honest if feel a little ashamed but anyway, here goes.

A bit of background into me, I had a great childhood growing up until January 2008. I was thirteen at the time and we just had this amazing Christmas. So one day I went to stay at my friends house and the next morning when I returned home there was police everywhere. I later found out that there was a gas leak in my house and nobody survived. I was distraught and for months I become even more introverted and kept to myself. All my friends kind of understood in some way so they use to kind of stay with me but we never really talked much about it.

So I was with this foster family a couple of months after and things were ok. Well, not really ok but adequate. I had food and a roof over my head which is more than a lot of people. But my Foster dad wasn't that nice to me. I mean he didn't abuse me but
he used to ignore me and would go out of his way for my step brothers (there was two of them, one was a year older than me and one was two years younger to me). Like he would take them to all these sporting events and to the movies etc. but he always used to leave me at home. He told me that someone had to guard the house incase someone tries to break in. Obviously I was petrified every time they left because they are gone for hours and it was scary being home alone, especially if someone was trying to break in or something. And he didn't tell me what to do, he just said be at home.

Other times, days when we had guest (which is like weekly), I had to spend the whole day cleaning the house while my brothers played video games and my step dad would either cook or sit around drinking bear. He then locked me in my room when the relatives finally came until the next morning. I got bored because my room just has a pillow and blanket on the floor so I sat by the door and listened to what they were talking about. They all seemed so happy, laughing and giggling. The first time this happened one of the people that came over asked my dad where I was and my dad basically lied and said "Ooh, Kyle is a really bad child, sometimes I think I should just get rid of him, he doesn't listen, he fights with his brothers, he fights in school, he steals things, just today he stole a mobile from another kid in school. I locked him in his room to think about what he had done. He is messy, he doesn't ever help clean the house, Z-- and A--- are really good kids, they spent the whole day cleaning bla bla bla" He basically lied, I've never in my entire life stolen anyones anything, nor do I ever fight with my brothers, we barely even talk. And even at school, I go to a private school and If I fought I would get expelled. I hate confrontation and avoid it in every way possible. I was really upset because my foster family would begin to hate me aswell because of all his lies. And he painted my brothers to be princes, but they were useless, they did nothing.

One day my dad let me out, and everyone just stared at me, I think they were even ashamed. I was so embarrassed I just wanted to crawl into the corner somewhere and die. And this family, like the entire family are very high achieving and wealthy, the architects, engineers, accountants of the world. Even my step father, he had this multi-million pound company which a lot of the relatives where part of aswell. So you can kind of imagine how they would look down on someone like me. They literally looked at me as if I was dirt. Fortunately it was just that one time and I just stay in my room now, too this day.

So this one day, on my birthday, I was 15, my step-dad told me that he is taking my two brothers to a theme park and I have to stay home. I practically begged him to take me and considering it was my birthday, I thought I was justified to go this one time. But no, he took my brothers and left me a list of things to do in the meantime ie. clean the kitchen from breakfast and wash the dishes, clean my brothers rooms and mow the garden lawn etc. I basically did everything and around 5pm my friends rang the doorbell. I was really worried now because they had never been to my house. I used to avoid it at all costs because I didn't want them to see me room, they would know something was up because of the emptiness. And its not that my dad can't afford it, he buys all this ridiculously expensive furniture for the house and my brothers but my room literally just has a pillow and a blanket. It doesn't even have a mattress, let alone a bed. I didn't open the door and they left, thinking I was away.

My dad then came homes and was really happy, joking around with my brothers, I was peering out through the window. When he walked in I don't think I have ever seen him so angry. He had this look in his eyes and I had no idea why. I had butterflies in my stomach. My dad walked around and then came back to me, I was still standing by the front door. He told me to close all the windows and blinds and meet him back by the front door. I just assumed that I hadn't read the list properly and did what he told me.

This is the day when everything changed. He pushed me to the corner and repeatedly began punching my face and stomach. It seemed like forever, I couldn't breath. I felt as if I had the life knocked out of me. I fell to the floor and my brother just looked at me. Although shocked, so understandably they couldn't intervene. My dad then started kicking me in the face and stomach. He then dragged me into the kitchen where he cut my hands with a bread knife and then poured hot water onto it. I was screaming in agony at that point, I had no idea what was going on or why. I don't remember much after that, I think I must have just fainted or something.

I woke up the next morning and everything was aching, I looked in the mirror and my face was bruised and still bloody. I tried to leave but he had locked my room door from the outside. For the next two days he left me there. I was starving because he didn't leave any food or water. My younger brother would post little snack bars under the door but I was literally starving. Fortunately I have my own bathroom so I could drink out of the tap, even though it wasn't drinking water.

The next morning I woke to my dad dragging me to the edge of the stairs. He told me I could go downstairs and eat something but I had to then go back to my room. As I was trying to get up he kicked me and I fell down the stairs. They stairs are made out of this sharp marble so it bloody hurt. But he followed me downstairs and continued beating me. He then got a baseball bat and started hitting me with it. I couldn't move my arms after this so I guess he must have fractured them. I was never allowed to see a doctor so I don't actually know.

Since then my dad has just used me as a punching bag to vent his anger. I never do anything, at least I am not aware of it. My brothers don't ever seem to help either, they give me food here and there but otherwise nothing. I think they just block it out because they don't know what to do about it.

When I used to first go to school with my bruised self everyone used to ask me what happened and my dad told my brothers to say I got mugged so they don't suspect anything. I went along with that. I am scared what he might do otherwise.

I am always aching but used to it now aswell so I guess I am good at hiding it. And now my dad only hurts me where I can cover it up so that kind of helps.

I just turned seventeen and to this day my dad still hurts me every day. On weekends its the worst because it goes on for the whole day. He hanges me from this barbed wire rope thing in the basement, (by my hands NOT my neck) and then whips me with this horse leash, or punches me. Sometimes he uses a baseball bat when his hands hurt from punching. He doesn't give me food or water when I scream so I have to try and keep it all in. Sometimes he even tries to throws darts at me, Fortunately he is not very good so misses most of the time. My hands sting all the time. Sometimes its excruciating. They are always red and they never have time to heal.

Thank you for listening to my story. This was REALLY helpful. I have never talked about this to anyone so this actually helped a lot.

Thank you again for listening.

Kyle

Child Abuse Story From Tina P

by Tina P
(USA)

My grandpa had sexually abused from age 6 till I was in my twenties.I would be in my bedroom and when I heard someone coming up the stairs I knew it was my grandpa.He would motion to me to come into the bathroom with him.He told me to lay on the bathroom floor.I did and then he took off my clothes.He would lick me all over my body including between my legs.He would shove his finger inside me.Once he shoved a toothbrush there.My grandpa made me suck on his penis and then raped me.I was so scared.I was a 6 year old child that got so frightened everytime I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs.I knew it was him everytime.When it went on for years till I was in my twenties I thought it was normal.I never knew it was wrong.I do know that it's wrong now.Finally I said to my sister that if my grandpa had ever done anything to her and she really didn't say anything.So she took me over to my parents to wait for them to come back from Ohio.I sat at the table with all 5 of my sisters.I told them what my grandpa had done and they all had said that it happened to them also.I had no clue that my sisters were abused.When my parents came home we told them what our grandpa had done to us.My mom sat there and cried.She apologized and got a hold of the police.I am 43 years old now and I am still having problems dealing with what happened.Other than my grandpa there has been other sexual abuse that happened to me as an adult.I will be going into this sexual abuse group to help me deal with all the abuse that has happened to me.Thanks for letting me share my story on abuse.

Child Abuse Story From Faith M

by Faith M
(New York, USA)

7 years so far: 
I was born to a happy normal family. We'd laugh play and it was the one of the happiest times of my life. But it all started when I was four when my mom and dad started fighting. At first it was nothing much. The fights became regular as they got worse and worse. I have this memory vivid memory is of my mom throwing things at my dad over take out! TAKE OUT FOOD! At age five I was targeted at first it wasn't so bad. But it got worse much much worse. In second grade was when it was at its very worst. One time my mom was yelling at me for some reason. She threw a water bottle at me missed and said:
"I've been your slave now your my slave! Pick it up!"
It was then in second grade that I gained twenty pounds lost my catholic faith and wanted to kill myself. The fights got worse! My mom always blamed me for any problems she had with my dad. It was always my fault. So I tried strangling myself and gave up. Than smothering and gave up. Even though I didn't believe in god I prayed every night to die in my sleep. Every now and then things would get better and I'd get false hope. I'd think maybe she'd really changed. But than I would get blamed for something and it would start again. In forth grade I was in this play. I'd gotten the lead of Gabriella Montez! I'd been acting all of my life but I never got a lead! The show was double casted. That means in one show I was Gabriella and in the other show it was another girl. I'd already done my show but it still meant alot to me so I was going to do it as ensemble. I made a lie to keep peace in the family but it did the opposite. I wasn't allowed to go to the show over that one little thing that hardly mattered! It wasn't like my mom cared that she was destroying my friendships. I lost friendships that I can't get back still! In fifth grade I got really sick of my moms unfairness and I started standing up for myself. I have to let her know that it is not okay to treat kids this way! I'm 11 and going in to sixth grade. I don't know what will happen and I'm always nervouse the emotional abuse will continue. And thanks to this site I have a name for what I'm going through! So just wish me luck in middle school. Maybe things will be different.

Child Abuse Story From Faith M Part 2

by Faith M
(New York, USA)

Thank you for what you've done: 
I called this thank you for what you've done because I'm the victim of emotional abuse! Thanks to you I have a name for what has happened and is happening to me. I'm still a child living with my parents so this is top secret! I wanted to get my story out there (posted yesterday). In fifth grade I started to take a stand. I was getting sick of my mom and her unfairness. I know that there isn't much of a point because I can't win but it's still worth a try. I am going into sixth grade this year. I don't know what will happen and not only is a new school scary I have to worry about my home life. I'm moving out when I am 18. I want to start a foundation for child abuse victims and I want to be a Broadway actress. I hope things will get better and I believe that one day they will.