Child Abuse Story From Youkina

by Youkina
(Pakistan)

Don't know how to overcome child abuse effects: 
I am 31 yrs old, female, from Pakistan. I want to share my story, may be this will be a vent for me.
I was abused physically and verbally by my real mother almost every day. She used to beat me up to death, sometimes for petty reasons, like not helping her in household chores and playing with my siblings ( i was only 10 yrs old). she never beat any of my brothers and sisters but only me. After beating me up, she used to tell them that i am there enemy and they should never take me as a sister, bcz i have some evil plans in my mind. She convinced my father that i am a trouble maker and i have relations with boys and i am going to bring shame to thier family. He believed it word by word, and for another 5 years i suffered, but one day he came earlier from his office and he saw the whole thing, how she was beating me, kicking me and smashing my head with the wall. He started to take my side, but still never stopped her from abusing me.
I also tried to commit suicide. It was horrible. I was also sexually abused by my aunt ( my mother's sister) because my mother sent me to her mother's house when i was 7 months old and brought me back whe i was 10 yrs of age, then she started her part of the abuse. Also sexually abused by my brothers.
It was like living in hell, i wanted to die. My father somehow managed to send me to university, but i am in a country where girls can not leave home until they are married. so she used to beat me up until i got married ( i was 26 yrs old, when i got married).
In our society we have to maintain relationship with our parents, no matter what. But i hate that woman. I hate her guts. I dont know what to do? i still scream and shout in my dreams, i have terrible night mares. Most of the time i am fighting with her. I hate them all, but i dont know how to deal with it. I am harsh, depressive and have no place to talk about all this stuff. I am still afraid of her, and all of them ( my aunt, my brothers).
For timebeing i am living with her again as my husband is abroad searching for a job, so i dont know how to channel my hatred.
I dont know what to do.
A Victim

Child Abuse Story From Mandy

by Mandy
(Indiana, USA)

My Child Hood, If you wanna call it that: 
I do not remember much of my child hood years, Part because of all the abuse and part because I tried so hard to forget, and now only remember bad. My mother is and always has been a drug addict and alchoholic. She has 5 children, Her first when she was 14 and then one kid every other year until all 5 by the time she was 22. Her first child was from rape by her step dad. And that is where the abuse began in our life. She never knew how to be a mom, but for some reason kept having kids. I remember being traded for drugs. Raped so many times I cant count by drug addicts. I remember being beat so bad I couldnt walk and never recieving medical care, I lost all my teeth by the time I was 23 because I had an enamel deficiency, and calcium deficiency that were never treated. Now at 30 there are days when I cannot get out of bed because I have scoliosis, and Osteoporosis so badly. My child hood still to this day effects my physicall life. However I refuse to allow it to make me who I am. I am the mother of 3 amazing kids, I love them and would do anything for them. I did not hate my mother for all of the things that happened to me when I was a child because I did not know any better, it was just normal. I realised how wrong it was when I was 16 years old, and I gave birth to my first child. See the moment he was born and I heard him cry I knew that I would die to protect him. That is when I hated my mother, and I hated her with everything in me. I made a promise to my self and my son on that day June 16th 1997 that I would be everything my mother was not, and nothing she was. If I even make a face that reminds me of her it makes me sick. However I have forgiven her, 5 years ago I found Christ, and became a born again Christian. I have learned that I can forgive her and still not like the things she did. I talk to her on the phone and she has met my kids, that is as far as I can go to keep my kids safe, as she is still a drug addict and drunk. Out of her 5 kids I am the only one that does not drink or use drugs. I have never became addicted to anything in my fight to be nothing like her. I met my father when I was 21 after searching for years, just to find out that he too is a drunk drug addict, and that he was one of the boyfriends I remember from when I was young and he too abused me. But as a christian I was able to forgive him to, and he has been in my life for about 8 years now. However yet again he is not allowed to be over if he is drinking or drunk, to keep my kids from seeing. I realise however that my kids are spoiled and do not appreciate what they have because I am to easy on them. In unconscience fear that I would go over board if I ever did physically punish them. So now that they are older I am seeing the oposite damage I have cause in being to relaxed in thier punishments. I too am a survivor of abuse, and I must say that whe I hear of abused kids growing up to abuse it makes me sick. That is a lame excuse and at one point in life you have to learn to except that it is no longer your parents fault no matter how bad they were, once you become an adult it is now on you, stop making excuses and blaming your child hood, and take the blame and fix the problem, I will say that there are things I did not get to do and I did wrong because of the child hood I had but now it is my fault if those things havent been done, cause if they needed to be done then I as an adult should go back and do them. I dropped out of high school at 16 to have my son, and when I was 18 I went back and got my GED. I have never been a drunk or drug addict cause I choose not to be. I have fixed or am fxing my problems and not blaming them on my crappy life. There is a time in everyones life when you have to grow up and just take the blame. I spent years in and out of the Foster care system and suffered even worse abuse in foster care at times, and Because of that I obtaining at this time a license to be a foster parent, to try to help the kids that I can. So for all who were abused and are abused, you can live a different life, you have the choice to be good. You are not your parents. Get up and stop making excuses and just do it. You are exactly who you are supposed to be, and God knew you before you were born and that child hood you struggle with you should embrace for making you one heck of a strong person, cause I know that I am strong and I can handle anything with Christ by my side. You can too. I hope this helps someone some where, and Thank you for having the bravery to stand up and tell your story.

Child Abuse Story From Cammy

by Camilla
(Cannberra, Australia )

I was 8 when my mother died of cancer. My dad remarried trying to make the best life possible for me and my three older brothers. I was happy that my father found someone to love again. My father, being the over protective person he is, went into the military and died when I was 13. This is when my step mom started drinking every night. The abuse started when I was 14 and refused to call her my mother. Every night was the same for me, she would throw me into my room then whip me and lock me in a tiny closet for days. She took favor over my brothers, so I was the only one being abused. I was suicidal up until I turned 18 and realized I could move out at the end of the year. So I did and my step mother followed. I'm not quite 19 yet and I'm in college with my step mom living close by. I still hate her and always will.

Child Abuse Story From Lyndamaureen

by Lyndamaureen
(Pennsylvania, USA)

I was very hesitant at first to write my story, But I realize now that it will help me. My story begins before I was born, my father left and married my mother's sister. The large amount of stress that caused her sent her into premature labor, and I was born 6 1/2 weeks premature. I am the youngest of 7 children to a now single mother. My sister, the only other girl, hates me and always has. I can't remember most of my childhood, and my mom worked third shift all of my life. My siblings raised me.

Now, sister is 15 years older than me and no matter what I looked up to her. I wanted to be smart,beautiful, and an amazing mother just like her. To her I was none of these and never would be. When I was 10 T and her husband separated and she needed someone to watch my nephews for the summer, so my mom shipped my off to her.During that whole time I only remember one night, I called my mom crying because I had nothing to feed them. T got really mad and went off on me,yelling and hitting me, little did I know that drugs had slowly been taking over her life at that point.The end of summer came, and I was happy to go home. T and her boys moved back home too, and I was so excited, if only I knew what the future held for me I would have ran for the hills. The next 3 years were a living nightmare. I became the primary caregiver of my two nephews, and I perfered the physical abuse over the mental and emotional, because I knew the physical pain would go away faster. When I was 13 T went into rehab for drugs and alcohol abuse,and we needed to attend family therapy, where I was informed by her so called therapist,(exact words) "it is your fault that T is an addict". I was devistated. I continued to care for my Nephews the best I could until I was 18. I worked 3 jobs when I turned 16 to care for their needs. T has them so brainwashed , that now the don't even speak to me, and the youngest is agoraphobic,apparently this is my fault as well. I no longer speak with any of my family, but I have a happy life now,with two sons of my own, plus 3 step -sons and a beautiful step-granddaughter. My only regret now is that I am seriously ill, and I miss my brothers. I know that with prayer and time I will be able to handle it all without crying. I also know that I have my husband to help my when I am down, he understands why I do not want to see a counsler after what happened the one and only time I went to any kind of therapy. I know as I remember more and more about my childhood he will be there by my side to remind me that I am not at fault for this.

Child Abuse Story From Ariana For My Boyfriend

by Ariana
(Location Undisclosed)

So I'm writing this for my boyfriend who is physically abused. My boyfriend lived with his biological parents when he was being abused from the time when he was 7 to 12. He's 13 now and was adopted by a 35 year old single mom. His biological mom whenever she was drunk of mad st or punch him. Once a week she grabbed him by his shoulders and threw him on the ground and kicked him before he even had a chance to get up. But then that became a regular thing. He plays basketball at our school and I'm a cheerleader for our school and we lost one game and my boyfriends mom came down to him after the game and tried to strangle him. She did throw him into the bleaches however, she tried to hurt him infront of his friends and even infront of his girlfriend. She broke 2 of his ribs and allowed him to suffer, he still has scratches on his neck and on his shoulders from her grabbing him with her nails his mom did whatever she could to hurt him. Even if it was telling him "you worthless, bast**d." Or "I don't know why I didn't just shoot you." But suprisingly, those are what hurt him the most. The words she said. All she ever said around him was cuss words. His first word he ever said even was "bi***" and I dont know how anyone could ever try to hurt him. He's so sweet. I love him more than anything in the world. I glad you like your new family, she seems so nice.

PLEASE READ:
I DID ASK MY BOYFRIEND IF I COULD POST THIS.

Child Abuse Story From Alycia

by Alycia
(New York, USA)

Lost and confused till this day: 
I was six when he started getting me dressed and changing my pajamas, but that was suppose to be normal, an uncle is suppose to love his niece not hurt her he came into my room at night and touched me untill i was 9 then he started kissing me in weird places and wanting me to do things, even when his friends came over he passed me off for money, and when i refused or fought back he hurt me more he beat me and did horrible things, and then one day it happen he raped me and it hurt so bad and i wanted it to stop but i couldnt scream i just couldnt people like him pretend to be intrested in u intrested in everything you have to say, and that one time u get comfortable u let your guard down for that one second And thats when they make there move but that first move leaves you confused with the is this right or is this wrong feeling the who do i tell and how feeling why me and is it gonna happen again.. He hurt dme untill i was 15 years old.. Im am now 17 living with my father.. And this silent help just isnt good enough no one knows this story i have never spoken of this story, till this day as he walks free if i so as speek of this .. He swears to take my life..

Child Abuse Story From Joey

by Joey
(Providence, Rhode Island, USA)

At the age of 3 growing up in Massachusetts with 4 brothers and 3 sisters living in a poverty stricken area, my father a construction worker at the local teamsters union and my mother an immigrant from Portugal, I endured what has been describe by my psychologist and the most horrific case of child abuse he has ever counseled, I will try to make this short and direct, in 1969 while only 5 years old I had been the victim of a hit and run auto accident that left me clinically dead upon arrival at the hospital,
I sustained right brain lobe damage, I was retrieved at the hospital but on the critical condition, in and out of a coma for months at bosons children's hospital, my parents were told that I was not going to make it, and all that we could do now is (pray)

Some how I was able to fight for my life and survived, my parents were told that I would eventually be blind in my right eye and deaf in my right ear as a result of the brain trauma,
And not function as a normal child,
From the first day I arrived home from the hospital with my head still fully rapped in bandages my father lean over to me as my brothers and sisters were greeting my back home and whispered in my ear, "Don't think because you have those bandages on your head your not still going to get your beatings" and that was exactly what I was thinking,

Well the physical wiping and violent beating went on for 10 more years till the age of 15 when I finally stood up to that beast I called my father, the beatings and verbal abuse was an everyday event, you see my father had singled me out from all my brothers and choose to torture me for the simple reason that I reminded him of his father who had beaten him his entire life,

My father would openly tell me in my mothers presents that he hated me and didn't care if anyone knew it, by the way my father was 6'5 270 lbs with hands like stone, and to a small child that is a monster,

I can tell you that my father never broke me, he never broke my spirit, he crushed my heart and destroyed what ever love I had for him as a child, my childhood would forever be lost in a time a time that I will forever hold In horror in my heart and soul,

the damage of that relentless psychopathic torture will never leave my mind and forever imprison my childhood, remind my heart of how I long for my childhood and my innocence,

I have a beautiful 4 year old son who reminds me everyday of the beauty of having a childhood, he is my only son and when he looks up at me and says I love you dad, all the pain all the torture of my childhood abuse for that moment is gone,

You can never fully understand the horrific damage to a child of child abuse unless you yourself have walked in that child's shoes

Hope this story may someday save one child from the horrifying inconceivable act of child abuse.

Child Abuse Story From Lorraine

by Lorraine
(Canada)

When I was about 8, my little sister and I were sleeping in the same bed. She was 4 years old. My mother had my 18 year old male cousin babysit us. My parents left for the night and when my cousin thought I was asleep, he crept in and began to molest me.
I was afraid to say anything to him as he was the babysitter for us but I was even more terrified he would touch my little sister who I loved and still love more than anything.
The next day I told my older female cousin with whom I used to play. She insisted I disclose it to my mother and I felt I was forced to. I did and she didn't say anything, I felt I had done something to cause it.
Many years later when she was in her 70's she recalled it and said I was not at fault. I wondered why it took her so long to tell me that?
I made sure, when I married and had children, that they would never have a sitter other than my sister or aunt who I trusted completely.
I can't stand watching anything on TV about abuse as I feel as if I am about to cry.
My mother was emotionally abusive to us and was horrid with my father. She continued that way until 20 years ago when I fianlly stood up to her. It is hard for a person to get over not feeling wanted or loved. But I knew my dad loved me and often said so though she tried to turn us against him.
Later in life, she confessed that she had had an 8 year affair with my first husband! I suspected it but now I was sure. My first husband died in '84.
That is my story....I know it's not as bad as some I've read but it was bad for me. Bless all who visit this site.

Child Abuse Story From Tara

by Tara
(Kent, United Kingdom)

I have been raped by my three uncles from the age 13 up until 18. They raped me individualy, one of them kept on doing it constantly. He groomed me and i feel so ashamed. I didnt know it was rape at first as i was young at that time. As years went by i had led two different lives, 1. my life that i wanted to be and 2. the life that i had been raped. I had treated my previous boyfriends horrible, i made them upset and i had never showed my feelings. I destroyed them.
I never knew all three knew about eachother raping me until recently. When i told my mum 2 years ago she didnt want to know even though she had seen her brother had his hands inside my trousers twice from the age of 15-16. Y has she turned her back on me? She had been raped herself so i thought she would be more understandable. My two sisters didnt believe me and blamed me for mums health. Mum kicked me out. Ive got my boyfriend as support. I had never thought this would happen to me. Sometimes i feel like when me and my boyfriend argue he blames the way i were with partners in my past but i keep thinking to myself that surely we have to move on from the past and not keep dragging it up right? otherwise i feel like its gonna tear us apart and thats the last thing i want.

Child Abuse Story From Kayley

by Kayley
(California, USA)

Emotional Abuse and the effects on me now: 
Seven years ago my parents split up, and it's funny how after all my father said and did, I could still manage to miss him and love him. This is my story.

Every time I look in the mirror now, I see something ugly and disgusting staring back at me. Every time I look in the mirror I feel worthless, stupid and when something bad happens, I blame myself.

When I think back on my earliest memory, the first thing I remember is my father telling me I suck. I was three and it was my first time playing basketball. He told me my form was horrible and I would never make a shot like that. My father took sports very seriously.

Another memory that comes to mind is when I was four or five and I had had a horrible game in basketball. Normally after a game we got snacks but my dad told me I couldn't have any and that we were leaving. The whole car ride home he yelled at me. I don't even remember what he was yelling at me for, but I remember feeling like it was all my fault that we lost and that I should have done better.

The third memory that comes to mind is when I was in preschool and it was show and tell. My friend brought this really pretty barbie doll and all I had was some run down blanket. I remember when we went to wash our hands I took the barbie from her cubby. When I think back on that memory, I feel so guilty and bad for doing that. I also feel embarrassed beyond anything. That is one of the bad effects I am still trying to stop now.

These were just three times there were maybe hundred's of other memories just like these. But the effects they have on me now are holding me back. There are many effects that affect my daily life. For one, I have anorexia and that almost made me repeat 11th grade. I also self-harm, and got over substance abuse. I also have low self esteem, irritability, insomnia, trust issues, often I'm depressed or anxious, I steal things (not so much anymore but it was a big problem between the ages 3-9), I have suicidal thoughts sometimes, and I also lie which is still a big problem I have. Often I question my religion and my emotions are out of control. A lot of these were on the list of effects and I didn't even know (some of them I didn't know) they were effects.

Child Abuse Story From Louise

by Louise
(Tennessee, USA)

I'm nearly 30 years old now, but still nowhere near over my childhood. At the age of 9 my father died and my mum fell depressed real bad. She got into drugs and alcohol and began to get VERY abusive. She'd lock me in myroom if I turned the telly on or continuously push me over if I didn't eat the massive plates of dinner she served me. She began going out and leaving me for 2-3 days, I wouldn't really eat anything and go to school with dirty clothing from the day before. Then people started bullying me, saying I smelled and was a 'tramp' I didn't know but by this point I was depressed and had an eating disorder.

When I was 12 I was diagnosed with anorexia and weighed only 83 lbs!

18 years on I'm still left with scars from self harm and will NEVER forget my mother who was amazing until the sad loss of my father. R.I.P to my mother who overdosed around 10 years ago I will never forget my loveable parent. I see a councillor 2 times a week and still recovering for anorexia but making great progress.

I like to share my story to help others with any of the above issues just to say that it does get better! : )

Child Abuse Story From Franny

by Franny
(Location Undisclosed)

I read some of the stories and they are really horrific making me feel that my "problem" was petty. And before you read this I just want to say how strong some of the other kids are for having to put up with in-justice.

Anybody who first sees our family probably thinks we're perfect. My father is the man of the house who works to provide us with all the products we need. My mother is a stay home mom taking care of my younger sister. I'm 13 and everyone sees me as the pretty smart girl, my brother is known for his athletic talents and my sister is cute and musically talented. The word "perfection" crosses lots of peoples minds. But ironically enough its perfection that brings us down.

I can't really remember when it started to happen I believe my whole life. My mother hits me (usually slapping) most of the time to the ground and then kicks me, she also throws things at me, pulls my hair and pinches me. That usually happens when I did something to displease her like not tidy up well enough or I didn't get the best grade or a good grade. The other thing she does is scream at me and call me things like "wh**e" or "dirty" telling me things like I'll get a boyfriend who will hit me and abuse me or tell me that I ruined her life and that she hopes a kid would start to bully me. She even sometimes threatens to kick me out of the house if I keep screwing up. I have two younger siblings who she also screams at but not as much as me. She also gives me a cold stare if I don't say hi to someone we know or say thank you or your welcome or thanks for having me or doing bad in a tennis or swimming competition. Right now I lost my bike because I forgot to lock it and my mother is ignoring me only saying something to snap at me or giving me the cold shoulder.

I think it's brave that some of the people got out of their situations but I don't think I can because my father works a lot at his lab and he comes home very late and tired and we just moved to a foreign country with a foreign language so all my friends are back in the states so I'm pretty much alone.

-Franny

Child Abuse Story From Staying Strong Britt

by Britt
(Texas, USA)

It wasn't until my sophomore year of high school (two years ago) that I started remembering things that happened to me in the past during my childhood. I have always remembered the touching and other little abuse, but never the more horrifying abuse. It's really scary to have to go through them again and again. I'm remembering new ones every week. I absolutely hate it. It's so hard to accept these things that have happened to me. 

My story starts at the age of 4, I believe. I was at the beach for Thanksgiving with my dad, grandparents, and more family. It wasn't until recently I remembered everything for this particular event. I always knew something happened, just not who it was, what all happened, and other small things like that. It only lasted a short time, but it was awful. My great uncle was the abuser. No one really likes him because he is a little creepy. He came into the room I was in and closed and locked the door. Then, he came over and started touching and kissing me. I told him to stop and leave me alone, but he wouldn't. He took my shorts and underwear off and then got on top of me. The words he said to me always haunt me..."this will only take a few minutes". And then he raped me. I never told anyone except my grandfather...who was also abusing me, but I didn't know he was. He told me only he was allowed to touch me...no one else. You see, ever since I can remember, my grandfather was touching me and having me touch him and give him oral. But the thing is (and I absolutely hate this), I was willing. It wasn't that I wanted to or got excited about it, it was more of me wanting to see him happy. Every time he was upset, he'd either come to me or I'd ask him...I didn't understand what I was doing. But when he was happy, I was happy. So when I told him, he didn't do anything...he only told me that he loved me, that everything was going to be okay, and that he promised he would never do that to...but little did I know, he would never keep that promise. 

At the age of 5, or early 6, my grandfather raped me for the first time. I told him no...but he did anyways. It was literally a push in, stay there, and then pulled out and stopped, but it still affected me. This changed everything for me. I never looked at him the same. I never wanted to be with him, but I was forced to. I was scared of him and hurt by his action. He broke his promise to me...that hurt more than the pain.

I was still the same age when he actually raped me. He waited a few weeks to do it again. And when he did, my love for him started to fade. He continued to rape me here and there, but it was mainly touching and oral. Him raping me did become more frequent, though. Despite how hurt I was, I still didn't understand that it was wrong, just that it was painful. So I never told anyone. 

At the age of 6, my mom took my older sister, who is 10 years older than me, to her friends house. They were gone for an awfully long time, though. My mother was a drug addict, so I assume she was out doing drugs with someone. She ended up leaving my younger brother, who is 3-1/2 years younger than me, with a guy we never met before. It started with my brother and I fighting over legos. He got angry when we were yelling. So he put us in time out. He said if we were good, we could watch tv. I ended up being able to sit on the couch first, and in the process of me getting on the couch to watch tv, I stuck my tongue out at my brother to say, "Haha. You're still in trouble". But he saw me and told me to go to my sister's room. I was scared. He told my brother to get on the couch, watch tv, and don't move, then turned the tv up really loud. He came into the room, closed the door and forced me on the bed. He ended up brutally raping me...all because I stuck my tongue out at my brother. Again, I never told anyone, despite the limping and the pain I was in for days, the blood spotted panties, and the stinging of the pee when I used the restroom and of the bath water and soap. Of course, we never saw him again...

At the age of 8, my siblings and I were living with my mother in an apartment. My sister's friend was always there. I grew quite close to him. I looked up to him, I loved him, and I trusted him. He made me smile, laugh, feel safe, protected me from my mother's harm (she use to beat my brother and my siblings, of course I got the worse of it...I sacrificed myself for my brother), and he loved me. It all started a long time after we met. He began to touch me, and that's when I knew things might get bad. But the touching was gentle, and he made me feel like I was doing something right. He too, just like my grandfather, made me feel happy about making him happy. That's all he made me do...I still never thought of it as being wrong. So my trust never went away...until he actually went too far and raped me. It was in my mother's room. I was only watching tv when he came in. Of course, I wasn't expecting anything bad to happen. Just touching. And when I made him happy, that's when he decided to rape me. I screamed and fought back, but he was too strong...I ended up giving up and letting him hurt me because of how exhausted I was from fighting back (I literally used all my strength for over half the time he hurt me). When he was done, I couldn't move. My trust was gone. 

He continued hurting me, making it a daily basis. You see, he was also my babysitter. He had so much time to spend with me. So when he raped me, no one was home except my brother...so no one was there to save me. He became very mean. He stopped protecting me and I never smiled or laughed when he was around. He was the worst out of everyone who hurt me. He began to bind my hands together or tie me to the bed, he suffocated me, he beat me, he brutally raped me, both vaginally and anally. But each time he finished, he'd say, "I love you, (my name). Remember that." Those words will never leave me. Even though he did these things, I still loved him because of that...I actually thought he loved me. He was like a father to me. I looked up to him. I didn't know what else to do. I never told anyone he was hurting me...

At the age of 9, he died...suicide. I felt free, but I also felt lonely. I was happy he wasn't there to hurt me, but extremely sad because he wasn't there at all. I missed him, despite all the pain he made me go through. He was the only person who gave me attention...it was bad attention, but it was attention. I still loved him...and I starting wishing he was still alive, even if he was going to continue to hurt me.

After his death, we moved into my grandmother's house. I thought nothing else bad was going to happen. I began to be happy again. It was when my mother starting dating this guy that things started all over again. He raped me for the first time in the pool. He too was a babysitter. So he had a lot of free time on his hands. He was rough and it lasted for months. And the very last time he raped me, it was brutal...I can never forget everything he told me. Again...I never told anyone...

To this day, my father has custody over my brother and I. We've been living with him and my stepmother for seven years now. My trust for anyone is hard to give. I so feel ashamed, embarrassed and guilty for the things that happened to me. I fight these demons everyday. It is hard to do, but I do it. Many times I've contemplated leaving this earth, but I always have my two good friends there for me. They know everything. They love me for who I am. And I love them so much. I'm so very grateful for that. 

It is hard for me to understand why everything happened to me...I wish I knew the answer to that. I feel dirty every time I think about everything. I feel like I could have done something, that I almost deserved it because I never told anyone. I don't know...it's hard. But I'm trying. I don't want to give up. I want to be truly happy. One of the hardest things to get over is that my female doctor told me I have so much scar tissue from so many incidents...and because of that, I will probably never have kids of my own...that upsets me the most. 

Thank you for allowing me to share my story. It really helps to get things like this off my chest.

Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason
(Illinois, USA)

I was always nervous or afraid. I was afraid that I would be accused of doing something. Teachers liked to embarrass me and get me in trouble with my mom. All the people at school hated me. Even people that said they were my friends hated me. I was scared to get up to get a tissue to blow my nose. I hate the counselor at school. She made me feel like I did something wrong. The time I spent with her didn't do anything. Why did the school make me see her? No one ever asked me if I was happy or if I was sad. It made me hate myself for having problems. My grandmother yelled at me all the time. She had a guy rent a room and he yelled at me too. They hated me so much. She used to yell at my sister until she cried. They knew my stepfather was sexually abusing us and it made them hate us more. They laughed at us and I know everyone at school knew. I don't know why me and my sister and my mom were treated so badly by our family. Everyone loved to hurt me. No one that was my age wanted to be my friend. I just want to know what the reason is that I exist. I always felt bad. I can't remember huge periods of time but thats because I spent all of my life alone or in pain.

Child Abuse Story From Devonte

by Devonte
(USA)

For as long as I remember i had the best dad ever. I was the only child, he would take me to Laker and Charger games on a regular basis. He did stuff like wake me up at midnight on the weekend and take me out to 7/11 for slurpee's and candy and we would eat/ drink in the car. He was like a big kid, on my 6th birthday I loved my jumpcastle so much he paid for me to have it, he even blew it up in the house once. We had it for four years and we weren't rich by any standards. He owned a garage company and my mom was a correctional officer. But he still did everything for me. He told me he loved me every day. He trained me in basketball for all night if I wanted to. One of my earliest memories is being about 4 and he was in the barber shop making a fool out of himself so I would stop crying from my first haircut. We were inseparable, we used to take long bike rides, he even had me in the LA marathon when i was just 8. He taught me everything. He coached my basketball team, taught me what to do when i liked a girl, helped me understand my times tables. Even teaching me them up to 15 instead if 12 so i could have an edge. I couldn't have asked for a better dad.

But there was a downside to him. For as long as i remember everynight my mom pulled a double (which was a lot) my dad would sexually molest me. Normally oral on my feet, anus, nipples and penis. It was normal for me, we called it "secret agents." When i was around 8 I asked right in front of my mom if we could play tonight (as a kid I liked playing, it was all I knew.) I remember my mom seemed curious but didn't suspect anything. That didn't stop my dad from telling me if i ever told anyone he would go to jail, and i would never be able to see him again. This terrified me as i loved him so much and felt like i would die without him. I never told other than professionals and my Mom until today.

I started puberty at around 12, my dad would tell me I'm getting older and should focus on girls now. I had grown out if it anyways and was smart enough to know I was being molested. I talked to my dad about it but he would just say its just part of the way he loves me. He convinced me that it was no worse than a mom putting her daughter in beauty pageants. He told me in some ancient and present culturals it wouldn't be taboo at all. And now even as an 18 year old college student I can't shake those beliefs. I hardly feel abused, I just feel like everyone is trying to make me feel abused. I do resent my dad though.

Around when i was 13 my dad was arrested. He was part of a child porn ring online. They found floppys in our garage with tons if stuff. My life as i knew it was over. I confided in my Mom after she broke down in tears asking me if i was ever touched. I trusted her but she told. I denied, denied, denied. Last time ive seen my dad he told me its not my fault and he's sorry. I don't think he meant sorry about the molestation, I think he was sorry for getting caught with illegal porn and not being able to be there for me anymore.

I hated him for that. I hated my life without him. I hated seeing the psych. I quit basketball. My grades dropped. I started stealing cell-phones, and cd players just for fun. I got 2 girls pregnante 2 times and convinced them to abort both times. As a kid i was in GATE, I was ranked nationally in said basketball. I always dreamed of being a Bruin (UCLA) and it was a realistic goal. Now I'm in JR college, I'm barely getting back in basketball shape I feel like my dad ruined my life. Legally I can see him now. I've talked to him now but I've only spoken to him a few times. He always brings up "the good ol days" which just makes me sad. He did convince me to start playing ball again and to get in to a junior college. But I feel like he molded me like clay to think and act like him. I wonder if i would do the same to my son if i ever have one. I have a male cousin but am repulsed to even think of him as a sexual being. But will it be different with my son?

I'm just down today I guess, normally I'm fine. I just resent everyone. Cps, my mom, the FBI, my dad, myself. I know if my dad stayed in my life I would be much more accomplished. Yet what he did was supposedly so horrible. I'm really confused till this day.

Child Abuse Story From Katie For My Brother Damion

by Katie
(Minnesota, USA)

This really isn't my story. but i was a witness of the abuse my little brother endured. I can't say any actual names, so lets just call him Damion. At the age of 3 he was diagnosed with Autism Spectron disorder. So his mind doesnt work the way ours does. He got into a lot of trouble as a young boy. But he didnt know any better. His mother (lets call her Jenny) started hitting him whenever he did anything bad. Damion was never really toilet trained either. So that was a big part of it. every time he had an accident, he'd get hit. Over time he got older, and the hitting turned into beating. Belts, chains, anything that could hurt, he was tortured with. by the time he was 8, Jenny would lock him in the basement for hours to days at a time. not feeding him more than once a day. no bathroom. so he would have multiple accidents each day. couldnt change his clothes much either. All of that caused Damion to have a major bladder infection and UTI. He had been in the hospital so many times for those.
eventualy, dad started hurting him. beating him relentously. A few times i had become part of my brothers torture. i was told to help my father pin Damion down and hurt him. Thinking back, i feel so bad for my baby brother...he was only 4 months younger than me. I have thought how i could ever make it up to him. Only knowing i need to love him and never hurt him again.
By the time Damion was in 7th grade, things got even worse. The sexual abuse began. His mother started locking him in the basement for other reasons. A matress was brought down. Randomly on days or nights she would bring him down there, doing countless sexual things to him, and forcing him to do things to her. She started touching him in wrong ways wherever they were. Beating him if he refused. And he never understood any of it. Why it was happening. Or what he should do. He only knew that he didnt like it and that it hurt. Bad.
Even our father would hurt him. Physically, sexually, and emotionally. Calling him names. saying things that really dug deep into Damions mind.
Honestly i could not even tell you all the things that had happened to him day after day. Theres just too much that my little brother has been through. But he is a survivor. And i love him so much. I admire him for the fact that even through all that torture, he could wake up every single morening and go to school. Smile at everybody. and not a single word was said about any of this. Nobody suspected a thing. Not, Damion is in 10th grade, living with our 18 year old brother and me. He is a happy boy. Doing so much better than before. Even though he has some major set backs. he is a special ed student but works very well with hands on things.
though, he still has many hospital trips because he has premature lungs, and cannot breath too well at times. he uses an inhaler. Because of all the major abuse, he has the personality of both a 2 year old, and 16 year old. He still has many nightmares, reliving that horrendous abuse inside his mind.
But i must give credit to the people who have helped him the most. people who have shown him love. and the proper way to be treated. not abused and tortured.

Child Abuse Story From Someone Who Doesn't Want To Be Found

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

My mother and father had eight children. I was the second oldest, but my older brother ran away at age six and never came back. I don't know if he's alive or not.

My father used to be a normal person, according to my mom, but he started drinking when he lost his first job due to making some error in a report. That's understandable, I guess, although I would never admit that to him.

My mom ran away when I was ten. I had to take care of six children, three boys and three girls. My father...he went to work sometimes, but mostly spent his days in clubs and bars, only to come home at three in the morning, in a drunken haze.

I resorted to stealing food from the store, doing others' homework for money and trying to survive for one year.

My siblings were pairs of twins. Two were eight, two were five and two were newborns. I had to buy diapers and feed them, try to keep the babies alive while attempting to give my siblings a true childhood.

I dropped out of school at the age of eleven and instead of doing homework for money, I stole and sold things in the playground, sneaking into school premises. I forged notes saying that I was home schooled. I borrowed books from the library and read about things, just so I could pass the tests and keep up my "home-schooling" charade.

My father, you could say, was a match for me. I hope I seem kind and mature in this story, but truthfully, I'm not. He beat me when I was a smart-a**, but I fought back. I punched and kicked and never let him win.

When he beat my siblings, I learned to not beg for him to stop, but pull him off them and throw him against the wall. When he assaulted my sisters, I would grab them and lock them in their rooms so they'd be safe, turn and punch him in the face. He rarely took me on, after I turned 13, but I still have those scary memories.

I wasn't malnourished and neither were my siblings, because of how determined I was to keep them alive, no matter if I had to beg or borrow or steal.

There were slip-ups, when I wasn't at home or when he seemed unstoppable. Those were the scariest moments of all.

I was a rude and mean person, some one who cared only about her family and no one else. I wasn't skilled at talking to people at all.

Then HE came. A boy my age moved on to my street. I met him when I was picking up the mail. At first, I hated him. I was suspicious and paranoid, thinking that he would hurt my family. However, one of my sister's became fast friends with him and soon, my entire family loved him like a brother, except for me. The once-newborns, now five, adored him.

I warmed up to him slowly over the course of one year, and by the time I hit my sixteenth birthday, we were in love. He cared about me and still does, to this day. We invited him over for the first time in over a year and when he realized what was going on with my parents, his family reported us to the police. My father was taken away and my ENTIRE family of seven was taken in by a wonderful couple nearby.

My life was behind me and now I am 17. A---, the boy who saved us, is standing behind me as I type this in his room and he's smiling at what I'm writing. I'll never be a child. I'll probably always be an angry person, someone who's over protective and paranoid. I'll never feel comfortable around grown men. I'll never feel okay about having sex, which I haven't and don't plan on ever doing. A--- respects my space which is something other child abuse survivors deserve: respect. Finally, I have hope. And I hope you all do to.

Child Abuse Story From Jujuforever For My Mom

by Jujuforever
(Location Undisclosed)

this isnt really my story, its my moms. she was neglected as a kid. she always talks about how her mother couldnt feed her because her husband spent the money on beer and suits and drugs. they didnt have anything. when grampa died, gramma got married to another man who had 2 sons who were slightly younger then my mom. this grampa was better. mom says hes the one she thinks of as "dad". but his sons would be her up and take all of her stuff and be really mean. im not sure if this counts as child abuse though. my mom was also raped as a child by someone (she wont talk about it) and abused by a pastor only a few years ago. he beat her up.(I KNOW CAUSE I SAW THIS!!!!) she has deppression a lot. I DONT KNOW HOW I SHOULD HELP HER!

Child Abuse Story From Mena

by Mena
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm not sure where to begin from. I ended up here a few months back after a random search on the internet. It caught my attention because I intent to study psychology next year at the university.

After reading a few stories I remember an incident that happened years ago and I realised that I too have been abused, although I never had thought of it that way up until now. I know that my story is not as bad as other stories but it's been bothering me for a while now, especially before I fall asleep.

My mother worked as a private secretary in an office of an old building. In the office next to her worked a man around his forties who repaired clocks. He was always super nice with me and entertained me by showing me the tiny mechanisms in his office. My mother worked there for many years (since I was around 4) and I never had a problem with him. In fact I quite liked him.

But then one day (I was older maybe 11) while I was walking around outside the offices he came suddenly from behind, grab my hand, pulled it and made me touch him. I was shocked but he almost immediately let me go. I distanced my self a little and I considered going back to my mother's office but I didn't because she was talking with her boss who happened to be there and she had told me not to bother her. So I just walked around without looking at the man who assaulted me. After a while he did the same thing only this time he wouldn't let me go. I pulled my hand hard but he was stronger and my wrist hurt. Fortunately, another lady who I think had something to do with jewelry walked out to the hall , probably to go to the toilet, so I was finally released. After that I went back to my mother's office and sat next to the fridge. I remember I wanted to cry but I didn't.

From that day on I was very careful. I stopped going to his office and never went too far away from my mother. If I ever met him outside the offices in the corridor I always glared at him and stayed away. However there were several other times when he manage to grab me. He always did the same thing: put my hand on his crotch. He never tried anything more. There was one time when he offered to take me to the kiosk nearby to buy me an ice-cream. Mother agreed but I said I didn't want to. I felt proud because I thought I was able to protect myself better than mother could protect me.

A year later the office in which mother worked for closed so she went elsewhere and I didn't have to deal with him. I still see him in the street but I don't greet him.

Now that I think back, I believe this is the reason why I'm the way I am now. I don't trust people, those around me say that I have an intimidating barrier around me and they feel they cannot approach at all. Also I hate to be touched even by people I'm close to. I just feel I need my personal space.

I have never said anything to anybody and I never intent to. It's not like I'm suffering and I do not want to worry them for no reason. I said a lot more that what I intended to, I guess I had to talk about it without burdening somebody.

Child Abuse Story From Lisa

by Lisa
(Location Undisclosed)

When I was a little girl my mother beat me with a bamboo cane, I only remember from age 4. Then at age 13 she put a knife in my throat and threatened to kill me if I didnt wash my plate right away. My mother and father took what ever money I saved from babysitting. My mother was famous for telling me how I will suffer when I get old, which used to scare me. I have finally cut ties with them but not completely because I feel guilty for being a bad person.

My father has beaten me with a metal chair until I was bleeding because I had friends over when he asked me not to, the reason behind it was that I had to watch my twin brother right after school and couldnt go outside and be a kid. I was basically responsible for their kids. He never calls me on my birthdays, if he needs money he use to call me. But I stopped giving him money.

I have always had trouble with relationships.I tend to stay in abusive relationships.

Child Abuse Story From Kala

by Kala
(Tennessee, USA)

When I was 14 my parents divorced and I moved with my mom who only 2 months after her divorce was final was married to my step dad. She was 56 at the time and he was 37. He had a daughter and my mom always compared me to her "why can't you be like your step sister? why can't you go to parties like her and be a cheerleader and be skinny and have lots of friends?" my step dad would physically abuse me and my mom both. He would lock us outside at night in the cold and if we were hungry he'd throw all the food out of the fridge so we couldnt have anything to eat. He would throw me down on the ground and punch me in the face chest arms and stomach areas. At one point my mom even watched and done nothing. Then one night I went to bed and I woke up in the early morning hours around 2am and he came out of the bathroom naked. He looked at me and said "that was good!" my pj bottoms were down and my panties felt weird. I told my mom and my mom said I was a liar and kicked me out saying "i don't know where you'll go but i don't care either just get out he doesn't want you here and I don't either!" The abuse went on until I was almost 18. The verbal abuse still happens everytime I'm around my mom or him. That's my story.

Child Abuse Story From Marissa

by Marissa
(Pennsylvania, USA)

My brothers and sisters and I were born in California with my brothers and sisters and my other family. My birth mom delivered nine kids. We are all one or two years apart.
When I was nine years old I took care of my brothers and sisters by myself without any help I had to take care of five toddlers and two newborn babies and all had diaper rashes all over their butts, but I had to do it or who would take care of them? I did not go to school a lot. We were poor we did not have anywhere to take showers we lived in a one bedroom trailer Park. It was not good at all and the house was dirty and had dog hair all over the floor. My birth mom did drugs (and still does drugs.) My birth dad was not really in my life because he was on Megan’s Law so I wasn’t able to see him without other grown ups. It makes me feel really hurt that I don’t have my real parents to call mom and dad anymore but now I have adopted mom and dad who cares for me and brothers and sisters and I can call them my parents.
Three years later my brother and sisters and I went into foster care. My Sister and I went to three different foster homes and the other five went to a different home. My brothers, and my other sister they went to one foster home and they stay their. My brothers and sister that were in one were getting beat up and the foster parents were doing a lot of other things to them it was horrible.
Finally, my brothers and sisters and I got adopted and moved to Pennsylvania. My brothers and sisters and I have two other brothers and we adopted them too. My brothers and sisters are all together finally I am so happy that we ALL got adopted together and did not get separated. It’s been five years since we have been adopted and every year we have a party to celebrate that we are all safe and all together. My birth mother is still doing drugs and living on streets. My adopted mother is a great mom she has two kids on her own but she stop on the second child and wanted to adopt and she also helps us to become strong and do things when we get older. I hope I do not end up with my birth mom again. I found out my birth mom might be pregnant again with her tenth child. I said “I hope she is then I have another brother or a sister and then again then “I said I hope she is not having a baby because she doesn’t even take care of herself and how is she going to take another kid if she gave a way all her other kids and she is not pregnant thank god.” My life today is a lot different because I can go to school and take showers when I want and have a house that I don’t have to worry about what happens to me next like in California. I have a mother and father that take care of my brothers and sister and me. I hope I don’t end up like my birth mom and dad. It makes me feel happy when my mom and dad say, “They love us. “ I hope that I can learn from my past that happen and not go back to it because I said when I turn eighteen I’m moving back to California. But now when I think about I don’t want to. I learned about my real mom and grandma they are people who make mistakes. My real Grandma let my birth mom drop out when she was in eight grade and she had me when she was 15 years old and my adopted mom does not want me to be a teen mom. I also learned that don’t count on your parents when there doing drugs. It was a hard lesson. I remember when my grandma and my mom would always fight and always bring me in it all the time and one day they were getting into a fight and my grandma stabbed my mom with a fork and I cried and also my mom would come for money and then leave and I will always chase after her all the time. It was a bad life back then. It’s nice to be adopted now.

LonelygirlUK

by Name Undisclosed
(UK)

I am 27 years old, and have a successful career. I feel like a fraud posting here as I am not sure whether or not my experiences constitute as abuse.

As a child and into my early adult life, my mum would hit me.

She would restrain me by grabbing my wrists together, hold me against the wall or couch and start punching or slapping me.

I could not predict when this would happen and sometimes it came as a complete shock. One day I could say something that would result in laughter, and the next, the same thing would result in me being beaten.

I remember when I was 10 years old, we went to pick my grandmother up from the airport. My father was driving and my grandmother was in the front. My mother was sitting in the middle in between me and my sister. I noticed that she did not have her seat belt on so I said, "you need to put your belt on!" The next thing I felt was a punch across the jaw from my mum. I felt shocked more than anything. I just started crying silent tears, as i knew that I should not cry.

When I was a teenager, I was beaten regularly. I felt unable to express who I was, as I was ridiculed. If I was stressed about school exams, I was shouted at, told I was being pathetic and beaten. I was called a sl*t and told that my friends were sl*ts.

She would tell me that I was miserable and I was making her life miserable. She would hit herself, punching and slapping herself, saying, "look at what you are making me do!" "I wish you were dead, I wish I was dead, it's your fault if I do die!" She would say that I was weird that I am mentally ill. Maybe I am.

When I started my periods, aged 11, my mother told me I was disgusting, and that I should be embarrassed because my father knew.

I was never allowed to express negative emotions. This would lead to being shouted at and beaten.

When I am back home or when I speak to my mother on the phone, the negative emotions inside me are triggered and the only way I can get rid of them is to cut myself. The triggering things can just be a subtle look of contempt, frustration from my mother, and this would send me into a swirl of negative emotions.

When I was beaten I used to feel myself floating away, and still do sometimes. There was one occasion last year after an argument (I was not beaten) when I thought that I became invisible. I look in the mirror sometimes and dont know if i really exist.
Although i am 27years old, I still feel like a child. I don't know who I am as a person. I would not be able to describe my personality. Sometimes I am perceived as outgoing and other times quiet and aloof.

I have not had a long term relationship and have no close friends.

I yearn for a confidante, somebody to confide in.

I have been going to a therapist and as a result, I have been able to identify why I cut and am starting to identify my negative emotions. When I started with therapy, I felt I was going mad, and did not realise I was cutting because of my past experiences. However I find it difficult to talk about painful memories and what I would like to do is talk through my emotions. I feel that I want to cry in therapy.

Another problem is that I am growing very attached to the therapist, and i find it very painful.

Thanks for any advice you can give me, sorry it is such a long and muddled story.

Child Abuse Story From Shelby H

by Shelby H
(Wisconsin, USA)

It all started when I was 7, and kept continuing until I was 13. When I was little my mom would beat me with her hands, she would pull me by my hair,she would threaten me, put me down all the time on how I was Retarded and not worth her time, my mom pushed me into a coffee table and kicked me in the stomach. My dad was never around because of his work. He was gone all the time, the only time my dad was home was on Sundays. He said after I told him that he had a feeling that something bad was going on and he was right, I was starved by my mom, she would tell me wait until my soap operas are done and she would never feed me. I'm 16 years old now, moved away from my mom a couple of months ago and till this day I don't speak to her, see her, or even forgive her. How DARE she treat her daughter like that what she did to me. Im and scared of people and cant trust either, I go to counseling to get through the awful past I had, and I am living with my sister. She is what I have to be thankful about everyday and I am Blessed :)

Child Abuse Story From William

by William
(Chicago, Illinois, USA)

Bad memories: 
When I was 8 years old (I'm now 31 and Male), my uncle was baby sitting me. This is the moment that changed me forever..

At that age I was so anxious and never wanted to come in and use the bathroom. I just wanted to stay outside and play with my friends. So I would hold it in (number 2). Sometimes I would have a little bit in my underwear and my father would get mad at me, hit me and make me clean them out in the sink while he watched. This was an on-going thing. My mother did nothing! Well anyway, my uncle was to babysit my brother, sister and I. I came in from playing one day and he said he wanted to check my underwear. So I let him, since it was a daily occurrence at my house. I figured my dad told him to check.

As it turned out, I had some in my underwear and like clockwork, I had to clean them out in the bathroom sink. My uncle was very mean to me about and was cussing and spanking me (just like my father would). When my dad did this to me, I was to put on another pair of underwear and clean my dirty ones. My uncle made me stand there naked and do it. It was so humiliating. That was just the beginning. I don't remember exactly how it played out, but the next thing I know, he is making me suck his penis. Of course, I knew it was wrong, but I was crying and didn't know what to do. After a while, which seemed forever, he told me to stop. I can't get into too much detail here, but eventually he had sodomized me.

I had blocked this memory out as much as I could through-out my childhood. I never told anyone and it never happened again (or so I think). I don't think he touched my brother or sister. It happened so fast. I figured he was punishing me for going number two in my underwear. I didn't think about the sexual aspect of it then or how gross he was. It wasn't until I was in my early twenties while speaking to a therapist at a psyche ward that it came out.

The therapist told my mother, which I told her not to!! Well, my mother has a big mouth. So she eventually told my whole family. I'm sure it got back to my uncle. Now, 10 years later, no one talks about it anymore. Fortunately for me, my uncle has been shunned by my family anyway due to him being a conman. He has been in and out of federal prison his whole life. Trust me, this guy is a real piece of work. I witnessed him stealing money from a church once.

The worse thing I think about now, is the fact that he has a son. His son is 18 I think, but it bothers me when my mind starts drifting and imagining what his son must have went through during his childhood. Glad I could get this off my chest. I've only shared this with a few, close people. Thank you for reading! ♥

Child Abuse Story From Tche

by Tche'
(USA)

It started when I was 14 just kissing on the lips and hugs that lasted to long ya know. I was raised by my grandparents but spent plentky of time with my mom and as I got older occasionally with my daddy. He'd never really been around but when left my grandparents home to live with my mom it seemed like he was trying to be a good dad. We talked all the time about everything from music to boys to sex(which I wasn't having) I wasn't use to "affectionate" dad figure my grandpa just wasn't like that. So I thought it was all in my head when I thought daddy was hugging to tight or a kiss was to long. I use to tell him I didn't like the kisses on the lips but he somehow convinced me that it was normal nd I just wasn't use to it. Whenever I spent vacation time with him he'd ask me to sleep in bed with him because he'd was at work all day and wanted me close. I didn't always want to but I did because when he got mad he'd get in my face real close and yell or try to intimidate me or threaten to cut our visit short and it worked. I was terrified he'd get angry and send me away so I always did what he said. Our phone convoys would last till like 2am lots of times about how I shud call the 1st timei had sex and I shouldn't give boys blow jobs because I didn't know how.. sometimes it seemed like he was just.being a dad but it changed back and forth so much I was so confused. When I was 15 at a visit to his moms he came in drunk and told me go get in bed....his bed. Started ti.e then he stared teasing me saying my Jean.s were to tight and shirt to low since I had small breast (I was super sensitive about that and cried) that's when he started to look in My shirt which containdd my small boobs wearing -2 bras. And stuffed with tissue. That's when he started to tocb my. Breast and made me touch his penis then got on top of me and started grinding. My breast saying they were perfect and how daddy's were suppose to be the first person to see their babygirl naked. I just froze, he kept on then tried go suck my nipples that must have freaked me out more than the rest Cuz I shoved him off and cried and to think he held me till I stopped crying then he rolled over. I got out of bed and didn't sleep till he took me back to my moms. There's more but even after all these years its still hard to deal with. Thanks for letting me share my story.

Child Abuse Story From Jack

by Jack
(Location Undisclosed)

I want my older brother to admit what he did to me. He lies all the time and everybody believes him because he is older. I was 12 he was 17 and this happened 5 years ago. He only did this the once but he hurt me and he is still hurting me because i'm a liar. I have been lying for 5 years, nobody listens anymore. I just want him to admit that he hurt me and that i havn't lied all these years. Once a liar always a liar, that's all i hear.

Child Abuse Story From Antigone

by Antigone
(Mississippi, USA)

I remeber her frowing all the time at me and my little sister. And I remeber her smiling and enjoying herself with her friends it was like she was a different person. I was afraid of my mother and terrified whenever she called my name. She would keep me and my little sister away from reality for days and days we would just have to sit in our room full of toys and play and read books we could not leave out the room we would have to ask. I was six years old and my sister was the baby she was three. Till this day she cant remember what I went through because she was so young. My mom would dress me in turtle necks and long pants and send me out to play in the Mississippi heat. She tried her best to cover up the scars and marks she put on me for just being my daddys child. I recall one time she was combing my hair in the living room and my dad tried to come and get me for the weekend and she would not let him but when he left atfer they had a heated argrument she thrust my head into the tv out of no where. And that was the start of me wearing bangs she did that to cover the scar on my forehead. My mom was a nightmare to me until my dad find out that I was being abused and got full custody of me at age six. My mom did not show up to the court trial at all. I have many more memories of my mom from being locked in closet for hours to staring at walls in a corner. But it was not to late for me because lucky for me I had my dads family who showed me how to love and what love is. I am proud to say that I am a member of the United States Army and a proud mother of two wonderful boys. I dont look back on my memories and cry anymore I look back at them and smile cause even though its hard to admit thats how I got to be the strong young woman that I am today.

Child Abuse Story From Roxie

by Roxie
(Texas, USA)

It all started when i was around 5,as a child i moved from home to home.when i was little i remember my mother being abused by my stepdad .i remember waking up to her screaming and crying almost everynight.My mother bacame an alcholic and decided she didnt want to care for me or my sister.she decided her life would be easier if she kept my 3 brothers and me and my sister would live with my dad.so. i moved with my stepmom and father because my mother was unfit to care for me.At first it was nice,my stepmom took care of meand my sister we had a perfect family.She had 2 other children from a previous marriage and would have 5 more by the time i was 10.its really unclear if all along it had been childabuse if maybe i just wanted it to be perfect.one day when i was like 5 or 6 .we got a visist from a cps investigator.she stayed on our case for about 6 months doing home visits and helping with what we needed,until she thought we were safe,then she was gone.1 year later we moved to another town,and thats where my story really begins.At first it was good,then the fighting started.Then the drugs.i remember it like yesterday i got home from school and went into the restroom.while i was in there i remember looking in the cabinet where we kept cleaning products,instead of finding what i was looking for i found a small syringe with a tiny needle.i grabbed it and ran outside, not knowing that i had found a herione needle i showed it to my siblings.my dad saw me with it took it away and never said what it was only that it wassnt his,it was my stepmoms broth.i started realizing things were different when my stepmom stoppdd caring how we dressed if we ate,if we went to school.my big sister had to become our mother,she stopped going to school in 6 th grade.we had no food at home so shed get all 6 of us together and walk us towhere they offered free food.eventually we had no water.my dad would beat us if we tried to turn on a light in the house was always paranoid.my stepmom was always in the room,locked in there convinced the devil was trying to get in her.my baby sisters couldnt even cry or theyd get hit.nobody did a thing.one day when i came home from school my mom was there to pick me and my sister up.the school had called her to let her know my older sister haddnt been to school in months and also that cps was starting an investigation .me and my sister left with my mom crying and fighting. We wanted to leave but we did not want t to leave behind our siblings.That same week if not day cps went to visit with my stepmom and dad.what they found was so bad that my dad got sent to prison and the kids were takin into custody.after 2 attempts that they gave her to stay clean,and her failing every drug test they gave her.mysiblings were permanently placed in foster homes.we have no idea where they are and have never been told how to find them.The caseworker that took on the case has sworn her life that we will never be able to see them in person.we used to recieve photos showing us how they looked. But they stopped and now the oldest at the time was 4 this year turns 19..MAYBE ONE DAY WE CAN SEE THEM. WERE STILL IN CONTACT WITH my stepmoms 2children from her previous marriage,because they were placed with thier father.

Child Abuse Story From Cindy

by Cindy
(Location Undisclosed)

Despite having to deal with my mother everyday, I refuse to let others know this. No matter how broken or fragile I am on the inside, I always make sure my peers know me as strong, confident and organized. Acting as if everything is okay is my way of dealing with things. But because of my emotional abuse, I have very little self esteem and self respect, and sometimes I feel like I am just worthless and I want to commit suicide. I come from a family of four:me, my mom, my dad and my younger sister. My dad is usually across the seas so in this house it's just me, my mom and my little sister. My dad is a very reasonable and caring person, while my mom is the complete opposite. Being the eldest child, my mom has always pushed the responsibility of taking care of my sister on me. Ever since my sister was born, she got more attention than me. I remember once my sister couldn't sleep, so my mom was saying things to her like "When you grow up you'll be much smarter and more successful than your stupid sister. Mommy will take you to lots of different places and I won't bring your annoying sister okay?" I was sitting right beside her when she said those things, and it made me feel so sad I started crying. When I did, my mom yelled at me for being a brat and how I was the reason my sister couldn't sleep. I just kept crying and walked to my room. I was only 5 years old that time. As I grew older, my mom found more reasons to pick on me, "You're the reason your sister is getting bad grades! You're ruining her future! Why can't you be more considerate? Stop nagging me brat! Why are you so ugly? See your sister is so much prettier than you." Everytime she said something like that, my throat closed up and I felt the tears coming, but I would push them back and try to act as if it was no big deal. Then when I was in my room alone I cried silently so no one would hear. Now just before I wrote this, my mom yelled at me for being unreasonable. She asked me what a letter meant, and I told her everything on the letter that was important. I thought I did a pretty good job of explaining but no, she began to yell at me to stop reading the letter and to explain it to her. I told her that's all I could tell her because there was nothing else to say, so then she kept yelling at me. She started saying things totally unrelated to the letter like, "You just don't want to explain it to me because you're lazy! Are you stupid? Of course you're stupid you only got a 94 on your report card last time! I do so much for you and you can't even do one thing right!" Well that blew me off and I began crying. Then she said all kinds of bad things to prove how stupid I am or she's right and I'm wrong. I got really mad and frustrated so I said she just never appreciates anything I do. Well that made her even more mad and she just rambled off. I kept on crying but then she screamed, "Stop crying you brat! Shut up and go cry in your room or something! I don't want to hear your stupid cries and you have no reason to cry!" Well after that here I am, completely fed up and depressed, writing this huge paragraph. Sometimes when I'm alone and I just finished crying, I reflect on what happened to really try to see what I did wrong. Most of the times yes, my room could've been cleaner or my grades could've been higher but even when everything was perfect, my mom would find a way to yell at me. Sometimes I felt so sad I felt like cutting myself or committing suicide. Once after I got yelled at, my mom took my sister shopping and to eat at a restaurant. I was home alone and I just wanted to die. I found a bottle of wine and I drank all of what was left. It burned my throat and my stomach but it felt good. Now my biggest dream is to become successful and live the life I've always wanted. No one there to criticize me, no yelling, no nagging and no more crying. My goal is to move out when I turn 18, so I'll never have to deal with my mom again. But sometimes I picture her old and alone, I feel really guilty and then I change my mind, but then she does something to really tick me off and then I am back on track. I just hope that one day she'll finally act like a loving mother to me. And now because of her I've sworn to treat my future children with love and attention.

Child Abuse Story From Justice - My Statement of Rights

by Justice
(Location Undisclosed)

I have rights as a child: 
I have the right to be protected
I have the right to be loved
I have the right to not be ashamed
I have the right to be left alone
I have the right to not be afraid
I have the right to say no that's enough
My rights were take from me. i wanted to share my rights because they're every child's rights

Child Abuse Story From Neil P

by Neil P
(British Columbia, Canada)

50 yrs old and So tired of running: 
I sit in a damp basement in Quesnel, B.C. Just moved here from Alberta and before that Ontario and so on.Was sexually and physically molested in the 70's at a Government run school in Florida. I am Canadian born not American.I walk away from good jobs and can't understand why. 3 marriages gone. I try to step up and face my horror but Police only brush me aside as I live in Canada and not in Florida. So much to say and tell. I can see the face of the bast**d that did this to me clear as day. At night I close me eyes and there I am in that closet where it happened. I can even see the white slats on the door. Government run school means lots of illness and I was not immune. I caught the crabs. This is a nasty thing that makes you itch like hell as the little bugs bite the body. I told my abuser and he made me suffer. I suffered for over a year and at night I would pick them off 1 by 1 with tweezers that I had stolen. So much to tell and say but this bast**d and the Florida school board/Government need to step up.I will be running soon but don't know when.

Child Abuse Story From Catherine

by Catherine
(Oregon, USA)

I... I'm not really sure how to begin this.
Since I was young- About 2- My father has never been happy with me. Everything I ever did was a disappointment.
I would come home from school in first grade, beaming with pride as I held an A on a spelling test up in the air (as it was my worst subject) and hand it to him. Then, of course, he'd glare at me and tell me I could have gotten a hundred percent, instead of a 90.
Not just tell me. Scream it to me.
He hasn't ever laid hands on me, besides the harsh spankings making it near unable to walk for a day until I was about 9. But that's average for every child.
But every time we speak.... all I hear is how I'm an idiot and I need to do better and pull my head out of my arse.
Even when I try, apparently I'm not really trying. And I'm pathetic.
I've told the counselors at my school.... but of course, they can't do anything but try to comfort me.
Heck, most of them told me I need to just be a better daughter. Then maybe he'd stop screaming at me.
From this.... I've gotten depression. It's brought down my self-esteem, and because I'd go to school and cry about it, I'd get bullied day after day. Which led to me about committing suicide in 5th grade.
My mom hasn't played any part in helping on my dad's tirades. But what else can she do?
After all..... I know I deserve every bit.....

Child Abuse Story From Alicia

by Alicia
(New York, USA)

When I was born in April 1996, my mother and father already had 2 other daughters, and my father had a son. Life was always fun and I always got to go on new adventures through the lots and through the city, but when I was 6 years old we had to move. We moved to a little farm town in New York, it was a blue-grey house that was beat up, with a barn and a chicken coop, but only one neighbor. While growing up my dad had always been an alcoholic, but he never got mean until we moved.

It was a Friday night and my father had just gotten home from the bar, and my mother was cooking dinner and he didn't like it. He smashed the beer bottle on the table and held it against her neck, then he pushed her down the stairs. Since I was only 6 and my other sister's were 8 and 9, there was nothing we could do. My father didn't hit my mother in front of me again, but his drinking got worse. Every night he would get home, completely drunk, and he would go off, usually it was my fault. He would tell me I am worthless and that I am a waste of human flesh, the most common thing he would say was "I don't even know why your mother kept you, you're nothing but a burden on us."

He always spanked me and slapped my hands, but the really bad stuff started when I was in Eighth grade. I got suspended March 3, because since both my parents smoke cigarettes I decided to take them and give them to one of my friends, but I got caught. My dad picked me up from school and he backhanded me across the face and left a bruise. Things got worse from there, the next day my dad pinned me against the door and he punched me across the face in the same spot as the day before, and he said "Get used to it, this is all you're good for." A couple weeks went by and nothing significantly big happened, but one day my oldest sister and I had to go to the barn and feed our animals, she was mad because she didn't think it was her turn. I went everyday because I loved the animals, and when we got home my sister got mad because I didn't get the door. My father grabbed my ponytail and dragged my down to the ground "Knock off the attitude."

Nothing was ever done, but one day I was going with my dad to my friend's barn to get a kitten and I made a comment he didn't agree with so he reached across me and pushed me out of the door while going down the road. I was in walking distance home so I just had to tell my mom I fell when I was walking to my friend's house. I sprained my ankle, but never told anyone what happened, and my father doesn't even remember.

There were other times that this type of thing happened, but I dealt with it any way I could. When I was a freshman I decided to meet one of my friends at his house to hang out, but it ended worse than that, I have been raped twice and forced to do other stuff multiple times because no one has ever taught me what to do in those situations. I am now a sophomore and nothing has changed, but one of my good friends noticed I don't eat and when I do I go to the bathroom right after. She also noticed the cuts on my wrists and my drug use has increased dramatically. She told my parents and my dad got mad. I have to see 4 counselors, but nothing is being done about my father.

Child Abuse Story From Sheila

by Sheila
(West Virginia, USA)

Mommy beat us often with a belt while we squirmed all over the floor screaming, even hit us with the buckle at times. She would whip harder if we cried, which we always did, of course. She also kicked me across the room once when I was sick and vomited on the floor. She called us awful names, cursed us a LOT, and told me, at least, I was ugly. I took her into my home when she got old and tried to help her, we actually built an addition of a living room, bedroom, kitchen and bath for her to live with us, but she lied to many people and told them we weren't feeding her! She caused so much trouble in our family, told relatives and anyone she talked to on the phone my daughter was a whore, and on and on it went. We finally had to confront her and tell her she would have to stop lying. I woke up one morning and she had my niece move her out in the early morning hours! I was shocked and cried for weeks. She went to stay with my sister, and that lasted about 4 months, then the Department of Human Services came to my sisters door and investigated her for abusing mom! She had done the same thing to her, and also did basically the same thing to my younger sister, who had moved in with her and tried to take care of her. The result of all this had bothered me quite a bit. She died in 2006, and with 5 living children, only 1 was speaking to her. She had called me a few months before in a move i suspect was to try and make up with me, to tell me her brother had died and she was the last sibling left alive. I just said I'm sorry to hear that, but i didn't really talk to her. That happened about 7 months after she left my house hurriedly. I wonder if I did the wrong thing. I'm still very bothered about this, and wonder if I should have tried more.

Child Abuse Story From Aziza

by Aziza
(Washington, USA)

The only thing I remember from my life was abuse. I grow up with my mom,four sisters, one brother for 15 years of my life before I finally became free from my abusive life style. My mom fell in love with a man who I once called my dad, even thou he was not my biological dad he demanded to be called "dad".I started to realize that things became different around the house when I noticed that my brother who was around 7 and is now 23 years old getting treated different from me and my sisters, it was for the worse. My brother was abused not only by my moms boyfriend but also by my mom. My mom was once a good mom I was told by my older sisters, but I don't know anything but abuse, I guess I still block most things out of my life. I watched my brother sleep in the closet for years, his room was the closet, his bathroom was the closet, he did not get to see anything else but that closet unless he was out for more abuse; he wasn't even aloud to go to school, as a matter of fact we were trained to just shut him out of our life completely,no one knew we had a brother. I still can see the scars on his body and how skinny he was from not being able to eat like we did. One day by the grace of god my brother had the will power to pull all of the item that were blocking him in the closet away from the closet, he jumped out of the window and walked to my neighbors house to ask for food, he just wanted to eat and go back in the closet. My neighbor knew that something was wrong and called the police. Later that day my brother was taken and put in foster care which left me and my sisters still in that home. Soon the abuse started happening to me. What I didn't know was that my 2 oldest sisters were already getting abused physically, emotionally and sexually from 6yrs-18. I started getting touch and raped from 13-15. It was so hard to face so I just never told anyone for a long time. I finally told my mom at some point but she for some reason she didn't save us, my mom said she believed me but she still didn't save us and it still hurts till this day. I can still remember getting woken up 3 or 4 times a week by him asking me to come in his room. It started to get harder and harder everyday because it was either my two older sisters taking the abuse or me. I finally started to give up on life and go crazy. I still have scars on my arm till this day from when I cut myself, I just could't take it anymore the house was so dark and sad, the only time it seem to shine was when my moms boyfriend was out of the house, that's the only time we felt comfortable enough to wear clothes that we wanted instead of putting things on that were baggy so he would't stare at our growing bodies so much. He only left because he was a drug dealer too. My oldest sister tried protecting us as much as she could, in fact she got a lot of the abuse for sticking up for my mom and us. My oldest sister was the one who got me and my two younger sisters removed from the house and into foster care in 2005. She ran away to join the military leaving us for over 2 months but would talk to us over through email telling us that she was going to get us out. One day detectives came to my school and pulled me and my younger sisters out and into child protective services. Being in foster care was really hard because no matter what my mom did she was my mom and she and my siblings were all I knew. We finally had a court day in 2008, it took 3 years to get one but it happened. My moms boyfriend got more than 35 years of prison for 7 different counts. But what he took from my family couldn't amount up to what he is facing. I am 22 years old and still scared till this day but just taking it one day at a time. I am just thankful that I was one of the survivors and we were removed before my two youngest sisters got touched. Thank you for reading.

Child Abuse Story From Danny For My Sis

by Danny
(Newcastle, United Kingdom)

i have been thinking about this a few times the past few months or so but my sisters never said anything about it though but my big sis had a bf years ago that youst to look after me and my other sis which was about 7 other times before this time and about 7 again after. when he looked after us one time i was sort of being a pest keep coming into my sisters room from mine and in the end he said i could sleep @ the bottom if i go to sleep which after he carried my sis into my room but closed the door and i fell asleep after about 10 mins of them not coming back and wondering why the point was and what was so special that i had to be away and i obviously no more about perverts now and i was wondering if my sis was touched up which actually makes me angry and would like to no as she seems ok :/

Child Abuse Story From Kimberly

by Kimberly
(Ohio, USA)

Remembering when the abuse started is hard, but around five years was the age that I have my first memory of my father's mental abuse. You see, I always had a voice that could carry. I was punished through humiliation that day. "If you wanna cry and scream then go out in the front yard and yell and cry as LOUD as you can!" My dad comanded. "MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Like a drill sargent. There I stood in front of the whole nieghborhood, made to force out some loud and pathetic crying. Making fun of me when I was crying or expressing my feelings was another responce he would give while "parenting". Public humiliation wasn't the only abuse. Once he tried to teach me a lesson by convincing me that I tried to kill my own brother. My two brothers and I were about ages 3, 4, and I was about 5. It was bed time and dad was resentful about having to be left as our caretaker. I pulled the covers out from under my brother who was standing on the bed. Like a five year old, "Get OFF!" I yelled. Yanked the blanket and down he went. Hit his head on the hard bare floor. Here he comes! The monster is fuming. "WHATS GOING ON?!" After getting off the phone with the doctor I heard him yelling close to my face. "You tried to kill your brother!" "You wanted him dead didn't you?" Meanwhile knowing the whole time that the doctor told him my brother was probly gonna be fine. He always made a huge ordeal out of any injury even slight. He would send all of us kids to one of the bedrooms while the injured party was with him. I couldn't see that my little brother was up and unharmed. Other than a bump. I realy thought I killed him.

Justifying my experiences as abuse was hard for me. My father loved me and his family. I knew that, but there was no denial when I realised, through counceling, that him chasing me into the next room while popping his eyes out and turning beet red, and shaking, he was cabable of physical abuse too. I knew he had picked me up and thrown me from the doorway onto my bed before. I watched my dad tie my brother's feet together and make him stand with a baseball glove and catch the speeding throws he hurled at him. Why? Because the youngest brother complained that the older brother was throwing too hard. This wasn't everything, but enough to illustrate what went on till I moved out when I was 19. Thinking of myself as abused was hard because it wasn't nearly as severe as others had endured. It did explain why I would not see myself as very valuable and moved right into an abusive marriage. Two years into that. I have since forgiven my dad because I needed to be released from the effects of bitterness. He never admitted that he handled things wrong and my brothers still arent able to forgive.

Child Abuse Story From Katie

by Katie
(Sicily, Italy)

I thought that I was the luckiest girl in the world, with loving parents and a great home. This feeling stopped when my mom died. (I was 14). Although my father happily remarried a great person...I didn't realize that so I moved out. Within the first year I found that I didn't have enough money to eat and I didn't have any experience in any type of career to get a job so I decided to just go home. When I returned home instead of the "I'm so glad you're safe" hug, I was shoved to the floor and beaten. When I turned around to see who had beaten me I realized that it was my father but something was different, he was drunk. I couldnt move out again so I still to this day I face the torture of my drunk father. I'm now 16 and I'm not sure what to do with my life.

Child Abuse Story From Shirin

by Shirin
(Middle East)

I'm a Middle East professional woman. Sorry if my English writing is not very good, but I think it's necessary to share my story with other victims to find a solution preventing it in future. I was 8 years old beautiful girl. All family gathered together for a ceremony. I slept sooner than others and in midnight I woke up because I felt something on my body. I was abused by my young uncle, the one that I liked him very much before this. I turned with a sudden movement and stood up but showed that I did not know what he did to me and went to toilet and found myself wet. I was shocked and went back to sleep but beside my mother and maked an excused to my uncle that I'm afraid and want my mother and he told me that's ok. I went beside my mom so afraid and shocked. I did not tell my story to anybody. It happened to me one time but destroyed my private life. 2 years later my cousins abused me 3 times. I felt I'm a bad girl that men like to do these bad things to me. I was always number one in school but an isolated, depressed very quiet girl that in my culture it will be appreciated. Nobody thought why I'm so quiet. I never played normally with other children and I was not interested to play childish games. I remember when I was 8 or 9 walking in street I was thinking that everybody knows I'm a bad girl and may be they saw my picture in newspaper as a bad girl that his uncle did that to her and because of that I felt shy and could not watch people. I grew up with this heavy thoughts and until 18 I was always waiting for a unexpected pregnancy, because I did not have knowledge of pregnancy, because in my country it was not accessible to get these information as a unmarried girl those days and I was so shy girl that could not ask anyone, on the other hand I thought if I ask one they may be find that victim is I. After going to University and learn more by university education finally I found that I lost 10 years of my life, both childish and teenager period because of restricted environment of my country and not knowing about these things. I beared this heavy secret with me 10 years with thinking I may get pregnant because of what happened to me at 8. I focused on my courses and hated men and marriage forever. I graduated in very high degree of my profession and tried to cure myself. After 33 I tried to trust men and environment. I tried to make friend with men but all my relations got wrong way. Even because I wanted to release my mind thinking as a victim of abuse I made sexual relationship but not deeply. After this I felt a little bit better and after 4 times make friendship and relationship with men I found it now I can rely to a man but now I'm not at usual age of marriage and I finally feel I'll be alone forever. Now as a University professor and very qualified in my career, I'm alone. I’ve always been at service of my poor family because I thought I can forgive them for not caring me enough, to prevent what happened to me. But now at the end of my story I hate first of all my mom, then my uncle, cousins, and my dad. Even I think to suicide because I feel I'm not normal because I'm not married. Almost everybody around me is married at my age and has children.

Child Abuse Story From Megan

by Megan
(USA)

This story did not happen to me but to my mom and my friend that iv known since kindergarden. My friends story comes first. She told not to tell any one so i wont say her name but we were walking back from school one day and she told me that shes not too excited to go home because her dad was home and i siad ehy and she said her dad beats her with belts and wires and she showed me some of her bruzes. So i want to know if i should report it to some one or just tell her to do somthing about it? My moms helpless story is next. My mom has deppresion off and on and she told me why so here it goes. One day my mom was drinking while listening to loud music and she told me why and said when she was a little girl her parents adopted her out and her step father raped her every day and yhe step mom did nothing to stop it so when my mom was ateen ager im not sure when ,she ran away. She had to go into foster care and was very troubled she told me no more then tgis and she began to cry alot she said i am very lucky i have good loving parents. She made me feel very sad for her and i think about it now and tgen and it makes me cry and every time she talks about it i try to change the subjext but i feel.its not enough so im wondering what i should do to help her not think about so much.

Child Abuse Story From Sherri

by Sherri
(Alabama, USA)

I was about 6 years old when this happened to me, I don't remember too much about it, but my uncle says that I have blocked out everything at that time in my life. I didn't know that can actually happen. I didn't know that something so bad can happen to someone that they put a wall up around them themselves. Then it happened again when I was about 16, by the same man.

Child Abuse Story From Courtney

by Courtney
(Kentucky, USA)

Im still young and still have alot of life ahead of me, but that life has been cut down alot and things are completely different now. I was 6, about to turn 7, when my mom first got back together with her ex boyfriend. After almost 2 years he started acting weird. Always being around me and stuff. Well i used to go downstairs in my mom and his room and watch movies all the time at night until one night he started to touch me. I was like 9, and ive been told countless times i shouldve known better by that age but i didnt know what to do. I let it go on too long, being bribed or threatened everytime i kept my mouth shut. Eventually he used force. I was held down and had my clothes ripped off, i forced myself off of the bed head first and hurt myself pretty badly, i grabbed my phone and ran to the bathroom and decided it was time to tell my mom. I finally told her the next day and she immediately called my sister, i packed what i could and she came and got me. I lived with her for 3 months. The first 2, it was just me, the last month my mom lived there. Eventaully my mom bought a trailer and we moved in, she still doesnt fully believe me because he denys it but she does to an extent. I dont know where life is going to take me and i dont know what it will be like in the future but i resent my mom for the way she is doing things. She still brings him around. She still sees him and is going back to him when i move out. I have a son now, his real dad isnt around much and it sucks and it just adds more stress on me, but at the same time he helps me manage through each day. Its hard having the same guy around but i dont judge my mom for wanting to be with him. Its the love of her life, shes pretty old and was with him since she was a teenager they just broke up in between. I hate what shes doing but i understand that she doesnt know what to believe. Im the one who chose not to call the cops or get them involved. I dont wanna go through court and all the stupid stuff and relive those moments in front of total strangers. I can deal with the way things are now for one more year, but after that, im moving far far away from the state of kentucky.

Child Abuse Story From Jesika

by Jesika
(California, USA)

I suffered a horrible childhood my dad died when I was 6 years old and after that my mom became an drug addict. She got a new boyfriend who would abuse me and kick me across the hallway and my mom would deny it. Then she invited her friend to stay with us and he fingered me it hurt so bad and he would jackoff in front of me I would yell for my mom but no one would come I'm scared and helpless. I got tooken away from my mom I now live with my aunt and I'm 15 I just feel depressed now and sometimes suicidal.

Child Abuse Story From Martha

by Martha
(Alberta, Canada)

I am a First Nation older woman. I have been mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually abuse by teens and adults. I do not recall being sexually abuse when I was a toddler; however, by insight I was by my uncle. The flashbacks I had started at age 7 years old; however, the abuse might have started earlier than that. I have been abused by various people, my uncles, my grandfather, a priest, a doctor, and people that I thought were safe.
My late uncle was a serious pedophile. He would corner me and would touch me and I would struggle. We would play outside with other children and he manage to have his big dogs to try to mount me while he held me. I fought and he would let go with his sick laughter.
My grandfather would mentally sexually abuse my thoughts by using dollar bills of the queen as a vagina and tell me this is it..
My grandfather would throw me against the wall if he slightly grew angry at everything. He would tell me I was stupid.
My uncle's brother in law raped me at 14 years old, alone in the car in the middle of no where.
A priest from the residential school sexually touched me when no one was around.
A doctor whom I had known since I was a child tried to kiss me and I ran from his office.
A gynecoglist touched my clitoris while examining me and never said a word.
I have gone into therapy by going to group counselling, individual concounselling and spoke to whom ever will hear my story.
I have turned to drugs, and alcohol when I was 17 but turned my life over with a lot of dysfunctional emotions.
I gained BA/BED and a Masters. I am open to conversation to this type of treatment and feel for others who are still going through this process. As you see, it still happens on First Nations reserves and it is not spoken about. First Nation children need to be protected and have their stories told.

Child Abuse Story From Joey F

by Joey F
(Indiana, USA)

I was 14 years old in 1982, and my dream was for my Dad to come home. He and Mom had been divorced for several years, and he went to Arizona, taking 2 of my Sisters with him. When I saw him walk through our front door, I went right to him. I wasn't running fast, I was flying low!! I knocked him over with this massive bear hug and he hugged me back and told me all about how much he loved me and missed me and was happy to see me. My dream had come true! XD XD XD A few days later, on our way to Arizona in a little 6'X8' camper the dream became a nightmare. We were always parked off the highway in some remote part of the desert, and there was rarely food or clean water or even a change of clothes. Everyone was absolutely miserable. No one laughed or smiled or played. Mom was always "out of it" because she didn't have her Schizophrenia medicine. The beatings were constant. What I never disclosed to my Mom or Sisters, even to this day was the beatings while Dad and I were "exploring the desert", which were much worse than the ones at "home". One night while dragging me out of the camper, my youngest Sister, J-- grabbed my hand. I looked in her eyes and knew the situation. I was the only thing standing between my family--Mom and Sisters--and this monster. If I let him hit me at least he's not hitting anyone else. One day, he looped his leather belt and hit me in the eye so many times it broke a blood vessel and the blood ran all the way to the pupil. When I told him I might go blind in that eye all he said was "I don't care." At another point he put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me.

The sleep deprivation got pretty bad. He would keep me awake all night and under a lot of stress asking math questions that if I didn't get them right he would hit me again. The brain doesn't function well under stress, so I was always getting them wrong. Sometimes he just spend the time explaining in no uncertain terms how I'm a piece of s**t and he divorced Mom because of me.

Eventually one of my Sisters was so upset over what she was witnessing that she ran away. That night, I went to go find her. Not to bring her back, but to make sure she was OK.

After the abuse ended, life was never the same again. I was constantly angry, depressed,and self loathing. Other kids in school picked up on it and I became the butt of their jokes. Sometimes even a teacher would make fun of me. At that point, I started playing a game of chance with a whole other monster. I would stand on train tracks and watch the train bear down. Sometimes it got to within 2 or 3 seconds.

The screaming in the head was unbearable. I started smoking and taking Ephedrine to see how fast I can get my heart going before it killed me. I got it up to 240 BPM--That works out to 4 beats/second. I should've died. I *wanted* to die. Dad did all of that to my family to get to me. "If you never existed my family would've been happy." "You don't deserve to be loved." "Nobody can love you." Every day I wanted to cry my eyes out, but all I could do was scream and kick and hit things.

I'm 44 years old, and I still have a lot of issues. I can't talk to my family about it and I have no close friends. I never had a GF, and I absolutely refuse to have children (Break The Cycle).

A lot of blank spaces--a lot of what happened on those walks I can't even remember. I'm not sure I want to.

I recently remembered what my Dad's face looked like, and it just brought all of this up again.

Even now I'm a 14 year old boy that loves his Dad ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((that much)))))))))))))))))))))))))))). I just wish he could love me back. :( :( :( :( :( :(

Child Abuse Story From Kipper

by Kipper
(Location Undisclosed)

Before my parents death I was the happiest kid alive. Playing with my friends, watching Children’s shows and singing songs with my parents.
My whole world came crashing down, one night when I was being baby sited.
"Hey, Kipper, do you want to play a game?" Our babysitter, I forget her name, asked.
"Yeah!" I nodded however the phone ran and the babysitter, having the permission to answer the phone, ran up to go and grab it.
I was then told the sad news, that my parents where dead. They had been killed in a car crash and I was instructed too collect a suitcase of my things.

I was only 6 at the time. When my parents died. I was forced to move in with my Aunt to which I referred to as "Miss" and uncle to whom I referred to as "Sir".
My childhood ended, then and there. as I was now "The boy" or "Rat" or "Slave" instead of kipper the brave knight who chased my father (The dragon) around the green garden as the sun-set, and was rewarded with a smile by my mother with some of her freshly baked cookies or cakes and a glass of milk.

I was beaten with a whip or belt, caged, Starved and forced to do every chore imaginable!

Here where some of the rules which I now had to obey:

1. No speaking when not asked a question
2. Don’t look us in the eye
3. No complaining, crying, laughing or sign of emotion
4. No playing or having fun
5. No Thieving
6. Always do as we say
7. No playing with friends or playing at all
8. You’re not an equal to us but a slave

Caught breaking any of the rules I would be beaten harshly!

They’re a small selection, some are painful to remember. I remember as i grew up, being dressed in the same rags, my hair was long and greasy and my body thing and bony.
There wasn't a crumb of love anywhere, and my life was completely turned upside down.

My days where filled with chores, beatings and I was made to stand in the corner, my head down and arms by my side I was also to tag around them whenever i wasn't needed.

As i grew up, I grew determined to do my Parents proud and vowed never to return to this hell-hole. I was determined to runaway and managed to do so when I was about 16/17, settle down and have children of my own and I have done so.
I got a decent good-paying job, a wonderful wife and three wonderful young children.

King D - Little D, the eldest.
Captain J - Is our middle child who is a pirate-addict!
And Princess P - our youngest and is in love with unicorns (her bedroom is full unicorns, fairies and rainbows!)

Though I am blessed with my family and love them so much, I feel, often, worth-less, less-than human and that I deserve to still be locked in a cage, away from sight as I’m ugly, disgusting and a disappointment.

Child Abuse Story From AC

by AC
(Tennessee, USA)

My story is about emotional abuse and the effects on a person's sense of self-worth. The worst part about emotioinal, or psychological, abuse is that it is not easy to spot sometimes because it can be non-blatant. I grew up in a very wealthy Southern Baptist family. My parents were divorced when I was young, but remarried. My mother, due to her need for control at all times, and her preoccupation with how things appeared to everyone else, was the primary emotional abuser. If she was mad at anyone else, she would take it out on me. She was easily angered and would slap and kick me even if she was mad at someone else. She also acted as though anything that happened in my life, or anything I cared about, did not matter and I was silly to think that it did. Her life revolved around doting on my stepdad, keeping an immaculate home, and presenting the "perfect" persona to anyone outside the family. She was always willing to go above and beyond for anyone else, but I was always treated like an inconvenience or a burden. I tried so hard to be perfect, to keep quiet, to just shut up and not have any feelings or wants so that she would be happy with me. When I finally left home for college at 18, my self-esteem began to unravel. Without anyone there to critique my every move, I became fearful. I self-harmed for awhile, along with a serious bout of anorexia for about 4 years. I am still bulimic to this day. I got into an abusive relationship, dropped out of school, and had an unwanted pregnancy. Because of these mistakes, my mom decided she didn't want anything to do with me. She kicked me out, took custody of my child (whom she later adopted) and played it off to everyone that I was such an ungrateful, stupid little girl and she was such a selfless hero. Because I was now suddenly on my own, I began prostituting to support myself. My mom knew about it, I didn't hide it from her, but she acted as though she didn't care. One night I called her after I was mugged at a hotel room, and she flippantly told me she was trying to take a bath and relax and to quit bothering her. I fell into another abusive relationship soon after. When I would cry out for help from her when he treated me badly, she would ignore me and gossip with him about me behind my back. I felt utterly betrayed. She has constantly, since I was young, been trying to make me look bad to other people. She wants everyone to think of me as some stupid little child who doesn't know anything. Even when I try to talk to her now on the phone, she responds with "mmhmm" to anything I say no matter what is it, then puts on her cheery fake voice and hangs up. Another thing I have never understood is that anytime something happens that's good in my life, or I am happy, she acts like I don't deserve it and she's mad that I am happy. I am no longer a prostitute, although I struggle with bulimia every day. No one cares about how she has treated me. I have no one who understands. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent on this site.

Child Abuse Story From Sarah

by Sarah
(United Kingdom)

I'm 14 years old. For 8 years of my life I was emotionally abused and neglected. But it wasn't just at home. I was bullied at school and received a lot of racism. Often I was starved for days and never had clean clothes to wear, I refused to get changed for P.E. because my clothes were never clean. At school I had 2 good friends one knew more than the other what was happening to me but because my abuser was good at manipulating people my friend pitied my abuser not knowing to a full extent what was going on. My abuser had mental health issues and although, towards the end, people told me it was because of this it felt to me as though it had been learnt a skill that had developed over time. At school I was bullied, hit, punched, thrown up against the lockers and received alot of racism. I lived in filthy, rancid conditions for SEVEN years. I learned to bend into the background and that's why when I finally got out of that situation, my people skills were so crappy. I still struggle to make friends, I've been at my school a month and my mind keeps wandering to the way I was treated at my own school but on a much, much milder scale. But that's not what makes me angry. What makes me angry is that Social Services had it in there power to take me out of that situation and... they never did. I had to make that move. I had to beg my dad to take me when I found out all I had to do was ask. But I was scared of asking of what my abuser would do if i asked. And when I told her she both cried and attempted to beat me. But then. With a little help I got the courage to stand up to her. So, one day, when she was out, I packed up all my stuff, and went to live at my aunts for 2 weeks, still going to school and getting bullied but at least I felt safe when I got home. Well as you can imagine my mum found out and turned my friends against me who in turn, turned the small amount of friends/classmates I liked and who liked me against me and I had to hang out in the attendance officers office every lunch and break time for two weeks. And when I finally got to my dad's. It was the happiest feeling I have ever felt. So yeah, I've been through the wars and I made it through. I still long to tell my new found friends of my story but for now I'm keeping it quiet and thinking about the future. My teachers say I've got enough brains to go to Oxford but I want to be a Wildlife Explorer.

I'm Sarah and This was my Story.

Child Abuse Story From Jack

by Jack
(Location Undisclosed)

I was abused pretty much since I was born. I don't really remember not getting hurt. My father abused my physically with beatings. He did other things also like making me sleep outside during thunderstorms. My mom wasn't like him, she was really nice and she always said she loved me and she tried to help, but when I was 5 I was in a car accident with her and she died. My father blamed me for her dying and said I should've died instead and that if I was good then she'd come back. I know now that that isn't true, but at the time I believed him and tried really hard to do everything right so she'd come back, but I always screwed up. When I was 7 my teacher saw cigarette burns on my arms because I forgot to wear long sleeves to school and she reported it. I was put into foster care.
My first foster home was really great, the parents were nice and I had an older brother who was 16 that I latched on to. He used to take me places with him and play sports with me. At night he would let me sleep in his room sometimes because I would have really bad nightmares. For the first two weeks I was there I wouldn't talk to anyone and they had me see a childrens counselor but it was my foster brother who got me to start talking. After a year I had to leave the home though because the mom got cancer and they had to pay for chemo and couldn't afford to adopt me anymore.
My second foster home was more abusive than my father was and the foster father there had a gun that he always threatened me with. He'd play a game where he put one bullet in and spun it so I wouldn't know if it was in the chamber or not and he'd fire. Once he actually did shoot me because I was crying and didn't stop when he told me to because I was scared. I think I was 12 then. I didn't get taken out of that foster home for another year though because he said I was playing with his gun and shot myself. It was another report by a teacher that got me out of that one. I was in that home for about 5 years I think.
My third foster home only lasted 2 months because they said I was too quiet and had too many issues, and they had like 15 other kids already so they couldn't deal with me.
The fourth home was the worst out of all of them. The father was physically abusive like all the rest but after a year or two he started touching me and doing other things and when I was 15 he started raping me. He pulled me out of school when I was 16 because I already skipped school alot anyway and it made it easier for him. On nights where it was just him I could stay in my bed room but on nights that his friends came over and paid him to spend time with me I stayed in the basement. I had a mattress but I always slept in the corner instead. I still do alot of the time because I don't like beds much. I tried committing suicide once while in that home but it didn't work and I never had the guts to try again.
When I was 17 I got taken out of foster care permanently and was given a deal that I could live on my own if I had shelter, steady income, and saw a court-appointed therapist. I was technically homeless but I went to a teen shelter alot at night so I did have somewhere to sleep most of the time. I had two jobs that I still have now and I saw the therapist until I turned 18 in December 2011.
My father got out of prison a few months ago and in January he found me and attacked me but the police came before he killed me and he's back in prison now.
I was on my own for a while but in January (before the thing with my father happened) I got in touch with my foster brother from the first home. He was really happy to hear from me and said he tried to find me when he got older but since I was still in the system they couldn't give him my location. I see him almost every day now and stay at his apartment alot.
So now I'm just trying to get through each day I guess. I have alot of issues like anxiety, bad nightmares, fears of stupid things like thunderstorms and the dark, I'm really jumpy, sometimes my hands or body start shaking if I get scared, and other things like that. Some people said they think I have PTSD but I've never been diagnosed.
I learned alot about coping mechanisms while I saw the therapist and my main one is music. I love music and there's never really a time when I'm not listening to music. I like rap and rock music the most. I love playing the guitar too but I can't afford to buy one right now so it's been a while since I last played. I also love sports, mainly basketball and ice hockey, and I play them with my brother alot.
It's hard but I think I'll make it. Thanks for listening, sorry that that was so long.

Child Abuse Story From Vanna

by Savanna
(Massachusetts, USA)

I remember trying to stand at the top of the stair case, my legs quivering, and feeling the snot and tears dripping from my chin. They turned to look up at me, horror set deep into their faces. My mother turned to look last and I saw her face fall. She stood up and ran up the stairs to grab me. I can't remember anything after that.
My parents were good people. We went to church every Sunday and they were active in the community. My parents tried to have a baby for 20 years and I was their little miracle. My dad worked hard every day and we lived in a nice house that sat on a nice hill where we lived nice lives and had nice things. The church was looking for families to take in refugees from Yugoslavia which was in the midst of a horrific war. The people were being killed in mass genocide and families were being displaced. My parents, being the good people they were, offered to take a family in. I remember seeing the family get off the plane. They had one suitcase of clothes and the mother carried her crying baby. They were skinny and dirty and smelled weird. The three girls had hair cut short so they wouldn't be raped in their country. They looked so scared and unsure. They stayed with us for months and the oldest sisters would baby sit me and my brother. They were quiet and kept to themselves mostly. The brother was angry always, the father dominating, and the mother subservient. My parents helped them to get on their feet and they moved into their own home eventually.
We went to visit them for their Easter Sunday. I remember following the son up to his room while our families ate down stairs and laughed together. He had made a fort out of his bunk bed, darkened and surrounded by blankets. We went inside of it and there isn't much I remember after that except for my moms face..
There was no real sign that any of this had happened except for my abnormally agitated behavior. I remember shoving kids down hills in preschool and I was suspended from kindergarten for beating up kids a few times. I slept under my bed for five years then relocated to my closet. my mom thought it was cute. I never fit in and when we moved, I immediately isolated myself. When I did begin to talk to people, it was only to seek out some comfort. I couldn't feel comfortable in my own skin. I couldn't be home where my dad screamed all the time and my mother walked away as he hit me. I couldn't deal with watching my younger brother cry or sit in my room alone with my thoughts. I sought any escape from home, any escape from my thoughts that I could find. I escaped to a group of friends who were into smoking, drinking, and getting into anything that made them feel different. I was a little younger than 12. I became bulimic, began drinking heavily, and smoking pot. One night, my best friend at the time and I had been drinking heavily. Our friends left and her older brothers came downstairs. One began kissing me and I kissed back. My friend went upstairs. He pulled my pants down and i fell over, hitting my head on the table. The other brother held me down and kept me quiet. I remember her father coming down the stairs and one of them jumped up. Her dad ran back up the stairs. I remember waking up and trying not to puke as the room spun. I remember my friend telling me not to say anything because they had gotten in trouble before. I remember the confusion and the shame. I remember the week after, sitting in a restaurant with two friends, when all of a sudden I wasn't in my body anymore. I thought some one had drugged me or I was going crazy. I wasn't sure what to do so I didn't do anything. The outer body experiences only got worse and i began to get nightmares. I would wake up screaming or with tears streaming down my face. I couldn't deal with the nightmares so I would try to force myself not to sleep. I began to self mutilate and tried to kill myself multiple times before even entering high school. I began drinking and taking anything on a daily basis. I had no limits for myself. I felt that down was the only place for me to go. I felt I had no life worth living and no future to aim for. I didn't have a will to live and I couldn't deal with my feelings. I was having sex with who ever would have sex with me and things only got worse. I would wake up next to people I didn't know, have no memory of the night before, my reputation was destroyed by high school, I was hospitalized for alcohol poisoning my freshman year, and then my mom learned about the most recent rape. I was institutionalized for several months. No one really knew what was going on. I was released and went back to my old school. My drug habit only got worse. I became chronically depressed and began to use heroin my sophmore year. I began to have small memories of the rape from when I was 5. I couldn't stand to see my parents. If I wasn't basically comotose from the mixture of booze and benzos or heroin, I was hysterical and in tears. My junior year, I was so messed up I don't even remember being arrested at school but I was sent to lock up and then rehab for 9 months. I relapsed almost immediately, was homeless, arrested again, sent to detox, and then kicked out to live with my junkie boyfriend. My senior year I found out i was pregnant after being told numerous times i could not get pregnant. My cervix had been severely scarred to the point that doctors believed it would not be possible. I got clean. I got my life together and graduated high school 5 days before having my son. We promised to give this baby a life better than we had. I struggled through out my pregnancy but i now have a beautiful 7 month old son. Though his father has relapsed and is not in our life, I still survive and look for the beauty in life every day. The fact that I made it through these events and am now not only surviving but thriving and growing is a miracle. Just like I was and am a miracle, my son is too. He is my reason for living. He is my reason to stay sober and fight my PTSD. I do not know why these things happened to me, but I know there is a reason. My mother still lives in denial of my rape when I was 5 and I still struggle with PTSD and addiction, but I now wish to share my story and let others know that your struggle is not in vain. I now major in psychology and plan to work in clinical research to study more about PTSD treatment and affects. I know my struggle has not been in vain.

Child Abuse Story From Abigail

by Abigail
(Ohio, USA)

My sexual assault 4 years ago: 
Wen I was 7 I was playing kickball with my bestfriends brother and the ball went behind a truck I went to go get it and he pushed me down and raped me. for 2 days straight I felt so dirty after like it was my fult. I am 11 now.

Child Abuse Story From Jason

by Jason
(Location Undisclosed)

I'm breaking the cycle. I've been a loser my whole life. I was robbed of a childhood so I never had the "boys will be boys" excuse going for me. I was a street rat by the time I was twelve and I've been a homeless piece of trash ever since. Once a punk always a punk. I don't feel bad saying it because it's true. Drugs, theft, violence, sex for money, I am what's wrong with society. No kid should go through what we went through growing up, but that's no excuse. When my father went in to his rages and beat us bloody he always had an excuse. I don't care what his father did to him. There's no reason for a 6'4" 220lb man to punch a 9 year old in the face hard enough to knock him down and then kneel on his chest and pound fists into his tiny body nonstop until he goes limp. Nothing will ever justify the way he treated us. Whipping us with his belt until the skin split and blood ran down our legs because "his daddy used a switch on him"? Bullshit. And that aint even the worst of it. How can you go through this and then turn around and do it to another human being? But that's what they say. Kids who got beat grow up into abusers themselves. I'll never understand it and that's what terrifies me most. I've got a kid now. A little boy. I've only seen him once. I split with his mom as soon as I found out she was pregnant. Call me a coward, but I didn't do it because I'm too lazy to raise a kid. I just know he's better off without someone like me in his life. I know in my heart I'd never hurt my kid. But it's not a chance I'll take. I have so much anger inside of me all the time. What makes me any different from my father? Violent, raging, drug addict, alcoholic, piece of shit. Like father like son.
I'm not a good person. But it ends here.

Child Abuse Story From Kally

by Kally
(Location Undisclosed)

Im now 12. I was three when all that stuff happened. My mom would go to work every night. It started out small....he would say he wanted to play a game. I ofcoursr said yes. We wuld play a game where we wuld find stuff and put it under a blanketand we had to guess what it was at one point he made me touch his "thing". He said it went with the game so I did it too. Then it went to something else. He covered my mouth and pulled down my pants and underwear and tried to put himself in me but I fought so he didnt. I cried and screamed to let me call my mom. I did finally call my mom and she rushed home. I told her he covered my mouth she asked what else and I said that was it. I guess you could say I was embarrassed and he told me not to tell her so I didnt.
Later it was all forgotten...even by me. We moved from there and in with my sister,her husband and my niece and nephew. My brother and I slept on the couches. He somehow got a porn video and showed it to me. That night he told me to take off my pants. I was 4now but I did what he said and he stuck his thing in my behind like he wanted too. It hurt but still I said nothing when it was over. My neice and nephew and I did some sexual thimgs when we were younger. We're all close in age but we watched porn and looked through porn magazines. We got caught.multiple times but we still did it. Now im 12 and im obsessed with sex. I read sex scenes. I fantasize about having sex. I've done stuff that I know I shpuldnt do but I cant stop it. My mom knows nothing and I want it to stay that way. My brother always said it never happened so I dont talk about it. My nephew told me that my brother did sexual things with him when they wyld shower together after swimming in the pool. Its been years now and I dont jnow if this counts as abuse or not but ive needed to share my story somehow. Me and my brother have an amazing relationship. Like any brother and sister. He just took my innocence and now im some sex addicted pre teen. I will never tell though...no matter what.
I say sorry for any typos I used my phone to type all of this up.

Child Abuse Story From Angry Little Girl

by Name Undisclosed
(Location Undisclosed)

I don't want to tell my name b/c I will be scarred with the fact that I am just as messed up as everyone else, when I finish telling my story. I have just turned 17 and have been living with my wonderful boyfriend for one year, eight months, and eleven days. I don't believe in a religion and I hate my mother more than life itself. I was molested at the age of seven, by a man I thought was family, in my grandmothers house. This same man, tried again and he couldn't b/c I acted like I was asleep and wouldn't move my arm from in between us for anything, he was trying to nudge my arm over. Within that timespan, I and some cousins performed sexual acts with each other. I knew this was wrong and I never said anything. This guy had relations with my uncle. I Love my uncle very much and still feel guilty for not telling him about this guy. My uncle died and I feel that if I would have spoke up that he would still be here. My mother, G---, is a very sick person as I have grown to realize and still is. She is an emotionally abusive person and I wish that I could help her. I try not to talk to her as much as possible b/c everytime I do, I am extremely stressed for unknown reasons. She and my biological father, L--, were at a party and had sexual intercourse. Neither of them remember the night and L-- doesn't talk to me b/c he has a family of his own. His family didn't know I existed until a couple of years ago. I have a brother and sister (on my dad's side) who have been brainwashed into hating me by their real mother, C--. I have a brother and a sister (on my mom's side) who live with extended family. My bro, sis, and I all smoke weed and I know it is bad, but right now, we're trying to live one day at a time. We all know not to do anything harder b/c of previous experiences. They, thankfully, ignore the bad things around them. I can't and I am so F***ed up b/c I dwell on it. Back to C--, she is (in my opinion) evil incarnate and doesn't care about the fact that she has children, b/c she is trying to keep her head above all the drama and drugs that she is surrounded by on a daily basis. I care for my bro and sis deeply and it kills me that I am not old enough to whisk them away and take them to Neverland. My sister is old enough to fend for herself (being a year younger than me), but no one (NO ONE) wants my brother and I feel so helpless b/c I am still trying to live a better life and secretly wish someone would care for him. C-- came to my grandmothers crying, while I was there. She had my brother with her b/c there was a conflict with the extended family involving money (LIKE ALWAYS!) and she said that he can't stay there anymore. Well I can gladly report that my bro and sis need to be with each other and are still with the extended family. I think C-- hasn't matured past the age of 16 and I hate her so much there is not even words to describe. I can't wait until she is dead, so when I have children of my own (which I am scared of b/c I want them to have a 10x's better life) I can say that I had a good childhood and a good mother. Now that I've moved past those obstacles, I still dwell on the past. It is killing me b/c it is making my relationship with my boyfriend worse. I Love my boyfriend, but I intentionally come up with stuff to fight about. I get angry for no reason sometimes. I am at Sat. School and I thought I would share my messed up past. Thank you for reading. I feel a weight off my shoulders. :)

Child Abuse Story From Ricki P

by Ricki P
(Denmark)

When I was six months old, my mother was fed up with being a mother, and left. She didn't tell anyone and just left the apartment, my father would return a day later to find me there. He was not super excited about being a single dad, so he dropped me off at my grandparents only he forgot to pick me up again. And when I was around 8 months old there was a custody hearing, no one showed. The custody went to the state.

I stayed at my grandparents, because it's customs here in the DK to ask family members first, when the state has a child on their hands that no one wants. My grandparents let me stay, and I wish I had gone to the state.

I was never assaulted. I was ignored, belittled and made to feel unwanted. I was a burden and no one missed a chance to tell me that. I was not invited to family gatherings, and was told over and over that I was a little b***h mooching off my grandparents. And that I should be grateful. Even the CPS ladies that visited yearly said that, I should be grateful because no one wants a foster child that is not a toddler. And that my grandparents seemed like nice people.

My grandmother told me time and time again, that they had only taken me in because of the family/neighbor gossip. She was ashamed of her own son, who clearly wasn't interested. She did not do this for any other reason than damage control and money. See in that aspect she 'did' care, she would sew my clothes herself, or re-design handmedowns so they fit me. It was rare that I had something new, everything always came from someone elses closet.

While she never hit me, she would ignore me for days. Not acknowledge my existence at all, no plate would be put out for me at dinner time, I had to fetch my own. Most of all she was bitter that she was "made" to look after another child.

I was never made to bathe, brush my teeth, go to bed, come in for supper or anything. I had decent clothes, my own room, a toothbrush and stuff like that, but no one cared if I used it. I had several teeth pulled as a pre-teen because they were rotten, kids just don't brush their teeth unless prompted. I had all the things right there for me to use, but no one bothered to show me how, or tell me when it's appropriate to take a shower and so forth. I had to learn this the hard way, from my peers.

I hated school, and I did terribly there. Got in fights and detention. Mostly because I had no respect for anyone or anything, maybe I tried to make someone stand up and claim that they cared, but I doubt I would have believed them.

I ran away when I was 15 and never came back. When I was picked up by the Danish CPS at a project for street kids, I welcomed the grouphome, anything was better than to live a life, where you on daily basis are told that you are nothing, that you are a burden, unwelcome, making everyone miserable, and most of all being told that you are a less fortunate product of your dad not being able to keep it in his pants.

Both my mum and dad had more children, just not with each other. None of my siblings got to live in their care for long. My mum kicked her habit when her 4th child was taken off her. I was around 28 and had had two kids of my own when she finally quit all substance abuse. She have tried to make up for not being there, but I can't really relate to her and I don't know, maybe it's the feelings you have a child. I couldn't understand why my parents left me to that, and thought that they hated me. According to my mother, they just didn't know, which is rubbish because none of them ever bothered to check, they both went on with their merry ways.

I know she feels guilty, but I just can't tell her it's okay. Because it's not. It took me years and years of therapy, and my own children to care for. For me to realise that I am not less than nothing, I am not just a mistake.

Psychological abuse breaks you too. As an adult I have a hard time connecting with other people, empathy for me is hard won.

Child Abuse Story From Nikkie

by Nikkie
(Louisiana, USA)

Head injury: 
ok i was just posting my story of incest and my computer just shut off.... well let me start this over but a shorter version my mothers oldest son raped me for years i was even pregant at one time , she knew about it and she hurt me too. to make a very long story short i ended up with a $80k piece of machine in my head and its becasue of the abuse as a child will post the long version later but i just want everyone to know that if you do not tell it will hurt you in the long run.

nikkie

Child Abuse Story From Pamela R

by Pamela
(Maine, USA)

Where do I begin? As the second child, born to a Mother from Germany, and a Father who got her pregnant there, during the war, who brought her back with him (after getting her pregnant with my sister 5 years my senior), my life was simply over before it began!! 5 years after being in the U.S., my Mother was to go back to Germany for a visit. Well, that did not happen,because she was pregnant with me!!! That's the day my life was destined for severe abuse...

Not even a year-to-date, after my birth, my "GOD SENT" baby brother was born!!!

My Mother or sister was not treated well by my Fathers family (so the word goes); and she took everything out on me!! The abuse from her, mentally, physically, & emotionally, I could not have had it any worse!!! I remember her telling me I was "potty-trained" at a year old, because she refused to have two babies in diapers???!!! WHAT?? I DID AND LOVED EVERY MINUTE!!!

She actually gave me my baby book not long ago, and the only part that was filled in was my name, date of birth, time of birth, and weight...and OH YEAH...How she cried because I was not a boy!!

Anyway, I had no freedom growing up. NONE!!! I was a perfect student, nominated from everything to "Student Council, to Prom Queen, etc. etc. etc. But I was never allowed to stay after school for anything!!! My brother and sister got to come and go as they pleased!!!

I never had a birthday party, or attended one, slumber party, (didn't even know what it was). I was very popular in high school, and the "CHEERLEADERS" was my best friends...(in school)!!! My freedom was a fenced yard!!

My Mother abused me so badly, in every way she could, that I got the blame for everything that went wrong in her life!! My first memory of her is when I was 5 years old, playing in my drive-way, with a girl who lived across the street, and she called me into the house, because I had a pretty dress on, and was standing too close to a mud puddle (I GUESS), and she beat me profusely!!! She made me walk home from HIGH SCHOOL every day for lunch, while my brother had a car; but I had to go home, and I ask one day if I could go to the mall with a friend that you could see from my house, and she smashed a scalding (AND I MEAN SCALDING) in my face!!!! I went to school with blisters on my lips and nose, and that was not the first time!!!

I was never allowed to have friends call me, and forget guys calling at age 15, 16, or even 17!!!

My story with her is so long, entailed, descriptive, etc. that it would take me hours to finish... BUT "JESUS CHRIST AS MY WITNESS" abuse came from elsewhere!!!

MY FATHER!!!!I know I was very, very young, when it stared, because my Father is a pedophile!!! "I STOPPED THAT" by educating my precious baby girls as to the "GOOD TOUCH-BAD TOUCH!" MIND YOU, HE TRIED, and they immediantly told me. But, my sister lost custody of her daughter, abandoned her to her ex-husband, and moved from state to state with her "HER NEW RICH HUSBAND!" leaving my neice visiting my parents on week-ends(trying to do the right thing); but none of us knew about the other!! Until my daughter came to me, I phoned my sister, she admitted my Father had at times sexually abused her; but mine was an every morning (before he went to work), coming into my bedroom, and well...doing what he wanted!!! My sister was not around, and I WAS ALONE!!! I married, (the wrong man of course), and was severely abused by him too. He got me into a critical car wreck (while I was pregnant with our first child, and abandoned me in the hospital clinging to life!! I had soooo many injuries, had a replacement femur while I was awake (in 1977), and had to learn how to walk all over again. Took me over 2 years; but I did it and delivered my baby natural, 4 months later!!! THE SWEETEST, MOST PERFECT CHILD TO THIS DAY!!! Unfortunately, my Father stocked me every place I was(lived). Would show up when he knew my husband was at work, kids in school, and let himself in. I did divorce their father (I had 2 daughters,and 1 son by him), and re-married a man from Venezuela. Figured my Father would be a bit intimidated by him! But he found his way. He raped me on my Son's bed (HIS ONLY GRANDSON AT THE TIME) when I was 33!!

OH...did I forget to mention also, that when I turned 17, and started being asked questions by my friends at school, that I followed my Mother around the house, (for only two days); and the next thing I knew I was being moved into an apartment, all alone (NEVER KNOWING FREEDOM), by my sister and father!!! I think he was afraid I would start asking him next!!!! Got thrown into a BEARS DEN, with A BEE-BEE GUN!!! My sister never came bak once to check on me. I was picked out of two seniors from my high-school called the "Y.O.P." PROGRAM-or YOUTH OPPORTUNITY PROGRAM!!! So, I did have a job working at the Post Office; but of course, NO CAR!!! I was going to class only 3 hours a day in my senior year, graduating mid-term, and my life was shattered!!!

I am now 56 years old, with alot of healing going on still, and have an awesome relationship with my children and grandchildren, and that is my HAPPINESS!!!!

I would love to write a book, I have had many opportunities, and missed opportunities because of my past, that I wish now I would of taken advantage of.

I have studied with the GURU MAHARASHI in 1974-76, and I am working very hard at rekindling that life-style.

I would love to open a place where kids, teens, people of all ages could come for refuge, and learn meditation, yoga, or anything they feel would be "THE FIRST STEPS IN HEALING!!!!"

I just don't quite know how to go aboutit all; but with prayer and meditation, I sincerely hope that is my next calling in LIFE!!!!

AS "GOD IS MY WITNESS" MY STORY IS TRUE, CAN BE BACKED UP BY MANY, AND IS ACCURATE IN EACH DETAIL. BUT THERE IS ALOT THAT HAS BEEN EXLUDED AT THIS POINT AND TIME!!!!

SINCERELY, AND GOD BLESS THOSE WHO SUFFER...

Child Abuse Story From Kaitlyn

by Kaitlyn
(Wisconsin, USA)

Nightmare: 
My abuse story is not as bad as most. Most children on here have very grusome stories to share. Mine on the other hand, is not nearly as bad or graphic.
My mother and I had gotten along all throughout my early childhood. Then everything changed when I turned Eight. Lets just say my Grandfather tried hurting me and my Mother nearly punched him because of it. During that time I was a confused eight year old, who had no idea of what abuse was. The whole incident nearly broke my famiy apart for two years. I noticed changes in my Mother. Drinking became her number one priority. She started working at a bar every night of the week. She barely had time for m anymore. At this point, my Mother was pregnant. I could tell by the worried looks my Dad's side of the family gave her when they saw her down a drink. Not only had my Mom been drinking way more then usual her and my father faught ever night. My mother drank throughout her entire pregnancy. When my younger sister was born, I thought that she would finally stop drinkingand everything would go back to normal. I was way wrong.
She started drinking even more. She would come home at night wasted out of her mind. When she was home she was loaded. She was angry with her life. Then she decided to take it out on her eldest child (Me). Whenever my Father would be outside working, she would yell, scream, and twist my arm. At first I thought that this pain would end soon enough. So I kept it a secret that she was hurting me. I kept it a secret until one day my Dad walked in on her standing over the top of me punching my arm. He yelled at her to stop and told me to go upstairs into my little sisters room an sit there with her. At this point, I would be sleepingin my sisters room because I was terrified my mother would come home wasted and do something to my sister. She was turning into a monster. Finally at last my Mother filed for a divorce.
Everything was coming down on my shoulders at once. At home I had to become a Mother to my sister. I took the role of Mother over, becauase my mother was clearly not in the state of mind to be raising children. I am now fourteen. My mother has gotten worse. She has laid her hands on me a few times, and the Cops were called. They did nothing about it. She drinks more then ever. She fights with me constantly tell me "You are going to Die alone" "Your Dad and you are such useless people" "I never wanted you as my daughter" And much worse things. The only thing I want is my old Mom back.

Child Abuse Story From Bree

by Bree
(Oregon, USA)

I can vivdly remember everything about this. It was two days before my dance concert, and I was psyched. It would be my first time performing in front of people.
My mother approached me with a form for a class for people interested in being police officers and fire fighters. Being someone who was interested in being a biochemist, I politely declined. She shouted at me for not being grateful for the choices that were offered, so I stayed there and handled the verbal abuse (as usual, I had become used to these things.)
At 10:09, my father came in and asked me why I didnt want to be in the program. So I told him my honest opinions (which I had NEVER done, because I was afraid of what was to come next.) I could see something snap in his eyes, and I backed away quickly. But he was quicker.
Redness was in his eyes. Oh his eyes were burning with pure anger, void of all love he said he had for me. His own daughter.
He pushed me to ground roughly, and I could feel fire in my right ankle. Hot, burning, searing fire.
Obviously there was no fire, it was just my nerves screaming at me that something had broken.
So for the next few minutes I sat there screaming my lungs out, saying that my leg was on fire and that he had broken it.
He called me a liar, and ungrateful of all of the things he gave me.
LIAR!
UNGRATEFUL!
B***H!
The other words kinda just faded away into nothingness in my memory.
My mother flew into the room screaming at me like a bird. She screamed the same dirty, filthy words at me.
My little sisters stayed in their rooms. It hurt knowing that the "sisterly love" would never work in the situations that mattered.
The next hour was a blur, but I know I curled up in the fetal position, refusing to talk to anyone.
My father refused to take me to the hospital, saying that it was just broken blood vessels.
Days later, the same man brought me there to get an X-ray.
Results= broken.
Seeing my fellow dancemates dance while I was in makeshift crutches hurt me the most since I would have been up there if HE hadn't hurt me.
Months later, I barely speak to him. It becomes a daily routine for me, avoiding the man who hurt me.
Seems reasonable right?
Not in HIS mind.
He says that he's going to always be there. He says that I look at the glass half empty. He says I'm ungrateful.
The verbal abuse hits me every day.
He forces me to hug him every day.
He forces me to "love him"
He wonders why I avoid him.
Has he not gotten it into his thick skull that he has done this to me?
He has given me emotional and physical pain that will scar me until I die.
If I could meet one person who has had this happen, please.. know you aren't alone.

Child Abuse Story From Katie

by Katie
(Ohio, USA)

This is the first time I have told my story. I always doubted my own intuition because when the molestation happened, my parents tried to cover it up by telling me it was just a bad dream. Even though it only happened once, I still have flash backs.

Here is my story:

I was molested by my 3 year older half brother when I was four. He and one of his friends forced me into my bedroom closet. I can't remember the details exactly but I do know that one person held the door shut while the other harmed me. I believe I went to my parents afterward to tell them but I don't think they believed me b/c my dad responded by telling me I had had a nightmare and he took a water bottle (which he had marked with a cross and bones) and took me up to my bedroom near the closet and sprayed the floor, supposedly curing me off my bad dream. I think the incident was a one time thing & I also believe it was the cause of my parents divorce because they divorced a year later.

The situation has haunted me ever since and I desperately want someone to tell me the whole truth about what happend that day. Two weeks before my mother committed suicide, I asked her if I had been molested & if so, by whom, and her response was first "no," but then she said she thinks maybe I was but she didn't know by who. I also tried to non-chalantly ask my father about my "dream" when but he didn't elaborate and just told me that a bad dream is all that had happened.

Why do I so desperately need someone to tell me the truth? I asked my brother if anything had happened and he said no. He also said that he would tell me if he did know.

I have been terrified of my childhood bedroom ever since my childhood & I was so scared to sleep in that room that I began sleeping with a pillow over my head, which I still do to this day. Also, when my parents divorced, my mom told it was because my dad had become deeply depressed and that she had to leave his for his own good. However, in all of my adult life I have never seen my dad depressed, he just doesn't get depressed. Shortly after all this happened, my brother was sent with my aunt to live for 3 months. I called her to ask her why my brother was sent there to live and she said it was because my mother had a drinking problem and needed to get help. However, my grandmother said it happened because my mom was admitted into a psychiatric unit. WTF...why can't I find out the truth? Why do I have to relay on my own vague memories. The only person I think my mom would ever protect would be my brother; is that why she wouldn't tell me truth?

I wish someone would set me free of this pain and confusion. I wish my dad would come clean and explain to me the truth.

Thank you for listening.

Child Abuse Story From Leanne

by Leanne
(New Jersey, USA)

I am 17 years old now and from a young age I was sexually abused by my cousin. One of my earliest memories is him rubbing my privates through my trousers on Christmas day, telling me that this was 'normal' and what cousins are supposed to do. I didn't know any better, as I was only 5, and he, 14.
When I was 7, and he 16, he began to ask if I could sleep over, and seeing as I am an only child my parents agreed, figuring it would be good to have company. What he didn't tell them, was that my auntie and uncle had gone out. We were alone. All was well at first, we played monopoly, watched telly, it was just normal. I went upstairs and got in the shower, as I was tired. I thought I had locked the door. He walked in, naked, and climbed in the shower with me. He then began to rub me and kiss me, forcing me up against the wall with his tongue down my throat and his fingers inside me. Then he forced me to perform oral on him.
When I was 9, he was 18, he got his drivers license. Our family thought we were the closest of cousins that got along so so well. And so, they let him take me out for a drive around the countryside one afternoon. By now, I was scared of him, and knew what he was doing was wrong. But I couldn't tell. He threatened to hurt me worse if I told. Anyway, in the car we pulled over into a field, where no-one could see. He forced me to strip, and he punched me hard so I fell to the ground. He forced his naked self onto me, and I couldn't breathe. He fingered me, then raped me until I bled. He got a wooden stick off of the ground and used it on me. He wouldn't let me up.
At around the same time, my mum started to go out with her friends more, meaning I would need a baby-sitter. And she insisted that my sensible, 'loving' cousin looked after me when she went out. He raped me every single thursday night, and laughed while he did.
I hate him. But he is gone now. He died a few years back, in a car crash. I went to the funeral and told everyone. They spat on his grave. He put me through years of misery and torment and suffering. He deserved that. He also left me with problems. Like now, I self harm. I trust no-one.. not even my own mother, as she failed to protect me from that vile waste of space. I have insomnia, and at one point I attempted suicide. I also had bulimia, however I conquered that demon.
So, I urge anyone going through this to tell someone, because if I could turn back time, I would. It would have been over so much earlier if I had told. The only person I blame for that, is myself.

Child Abuse Story From Veronica

by Veronica
(Illinois, USA)

My mom: 
I can't handle t. My mom has abused me since the beginning. She should grow up and see that I'm crying. All of my friends moms are perfect. I just want my mom happy. She always yells at me and hit me with the belt. My friend died all her head. And I told her "did your mom hit you" she said no. Her mom does not believe in hitting. My mom and dad are divorced. My sister has depression. Always it's me. My mom treats my sister and brother normaly but when it comes to me.. NO! I want to run away but.. I can't there is nowhere to run,. I only cut but it hurts.. But the other pain is gone. My mom always slaps me saying "there, something to cry for" my mom is always looking for money.. She sued my dad for more money. But that's suppose to be my and my sisters money. But, instead she buys it for smokes.

Child Abuse Story From Lacie

by Lacie
(Texas, USA)

it all started when i was just four yrs old and it didn't end until i was six to seven yrs old. But at that age people are some times like, how can a child that age remembers something like that. Well i did,i knew there was something wrong about it but i didn't say anything because i didn't actually know what was going on. And it was my cousin half brother that started first he would get me alone from every on else and pull down my pants and start doing what he wanted to do to me,at that time i wasn't even in school and then i still didn't tell anyone then we moved and then my brother started messing with me and it was all the time almost everyday and it hurt alot but i still didn't say anything at the time i was living with my Aunt and Uncle because my mom was mixed in with drugs so i barely seen her. And the i moved in with my other Aunt and her son which is my cousin slash half brother that raped me stilled lived with her and my cousin which is my cousin slash brothers's brother he also raped me but they never did it together,when my he would or lets call him D my half brother slash cousin. and we will call my cousin T. Ok so D would get me alone or when i was taking a bath he would take me out and rape me and put me back in the when i got out of the bath i would be getting ready for bed T would go tell his sister R that we were going to play for a while and he would take me to his room and rape me. I hated this but i still told noone about this. It happened every single day until one day R came to T's door and started nocking T left me on the bed and he threw his clothes on and went out of his window and i hurried and got dressed and opened the door and R and M her boyfriend started questioning me about what was going on. well i told her every thing that was and been happening to me and she told my Aunt that i am living with well i didn't see her much because she worked all the time,and all she did was go into their room D and T both and started slapping them but that was all she did. and she told me to tell her if it happened again and that night i woke up in the middle of the dining room with him leanin on me then he ran out of the room and then i got up and went to my Aunt's door which is right my the dining room and started beating on it yelling and screaming and i was crying and i fell asleep right in front of her door.Then the next day i learned that would be moving to my Aunt S's house were my Bother R raped me at and it didn't started happening again until i was living their for awhile the it started up all again and he would take me in the woods and in the shed we had right my our house and then after a long time of rape one day my cousin and sisters were walking i guess they heard me in pain and then he zipped his pant's and fled i caught sight of the i was so scared and i started bawling and i ran as fast as i could to the house and i hid under a small side table and it took them a while to find me and then they carried me out side and i was there when they called my Aunt S and told her what they seen and what i had told them she came home and took me staight to the doctor and they checked on me and asked me stange questions then we went through series of other doctors for this were i told every thing and R was the only one to be gotten done with T and D was still out their then i got put in Foster care were my Sister's boyfriend's parents adopted us and they are my mom and dad and they keep me safe i moved their at 9 and i am now 15 almost 16 in almost five months August. and just a couple of months ago i finally got D put in prison but it was my case it was two other cousins that were also raped by him,but i testified and he was sentenced to two life sentences and i am now starting my own case against him so he will get more time. and they say T was too young when it happened that they can't charge him.ya ya i hate that they say that but i am so happy now i have a great life and great family and i am ready to graduate from my online schhol but im only in 10th grade and i Want to become and actress when i get older,but one down turn that affected me in the future is that im uncomfortable with dating and even the idea of it.I don't want to be used again and abused again,and im scared for that but i hope i will out grow the fear of being alone with a guy,well im comfortable with my brothers and my dad and my dad's friends and my brother's friends they are all like family but others guys that are all around. i just don't know what to do sometimes. And i am so happy to share my story with all of the world because i want to do something for girls and women when i get older that went throught the same things as me.so thank you for listening and reading this :)i love every one and i am sstill trying to forgive all that's done wrong to me .. Thank You !!

Child Abuse Story From Justice

by Justice
(Location Undisclosed)

My story: 
Mom’s name was DL****** but later changed back to W*****. Daddy’s name is JL***** Sr... I have an older brother who was born 21 months and 17 days apart. My parents told me that is was a very scary day in their life. My older brother was not breathing when he was born. The doctors did everything they could but said it was too late. Daddy told him no we have not he got on his knees and began to pray. When he was done he picked up my cold and blue brother. He began to breathe the doctor looked shocked at what had just happened. They named him JL***** Jr. They were a happy family of three until was born. December 1995 change the live my brother knew to be so. He had to fill his shoes as a big brother at just one in a half. When I was born I was every parents dream. I was born 8 pounds 3 ounces 19 inches long and very healthy. There is not much to say about my birth God wanted me to be healthy so I was. They named me Justice L*****. My life as the baby of the family was coming to an end my sister was going to be born 23 months and five days after me. Also another very scary day for my family the doctors told mom that she was going to have emergency surgery if she wanted to save the life of my unborn baby sister. In the surgery room the doctors found out that her cord was wrapped around her neck twice. They got to her in time and saved her very young life. They name her JN L****. J and JN are the best siblings that God could give a person. We fight and argue but when it comes down to it we love each other and that is all that matters.
Right after my sister was born my parents started to grow apart from each other. One worked in the day and one worked night they never really saw each other. Things started to get a little bit crazy at home. My parents started to work less so they would see each other more. Which means they had a lot of fights most of the fights we did not see because they were behind closed door. That don’t mean we could not hear them. The fights started to get violent and people started to get hurt. Daddy came home one night drunk. He started the fight. That night change my life forever. I was so scared. Daddy got a gun and pointed at us and said choice. We were choosing to live or to die. JN moved over to the side that mom was on and so did J. I did not move I did not understand why daddy had a gun pointed at his children. He looked at me and said choose I was confused he pointed the gun at me and pulled the trigger but nothing happened. Mom grabbed me and held me close I was crying. I just didn’t understand why my parents were fighting. Later that night mom got us and we ran to the car and drove off. Daddy was not far behind us he was very anger at mom for taking us. When we got to my grandma’s house Mom said to stay in the car she called grandma and grandpa to calm daddy down. They got daddy calmed down so he left there not knowing if he was going to see his kids again. We lived with mom’s brother for a while but mom could not afford to have us so we went to live with grandma. It is like mom dropped off the face of the earth because we did not see her for a long time. I was living with grandma, grandpa, my siblings, cousins, and two aunts. There were ten of us kids living in a three bedroom house.
It was not long after I got there I started Pre-K. The first few weeks were okay until my older cousin asked me if I wanted to play a game called mommy and daddy I said yes because someone was showing me love but the game was not really a game. He would kiss me and I would pull away which led him to him me. After a while of being hit from pulling away from a kiss I gave in and let him kiss me. Weeks later he would began to touch my body with my clothes on it did not feel wrong. A few days pasted and he would began to help me take baths at night. While he was helping me he would touch my body. He would begin to rub between my legs I did not care because that is what daddy did when he gave me a bath. After that night he wants to give me a bath everyday twice a day. He would then take his clothes off in front of me and ask me questions about what I show. Then he began to touch himself and he told me to touch his private part. Still nothing felt wrong. He would ask me to stuck his private part. Still nothing felt wrong. My cousin would have my do his so him on the bus on the way to school. It still did not feel wrong. He got to the point that he wanted to have sex with me and he did. Nothing felt wrong. Him hurting me was my life for five years.
I got to get out of that house my dad came and got me and my siblings. the abuse did not stop there my dads friends son would later abuse me. An 18 year old man raping a ten year old kid. It is not right at that moment things started to feel so very wrong He raped me three more times before i turned eleven. I thought things were over when i turn twelve but i was wrong my dad began to be an even heavier drunk which cause us to see the bad side of he again. He would do things he does not remember the nexted day. Things that i would never talk about ever because it hurt so bad to talk about it. This would continue until i broke my silence and told someone what was going on. But no one would listen. August of 2011 people finally took me serious i tried to take my life because i could not take life any more. I live with my mother now but life still is not any better. I try to do right so that the horrible things will stop. I don't think anyone is listening to what i'm saying because i need things to change so that i will have a future. Maybe it just my fault that all of this is happening

Child Abuse Story From Noah

by Noah
(Location Undisclosed)

My dad slapped me, punched me, threw me into walls, knocked me out a few times, did whatever he could to hurt me. When i had enough I would hit him back and he would grab me with his nails on the shoulders and Chuck me into a counter or into a wall he didn't scare me at all but he hurt me usually I wouldn't do what he said and he would chuck me to the floor and kick me in the stomach sometimes so hard I would have bruises for at least 3 months and sometimes I would puke up blood. I've been adopted twice both were abusive parents and so was my real mom and dad. I'm 12 and have been through so much. I play soccer and if we lost a game he would chuck my face into counter, he would make me play if i broke my ankle and through the whole game no matter how much I would be limping he would never give me a break. And he even made me play when some guy was going for the soccer ball and he missed and kicked me in the chest and I got the wind knocked out of me and couldn't breathe and I would lay on the field all my team mates huddled around me and my dad would walk on the field and say get up! and kick me in the side of my stomach and i would slowly get up with blood dripping from my nose (My nose bleeds really easily, usually every soccer game I would get at least two nose bleeds.) but even when he did the worst of things I was still not scared of him. Sometimes i would even back talk him and he would kick me in the face. I wasn't really bothered by it. The only thing is that all my "parents" ruined me. All i ever enjoy now is pain. Even though I am not scared of my dad I still don't like being abused. I've tried to kill myself multiple times. I always wondered if its usual when you've been beat your entire life to like pain. I am not too scared to tell anyone I'm just worried no one will believe me and call me a liar. I told a lot of people before and they all called me a liar. My friends say i always look so miserable. I have even been in a fight on the soccer field and I punched this kid so hard that I knocked him out and he had to be taken to the hospital. I was about to be sent to juvy but my dad bailed me out. My dad took me out of the game and chucked an ice water bottle at my face. And it gave me a nosebleed. Yeah so um that's my story.

Child Abuse Story From Cory

by Cory
(North Carolina, USA)

Stay Strong: 
When I was a little boy (I think I was around 6 years old) and lived with my grandma and my other siblings. We lived there because my mother was the youngest of my grandma’s 7 children and she was a single parent and grandma was helping her by letting her stay with her.
My grandma had 6 other kids besides my mom. Well, as a child, I was the usual little curious boy who liked to play ball and climb trees and all of that kind of stuff. I was also a budding artist. I loved drawing pictures and was quite good. My grandma, aunts and uncles often said I had talent drawing like one of my older male cousins whom I will refer to in this story as “Park” who was around 18 or 19 years old. He and his family (his mom was my mother’s older sister) they lived in another state.
Well one day, his family came to visit grandma. I was so excited because I had drew several pictures and wanted to show them to “Park”. I was following him around the house trying to show him the pictures I drew. He walked into the bathroom and I think I followed him in or he pulled me in (I cannot remember) but I recall he shut the door and was pulling his penis out to pee but suddenly he looked at me, and before I knew it, he pulled me by head and shoved his penis in my mouth and I think I choked and as quickly as he pushed it in, he took it out. He used the bathroom and we walked out of the bathroom.
I had no idea what happened. We just went outside to the porch with other relatives and he looked over my pictures and told me how great they were. I was so happy that I didn’t even think about what happened in the bathroom nor did I tell anyone later. I was just so happy that “Park” said I had talent drawing.
I am not sure when I actually remembered this incident but I know when I did eventually remember it, I could recall it with such clarity like it had just happened. I never told anyone about this and I do not think that it has adversely affected me that much because I am normal middle aged man. I have 3 children and am married to a wonderful woman whom I love.
I have not seen “Park” since that day (over 35 years ago). I am now 40+ years old. I think he probably remembers the incident because about 10 years ago, we were both stationed in Germany and because of how I was raised, if family is around, then I was taught that we should be in touch because you only have one family.
But every time I called “Park” and try to schedule a time to visit (I had just got married to my wife and he was married to an Asian lady and they had a very beautiful daughter) he made some excuse on why he could not make it. My wife was saying how come your cousin seems like he doesn’t want to see us. I then realized that “Park” probably remembered.
After getting back to the States a few years later and catching up with family I learned that “Park’s” daughter was highly sexual as a young child. My family thought that she was a sex-addict. Unbeknown to them, she showed all the typical signs of a child who has been sexually abused. She even tried to have sex with a couple of her cousins but they just thought she was a freak. However, I know the truth because I know what the Pervert did to me in the bathroom when I was 6. I can only imagine what he did to his daughter (my cousin).
I just pray for her. Now she is grown and has children of her own but I heard recently, that “Park” and his wife often fly there to pick up the grandchildren and bring them back with them. I hate to think of “Park” having those children around and I pray for them. Thank you for listening. May God bless each and every one of you who suffer at the hands of a pervert.
Years ago, before I came to Germany, I was stationed in "Park's" mother town. I often visited her and my cousins (his siblings) and his older sister told me one night that we were talking, that she used to pimp "Park's" out to his teachers when they were kids. She was a year older than he. I thought it was cool because I thought it was female teachers but she told me that it was male and female teachers.
Then a few years later, my mother told me that when she was a teenager and visiting her oldest sister (Park's mom) that they had to lock the door at night because "Park's" father would come in the room at night and try to rub their privates. I asked her who was he trying to feel and she told me he was trying to feel her and his own daughters. I think I then knew what happened to "Park". He was probably molested by his perverted father.

Child Abuse Story From Victoria

by Victoria
(Location Undisclosed)

I was sexually abused from the age of 9 to the age of 15. It has been 7 years since i stood in court at my older cousins trial but it still feels like it just happened.

I'm not all that good with words but i wanted to write this for two reasons.Firstly because i just need to do something to get these painful feeling out of me and secondly in the hope that sharing my experiences may help someone just a bit by knowing they are not alone.

I have good parents. but they have lots of problems of their own. They both experienced abuse and neglect in some form when they were young. When I was a child I also had many problems. I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome(a mild form of autism) and had many behavioral problems.

My parents let me down in many ways. They didnt always put me first and from the ages of 5 to 10 i looked after myself , my baby brother and sister, and in many ways my parents as well.

No one really looked out for me, except J---. J--- was my cousin and he was six years older than me. He was my best friend. I looked up to him to the extent that i practically worshiped him. We also were very close as we went through a lot of traumatic experiences together. He gave be emotional security aswell as physical protection and provision. He would steal food if I needed it and beat up anyone who threatened me.

J--- did a lot for me but one day he said he needed me to do something for him.I was 9 and we were playing Final Fantasy 4 in his bedroom. I will never forget the way my heart stopped for a few moments when he said 'pull your pants down and lie down'. I was confused and i just stared at him. He gently pushed me onto the bed and pulled my knickers down. They were purple.

At this point i tried to get up. He wasn't gentle anymore. He held me down and performed oral sex for what seemed like ages. When he finally let me go I ran home. I felt an overwhelming amount of panic. Although i knew what he had done was wrong, I couldn't understand why my feelings about the incident were so strong. They seemed disproportional to the situation.

I told my Dad what had happened. He was angry and went round and expect roughed J--- up a bit. A few days later I was playing on the computer upstairs at my grandmas house. J--- came up. He came in and just said 'sorry' and then started playing the game with me. There was silence between us for a long time but then after a few hours everything seemed normal again. I thought that it must have been just a strange thing that happened and i let it go out of my mind.

Things were normal for about the next six months. however things at home had started becoming really difficult and social services were getting involved with my family which was making my parents very angry. This was mainly because i wasnt attending school i think.

Anyway i ended up going to live with my Grandma. J--- was already living there too. I was happy. Me, J--- and Grandma living like a proper family, three square meals a day, no parents fighting and no little people to look after.

My grandma used to say to me ' I love you, but I love J--- more' One Christmas we both got exactly the same set of present(which was a lot) but J--- also got a bike. I used to think that this was ok but looking back this favoritism really damaged my self esteem.

I cant really remember exactly when the abuse started because it was such a gradual process. It started with J--- asking me to sit on his lap alot then gradually progressed to him touching my genitals. He would massage my back and i would let him(even enjoy it) but every now and again he would give my breasts a little squeeze. I didn't like it when he touched me in a sexual way but i let him 'massage' me because i just enjoyed someone touching me. It was the only kind of affection i had. I was just a kid i didn't know were it would end up

The progression to actual intercourse was extreamly gradual. I think the nature of this gradual progression was one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone. By the time i knew I wanted out it felt too late.

The abuse got worse and worse untill it was everyday. There is no way i can decently described the things he did to me. It also because a lot more violent.

J--- would swing between being violent and threatening to being the perfect 'loving father figure' in my life. I remember one occasion when he was doing something horrific to me while calmly counselling about my career options. This kind of inconstancy between what he was doing and saying was a very disturbing feature and added to my confusion.

One of the things i find the hardest to come to terms with is that my Grandma knew exactly what was going on , yet didn't seem to care. I can forgive my cousin for what he did to me as I can see it was the result of his own very disturbed upbringing.

I do forgive my grandma but i find it very difficult to understand why she loves J--- more than me. She said i was lieing in court and took his side and still does to this day. However I recently found out that she was abused by her cousin and I think this makes her think that its a normal thing and that I am the bad one because I gave him a criminal record.

The abuse had a devastating effect on my mental health. By the time I was 14 i was so disturbed i couldn't function as a normal human being. I was diagnosed with childhood psychosis and obsessive compulsive disorder. I learned to 'switch off' my mind when the abuse was happening and I believe this is what led to me becoming so detached from reality. I also suffer from strange fears and anxieties. For example i thought if I watched even a second of Strictly Come Dancing I would die and I was terrified of plastic bottles (i was seriously messed up)

Things getting this bad was a blessing in disguise. I was sent to a treatment centre for disturbed adultesents . Eventually the truth about the abuse came out.

He was charged with two counts of rape and two of indecent assault as these were what there was evidence for. He was found guilty of both the indecent assaults. My barrister advised me to agree to having the rape charges 'put on file' as they were not sure if there was enough evidence and the pressure of giving evidence was really negatively affecting my wellbeing. This basically meant that he escaped going to prison.

I regret not giving more evidence, especially as I recently found out he also abused my sister on a few occasions. When I first went to the police i only told them a fraction of the abuse because at the time I still felt a strong need to protect him. Although I have regrets about this i try not to think about it as what is done is done.

Where am I now? ...
I'm ok. I have moved to another part of the country and started a new life. After the court case i finally got the help I needed and had proper role models in my life. I have come to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savoir and this has changed everything. God has made me into a new creation and adopted me as his child.
There is still very real pain in my heart but there is also healing.
I have been able to restore a good relationship with my Mum and Dad. I still actually sometimes see my Grandma although this relationship is difficult and I am beginning to question if its right for me to continue it. I forgive my cousin and those that let me down when they should have protected me. What they did was wrong but I forgive them as God has forgiven me. I feel sorry for them as they are all part of a horrible cycle of abuse and I pray that that cycle will stop with me.

I am currently training to be a teacher. This is because it was partly through being able to go back to school and the provision of amazingly patient teachers that God started to restore my life.

I thank anyone who has taken the time to read this sincerely. Writing it has really helped me.
Finally I want to say to anyone who is being abused or has gone through such a trauma. Lift your eyes to God, he knows you, he loves you, he is not ashamed of you. You are so valuable to him that he have his only son to die in your place so that you can be forgiven for all your sin and start a new life in him.
God Bless