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Feb 17, 2016
 To Anonymous:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Clearly, your parents are deeply misguided. They are completely clouded by their expectations, and in the process, they are alienating you more and more. I know what this is like. I know what it's like to be rejected by the very people who are responsible for keeping you safe from harm; they are the ones doing the harm. My father thought it was okay to make fun of my size and weight in front of company, that it would somehow shame me into losing weight. it did was reiterate to me how unlovable I was. Especially with all the other abuse I was enduring at the hands of my mother. There was no place for me to turn during those years. There was no system in place for someone who was suffering like I was; it was reserved for only the worst of the worst kinds of abuse. School counsellors were all about telling me how good I had it compared to others, or they were criticizing me for not "living up to my potential". Just like you, they saw my parents as upstanding people. They thought of me as "the problem". So I really do understand what you are going through right now.

The difference between now and 45 years ago is that there are people out there who are willing to help you. Organizations with trained staff. School counsellors are also far more trained. Maybe not perfect, but certainly more understanding and compassionate.

Anonymous, it's important for you to see your Self in a different light. To see your Self in a better way than your parents do. Think about it this way...if you adopt their way of thinking about you, aren't you doing to your Self exactly what they are doing to you? And trust me when I say that you do not deserve to be treated that way. By anyone. Including your Self.

I'm very proud of you for stopping the self-harm. And you should be VERY proud of yourself for stopping. That takes a great deal of strength. You may have the scars to show for it, but use them as a reminder of how strong you are now. I am riddled with scars, Anonymous. I see them as closed and healed wounds. They make up a part of my body now, but they also make up a part of me, of what I have survived, and now what I can do to help others through something similar.

Emotional abuse is the most difficult to get through. It cuts at who we are. But only if we believe the lies that are told to us, both directly and indirectly, by our abusers. We do have the power to choose how we will respond. We cannot change how someone else will Be, but we most definitely get to choose our own thoughts. And when we choose to think something different than what our abusers tell us, that's when healing can begin.

Please follow your own advice, Anonymous. Contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Visit their website by copying & pasting the following URL into your browser: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/

You ARE worthy of love and dignity and respect. And you are beautiful EXACTLY AS YOU ARE. Always remember that. I send you love, light and healing energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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